CW: grooming
Hey everyone I just logged into my old laptop that was still signed into this account, but It’s been a long time so I honestly doubt anyone remembers me.
Anyway, just learned that the person in the fandom who was grooming me while I was running ithia blog deleted. good news I suppose but it feels wrong, I feel like I should’ve said something years ago but a lot of people liked his content and I was just generally scared and confused. It took me a while come to terms with what had even happened honestly, and by that point even thinking about this blog made me feel shit, so I just stayed away.
Now that he’s gone... I don’t even know if it’s worth saying who he was because I don’t feel like talking about it after this post, I don’t feel like explaining what happened, I don’t feel like providing evidence, I don’t feel like having to defend myself, I don’t feel like “ruining” his content for anyone, I don’t want to log into this account ever again. But then what’s the point of this post if I don’t call him out? fucking nothing. Closure maybe? Idk, I guess there’s also the possibility that he’s still out there and just changed his blog name or whatever, so that’s probably good enough reason for me to not name him. He has my old address too so... better safe than sorry I suppose.
It’s kind of ironic though, isn’t it? I was in a fandom that romanticized grooming, while I myself was being groomed. He knew how old I was, he knew I was 16 when we started talking, he was 21. Fuck him honestly, I wish the absolute worst on him and his and his annoying ass girlfriend. I hope his mom kicked them out during the pandemic and it ruined their relationship, I hope they both spend the rest of their lives miserable, better yet I hope they’re fucking rotting. In my head he died alone and his cat started eating his body before anyone found him. Idk if that’s too morbid but honestly I don't care he deserves it.
And wait, back to his girlfriend, ‘cause I’m still struggling to wrap my head around the shit she did. Like, how do find out that your man is in a sexual relationship with a fucking 16 year old, and instead of cussing him out, stomping his ass and throwing his phone in a river... you decide to join in? You decide to send her explicit pictures of yourself. Make it make sense. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!! How sick and fucked do you BOTH have to be.
He had me send him pictures, you know. Audios too. I pray to god he doesn’t still have them. Or that if he does he gets caught for cp, at least some good would come out of it.
and dude, if you ever see this, I want you to know:
- I hate you with every fibre in my being, if I ever saw you I’d probably push you into traffic.
- I know I said it before, but holy shit your girlfriend was so fucking annoying. Like ooooooh my fucking god I never liked her, and if you’re still together, you can feel free to tell her that ❤️. And like... she never knew how to have a normal ass conversation with me. The first time we ever talked one on one I think she brought up some bestiality fantasy involving me (the details are blurry and I’ve honestly repressed a lot of what happened but I’m pretty fucking sure this happened) BUT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK BITCH??????
- Oh yeah, it’s also weird as fuck that you, a white man, call your girlfriend, a white woman, “waifu,” IRONICALLY ENOUGH WHILE GROOMING AN ASIAN GIRL FCYGFCF OMG I HATE WHITE PEOPLE Y’ALL ARE CORNY AS FUCK
- And look, I know I was already a little #fuckywucky in the head when you met me (I mean, judging by my old content, I think everyone knew that), and was constantly saying and doing shit way beyond what I should have been at that age, but it shouldn’t have been a sign to involve yourself with me, what the fuck were you even thinking?????? Just because a kid is imitating adults don’t fucking mean they’re ready to do adult shit, it means something is WRONG. Then again I guess this statement is kind of fucking pointless because you seemed to have liked that I was in high school so.... oh yeah fun fact everyone, he tried to get me to touch myself in school. I didn’t do it, don’t worry, I think I faked it and told him I did but I can’t remember.
- choke choke choke choke choke choke choke choke DIE DIE DIE DIE
Anyway, I guess that’s all folks. I don’t know what the point of this was but I just felt like I had to do it. Maybe now that I’ve done it, the next time I get high enough to be reckless I’ll drop his old username. doubt it though, he rarely crosses my mind these days. And honestly I’m a little embarrassed too. Like, I know I was groomed and I know it wasn’t my fault, but omfg I’m too hot to be associated with him in any way, even at 16/17 how was I so blinded by insecurity and self hatred that I was talking to him- genuinely one of the most pathetic, corny, earing-backing Smelling ass fucking people I’ve ever met, while the guy I was crushing on (one of the cutest people in my grade imo) was secretly crushing on me too for months. The juxtaposition of that makes me grieve those years, man. I should’ve enjoyed being a teenager, I should’ve talked to that kid before the pandemic took my senior year, I should’ve had a normal fucking high school relationship I WAS ROBBED OF THAT FUCK YOU.
Ok now I’m done.
And to anyone who read all the way to the end, thank you I really appreciate it.
[addition]: I just wanted to clarify that I don't have any lll feelings for the fandoms I tagged, I used those tags because those were the ones I was most active on. Admittedly, Starker does make me a little bit uncomfortable looking back, but I accept that I seeked out that content because that's what I wanted as a 16 year old, I was putting myself in Peter's shoes. And honestly, if I still cared about marvel I'd probably be all over HTP to this day, I'm happy to see it hasn't died out.