i feel like ppl are always on one extreme abt dick & jason's relationship....... like idk how to tell you but they don't entirely hate or love each other. thats not how they work. they barely know each other and yet can't shake the feeling of kinship they feel. was it the robin suit? bruce? guilt? what-ifs? wishful thinking for things to be different? where did they get cut for the trail of blood to mix up and end up in the same grave? the same dead dream of a brotherhood? was it because of those things or despite them that the stream of their lives cannot seem to diverge no matter what happens? just shut up and let them be complicated.
oh & btw they try very hard to be unaffected but again. thats not how it works. idk obviously everyone has their opinions so im not abt to tell you what to believe but they both care too much to be stop reaching out. like i hate to break it to you but its not just dick who would keep reaching out to jason or vice versa. dick would wish jason had remained dead and the next thing we know he sees jason falling and has his hand stretched out screaming at him to hold on. jason would try to destroy dick's entire life and the moment hes in actual danger bro's ready to jump in. like am i making sense. tell me im making sense.
i've been thinking very hard abt this and just.
during jason's robin days... no dick wasn't an abhorrent monster to him. no he also wasn't the #bestbigbroever. i feel like some ppl fall into wanting to angst the shit out of it and go route 1 and some other ppl to overcorrect that and fall into route 2 [myself included previously]. this was a very delicate, very complicated situation for everyone involved.
dick had no clue how to react- he was barely an adult by the time jason rolled around and had been a single child forever. add to that the fact that he hadnt been adopted but jason had been. add to all of that the fact that he saw someone swinging around with bruce across gotham the way he had. listen idc what anyone says - this is a very jarring situation to face. you have realise: bruce & dick are stupidly codependent THEY ARE INSANE ABT EACH OTHER like absolutely abnormal. pls tell me you understand. honestly theyre unhealthy. so for dick to see this happening especially when hes in a rough patch with bruce isn't... the best.
and to top all of that.... he can't exactly hate jason. look at him. so he gives him suit. his number. a smile and the promise to listen.
he returns to a bygone funeral, his own broken promise as all the voicemails play.
you don't come back from that.
and jason. he thought dick was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. childish, innocent, hero worship. he never thought dick was perfect [because by the time they actually crossed paths jason was pretty jaded] but he looked up to him. big pixie boots to fill and a lot to learn.
dick wasnt around a lot but he gave him his number!! his suit!! his predecessor [brother?] had smiled at him.
everyone SHUT UP.
how do you think it feels like knowing he was the prototype. the fragile experiment. how do you think it feels knowing that dick did better the second time around, with the new brother he got? how do you think it feels like realising that oh. the guilt made sure the other one had some semblance of a support system. ok. cool ig.
THATS WHAT I PPL TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!! dick & jason fuck each other up in the worst of ways but can't help but think that they'll do better this time. just one more chance- for him and for me. it shouldn't be so difficult. we love each other after all. WRONG. they love each other but they'll never ever give the other what they want. they will KEEP MESSING UP!!! THEYRE BOUND TO!!!! you don't think jason will kill someone who goes after dick? you think dick will like that? you don't think dick will jump in jason's way and try to help and undermine him in the process? how do you think jason will take that? god. head in hands.
i hate watering their dynamic down to either they hate or love each other unconditionally. or just that jason feels like he never lived up to dick and dick never really being a big brother to him but suddenly when jason's back theyre chums ahahaa! occasional bickering but a hug fixes everything ahahaha!!!
girl. what abt the grief that sits festering in dick? the innate pit of yearning in jason for the brotherhood he never had the chance to live in? the time theyve both lost? what abt how dick feels he personally failed him. how abt jason feeling betrayed.
im so sorry i keep going but something inside my head has just spilled over and turns out its an unending spring. but listen youre here, you might as well see me yap a bit more.
its just that- this person, this man [the boy i never got to know] knows the worst of me. i know the worst of him. when i see blood on him my head tells me i should ask whose it is. i ask him how badly are you hurt?
its that - this person, this man [the boy i followed everywhere, but barely got a glance thrown my way] knows the worst of me. i know the worst of him. when i see him fall my head tells me thats him falling him off of the pedestal everyone puts him on. i stretch my hand out and ask wheres your grapple gun, dumbass?