When I was about 10 I was enamoured with goth fashion, and I had all these fantasies of being a badass and edgy gothic teenager just like all the goth girls on all the cartoons in 2006. I was truly convinced that 15 year old me would be a party animal that broke all the rules and looked like this

Then I became a teenager and it turns out body dysmorphia and crippling self esteem issues meant the most rebellious thing I ever did was stay up to 6am to write fanfiction and chat to adult groomers that I didn't realise were groomers. I ended up looking like this

Now I'm 28, and I typically wear sensory friendly dresses with the same flat cap and boots every day. I like it, I feel pretty in these dresses, and they don't take long to put on. So I more or less look like this

But deep inside us is a 10 year old girl who still thinks those 2006 goth girls were the coolest thing ever. Deep inside us, we still yearn for that ungodly edgy fashion.

I cannot go and see Slipknot on their tour this year, the tickets are too expensive. But one day... One day I will go see the screamy screamy mosh mosh band, and by Talos I will let that 10 year old pick my outfit... with an adult supervising to say "no we hate piercings and we hate hairspray and we hate make up and we hate high heels but we absolutely can deal with fishnets and pre-ripped mini skirts"

Genuine questions for other AuDHDers

Why does The Light cause me physical pain and feelings of sickness when it's daytime, but not night time I've been working all day on this freelance and when it was daylight, i had all the curtains closed, lights off, brightness at the lowest setting on all devices, yet it still felt like The Light was doing irl damage to my body Now it's 10pm. Devices are at 70% brightness and the overhead light is on. I feel fucking dandy.

I am confusion

I love the little kids at parties, yesterday I was running a unicorn princess party and a little boy ran up to me upset because he'd lost his sticker prize. No problem, I have hundreds, let's get you another. He's maybe 3-4 years old and it's loud in the hall, so I can't hear him and his mum comes up to see if it's all okay. When I can't hear little kids it's protocol to just smile and nod unless they're insistent

This kid was insistent

So his mum got close to hear what he was saying and she looked SO confused

"Um... He said you're 'the goat'? Sweetie she's a unicorn, not a goat."

Except that mum was wrong.

I have been blessed

I am...

The GOAT.