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There are two wolves inside you

You are jaskier in kaer morhen

Mom Adopts a “Dog”

So y’all keep blowing up my notes with the various Family Lore stories I’ve been telling, so I guess I should tell one on my parents now.

My Mother’s Father was part of the United Auto Worker’s Union, and during the 50′s and 60′s, was on strike a lot. My point is, grandpa got himself an entirely deserved reputation for being a sucker who loved animals, so people would dump thier pets on him. Hence, my mother grew up in a house with pets such as Picket the one-eyed tomcat, Tweety the Bald canary, Dummy the cat, Stupid Son of Dummy, Spooky Garbage Dog and Chiquita the Tarantula.  Eventually Grandma put her foot down when Grandpa brought home Gerta the Saint Bernard.

I say all this because it provides some context for how the following occured.

Mom and Dad had just moved in together (my parents dated for six years and were engaged for 13 days, driving everyone on both sides insane), and unfortunately, My mother’s German Shepherd, Cops, has just passed away due to bone cancer.  After mourning for a bit, Mom and Dad decided to get a dog together, as a couple.  

For context, my father had never owned a dog in his life.  His mother had ‘Pretty Bird” the budgie as a child but parrots are alien life forms, not pets.

So they go to the Palo Alto Animal shelter to adopt.  The year was 1987, and at the time, Palo Alto was… not a great place.  Lots of drugs, gangs and poor civic managment.  Mom told me that she learned to identify different types of gunfire while living there. They get there, and mom explains that she’s always had a preference for Big Dogs, and the guy’s face lights up.  Oh Yes, he says, We have a Big Dog.  For expirienced owners, yep, adoptable today, here we’ll give you a discount even-

Somehow my parents were not suspicious about this.

They were shown to the Animal in question, a Gorgeous blue-sable beastie with pretty golden eyes who immediately pressed herself against the fence and gave them the best PUH-LEEEEEEASE TAKE ME HOME puppy eyes 100lbs of canine can do.  Mom and Dad fall in love instantly.  They sign all the paperwork and take her home for $10, and name her “Mazel” as in “Mazel Tov.”

Within the hour, it becomes clear that something is amiss.

Cops had lived with his kibble stored in a plastic garbage can in the garage for six years without incident.  Mazel figured out how to open doors and got the locking lid off the can in six minutes, horking down about four pounds of the stuff before my mother notices that it’s been weirdly quiet.  Most dogs bark at or chase squirrels.  Mazel stalked and caught one the second day, presenting it to my mother like an offering.  Mazel knew all her commands but would clearly stop to consider before obeying, and trained my dad to give her good treats within a week.  The locks on the side-yard gate were undone, and she took a stroll around the neighborhood, but always retuned home for dinner.

After a week of gradually realizing that Mazel was smarter than most of the professors my mom worked with, they took her to the Vet for a routine checkup.

Dr. Hamada walked into the exam room, dropped the clip-board and said “Where the HELL did you get a Wolf?”

After a bit of prodding and a very-angry-dr.hamada-calling-the-pound, they determined Mazel was a high-content hybrid, probably with a husky, but was going to be a lil shit her entire life.  OK, said Hamada, I don’t like destroying animals and you’ve got a lot of expirience with dogs, so I’m okay with letting you keep her, but you should keep her away from small children because her Prey Drive could kick in.

Two years later, mom got pregnant with me.

Mazel noticed instantly, and reacted by digging a large hole in the yard and catching even more squirrels for mom, because she needed the protein or something.  That what you do when the Alpha Bitch is preggers, right?  Dig a den and ply her with food?  On the advice of my grandmother, my mom stayed overnight at the hospital once I was delivered, and dad went home with a shirt that had moms and my scent on it.  Mazel spent the whole night puzzling over it.

The next morning, when mom came home with me, there was the sudden and instantaneous recognition of PUPPY!!!!!! :D:D:D!!!!! PUUUUUUUPPY!!!!!!  and Mazel turned into the most aggressively maternal being I’ve ever met.  Playing with me on the blanket, sitting under my chair at meals (I was a messy eater), sleeping under my crib, teaching me to walk by letting me hang onto her fur and shuffle around.

Dr. Hamada thought mom was a madwoman, until he saw me holding Mazel’s mouth open and sticking my face in so i could look at her teeth.  He gave up when my mom announced she was pregnant with my sister.

I’m making living with a Wolfdog sound awesome, but it did come with some drawbacks:

PROS of growing up with a wolfdog, as a small child in the 90′s

When she was 17, Mom and Dad decided to add another room on to the house.  They rigged up the overhead tether so she could be outside but not underfoot for the contruction guys.  One morning, mom came out to notice them all milling in the side yard entrance, muttering worriedly.  When mom asked what was wrong, one of them explained that Carlos forgot to bring the Hamburger.  What do you need a hamburger for?  Asked mom, and they pointed down the side yard to where Mazel was sitting, doing her best Viscious Alpha Bitch Stare.

Apparently they’d never realized that she was on the VERY end of her tether there and couldn’t actually get to them, and had been scamming them for a big mac a day for a month.  Mom had my six-year-old sister pull her away to show she wasn’t dangerous and tired her best not to laugh but kind of failed.

Mazel ended up living to be 19 and a half, and except for some minor arthritis, remarkably hale until the day she passed away in her hole in the back yard while taking a nap.  I maintain that Death had to wait until she was sleeping to get a crack at her, or she would’ve taken his scythe for a chew toy.

This entire fandom acknowledges Jaskier’s right to be a grade A slut and I am here for it

me after watching the new trailer of the Witcher:

PSA: Hognoses playing dead are NOT cute

- If a Hognose snake is playing dead, while it may be entertaining to you, that poor snake is absolutely terrified. They will have probably tried getting away, hissing, bluff striking at you (striking with their mouth closed) and maybe musking. When the Hognose snake plays dead, turning onto their back with their mouth gaped open, going so far as to pop blood vessels so they bleed out of their mouth and poop over themselves to appear less appetising to a predator, that is it’s last ditch attempt to stay alive, basically that snake has accepted death. Please do not push a Hognose to be dramatic unnecessarily because you think it’s ‘cute’ or ‘cool’ or ‘funny’. It’s none of those things, it’s horrible.

The forest is alive with laughter and song and the clash of antlers as Jaskier makes his way away from the festivities. Beltane has always been his favourite celebration, long before he was even interested in participating in the mating ritual. It honours everything his poet’s heart holds essential; music and love and beauty. It is a celebration of life, and Jaskier has always loved life with a passion, delighting in its every gift.

Any other year, Jaskier would fuck away the night with a pretty doe or a handsome buck, maybe even join one of the Countess’ famed orgies. Tonight, though, Jaskier doesn’t have a mind to party, to flirt and drink and find a partner to celebrate the goddess of love with, to delight in the pleasures of the flesh under her pale round eye until the sky lightens and a new day begins.

His mother would throw a fit if she knew how blatantly he is disregarding her most important rule: don’t stray away from the herd at night. He mentally promises her to be back before dawn, with an excuse as to why she hasn’t seen him during the festivities. She probably hopes he’ll come back with a serious mate this time. Her inquiries about his love life have been more pressing lately, and her disappointment when he inevitably answers he is not ready for that kind of commitment yet is harder to bear every time. It is part of the reason he does not have the heart to be his usual sociable, joyous self tonight, preferring the company of the moon and stars than that of his own people.

It is already late enough that as Jaskier leaves the circle of warm light cast by the bonfires and lanterns hung in the trees he passes a few entangled couples, some of them mating unashamedly in plain sight. Lustful moans and cries of ecstasy accompany Jaskier for a while, and though he tries not to get distracted, his body alights with desire, reacting eagerly to the pheromones saturating the air.

AAAHHHH HOLY HELL

no

vampire!jask drinks blood out of a champagne flute

vampire!jask also uses a crazy straw

love that for him

Oh yeah, so mermaid Jaskier wants to pet a puppy :) 

-Jaskier is giant. He’s never had anything to compare himself to apart from pirate ships, but they look the same way birds look in the sky— tiny.

-He’s a guardian of the Sea, first and foremost, so he never cares too much about drowning ships of captain’s that’ve wronged the Sea; either disrespecting her by mucking her waters with their scum, or stealing from her.

-The Sea gives, she is plentiful, but Jaskier’s warned to keep an eye out when her sons and daughters begin dying in excess and for no reason but greed and war.

-It earns himself a feared name, the Guardian of the Sea becomes capitalized and a slew of other nicknames, including Seamonster and Mommy’s Boy are born. Jaskier especially likes the last one, he is the Sea’s son after all, no shame in serving her. 

-Unfortunately, that means that when the rare ship crosses his stretch of the Sea that hasn’t committed atrocities, the crew is reading to throw fire in his face (bombs and cannons) and steering away from him by the time he gets low enough to say hello. 

-Humans a barely as long as his pinkie finger, they’re fast. Jaskier is tall as four, five of their ships are long and he is awfully slow in comparison. 

-He’s basking under the Sky, floating in the Seawater when he feels something move above his skin. Jaskier looks from where he’s laid down, hair splashing water as he carefully moves to get a better view. 

-There is a man. He is as large as Jaskier’s index finger, which is quite large for a human, but his boat is small and he is alone. 

-Scratch that. Jaskier sits up, careful not to rock the boat too wildly as the man clutches the sides, a creature that barely comes up to the man’s knees saying something wildly. He thinks it’s talking, four legged fuzzy little thing, but not in any language he understands. 

-It seems that the man understands, though, and Jaskier squints down to see his hand soothe the animal’s flank. The Sea is calm; this man is good and Jaskier shrugs his inhibition as he leans down. The man does not seem to be carrying any weaponry save for the silver dagger he wields, pointed at Jaskier.

-It’s laughable, but valiant. Though, Jaskier does not care much, spreading his lips in a wide grin as the man allows his to grow close enough to see the animal by his knees clearly. He’s careful to keep his tail from flicking wildly in excitement as the animal relaxes from its growl and hops in place. 

- “Please,” Jaskier’s voice is well-used; he talks to his mother, the Sea, and to his siblings: the school of fish that lazily wander through his guarded waters, the giant squid that tickles between his tail-fins on well-weathered days, “Can I pet your animal?” The animal obviously recognizes this word, it’s tail wiggling wildly and its muzzle open as it pants in want despite its human glaring threatening at Jaskier. 

- “Pretty please,” Jaskier asks, widening his eyes in the same manner he uses with Mother when he asks for a new species for his waters. 

-There is a giant merman staring at Geralt, asking him if he can pet Roach. Geralt might be losing his mind, he’s sure it’s a hallucination but he keeps his sword drawn nonetheless. 

-No sits on the tip of his tongue, but then the merman’s eyes widen, bluer than the bluest Sea. He’s a witcher, he’s stronger than a pair of puppy ey— but then he asks in that oh-so melodic, pleading voice of his to pet Roach. And really, Geralt can’t fault him, Roach is adorable. 

-He sheathes his sword, ‘cause dammit, what’s a man supposed to do when faced with a being fifty times his height begging to pet his furry friend? Not to mention, the merman is extremely cute with his bottom lip jut and his body twitching as it contains possible tail flaps that Roach does not deign to.

- “Be very, very gentle,” he says, voice low and commanding. If the merman were to hurt Roach, he would—

- “It’s so soft,” Jaskier whimpers, his breath ruffling her fur. “Oh Salty Sea, it’s so soft.” The animal yips, rubbing its cheek against his fingertip as the man glares at them despite the speck of soft in his eyes. 

- “Her name is Roach,” Geralt finds himself saying, “She’s my best friend.” 

- “Roach,” Jaskier repeats, tasting the name on his tongue, “Like the fish.” 

- “Like the fish,” Geralt smiles.

–

please rb if you liked it whoo

;-;

Oof

So nightmare of the wolf is out now

I wanted to fuck their dad before it was cool 😎

Good news for you, this August 23rd.

It’s that time of year again.

Nice

Another Eskel bc.... hnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg 🙈 I'm so weak for this man.

I didn't intend to draw him in that state of undress.... but gosh I'm just so thirsty uhgggg. Sry :|

(I changed the clothes tho! He wore less before ahahahahahah)