random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

Like, the dominant narrative of how abusers function implies that there are large numbers of deeply evil people walking around who are capable of consciously pretending to be 100% unimpeachably kind, nice, and trustworthy, and motivated to keep up this facade without breaking for potentially years on end.

But this person, they're...clearly not superhumanly capable of manipulating the way they appear to others, they have a lot of problems and insecurities and they are trying to work on themselves with limited tools. They at least genuinely don't have manipulative intent. And I don't want to be the asshole in a situation where someone is genuinely trying...

A lot of abusive people are Like That not because they're manipulative masterminds, but because the only social/relationship skills they have come from their own experiences with abusers.

This is sad, especially so because it tends to be a vicious cycle because their behaviors tend to drive them away from decent people who could teach them different

BUT

You cannot fix this person. In fact, the best thing you can do for them is to set firm boundaries with them, because if you let them hurt you out of sympathy for the fact that they don't know better, they will never learn.

Do not!!!!!!!!!!!! try to save this person. You will Die.

status effect!

Social anxiety can often lead to you reading too much into every little thing that people do when they’re talking to you. Remembering this doesn’t necessarily make your tendency to exaggerate everything in your head go away but it does show you that that’s what you’re doing and knowing that you don’t have an accurate read on the situation because of your disorder is useful information for you. Because your brain’s tendency is to make things seem more dangerous than they actually are.

Also good to remember:

Your goal doesn’t have to be to get rid of your social anxiety disorder btw. For some people that’s possible. For some of us it’s not. However, you can train yourself to not let it harm your social life as much and make it a bit less extreme. Sometimes taking meds also doesn’t hurt if you need them.

Getting rid of your disorder isn’t always an attainable goal but you can learn to work with it. Does it feel like you’ll have social anxiety forever? You know what? Maybe you will. But this isn’t a death sentence.

If you fully accept that this is how my brain works, now let’s find some work-arounds to make my life and relationships better anyways, your social life can improve. It’s hard. It takes time. But you can do it. And self-awareness isn’t the full solution but it is a very good first step. I believe in you. Honestly. You can figure it out in time. You’re a smart cookie.

These are all really good points, thank you for typing them all out. One of the ways my social anxiety likes to manifest that you didn't address is a constant fear that I could hurt/offend/anger the people around me. Do you have any helpful framings for combating that kind of anxiety?

Do your best and if someone points out what you did wrong, apologize and try to not do it again. If they don’t tell you or challenge you on it that’s partially their fault. You can’t predict every possible internal problem someone has or every blind spot you have. Everyone says something stupid on accident sometimes. If you and those around you are open to being wrong and allowing people to be wrong and improve you should be fine. If they expect you to read their mind and know what their specific hang ups are that’s their problem.

It’s difficult to internalize this. Social anxiety can come from a place of wanting everyone to like you, but not everyone is going to like you. You aren’t going to be the magical one person in history that everyone likes. And that’s okay. Because nobody is.

Again, I know. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow. Social interaction involves some degree of trial and error though. And if you’re so scared of offending people that you never speak then you won’t have anyone to offend and that can get kinda lonely.

The secret is that everyone who seems good at social interaction makes mistakes all the time. They’ve just figured out how to brush it off and move on. Other people don’t know some magical formula from birth that you don’t know. The only way to learn is to get out there and try. And that’s scary, but take it slow and let yourself talk a bit. You have just as much of a right to talk as anyone else and if you mess up you’re not some uniquely horrible person. You’re just a person. And persons make mistakes.

hey wanna know a secret

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nothin there

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this paras has been sitting in my inbox for a week and idk if im ever gonna post it now. he just lives there

ough and now his dad is here

What to boycott NOW to help stop Israel’s unfolding genocide of Palestinians in Gaza

Reminder that boycotting DOES work, there is historic proof! Don't let anyone discourage you otherwise!

Please reblog! Spread this! There is an effort by zionists to discourage people from boycotting! Don't let them trample your spirits and help us in the fight for a liberated Palestine!

if you are reading this i want you to stop for a moment and imagine a crab

the vibe im going for this winter

I'm not doing zinetober because I just learned about it, but seeing @koddlet doing silly little zines made me feel like making and sharing my own. It's simple and fun and low-pressure, which is great for me right now.

i love you people in my phone i know the seasonal depression is setting in so we need to hold eachother like a litter of kittens in a cardboard box okay...its important

It's funky crab friday!! 🦀 🥳 🎊 🎉