cordeliaistheone reblogged
donaldzinkoff-deactivated201406
cordeliaistheone reblogged
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cordeliaistheone reblogged
It’s not too much to ask men and boys to “look, but don’t touch.” A young woman who wants to be noticed, even desired, without being assaulted isn’t making an unreasonable request. She’s not defying the facts of biology. She’s asking to be watched, appreciated, and left unharmed. Saying that she’s asking to be raped is like saying that a talented actor who portrays an unsympathetic villain particularly well on screen is asking to be attacked by an outraged member of the movie-going public. There’s a difference between a performance and an invitation, and it’s not that hard—really, it’s not—to distinguish the two.
Source: goodmenproject.com
cordeliaistheone reblogged
In 30 years observations, Jane Goodall never saw one rape among the chimpanzees, our closest primate cousins. Though it’s not possible to draw firm conclusions about human behaviour from animals, Goodall’s findings, and many other recent studies, get us questioning the old myths we have about rape. One of the most persistent myths about rape is that male biology and primitive male sex urges drive men to rape. But current information indicates that rape is more a learned act of sexual violence that comes out of social beliefs that men have a right to dominate and control women. The fact that rape is learned means that we can work to change the underlying beliefs and eliminate rape from our communities.
bigfatfeminist
[TW: RAPE] Here's all I want to say about the Reddit rape thread controversy:
If you haven’t heard, Reddit posted a thread asking rapists to tell their side of the story (really) and then [HUGE TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS LINK] Jezebel thought an intelligent thing to do would be to post pieces of it and go, “We should listen to them and learn from this!”
Nope. No, I have no interest in learning from rapists.
The voices of rapists are ALREADY privileged in the discussion of rape and rape culture. They are listened to above their victims every single time. I’m not clear on why we should continue to NOT listen to victims and instead prioritize the stories of rapists over that, under the umbrella of some bullshit about “learning.” This STILL boils down to one thing: “My wants are more important than anything else.” I get that the point here is supposed to be “Learn from what goes on here!” WHY? Why are we learning from THIS and not what HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF WOMEN HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR YEARS? These men are telling the same stories, just with the slant of “I did this, so absolve me, Reddit!”
I did not find any of these stories informative. I found them infuriating and upsetting to the point of literal nausea, not least because of the context in which they were offered (i.e. apologism) and because people are accepting these as a form of “learning.” I have learned absolutely nothing from this, nor do I see any take away other than what is already known in the feminist community. Our culture encourages rape apologism and victim-blaming enough as it is. To prioritize the rapist’s “side” is nothing more than upholding that standard.
I don’t understand how in the world is this supposed to help combat rape culture. Because we understand the motivations of rapists, we can then curtail those motivations? On an individual level that essentially amounts to policing yourself and making yourself responsible for whether or not you are attacked, which is the absolute essence of rape culture. And as a society? Well, kyriarchy dictates that women are treated in such a way that rape culture exists. The entire dialogue needs to change from “don’t get raped” to “don’t rape,” and I have serious, serious doubts that the way to do that is to sit rapists down and go, “So why did you rape?”
They raped because our world tells them they are entitled to sex with women they want to have sex with. No counselor sitting them down and telling them that’s not true is going to get through to them, even when they’re young, if something about our society does not change. And I do not see the roots of that here. I see perpetuation of already-problematic cultural norms.
And frankly, do you know what I don’t care about? I don’t care about anyone’s “motivation” to rape someone else. We already KNOW those motivations. We as women hear them ALL THE TIME - “She was dressed like a slut! She flirted! She was drunk! She’d already hooked up with someone else! She was in my bed and didn’t say no!” We already fucking know!
I don’t care about the fact that they feel terrible or the fact that they thought better of it when they looked at their victim’s face and saw she was scared. I don’t care about how they felt in the moment, I don’t care about how they want to justify it, I don’t. Care. Because ultimately, the motivation doesn’t matter and it’s not teaching us anything that we don’t already know: men see women as objects, men who rape often know what they’re doing, and men who rape often aren’t strangers.
And what’s the take-away from this supposed to be? Don’t get drunk, don’t ever say a flirtatious or sexual thing if you don’t intend to have sex with the person you’re speaking to, and don’t trust anyone ever? That sounds exactly like rape culture to me.
For the record, I don’t think that nothing can be done to change rape culture. I think that a lot can be done, but listening to a bunch of rapists whine about how there’s a REASON they raped, guys, it’s not JUST about the victim is not one of them.
What’s most infuriating to me is that victims speak about these things all the time — but they’re ignored, and the second some circle-jerk of rape apologism gets posted on Reddit, it gets major media attention.
Of course it does. Male voices are the only ones that really matter, right?
hermionejg
Yeah I’m glad someone brought this up because I found the Jezebel article to be a bit ridiculous and very very frustrating.
I think the original Jezebel article is really well thought-out and interesting.
I know we SHOULD be learning from the women's stories but since they're not the cause, what IS the cause? It's the lack of education. Men think women are objects etc. And so it needs to start there, no?
Possibly the most important thing in the world to me is that we all see each other as fallible human beings, and when we focus on the "evil" men raping women, we can't solve the problem. We have to see the "criminals" as humans too, as see WHY they did it in order to stop it.
"And what’s the take-away from this supposed to be? Don’t get drunk, don’t ever say a flirtatious or sexual thing if you don’t intend to have sex with the person you’re speaking to, and don’t trust anyone ever? That sounds exactly like rape culture to me."
To me, the article is clearly AGAINST this idea, saying
"He's right — not about the "be careful" victim-blaming, but about his multifaceted identity. We have to acknowledge that the people telling these stories and making these decisions are the men (and women) next door, not necessarily inhuman savages. Otherwise, anti-rape campaigns will continue to tell victims to dress and act differently as a matter of "prevention," college campuses will continue to report high rates of sexual assault, and people will continue to take advantage of others without even looking them in the eye while doing so.
Nothing will change if we discuss rape culture in a vacuum. Taking the discussion beyond that vacuum, however, means opening it up to a wider audience that isn't necessarily sympathetic. Reddit may not be the best place for that, but it's certainly a start — and that's important. It's in these less-protected, less-sacred spaces where the conversation is needed the most."
I don't know, I've always respected Rosianna's opinions and am totally up for being proven wrong (I'm by no means an expert in any of this and would welcome any more information/discussion), but I just don't agree with this right now. I think it was a great article.
cordeliaistheone reblogged
The pictures above are from Project Unbreakable.
Project Unbreakable was created in October of 2011 by an amazing woman named Grace Brown. In her own words, Grace “works with survivors of sexual assault, photographing them holding a poster with a quote from their attacker. Grace has photographed over a hundred people, and received over eight hundred submissions.” She has a really wonderful, short video about why she does the work that she does. I encourage you all to watch.
I was so incredibly moved by this project. The first time I stumbled upon it, I started crying. I empathized with these women and men so viscerally; if not through the incident itself, through the sentiments behind it. So I selected a handful of really powerful photos that deeply resonated with me, and that I hope will resonate with others, too.
After some thought, I’ve decided that I want to become a part of this movement and help to shed light on the issue of sexual violence. Particularly, highlighting the fact that most rapes are committed by someone who is at least an acquaintance of the survivor, and I feel that these photos and perpetrator quotes communicate that message very effectively. So, with that said, here is my Project Unbreakable submission:
I’m not in a place yet where I feel comfortable showing my face, and I have to keep reminding myself that there is no shame in that. When I’m ready, I’m ready. And this still feels like a big step for me. I really appreciate Grace and Project Unbreakable for inspiring me to take this risk.
-Sarah
everybreath-a-secondchance
TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE
few things have ever broken my heart as much as these photos.
i’m crying.
lifewithkitty
It really is an amazing project that, if you can, you should see. It’s heartbreaking, but incredibly inspiring to see so many people with the strength to come forward and share their pain.
will always reblog