I WAS FORCED TO PUBLISH THIS BY @pirate-nonsense JUST FYI. This is Billy’s original story on the legend of Long John Silver since we all know Billy is literally becoming a fanfiction writer with all this ridiculous bullshit. This is completely tongue in cheek. Don’t hurt me.
The Legend of Long John Silver
By: William “Billy” Bones
Long John Silver is 6 feet 7 feet tall. With wings. He has long, curly, hair straight as arrows, it is dark as the night sky. He towers over the average man, hovers over them with a judgemental smirk, face covered in the blood of those who don’t believe in him. If you say his name three times into a mirror-. Fuck. No. That’s not right. He’s as deadly as he is handsome tall. He has only one leg. The other one is made up of the legs of the men he’s killed-wait. Fuck. that’s stupid. He walks on the leg with grace, and dignity. If you anger Long John Silver, he will put his peg through your eye, and break your back with his sword.
Long John Silver will be coming. I know this because I, Billy Bones-fuck I don’t want them to know it’s me James Flint have seen him myself. He hovers over me, and my exceptionally handsome first mate. I’ve witnessed the atrocities he has committed. I’ve witnessed him kill innocents with a savage look in his purple pink aqua turquoise red eyes. I’ve watched him kill Mothers, AND BABIES! In fact he eats the babies for nutrients-too far. In fact, I’ve witnessed him torture a child with my own eyes- fuck that’s harsh. Wait. It’s supposed to be harsh. I’VE WITNESSED HIM TORTURE CHILDREN WITH MY OWN EYES! He gets a cold, dead, look in those red eyes as he sees red…fuck I used red twice crimson. I’ve heard their screams as Long John Silver tortures them. I, myself, James Flint, the man you used to fear, the man who kills Father figures, and ruins people’s fucking dreams of having an actual fucking family, dickface leader of the Walrus tell you all: This man is fucking scary.
I would also like you all to know that I suck. I suck, and I will never not suck. I also have a stupid goatee, and kill really undeserving people. I also have really greasy hands I should get fixed so that people don’t FALL OFF THE SIDE OF MY FUCKING SHIP.
Long John Silver was once someone I viewed as a friend. As a companion. Perhaps even a lover…no they wouldn’t like that a yoga instructor…nope, not good. What is yoga? Sounds like something that hasn’t been invented drinking buddy. But he is dangerous, and he will kill you all.
By the way Billy Bones is very hot, and single.
That is the story. Of Long John Silver.
-Billy Bones…WAIT James Flint.
THIS IS SO FUNNY, I’M DYING HERE. Nassau will be quaking in their boots.
