The phone call that should have taken place
A little one-shot inspired by this post above.
The mesmerizing view from the old farmhouse on a chilly November morning was something she would never forget. Those memories of her younger sister watching the sunset together, talking and laughing about that silly boy from high school. She can’t even remember how many times she sat there, with her sister. Now she only remembers the highlights. She wonders if in ten years from now, she will remember this exact sunset too, as a highlight.
The past few months have been, well, challenging. She couldn’t stand the person she had become. Which meant that she needed to start over and change everything about herself. She had distanced herself from her friends and the remaining members of her family. Life seemed so pointless. Every morning she would come into work, solving murders, being surrounded by grief. And the worst part about it, is that she was responsible for so much grief. She didn’t even know how many people she had killed over the years. Each of them leaves a caring family behind. So, she decided to stay in Israel, trying her best to become a better person, although she had no idea whether or not she was succeeding.
She had been living alone in the Israeli countryside for a few months when one morning, somebody knocked on her door. She didn’t expect anyone; after all, she was living alone in her remote valley. When she opened the door, she saw his familiar face, scruffy from neglect.
He had spent months searching for her all around the Middle East. She couldn’t resist him and let him into her arms.
His visit confused her even more. She wanted to start over. Surely, she doesn’t deserve his love. But his words are just too tempting. Her heart was telling her to just give in, while her mind was telling her no. In the end, the desire was just too strong. She couldn’t resist it, even though she wanted to. She lets him in and is captured by his love. She knows it has to end but doesn’t know how. So she lies to him straight to his face. Because the truth would hurt him too much, and perhaps herself too. “Gibbs. Stop this for him”. Eventually, he respects her decision to start over and leaves her alone on the tarmac.
And now that he’s gone, the real journey starts. But can she even move on from him? She tries her very best but is unsuccessful. She can’t make herself wash the bedsheets even though his smell has long faded, just like the marks he left on her body. The letters on his Ohio State sweater that he has left her begin to fade, from wearing it too much. And she can’t help but cry. She isn’t in the right headspace, and she knows it. She barely eats anything, and the food that she does consume, she can’t keep in. It’s a vicious circle. There have been moments where she wonders if it’s all worth it.
One morning she wakes up, realizing this can no longer go on. And so she decided to change and to live life to the fullest. Even though she knows it’s going to be hard with her baggage. She feels like life is getting better, and she is even able to do the simplest tasks again. One thing that doesn’t go away, though, is the nauseousness. And that makes her wonder; she has been eating better and even manages to take care of herself. How come she stays this queasy?
Could she be? No, absolutely not, that doesn’t happen to people like her. And she forces her mind not to think about it. But every day, the feeling grows stronger.
She goes to the pharmacy and buys an entire box of pregnancy tests. She takes one, and it comes back positive. So, she takes another one. It’s like she can erase the results of the first pregnancy test if she just takes more. But unfortunately, she cannot. This is her new reality.
But is this what really wanted?
Her mind immediately goes back to that dark place that she has been trying to escape for months. She lays down on her bed and begins to cry. Has she not cried enough these past few months? Surely God doesn’t think so. The walls come crumbling down on her, and she is right back in that dark place where he left her.
They had created a life. An innocent life. The life inside her doesn’t know about all the horrors her mother endured and caused. A life that would be completely dependent on her. She can’t do this alone; she needs help. But how to tell the man she loves that there is a baby coming. This would be the last thing he expected. And she is not sure if she should even tell him. He always told her he hated children, although she is not sure how much of that is true. She thinks he would feel obligated to come to Israel because his father was never there for him. She thinks. But what if he doesn’t come and just leaves her to it. She is not sure if she would ever overcome that kind of heartbreak. She knows she can’t do it alone.
She sits on one of the rocks overlooking the valley while watching the sunrise with her cellphone in hand. Last night, she made the decision to tell him about this baby that is rapidly growing in her womb. She checks the clock on her phone. It’s nighttime in Washington DC, he must be home by now. So she goes to her contacts, searches for his name, and presses dial. The phone rings a handful of times. She can hardly swallow, because of the lump in her throat. She is about to hang up when he finally answers the phone.
“Hey, Ziva, is that you?” Is the first thing she hears. And that simple sentence makes her cry. She is not sure why she is crying. Maybe it’s the fact that the only human interaction she had these past months was with the cashier at the store. Or the fact that her hormones are all over the place due to her pregnancy, or perhaps it’s a combination of both.
He can hear her crying and suddenly becomes very worried. “Are you alright, Ziva?”
“Tony, I do not expect you to do anything; I just wanted to let you know”. She doesn’t know how to say it, so she takes a deep, big breath and finally blurts out, “I’m pregnant.” She closes her eyes, remains silent, and waits for his reaction. The other end of the line is dead silent.
He is left without words. Did he hear that right? He doesn’t know what to say. This was the last thing he expected to hear when he woke up this morning. Does he even want children? Yeah, sure he does. It’s his own child. “Ziva, I don’t know what to say. Are you sure?”
It’s a better reaction than she expected. She assumed he would yell at her and tell her to never contact him again, but he remains calm. Although she doubts it, he actually is. “Yeah, I’m sure. I went to the doctor this morning, and she confirmed it”.
“It’s going to be okay, Ziva” he reassures her. He can’t even imagine what is going on in her mind. She probably spent the last few months blaming herself for all the bad things that are going on in this world.
She can’t help but feel relieved. He told her it’s going to be okay. And for the first time in months, it feels like she can actually breathe.
It takes less than twenty-four hours for him to show up at her door. This time he is shaven and clean. He holds her in his arms, and she cries. She feels weak but can’t help but feel relieved and safe. She has no idea what the future will look like. Whether or not they will stay at the old farmhouse or move somewhere else but, at least he is there. Keeping her safe and sound.
