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Early S7 Ziva David: Thoughts

Ziva just spent months being held captive in a terrorist camp. While never explicitly stated in the show (although Ducky does strongly imply it late in episode 3? I believe) there is a more than likely chance that Ziva was r@ped or sexually abused while captive. She was there for 3 months. Terrorists are well known for using r@pe and sexual abuse to assert control and terrorize their captives. Especially women and femme presenting captives. You almost have to assume they would not have given Ziva any special treatment. And in fact because of her status as a Mossad agent and her knowledge of American federal agencies and operations, you could even assume that they might have treated her extra harshly.

And then she tries to come back to NCIS. Hurt and deeply traumatized and lonely. And Gibbs questions her loyalty. And Vance tells her directly to her face that she is "damaged goods". The pain she must have felt. The times those words probably rang thru her ears for YEARS afterward.

There is no doubting that Ziva is strong and independent. How long did that keep her from speaking about her pain? How long did she wait to reach out for help?

In S17 we hear her talk about her struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. We see, through Ellie and the journals, that all of the cases Ziva worked deeply affected her. She took every case personally.

I used to see Ziva as just a kick ass bad bitch queen. I now realized how carefully she constructed that facade.

She experienced SO much grief, and loss, and trauma. The loss of her mother. The death of her sister, just 16, to a suicide bomber. She killed her own brother. When she was only 25. The death and betrayal of her boyfriend by her trusted friend and teammate. The perceived betrayal of her mentor/father figure. Tortued in a terrorist camp. Betrayal of her father. The death of her father, her last living relative. Leaving her own child for years. And so so much more.

She fought so hard to protect her heart. She fought so hard to protect the people she loved, so that they wouldn't experience what she did.

I rewatch s7 and Ziva eyes just look so empty. She looks exhausted and almost hopeless. (Shoutout to Cote de Pablo for being an phenomenal actress and portraying it all so well) Those months forever changed her. Her character was never the same.

And her trauma is never really talked about after that. But with every rewatch I can't help but think about that as I watch her work cases.

This was long and rambling and I don't know if it even made sense. But I have a lot of thought on Ziva and I needed to get some of them out there.