adoptee-shitposts
adoption is an entirely positive and altruistic act and not at all a capitalist industry
April Fools lmao can you even imagine
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
*Adoption, meaning the current concept of it in the Western world. The complete legal severing of the natural relationship between child and parent(s), replacing the original family and (sometimes) culture with another, including changing the child’s identity and sealing the original records, keeping information from everyone involved.
It started with this gem, a comment on a thread about being surprised by DNA results. A set of siblings had discovered they were not related and in fact adopted:
“Bright side, two people chose very deliberately to adopt them as they were and raise them as their own and that’s beautiful.”
I pointed out that it’s not beautiful to lie to someone their entire life about their very origins, and to try substituting “abduct” for “adopt” and to see if they felt the same. I didn’t even get into the “as they were” slight – as if they were defective – or the false “chosen” narrative.
This was met with, “Don’t speak for all adoptees!” – “I’m adopted and I’m happy about it!” – “I’m sorry you had a bad experience, but you’re wrong.”
It was pointless to continue there. So I will ask here:
If adoption is beautiful…
-Why do people lie about it?
-Why isn’t it the first choice for couples who want children?
-Why has it been this way for less than one hundred years?
-Why doesn’t everyone give up their firstborn to someone who can’t have one?
-Why does rehoming not only happen, but is completely legal?
-Why does scripture have to be twisted in order to justify it?
-Why isn’t it done this way all over the world?
-Why are people in other countries horrified when they learn what adoption means here?
-Why have several “sending” countries banned international adoption?
-Why are adoption agencies being sued or forcibly shut down?
-Why are adoptees turning to DNA testing to avoid dating a sibling?
-Why is family medical history still the first question asked at doctor appointments?
-Why are records kept from the very people they pertain to?
-Why is a court order needed to see the records?
-Why are adoptees terrified to ask their adopted parents questions about it?
-Why is coercion routinely employed to get “birth mothers” to relinquish?
-Why does the American Adoption Congress, Adoptee’s Liberty Movement Association, Bastard Nation, Concerned United Birthparents and numerous other organizations like them exist?
-Why do so many adoptees search?
-Why are adoptees who are murdered by their adopted parents still considered “lucky”?
-Why were adoptees used for medical and psychological experiments?
-Why is it patterned after the system Georgia Tann – a known kidnapper, trafficker, child killer, and pedophile – developed?
-Why is it used as a tool of war and cultural genocide?
-Why can’t all adoptees get a passport? Why are others deported?
-Why are adoptees four times more likely than the non-adopted to attempt suicide?
-Why can’t we have this conversation?
Why can’t we have this conversation?
Elle Cuardaigh is author of The Tangled Red Thread.
#adoptee#adoption#adopted#adult adoptee#flip the script#adoptees#adoptee voices#adult adoptees#transracial adoption#adoptee rights#international adoption#adoptive parents#birth mother#adoption is hard#adoption trauma#hoping to adopt#prospective adoptive parents#adoptee activist#developmental trauma#transracial adoptee#adoption industry#birth mothers#class bastard#first mother#birthmom#korean adoptee#birth parents#closed adoption#domestic infant adoption#adoptee suicide
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
After Ferguson, a viral photo turned the tween into a symbol of post-racial America. But his murder — at the hands of his adoptive white mother — shows how much of an illusion that all really was
We don’t yet know if 15-year-old Devonte Hart died when his adoptive white mother, Jen Hart, 38, stomped on the gas pedal and drunkenly, intentionally, drove her 2003 GMC right off the edge of America. We do know the SUV plunged 100 feet down the cliffside and crashed into the Pacific Ocean, killing her, along with Sarah Hart, 38, Devonte’s other adoptive white mother, and four of his siblings:
- Markis, 19
- Jeremiah, 14
- Abigail, 14
- Ciera, 12
The apparent murder-suicide remains an open mystery.
At present, Devonte is listed as missing. Local authorities haven’t recovered his body, nor have they located his sister, Hannah Hart, 16.
(Devontes bio mom) Sherry Davis’ children were forcibly removed from her home by Texas authorities due to her struggle with cocaine addiction. Davis, who was complying with her court-ordered drug treatment program, also fought to get her children home. But before she could get them back, they were adopted by a couple in Minnesota: the Harts.
In light of what we now know about his murderous adoptive white mothers — who’d been cited for a pattern of repeated child abuse dating back to 2008 — this powerful image twists into a more potent symbol. A symbol of systemic failure. Far more heartbreaking than anyone imagined at the time.
If you want to everything click HERE
#StayWoke
White women continue to be a plague on the earth.
Here’s what kills me: they were actually in kinship care. Their auntie had them, but she had to work, so their bio-mom came to babysit.
They were removed from kinship care because of that. Instead of ensuring there was an alternative babysitter available, they just took the kids.
So, yeah.
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
beata-caroline-deactivated20190
If you’re considering telling/asking an adopted person any of the following, or anything similar to such:
- “You’re so lucky you weren’t aborted.”
- “Aren’t you glad your mother didn’t abort you?”
- “You should be grateful that you have a better life now.”
- “Why would you want to know what your birth mother is like? You have a perfectly good life now.”
- “It takes a very special person to want an orphan child.”
- “How can you be pro-choice? You wouldn’t be here if your birth mother had been.”
May I make a small suggestion?
- Don’t.
hereforthefosterblogs
Ew. Gross! Also, people say “you could have been aborted” when they find out I’m pro-choice and like … Yeah? My mom probably would have had a better life with less children? And I don’t care because I wouldn’t have existed so I wouldn’t have feelings? And my existence isn’t integral to the planet?
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
beata-caroline-deactivated20190
If you’re considering telling/asking an adopted person any of the following, or anything similar to such:
- “You’re so lucky you weren’t aborted.”
- “Aren’t you glad your mother didn’t abort you?”
- “You should be grateful that you have a better life now.”
- “Why would you want to know what your birth mother is like? You have a perfectly good life now.”
- “It takes a very special person to want an orphan child.”
- “How can you be pro-choice? You wouldn’t be here if your birth mother had been.”
May I make a small suggestion?
- Don’t.
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
Another adoptee suicide. It breaks my heart.
Please know you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of us out here on most social media platforms (search the hashtags I’ve used here).
There are lots of adoptee blogs, support forums, etc. I can link some if anyone would like.
We are out here, and we get it. Please reach out.
Such terrible news, but if I’m being honest, I understand why he did it. I am also a Chinese adoptee and like XinHua, I ended up in a really dark place a few years ago that I thought I might not get out of.
Growing up, I was a normal happy little kid. I was adopted into a loving privileged white family and being adopted was just a fact about my life. I lived in that nice sheltered bubble until I was about 13.
Middle school tends to be a rough time for everyone, but for me it became almost unbearable. It’s the time where you make new friends and people that were once close to you are suddenly enemies. It’s the time where you realize bullying isn’t getting a swirlie or having your lunch money stolen, it’s when someone else makes you feel less human.
I had a bully. A racist one who brought up me being adopted in the middle of art class. That day was the catalyst for my downward spiral into depression. It brought all the feelings about my adoption that I had unknowingly been repressing to the forefront of my thoughts. It’s like I was drowning in every negative emotion possible and at my lowest point, I just wanted to end my suffering with suicide seeming like the perfect solution.
It’s wasn’t though and it never is. I still struggle with my mental health, but I’ve come a long way and can truly say that it gets better. I didn’t know about the adoptee community when I was younger otherwise I might not have gotten to the point I did.
So I’m sharing my story to let others know that they’re not alone. Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel guilty for having negative ones. It’s ok to talk about suicide, but please don’t suffer in silence.
There are so many things wrong with this marketing from this agency. Can we start with the obvious racism? Why did they choose this picture? The agency audience is primarily white adoptive parents. So, why the hot black man? And the use of the words, "baby mama" and "hit and run" definitely has a black slang twist. Even when they offer an honorable way for this fictional (black and hot) man to be loving and supportive, it is still about how he isn't good enough to keep his own child or help his "baby mama" parent.
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
sanielight
I’m so tired of breaking myself into bite sized pieces
Stay whole and let them choke.
Mood.
bojxna
I got inspired, credits go to the people above. Reblog if you download, I’d love to know!
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
as a woman who has miscarried a wanted fetus…………I absolutely despise seeing this experience used to silence women who’ve had abortions. I just saw an exchange on fb where a woman complained about a local PP billboard that shows a woman saying “I had an abortion, and I’m not apologizing” bc it might offend women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss……..well, it doesn’t for those of us who have empathy for other women’s experiences! & truly my own experiences both as a young mother & as a miscarriage-haver (?) have only strengthened my understanding & empathy for women who have had abortions (and brought me closer to all women really) bc the struggle for reproductive autonomy & that powerlessness we fight through unites us, ladies!!
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
to all the adopted and donor conceived people out there:
it’s perfectly natural to want to know where your face came from. it’s natural to want to look at someone’s face and see a version of your own. wanting to know who your bio/genetic/birth parents are makes you human. it doesn’t make you anything but human. no one can change or delegitimize your genetic bewilderment. it’s normal. you’re human. you’re a social being. it’s okay to wonder. it’s okay to search. it’s okay to want. we’re not often thought of as complex humans with desires of our own. but it’s okay.
it’s okay. ♥️
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
Satire…. But, how often has it actually happened with international adoptions? Just because it is a child instead of an adult does not make it any more correct.
Lmfao okay, so this was pretty funny. I actually really liked this skit xD it rings true. I feel like this shows how much our perception changes when we see age. (If that makes sense) like when we see a woman with a baby and think “oh she’s a mom” and then we see a grown woman with another grown woman and probably think “just two adults”.
True. It does make you think how often we take it for granted that children do not have agency
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
I just learned about this woman.
“… it’s about accepting what happened and moving on with your life and forgiveness is a two way street. Somebody has to asked to be forgiven for forgiveness…” - Christina Crawford
The answer to "Why don't you talk about the good side in adoption?"
Forty Australians have been duped into donating more than $480,000 to a charity scam that coerced children into a fake orphanage.
The Australians were fooled into thinking they were supporting Nepalese orphans when, in fact, the children were not orphans at all.
The Nepalese charity responsible had also deceived Australian charity Forget Me Not into supporting the cause by falsely claiming the kids had lost both of their parents. The Nepalese charity even falsified the parents’ death certificates to show to the Australian operation these were legitimate orphans.
Aussie donor Mel Manley with some of the Forget Me Not girls.Source:Supplied
The non-government organisation, Malai Na Birisu Bal Griha, hired child traffickers who manipulated illiterate parents in poor areas of Nepal and stole their girls away from them to live in a Kathmandu orphanage funded entirely by Australian donations.
Neither the Australian charity partner nor the donors had any idea about the scam until years later.
One of those donors was Jason Wall, 52, who donated $60 a month to sponsor a child named Sangeeta. When he was told of the scam, he felt a mixed bag of emotions. “There was both shock and sadness,” he said. “You just question — how the hell did this happen?”
Mel Manley with one of the girls from the Nepalese orphanage.Source:Supplied
Craig Manley, 51, and his wife Mel, 48 who run a McDonald’s in Bundaberg, felt “hugely deceived and disappointed” when they discovered the details. “My wife and I visited the orphanage every year, armed with presents — make-up, hair clips and cards from other donors like us saying how much the girls were loved,” Mr Manley said.
In addition to the orphan deception, another nasty shock was waiting the Australian donors.
“We discovered those gifts were stripped from the girls and either sold off or distributed amongst the orphanage staff’s families,” Mr Manley said, adding that the staff refused to return a TV and table tennis table he’d intended for the girls. “Not all the money we donated went to the kids either. They were skimming off the top. We discovered falsified budgets.”
The couple heard “murmurings” that people had arrived at the orphanage claiming to know the girls, but were told they were turned away “for security reasons, to protect the girls”.
Aussie donor Craig Manley.Source:Supplied
“There was a twinge in the back of my mind thinking, I wonder what that’s about?” Mr Manley said. “We were later told the kids were threatened that if they told us mum or dad showed up at the front door, there’d be retribution, they’d be cast out on the street.”
It wasn’t just the donors who felt cheated. Forget Me Not chief executive officer Andrea Nave said she was “shocked and angry” at the discovery. “I thought, we have a huge problem here,” she told news.com.au. “I can’t imagine my children (she has four daughters) being separated from me and desperately wanting me to find them.”
Forget Me Not now works to reunite falsified orphans with their families. When the Manleys saw this “excellent work”, they actually substantially increased their monthly donations of $1000 a month to the Australian charity.
Craig Manley and one of the so-called orphans.Source:Supplied
Before becoming CEO, Ms Nave ran the charity’s “sponsor a child” program, facilitating communication between the donor and the child. She had to call all 40 donors and tell them the outrageous truth. “I was very transparent, telling them what we’d discovered without hiding anything,” Ms Nave said.
Forget Me Not was founded by Lars Olsen, who was inspired to set up the charity after seeing the poverty and orphaned kids in Nepal on a backpacking trip.
When he returned home to Hervey Bay, Queensland, he set up the charity with his sister and a friend. A year later, he persuaded Ms Nave, who he knew from acting school, to join.
Forget Me Not Australia now works to reunite the Nepalese girls with their families.Source:Supplied
Forget Me Not Children’s Home was set up for six little girls in 2006. Over several years, and with financial support from the Hervey Bay community, it grew to support 21 girls. But none of them knew the nasty shock in store.
Their intentions were honourable. “We focused on Nepalese girls because they’re often denied an education and vulnerable to sex trafficking” Ms Nave said.
She was told the six orphaned girls were an overflow from overcrowded, dysfunctional orphanages. “They were malnourished and we were told they were sisters. We were even given the death certificates of their parents,” she said. She now knows these were falsified documents.
Forget Me Not Australia chief executive officer Andrea Nave.Source:Supplied
The shock was eventually discovered when Eva, an American who spoke Nepalese, was hired in 2009 to work at the orphanage, wholly funded by Hervey Bay residents.
“Eva had been making notes and said ‘look at the things these kids have been saying, I’ve been writing it down’,” Ms Nave said. Eva had done some detective work to piece together a jigsaw that led to a horrifying conclusion.
“Phrases would crop up like ‘I want to go home’,” Ms Nave said. “Then, as Eva built more trust with the girls, they’d reveal more. ‘I want to see my brother,’ one would say. Then eventually, ‘I miss my mum’ and ‘I’m not an orphan’.”
Some of the children who were placed in the orphanage.Source:Supplied
Ms Nave now knows the truth.
“The board of the Nepalese NGO we partnered with knew full well where these girls came from. They were trafficked, coerced into it,” she said. She says false pretences were used.
“A child collector went through the remote, poor districts and offered kids a better education. Illiterate parents would sign a document they cannot read or understand with the press of a thumb. Their children were being given away and they didn’t know. Each trafficker got around $A1500 per kid — poor families would cobble together the money.”
Malai Na Birisu Bal Griha is still registered with the Nepal Government’s Social Welfare Council, although with no activity.
At the point the truth was uncovered, there was a split in the organisation that is now Forget Me Not Australia. Ms Nave has since dedicated her life to tracing the girls’ real families, reuniting them and supporting them to get a decent education and standard of living.
But Mr Olsen, who won Young Queenslander of the Year and the Premier’s Award for his efforts, dissociated himself from the organisation he’d set up and his parents stopped sponsoring children.
“He felt too deceived that these kids weren’t orphans. He was also of the opinion the children were better off in our care, not with their families,” Ms Nave said.
But Mr Olsen disputes this point.
“I 100 per cent supported the decision for the girls to be reunited with their families, especially if we could get them a safe house and continuing education in the meantime, while we searched for their parents,” he told news.com.au.
He fully supports the charity’s work.
“Reflecting back, I genuinely believe the organisation is changing lives for the better and doing terrific work,” Mr Olsen said.
Donor Jason Wall said: “Things evolved so quickly. Lars was young. He still had lots of learning and growing up to do. He was baffled, bamboozled and shocked.”
Forget Me Not Australia now reunites children with their families, asking from village to village through the foothills and valleys of Nepal, then stays in touch to support them through any hardships.
Australia became the world’s first country to recognise orphanage trafficking as a form of modern-day slavery this month. Statistics show 80 per cent of supposed orphans have one living parent and Asian orphanages are trafficking to meet volunteer demand. It’s a phenomenon known as voluntourism. The 2017 State of Children report revealed there were 567 registered childcare homes still in Nepal housing 16,536 children, but there was also an unknown number of unregistered homes.
A Rethink Orphanages spokesperson encouraged Australians to direct their money to families, rather than orphanages.
“Donors and volunteers who have unwittingly been supporting the orphanage industry can play a key role in raising awareness of this issue, and advocating for family-based care for children rather than orphanages,” the spokesperson said.
It took 18 months for Forget Me Not Australia to successfully reunite the traceable families of 18 of the 21 girls.
“I now think it’s too easy to open a charity in Australia. Anyone can do it. You don’t need any skills or experience. We were just average people, trying to do the right thing,” Ms Nave said.
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
So I recently got surgery two weeks ago and on the day of the surgery, they had me waiting in a cold room in just a gown because they had to do a pregnancy test. I had just gotten off my period literally two days ago and unless I was miraculously the next Virgin Mary, I’m 100% not pregnant. The nurse barely looks up from her charts to acknowledges this before insisting that I had to take another test. If I didn’t take another one, they would immediately cancel my surgery. It was hospital policy.
I’ve had this condition all my life but its gotten completely unbearable the past few years and I’ve been actively going to the doctors the last two years trying different methods to allievate my pain and this surgery was my last chance at any type of pain free life. It took 6 months to schedule and if I had to wait another second, I was going kill somebody. Safe to say I was a little pissed. I sat in that freezing room, irritated with an IV needle sticking in my hand, waiting on the nurse to find records of my pee test that I did less than a two week ago at their request. She couldn’t find the test results. She handed me an empty container with a cheery smile and an obnoxious prep talk that I did not ask for and told me to fill it.
One of the preparatory requirements they gave me was that the night before the surgery I couldn’t consume any foods or liquid (water especially). So I couldn’t pee. I asked for some water and she reluctantly gave me a cup with two sip fulls.
My surgery was scheduled for 9 A.M, they told me to come in at 7:30 A.M. It was already 11:41 A.M. when I had to retake the test and I didn’t go in until almost 1 P.M. The fact that I had to go through that extra hoop and have the threat of my surgery being cancelled hung over me like a noose just because of a pregnancy test is beyond aggravating. People love perpetually valuing the potential of a possible fetus over the lives of already living women. We always seem to come second no matter what.
That’s sounds extremely stressful. I’m sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else. We aren’t effing incubators!
This is so common amongst girls and women dealing with medical care
[Medical/Miscarriage TW] Earlier this year I went to the ER on a Monday night with terrible abdominal pain, cramps, throwing up, the whole shebang. They did an ultrasound but couldn’t see anything so they attributed it to a bad stomach bug, gave me IV fluids & anti-nausea meds, and sent me home Tuesday morning.
They didn’t want to do a CT scan, you see, because ‘We don’t want to irradiate your uterus unnecessarily.’ Here’s the thing. There was NO way I was pregnant AT ALL because I was literally still suffering & passing the remnants of a fucking spontaneous miscarriage. Not only that, I told them: the miscarriage was a surprise and an accident. I do not want children, had not been trying to have a baby, and had not known I was pregnant until it stopped (it was a weird year).
I was severely dehydrated and on morphine but I do remember telling them ‘I don’t care about my uterus, I’m not using it.’ But because of their concern for any future potential other fetuses, they didn’t do a CT scan. And 20 hours later I got to experience the worst pain of my life, my first CT scan, and my first surgery when my appendix stopped just being infected and decided to go ahead and burst.
I don’t usually add my own $0.02 to posts but misogyny in medicine needs to stop.
thecringeandwincefactory
Yeah, this happened to me, too, about 17 years ago at University of Chicago Hospital after getting hit by a car.
Satire.... But, how often has it actually happened with international adoptions? Just because it is a child instead of an adult does not make it any more correct.
confessionsofbirthmothers reblogged
merrybitchmas91-deactivated2019
Why "doing something relaxing” does not help your anxiety
A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.
This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.
You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind.
People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.
In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture.
Therefore, I present to you:
THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS
–Go on a walk
–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.
–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching
–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind
–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift
–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:
–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.
–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see.
–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in.
–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.)
–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety.
–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel.
–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless.
THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:
–List the capitals of all the U.S. states
–List the capitals of all the European countries
–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors.
–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.
–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.
Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself. I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too.
(Now this shouldn’t have to be said but if the “do nots” work for you then by all means do them. They’ve just never worked for me.)
This would’ve been great an hour ago
tatianathevampireslayer
If your anxiety includes rapid heartbeat for no reason then it may help to exercise! It helps for me because I’m focused on whatever moves I’m doing and breathing, and it gives my heart rate a reason to be that high so that I can start the slow cooking down process and (hopefully) bring that heart rate down with it. Look up a quick cardio workout on YouTube or something and just do it in your room!
This is so, SO true.
All ‘doing something relaxing’ ever did for me was give my brain MORE free time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT.
Drawing and making stuff does occupy my mind so I mean YMMV
Therapist here!
I just want to jump in and correct the OP’s post only by saying that this is no wrong way to cope with anxiety. Coping skills are unique to each person and each person will find that certain stimuli are far more effective than others in reducing anxiety levels.
Anxiety stems from cognitive thinking errors and also a physical component. It’s why there are both emotional panic attacks and physical ones; and then a blend of both.
When feeling anxious, passive thoughts are in the drivers seat in decision making and rumination occurs. There is an urge to think about an issue over and over again without resolve.
Let’s be real, no one thinks to themselves “I’m going to think about how my co-worker was a jerk to me for the next 3 hours because that seems like a good use of my time.” No! Of course not, but it still happens.
The first step in correcting anxiety is to move your thoughts from a passive state to an active state of thinking.
If you find yourself thinking about something you don’t want to be fixated on, you have to first create an internal dialogue. “I do not want to be thinking about ______ right now.” If you don’t realize what your mind is circling around, it’s going to be hard to stop the spiral.
Next, you’ll want to find a distraction technique or coping skill that typically lasts more than 2 minutes.
Nothing is too trivial to work!
However, the stronger the anxiety, the more purposeful of a distraction you will want to do.
Deep breathing, for instance, is a passive coping skill; lifting weights or going for a run is not.
Active coping skills that require effort and attention to sustain will have a higher chance for success.
TLDR;
Call yourself out on your thoughts; do what you’ve tested works for you.
- Bri McDonnell LISW