An Open Letter to USA: Why You Should Renew Playing House

By Claire McCleskey

A show that feels as authentic as Playing House only comes around once in a blue moon.  It’s almost impossible to watch an episode without believing, perhaps even wishing, you live in the small town of Pinebrook and hang out with Emma Crawford and Maggie Caruso on a regular basis.

The show feels real, the characters are relatable. While I can’t quite say my best friend has ever been pregnant, left by her husband, and I’ve decided to leave my high-paying job in China to move back to help her raise her child, I still see myself in them. It probably has something to do with the fact that the fabulously talented Lennon Parham and Jessica St. Clair are best friends in real life. Their relationship feels so genuine and honest. Emma’s struggle to adjust to life in her small hometown is one that anyone who grew up in, and left, a small town can relate to. From my personal experience, it seems like everyone who grew up in the suburbs is either an Emma—who leaves and feels trapped when returning—or a Mark—who is perfectly happy staying where he is. Playing House’s portrayal of what it’s like to return to a small town is the most realistic one on television.

Those are just a few of the reasons why, creatively, this show is unique. But television—for better or for worse—is a business. So, USA, you may be wondering what your incentive is to renew Playing House. Well first of all, you’re currently trying to diversify your programming. In fact, that’s why you picked up Playing House in the first place. Your motto is “Characters Welcome.” This show is, at its core, about characters. So Playing House manages to fit into your current programming nicely while still diversifying it. But this cast is the best thing you have going for you. Lennon Parham, Jessica St. Clair, Zach Woods, and Keegan-Michael Key are all names that will draw in a new audience for you. They’re highly regarded in the world of comedy, so if you’re trying to draw in a new crowd of comedy fans with your “Comedies Welcome” campaign, they’re your golden ticket. I would tune in to watch the four of them read the phone book.

So, USA, I know nobody asked for my opinion. I know you know a lot more about how this works than I do, but if you were to ask my opinion, I’d tell you that you’d be crazy not to renew Playing House.

Hannibal Buress "Live from Chicago" full of surprises

I will skip the resume summary portion of this review of Hannibal Buress' new album "Live from Chicago" because if you're here you should already know and love him.

The prevailing narrative of Buress in 2014 seems to be "great stand-up finally breaks out." His role on the popular "Broad City" has widened his reach and the timing of his album couldn't be any better.

Buress' previous two albums -- 2010's "My Name is Hannibal" and 2012's "Animal Furnace" -- encapsulated his laid-back, yet meticulously well-constructed style.

"Live" represents somewhat of a change for Buress. He's always been personal, but this album strays away from much of the silliness that was prevalent on his previous albums and dives deeper into his experiences.

But the most striking thing about "Live" is what little regard Buress has for the fourth wall. Some comedians reference the fact that they are telling jokes on a stage, to varying degrees of success. But Buress ratchets this up ten-fold, creating some of the best moments on the album.

"Some of my jokes have music cues," he says on "Rappers Talk About Drugs" after -- out of nowhere -- a DJ just drops music in on a punchline. Buress repeats the ridiculous moment a couple of times, eventually cutting it off. "You are just watching a man live out his dream on that joke," Buress explains to a confused audience member.

There is not another musical cue on the rest of the album. 

As if that wasn't weird enough, Buress leverages a story about rapper Riff Raff playing his own songs on stage into its own strange joke.

Buress plays one of his most well-known bits (lizards and pickle juice should be all you need) and repeats the punchline over the recording. "That's a fun way to do comedy right there." This subversion of comedy album tropes seems to be where Buress is getting his greatest enjoyment on "Live."

The album is not without some expected, comforting moments for anyone who's listened to Buress or seen his stand-up. While talking about religion and the story of Noah, Buress sums up why he is non-believer in his own style. "Get the fuck outta here please," he says dismissively about animals getting on the ark two-by-two.

While not reaching the heights of his previous two albums, "Live" is an exercise in what someone who holds none of the cows of comedy albums sacred.

Area Man Suffers From Identity Crisis After Reading Buzzfeed Personality Quiz Results

By CNtributor Claire McCleskey

MANASSAS, VA--It was a typical Monday morning for Manassas-area man John Winston. He sat down at his desk with a cup of coffee and checked Buzzfeed before getting to work. It was there that he first saw the “Which Character From The Breakfast Club Are You?” personality quiz.

“I always knew I was a Bender. It was never a question for me. But I wanted to take the quiz, just to make it official,” he told reporters.

But the all-knowing Buzzfeed gods begged to differ. As Winston answered the final question of the quiz—stating that his favorite frozen yogurt topping was Fruity Pebbles—Buzzfeed delivered a shocking result. He was not a Bender after all—he was a Claire.

“But I’m a rebel,” he said to no one in particular, as if he was trying to convince himself. “I don’t even know what to think anymore. If I don’t even know what character from The Breakfast Club I am, what do I really know about myself at all?”

Since taking the quiz, Winston has made a few changes in his life. He has since quit his job, telling his boss that he “needs to find himself”. He has moved out of the home he shared with his wife of ten years, telling her that he is in no position to be married if he doesn’t know who he identifies with the most in The Breakfast Club. He now lives in a tiny one-bedroom apartment off of Wellington Road and works as a barista at Starbucks while trying to discover himself. 

Giving Thanks For 25 Years Of Mystery Science Theater 3000

By CNU Editor Kari Rogers

Mystery Science Theater 3000, or MST3K, premiered on November 24, 1988 (Thanksgiving Day) on local Minneapolis TV station KTMA. For those who aren't familiar, it was a long-running cult TV show about a guy and two robots riffing on horrible B-movies they watch aboard a satellite at the behest of mad scientists. You've literally had 25 years to get with this program. For those who ARE familiar, you oughta check out mst3kturkeyday.com because it seems us MSTies are partying all week.

What makes MST3K so appealing to so many people? Well, you got puppets for the kids and pop culture jokes for the adults. Plus all that Midwestern charm and UHF production value will automatically give you the warm-fuzzies over time. And need I mention the space robots again? Despite its extraordinary comedic content, comedy nerds have let the regular nerds take this one under the couch with them. Like Monty Python, they're positively batshit over it. What makes it so iconic? It's got a great look.

The "Shadowrama" theater seats are instantly recognizable. And people ironically connect with the awful movies that are the destroyed centerpieces of every episode. We rubberneck bad films all the time. Kitsch is a subculture unto itself. B-movies have a history of being ripe for cult potential. And things that celebrate cult tend to become cult themselves.

Me, personally, if you bring up Mystery Science Theater 3000, you're going to learn a lot about my life. I first saw it when I was six years old. It's my favorite show because it's always been a constant throughout my existence - a constant source of sentimentality with my family, a constant source of distraction and comfort when times are tough. I remember trying to save up for Rhino VHS tapes of it in 8th grade. I remember watching a shorts DVD late at night after a disappointing 14th birthday and reading The Amazing Colossal Episode Guide and Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese alone at school during the isolating teen years that followed. It helped me out when my mom was dying and when my dog ran away. My step-dad and I spent some rare quality time together watching The Skydivers episode. And, coupled with my hip family's need to raise a precocious child, it designed the blueprint of my sense of humor, particularly my obsession with obscure references. I'm forever thankful.

It's just a show. I should really just relax.

But how can you relax with all the internet events Reddit and Shout Factory have planned for us?! Series creator Joel Hodgson is doing a Reddit AMA this Tuesday at 1pm PST/4pm EST until 3pm PST/6pm EST. AND he's participating in Reddit's Black Friday livestream event along with other comedians this Friday (duh) from 9am PST/Noon EST - 5pm PST/8pm EST. AND YOU GUYS: Joel and Shout Factory are bringing the TURKEY DAY MARATHON back! A Thanksgiving tradition from the show's tenure at Comedy Central that ended in 1997 will be revived on mst3kturkeyday.com on Thursday starting at 9am PST/Noon EST.

I encourage you to watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 today, remember when you discovered it, and think of what keeps bringing you back to it.

Kari Rogers's earliest memory is having the Doobie Brothers explained to her.

Unanswered Questions About JFK's Death

By CNTributor JM Cook

The 50th anniversary of the assassination of former president John F. Kennedy is tomorrow.

It was quite a sad day.

And, like the mystery of who shot Mr. Burns, there are many questions that linger to this very day. Here is a complete list.

Hipster One-upmanship

By CNTributor JM Cook

Hipster #1: Man, I remember seeing Arcade Fire back in 2006 at a church in Brooklyn. It was life-changing.

Hipster #2: For real? I remember seeing Animal Collective in a '04 at a high school gymnasium in Somerville, Mass. Way before they were big.

Hipster #1: Nice nice. I saw Beach House play at a haunted graveyard in South Carolina in 2008. It was so intense.

Hipster #2: Aw man, that sounds great. Were you there for Interpol in 2001? In that abandoned warehouse in Columbus, Ohio? There must have been 10 of us + the band, that's it. So intimate.

Hipster #1: Ohhh yeah, I posted flyers for that show, but had to go see Neutral Milk Hotel play in Cleveland at a condemned mental institution that night.

Hipster #2: Wowww not bad. Did you ever hear about the Sleigh Bells show in 2009? The one atop the ashes of a recently burned down two-story ranch house in Tampa? They think it was arson. The band played for like eight hours. So effing rad.

Hipster #1: I did! I actually lit that fire and @ messaged the band on Twitter to say it'd be a "pretty dope place for a show." Were you around for Lorde's first show? Was in -- shit, 1996 I think? -- in Devonport, New Zealand. I was studying abroad there and happened into Navy Hospital and bam -- improptu show with newborn Lorde. Just me, her folks and the doctors. Her voice was tighter back then.

Hipster #2: My memory is foggy, but I -think- I was studying to be a midwife there and delivered her. You know what, it was Lorde. She was better in the ultrasounds, lemme tell you.

To the Kelly Oxford haters

The following is the opinion of CNTributor JM Cook, not the CNU staff as a whole. However, that does not make it any less correct.

Earlier this week, so-called "Twitter writer" Kelly Oxford sold a script to Fox. This is cool! Someone who built up a public presence via a free website, then actually monetized it? That is very amazing.

But some people (celebrity blog [barf] Defamer, mostly) hate this fact. A lot.

They point to the fact that she "recycles her own material" and is unfunny.

They are wrong.

Does Oxford re-post jokes she has written onto free-to-access website Twitter dot com? Yes. It has happened semi-regularly over the multiple years she's been posting.

Why, Defamer even has copious evidence. How damning!

Except it's not. Did you know there are no rules for Twitter? It's true! You can post whatever you want (within legality), however you want. Neat, huh? Oxford has every right to re-post the same three jokes, should she want to. I doubt she'd sell a TV script or amass a half-million followers that way, though.

In their most recent slam-piece, Defamer used this lovely line:

"and no, Twitter is not standup, so please don't use the argument that standup comedians reuse sets all the time."

Oh. I'm sorry. The Ruler of Twitter has spoken. My liege, is it OK to manually RT someone? Can I do #FollowFriday!? Please, oh wise one, tell me!

People use Twitter in a number of ways. To socialize or make jokes or look or relentlessly harass Donald Trump. Some people use it as a testing ground for comedy material, a testing ground they may not have access to otherwise for any number of reasons.

When your first reaction to the fact that a person sold a script (in part) due to the strength of a Twitter account is, "That person sucks." You are a sad human being.

You have every right to not follow Kelly Oxford. But telling someone they're using a free website wrong is a joke.

Looking For Comedy In The San Gabriel Valley

By CNU Editor Kari Rogers

Since we have you all united and stuff, are there any nerds living in the San Gabriel Valley area of Los Angeles County? I  am a native of Alhambra, about 20-30 minutes away from Hollywood, and I never met another comedy fan until the internet entered my life just four years ago. Alhambra is not very interested in the arts or entertainment, except for a handful of young people who really set their mind to dancing, Manga comics, and "Screamo" bands. As a teenager, I read about live shows in the LA Weekly religiously and cut out the ads to put on my school binder in one of many unsuccessful attempts to convert my friends in the drama club. The UCBTLA had just opened and I was perpetually overflowing with a sort of so-close-but-still-kinda-far frustration. I basically lived in the West Coast equivalent of New Jersey. I was a Valley girl with Valley friends and Nic Cage was never going to whisk me off to see 80's power-pop bands in Hollywood. L.A. felt like "a million miles away". And I bet Alhambra doesn't know the movie and song I just referenced. Eight years later, the situation is exactly the same. Minus having friends, of course.

I love documentaries but  they often convince narcissists like myself that they can do anything. I am affected by stories of people who brought something that was needed in a certain time and/or place. For instance, music scenes that are born in reaction to an unfulfilling environment by like-minded people with nothing to lose, just taking a chance on something to pass the time or possibly build something great for a fleeting moment. Ingesting too many of these documentaries usually starts the cycle of a 24 hour dream. Documentary confidence is just like liquid courage. I start wondering if there are comedy nerds around me, if there are interesting places to put on comedy shows, if I could bring comedy to the Valley.

What's the coolest city I know besides Hollywood? Pasadena! Alhambra's hip, fancy neighbor! As far as comedy goes, the only game in town is The Ice House. While a legendary venue, it is not everyone's cup of tea. It is a comedy CLUB and the comedy can be very mainstream. There is currently no alternative to this place. I believe everyone appreciates options. I admit that I've had on-and-off aspirations to create an outlet for live comedy (festival, venue, etc.) but I never really thought of looking for a Valley location specifically. And you know what? It was probably for good reason.

This isn't Waynestock. Mitch Hedberg did not come to me in a dream with a weird naked Indian and give me any indication that there is a place for comedy in the Valley. Because there isn't. Not even ironically. That's what Los Angeles proper is for. Not all bizarre ideas are crazy enough to work. I took a good look at Pasadena on Yelp for most of my 24 hour dream. And by the time it wound down, I accepted that it is a retirement home whose "hipster" appeal is comprised entirely of antique shops and legitimate theatre. The few folks who have an average interest in comedy are satisfied with whatever's at The Ice House. There was once a Second City Pasadena in 1975 that closed after nine months. What's changed since then? Why start a scene when you can take two steps to the right where the action already is?

Those who have a real passion for cutting edge comedy make it to L.A. somehow. That's the lesson. That's what separates the awesome, strong ones from the ones who write pointless complaint essays on blogs. I can't make something trendy out of what is ultimately my laziness and fear. I need to count my blessings. There are probably comedy nerds living in Montana. IN MONTANA! They would love to be in my place. Now that I've wasted your time, I'm just curious to know who else is currently failing what Patton Oswalt calls "the test of the small town" right outside the big town?

By CNtributor Dan Wright (@bigbuttsowhat)

Recorded live at The Comedy Studio in Harvard Square, March 2013,

"The Lemon"

(the story about that time I accidentally threw a lemon at my girlfriend and she dumped me)

25 Random Vines Reviewed!

By CNTributor JM Cook

Vine is huge right now. So huge. Such a comedy GAME-CHANGER.

I randomly reviewed 25 of these 6-second masterpieces on Vinepeek (Note: You cannot pause the Vines, so reviews may be inaccurate) between the hours of 8:57 p.m. and 9:11 p.m. August 12, 2013.

I think Ellie Goulding had a show that night...

Try Dunkin Donuts new DARK ROAST

By CNTributor JM Cook

If you want a coffee with a little more….punch, check out Dunkin Donuts new DARK ROAST.

It’s the darkest coffee goat-demon overlord Uriznyx has ever known!

Its beans grew in arid earth where nary a drop of rain has fallen in 10,000 millenia and were harvested by hundreds of orphaned child slaves who have never known happiness.

Brewed from equal parts tears of grieving widows and boiling sulfurous water deep from the Mariana Trench, the Dunkin DARK ROAST tastes like ash and feels like a stranger’s penetrating gaze. It will melt your throat as the surface of the sun would and render your body impotent of all feeling.

The DARK ROAST is served in the skull of an animal beyond comprehension, beyond your nightmares. The sound of it being poured is the ramblings of 999 institutionalized madmen, crying nonsense from padded cells.

But no coffee experience is complete without the smell, and DARK ROAST delivers. It is the scent of an ancient mummy’s breath, his crimes against his own people unimaginable.

The cost for a cup of this deviant roast? Just your eternal soul!

Stop by your local pentagram painted on the floor of an abandoned warehouse and pick one up today!

Tweetmix: Dad Catches me Smoking

By CNTributor JM Cook

I tweet (a lot, too much) over @J_M_Cook but I wanted a chance to remix some of my tweet jokes into longer things. Since the CNU Editorial Board lets me do whatever I want (when I'm out of my cage), here it goes.

*teenage boy sitting in room, smoking a cigarette for the first time. He blows smoke out his bedroom window* *dad bursts into room*

Dad: "Son, I'm disappointed. You know what this means. You're smoking the whole pack. I'll wait."

*son does it, hacking and coughing the whole time*

Dad: Good. Now you're the dad *he jumps onto the bed* bust in and catch me.

*son leaves, lazily busts back in room*

Son: "D-d-d-ad....I mean....Son, you're in trouble."

*dad is lounging on the bed, blowing smoke rings*

Dad: "I was just kidding son, smoking is cool as hell. You're going to get super laid if you keep it up. Now come 'ere and lemme teach you how to blow these rings." *musses son's hair*

Original

Welcome to a new feature called CNReviews! Sometimes we are lucky enough to receive press streams of upcoming comedy albums and specials. We'll review them here. --CNU Editors

Like most people of a certain age, I have a lot of fond memories of Bob Saget from my childhood. If you're expecting his latest comedy special to have that sort of warm, sepia toned, sweater wearing comfort of a Full House episode or a segment of America's Funniest Home Videos, maybe look something classic on YouTube instead.

If you're not passingly familiar with what Saget has been doing onstage in recent years, it is clearly a concerted effort to get away from the Danny Tanner image that he was known for in the early 1990s. Which, on the surface, is a worthy undertaking. Who wouldn't want to tackle that image head on? The first time I was exposed to Saget's new image (or perhaps, old image that he could now return to post-Full House) was in the very good documentary The Aristocrats. His segment is one of the funnier, longer, and almost uncomfortably self aware versions of the old vaudeville joke that gets featured in the doc, and it's definitely worth watching.

This album plays like a longer version of that joke, which isn't to say that it's funny or classic, but that it plays as material from a faraway time that doesn't hold much resonance today. There are much more offensive things than talking about genitalia and poop and while I'm not sure there is such a thing as a poop joke with nuance, such a thing was not even attempted here. Clearly, the direct opposite of Danny Tanner is vulgarity, and specifically sexual vulgarity and body humor which (when done well) can be really funny and subversive! This, at least to my ears, is not that that kind of humor. The majority of the album's running time is dedicated to crowd work, sex jokes about underage girls, and toilet humor-this is not me passing judgement, the jokes are literally about diarrhea.

The best parts of the album are when Saget discusses his time on Full House. During these bits about his co-stars, Saget proves himself to be an extremely good storyteller, and the timing on those bits (while not bringing out belly laughs) provides some funny insight about what it's like behind the scenes at such a stiflingly family friendly TV show.

Bob Saget's "That's What I'm Talkin' About" hits stores (you know, like iTunes and Amazon), on July 16th.

CNU Editor Sarah was once a member of the Facebook group "I'd Take  A Bullet for Bob Saget." She tweets here.

TMZ headlines through history

By CNTributor Jason Cook

Note: co-written by the fabulous @sylvia_laugh

Some headlines throughout history from your favorite gossip-mongers, TMZ

Stop asking Jerry Lewis about female comics

By CNTributor Jason Cook

The following is the opinion of the writer and not CNU as a super cool tumblr-blog. Direct all disagreements (you shouldn't have any) to him

If you've been paying attention today, Jerry Lewis — 87-year-old comedy “legend” (see: irrelevant) — said he doesn't think female comedians are funny. Again.

With all the Adam Carollas kicking around, Lewis is a pioneer, declaring his stance very early on that women are not funny.

So this is no longer news. Lewis does not think women are funny. We normal people condemn him. The end.

But we make it news. And not just comedy news sites (like this one!) You can find it on USA Today. On ABC news. On the Washington Post’s blog. It’s everywhere.

Jerry Lewis reminding us that he does not find women funny is not a noteworthy thing. “Hey, let’s ask a nearly nine decades-old man if he still thinks women are not funny! That’ll be fun! Maybe he changed his mind (we know that he did not)!”

I am asking people who talk to Jerry Lewis, people who write* about Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis himself, to leave this issue alone until he retracts his dumb-ass caveman opinion and checks out one of literally hundreds and hundreds of very funny women.

*I realize by writing this I am somewhat of a hypocrite but really, fuck Jerry Lewis

Leave crack smoking Toronto mayor Rob Ford alone!

By CNTributor Jason Cook

I don't get the big deal with this whole "Rob Ford smoking crack" thing.

Like, we've all experimented with drugs before, right? Who hasn't made some bad decisions related to drugs?

And crack? That's HARMLESS. It grows in the ground, how bad can it possibly be?

And we've alllll surely had out bad decision caught on tape, unbeknownst to us, haven't we? And a group of journalists -- after seeing said tape -- then started a grassroots campaign to raise $200,000 to buy the tape (about half of which has been raised already) to expose our decision?

Story as old as time!

And hasn't each and every one of us been the mayor of one of the top ten biggest cities in North America and has -- somehow -- still kept our job despite ample evidence that we smoked crack cocaine?

I mean COME ON.

Leave the guy alone!

#FreeRobFord