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#dnd humour – @colinthrobinson on Tumblr
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formerly @stedestiel

@colinthrobinson / colinthrobinson.tumblr.com

Rhyan. 25. Bisexual. Autistic. He/Him or They/Them. SPN, OFMD, WWDITS & other fandom nonsense. Usually NSFW so 18+ ONLY! shitposting and hornyposting so follow at your own discretion. Garth-Coded Colin-Coded Laszlo & Metatron Girl. Older urls include @all-hail-the-prophet-chuck and @gncdestiel. AO3 & Fansong SoundCloud - MegaChoirQueer; Simblr - @MightyPistachio; Original Music Soundcloud - Bellamy Blue. Backup/Post-Limit account is @fatherauthorgod. Icon by @emeraldcas
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mhalachai

re: the secret to comedy is timing

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vicshush

[video description, mostly courtesy of @creachur-captions :

A TikTok video by user @mrkurtwise, who plays all characters. As Backstreet Boys’ “Everybody” plays, both the Players (embodied as one person) and the DM lipsync to the lyrics that are (or aren’t) playing as the actual questions are asked via the captions. The perspective switches back and forth between the DM and the Players:

Players: So we defeated all the enemies? [“Am I original?”]

DM: “Yeaaa-ah” (in time with the song)

Players: And were the only ones here? [“Am I the only one?”]

DM: “Yeaaa-ah” (in time with the song)

Players: So were out of combat right? [“Am I sexual?”]

DM: [smiles without saying anything, head bopping. No lyrics play.]

Players: [stares, brow furrowed, looks around frantically] “So were out of combat. right?” [“Am I sexual?” replays]

DM: [smiles widely while rolling dice, still not saying anything. No lyrics play.]

Players: [stares, distressed and hesitant] “We’re out of-” [“Am I se-?” The lyric starts to replay but is cut off.]

DM: [zoom on DM, bopping hard] What’s your AC? [“Everybody-!”]

Players: [wailing, clenching their character sheet, throwing their hands up in distress] [“Yeaaa-ah”]

/end description]

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backup D&D characters to terrorize my DM with if he ever kills off my current character

  • Sorcerer who doesn’t believe in magic
  • Elf but like, from Santa’s workshop
  • Gnome who was turned to stone and kept in a garden for a hundred years: recently reanimated, very confused, and thoroughly pissed off
  • Grandma with an unusually high constitution, uses knitting needles and a walking stick as weapons
  • Kronk from Emperor’s New Groove (ranger with a squirrel companion, low intelligence but high strength and charisma)
  • Shrek.
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prokopetz

Here’s a little trick I’ve used in D&D games where the premise of your campaign calls for the party to have access to lots of Stuff, but you don’t want to do a whole bunch of bookkeeping: the Wagon.

In a nutshell, the party has a horse-drawn wagon that they use to get around between – and often during – adventures. This doesn’t come out of any individual player character’s starting budget; it’s just provided as part of the campaign premise.

Before setting out from a town or other place of rest, the party has to decide how many gold pieces they want to spend on supplies. These funds aren’t spent on anything in particular, and form a running total that represents how much Stuff is in the wagon.

Any time a player character needs something in the way of supplies during a journey or adventure, one of two things can happen:

1. If it’s something that any fool would have packed for the trip and it’s something that could reasonably have been obtained at one of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., rations, spare clothing, fifty feet of rope, etc.), then the wagon contains as much of it as they reasonably need. Just deduct the Player’s Handbook list price for the item(s) in question from the wagon’s total.

2. If it’s something where having packed it would take some explaining, or if it’s something that’s unlikely to have been available for purchase at any of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., a telescope, a barrel of fine wine, a book of dwarven erotic poetry, etc.), the player in need makes a retroactive Intelligence or Wisdom check, versus a DC set by the GM, to see if they somehow anticipated the need for the item(s) in question. Proficiency may apply to this check, depending on what’s needed. The results are read as follows:

Success: You find what you’re looking for, more or less. If the group is amenable, you can narrate a brief flashback explaining the circumstances of its acquisition. Deduct its list price (or a price set by the GM, if it’s not on the list) from the wagon’s total.

Failure by 5 points or less: You find something sort of close to what you’re looking for. The GM decides exactly what; it won’t ever be useless for the purpose at hand, but depending on her current level of whimsy, it may simply be a lesser version of what you were looking for, or it may be something creatively off the mark. Deduct and optionally flash back as above.

Failure by more than 5 points: You come up empty-handed, and can’t try again for that item or anything closely resembling it until after your next stopover.

As an incidental benefit, all the junk the wagon is carrying acts as a sort of ablative armour. If the wagon or its horses would ever take damage, instead subtract a number of gold pieces from its total equal to the number of hit points of damage it would have suffered. The GM is encouraged to describe what’s been destroyed in lurid detail.

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basalt-dnd

This type of method makes it *way* easier to keep track of items, and… it’s pretty darn funny when the players succeed a roll to see if they backed something outrageously stupid. Trust me, the flash backs are hilarious. Never skip out on them.

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d&d spells as memes. i’ll start

power word kill

heroes’ feast

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fayevalentin

Mirror image

dissonant whispers

counterspell

Vicious Mockery

Charm Person

magic missile

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tomthefanboy

Summon Elemental (Earth)

Delayed Blast Fireball

Polymorph Other

Psychic Scream

Astral Projection

This is my fav post.

Zone of Truth

Intense Perception Check

Guardian of Faith

Magic Missile as a 9th level spell

Expeditious Retreat

Comprehend languages

Animal Messenger

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Play a warlock character who calls himself Vithimorex or something like that. Always mention how grateful you are to your patron, Frank, for the wondrous powers he gives you.

Slowly reveal that the powers you get from Frank are things like “sense of smell” and “verbal communication”. As it turns out, Vithimorex is an extradimensional Thing possessing the person formerly known as Frank. All the eldritch blasts and shadow conjurations are boring powers according to Vithimorex. He can’t wait for the level 14 ability to understand and appreciate music.

Also, I realized something about the name I made up, so here’s a song:

When the moon splits in two and your nightmares come true, Vithimorex...

When the world seems to bleed since the dead god was freed, Vithimorex...

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dgcakes

I see somebody hit level 14

This is the best response I’ve ever seen

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