I think you made a post saying dean would hate AA? Can you please explain?

i did make a post saying that once! i also apologize for taking so long to answer this ask, but i wanted to give it the thoughtful response it deserved

first off, i want to preface this by saying that if anyone finds value or meaning or help in AA, then i am genuinely very glad that it works for you, regardless of my personal feelings on it as an organization. i just think that there are a multitude of reasons as to why it would absolutely not work for dean (and why it doesn't work for many people in the real world).

most obvious of these reasons is that it's very much structured around the idea of believing and trusting in a higher power in order to achieve a set of goals. after.... well, the premise of the entire show, i find it extremely difficult to believe that dean would ever be able to do that. i try to picture him saying one of their phrases, like 'God, grant me the serenity,' etc, etc, without busting his gut laughing before it turns into sobbing. God has never granted him a moment of serenity in his life, so it doesn't make sense to me that dean would be willing to hand over his trust/belief like that.

then, to expand on the part about the set of goals, the goal of AA is complete sobriety with a very all or nothing way of getting there. the idea of not ever touching a drop of alcohol ever again, and then having that go down the drain to start from scratch if you 'relapse,' in combination with its reward system of chips for days sober, i think would trigger a lot of dean's emotional and control issues. if he's afraid of failure (which. this is dean we're talking about 😂), then he's going to be on edge, which means he's more likely to make a risky or bad choice out of desperation. in the show, he almost always goes back to fix whatever mistake he made, but with AA that wouldn't matter. he'd still have to start from the beginning again. and i think it would hit on his guilt complex and self esteem issues in a very bad way.

i also think he'd have trouble accepting the reward system style as something that means anything in terms of being 'good' or doing that right thing. i can see him either doing the toddler thing where he just asks why over and over again because it seems so arbitrary, or he'd get really angry because his whole life, time and time again, has just beaten the idea that goodness or doing the right thing often doesn't net you rewards (and, imo, shouldn't. you do the right thing because you should do the right thing for the people around you, not because you'll get something good out of it like entry to heaven. jupernatural ftw ajsdk). like, i think dean deserved a happy, soft ending with cas, but not because he saved the world 10 times over or was a hero. i think he deserved it because he is someone who lost so much so early, continued to suffer for much of his life, and should get to rest.

this also brings me to my last point, which is the sometimes frustrating lack of nuance when it comes to discussion of the ways alcoholism can manifest in a person, which is one umbrella term that covers a really wide range of alcohol related issues, from addiction to abuse to an unhealthy relationship to it (ie binge drinking). i think dean falls somewhere between those second two categories - he is shown to drink heavily to cope when he (and his loved ones) are in crisis, which due to the nature of TV and this show in particular, is often, but when they do get moments of peace, he's never really shown to be drinking more than a beer or two at a time. when they do have time to just be, he seems to fall pretty naturally into the average american's social drinking patterns without issue or side effects. and that behavior isn't inherently bad or negative! asking context questions, like how often does a person drink, to what extent, is this causing other issues in my life, etc, are the more helpful indicators as to the specific issue someone is dealing with, and what the best ways to help that person could look like.

this is not to say that he doesn't need to develop a healthier relationship with alcohol - he absolutely uses it to self-medicate when things are too much emotionally, which while i understand it as a coping mechanism, is not a good thing, and i think a community that could support him, that he in turn can offer that back to, when he's dealing with a regular life issue that's causing him stress is vital. i just think he needs a community sans the christianity and the all-or-nothing rewards system, and preferably one that isn't made up of total strangers.

i also think for dean, it's an exercise in learning to trust his own judgement and be in touch with what he's feeling, instead of just needing/wanting to be in control of himself and his emotions all the time. after everything with his dad and chuck i think that's really important for dean. stopping himself and asking 'where is this urge coming from?' and then redirecting if the answer is 'to mask or avoid the emotions i'm dealing with.' expressing how he's feeling in the moment without pushing it deep down or needing someone to ask him what's going on first. basically, i think learning how to identify and regulate his emotions through therapy would be so much better for dean and his relationship with alcohol than AA would be.

i actually think the total sobriety model would be actively harmful for dean in terms of his control issues and identifying and expressing his desires :// the idea of him actively denying himself something he wants when his emotional assessment is, idk, 'happy at my brother's 40th bday bbq' or even 'it's a nice summer night and i want a beer while i watch the sunset with my husband' is. very sad to me. he's spent his whole life denying himself the things that would make him happy - if he wants to have a drink at his brother's birthday or to have a nice evening with cas because he's happy and wants to celebrate/appreciate the life he has, he should be able to do that without judgement from other people or himself. it shouldn't be a mark against his goodness or strength in the eyes of a higher power, which is exactly what AA would do for a person like dean in the context of how i view his situation. because of this, i could see complete sobriety eventually turning into a form of self harm for him. and when complete sobriety isn't the only possible solution to alcoholism (because again, this is one word that encompasses a multitude of different alcohol issues), i think a different, non AA route would be a much healthier one for him

anyway, that was a big wall of text, so apologies if it's difficult to read. i tried to break it up in places that made sense! i also want to reiterate that one) if you are on your own journey to sobriety, whatever that may look like for you, and AA didn't work, there are a lot of different paths you can take to figure out what will, and i wish you the absolutely best of luck - you are doing just fine, and 2) if AA has worked for you, then i am very happy you found something that got you the help you needed and i am so proud of you

thank you for sending this ask and allowing me to expand on my thoughts, anon 💛