thank god for gravity

my plan B for everything is to die before it happens

the treat yo self scene in parks n rec is the worst thing that ever happened to my self control

me: finally realizes what that actor was also in

me: screams the role with no warning or explanation

who was i before i cared so much about my eyebrows???

I love the “We’re friends but don’t realize we we’re meant to be together” trope. The progression of the couple realizing they’re in love with each other makes my heart soar 

i’m in love with the concept that maybe, someday, someone will love me

Do you want to avoid people? Drink water. Not only will you be hydrated, you don’t have to talk to people while drinking water, then later you’ll have to pee, which means you get to avoid people even more

i hate when guests stay over too long…..like no offence but get out

my friend just texted me “it’s not acceptable that trump feels good about himself and you don’t” and i think it’s the most motivational thing i’ve ever read

Me irl: No one can EVER know this secret Me to 8k strangers online: You guys will never believe this

Birth Certificates are just receipts for human beings.

how and where can i return myself

“Do you like that show?”

“I certainly enjoy the self indulgent version of it I wrote in my head after it began to disappoint me.”

@calicy-imagination

imagine if trees gave off wifi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we’d probably save the planet too

too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe

I have this thing called ‘I consider this person my friend but I don’t know if they consider me theirs’

Where my introverts at?

home

how do people who don’t use adblock get anything done

seeing the hot russian girls who want to get to know me fills me with confidence and a drive i would not have otherwise

I literally love being at home! In my own space! Comfortable! Not surrounded by people!