It was dark, raining, and just the right amount of warmth for Taylor. He knew that when Alex found him she’d be pissed, but he didn’t care. He needed to get out of that place, it reminded him everyday how much he had to depend on her. The nightmares were one thing but now with the panic attacks too, everything was just getting to be too much. He didn’t want to need her to live, or to help him get over everything he’d been through. He wanted to shut her out, to push her away, but she was the only person he had. The only person that could bring him back from his dark places, but tonight he needed something else, something Alex couldn’t help him with. He never wanted to be weak again and right now he just want to feel alive again. He wanted to feel like he was in control of something, anything. He knew Alex wouldn’t like what he was about to do but he needed this, he need to feel something.
Taylor wasn’t in the nicest part of town and the local bar at the core of it was the one thing he needed right now. He walked up to the bar and ordered the strongest drink they had. He wasn’t much of a drinker but for what he was about to do he would need it. He threw it back as soon as it was handed to him and he immediately started to cough, regretting only slightly in his decision. He asked the bartender for another and continued the process for at least two more rounds. He was definitely drunk now. Black out drunk though, no. He questioned himself if he would have another, but he knew he didn’t need it.
He turned in the bar stool to face all the huge biker men you’d expect to be in a shady bar across the tracks and looked for the biggest one he could find. As he scanned the room he noted about seven men, the bar wasn’t that full for a Tuesday night. He clutched the empty glass in his hands and took in a deep breath as he stood, swaying ever so slightly, and chunked it, knocking one of the dudes right in the head. The smallest of the bikers immediately dropped to the ground as all the others gathered around him. Taylor smiled, knowing what he just started, as the men straightened and turned to stare him down. He grounded himself ready for a fight as they approached. His vision was blurring slightly from the alcohol as he tried to dodge one biker’s fist from connecting to the side of his head. It obviously wasn’t smart to have drank as much as he did when the fist knocked him sideways. He hit the ground hard, putting him in a daze as he laughed.
“Something funny, tough guy?”
Taylor didn’t say anything as he continued to laugh as he watched them glance at each other in confusion. The men figured he was crazy as the biggest man grabbed the front of his shirt lifting him high off the ground.
“Well, I’ll give you something to laugh about!”
Taylor was hauled through the front doors of the bar and thrown out into the street. He rolled a few times before getting on his hands knees to get up before a foot connected with his rib cage, tumbled him over into a puddle. He coughed sucking in the rain as he struggled to get air in. The men surrounded him each taking a turn between punching and kicking him everywhere they could put in a decent blow. Taylor didn’t cry out, didn’t yell, didn’t scream or cry, he just huddled tighter and tried to protect his face as well as his manhood from taking significant damage. They wailed on him for several minutes and when they started to let up Taylor slightly uncoiled himself.
“Not so tough now are you?”
Taylor didn’t reply as he trembled both from pain and from being wet and cold. The man that liked to talk grabbed him by the shirt again lifting him up. Taylor was dizzy and half blind as blood trickled down his face that hung limply, but he listened. “I don’t ever want to see your face here again.” Taylor smirked at that as he watched the man raised his fist and nail him right in the left eye before dropping him back down in the puddle he’d grown to like.
He thought to himself and smiled rolling flat on his back. He successfully completed his mission, he had discovered what it felt like to feel alive again, to feel anything again. He felt his breath come out if very short rapid painful breaths, his left eye swell shut, his head throb to the beat of his rapid pulse. He was happy, well maybe not happy. What’s the word? Satisfaction. He felt satisfaction.
He laid there for several moments before he heard a familiar voice, Alex’s voice.
“Taylor, Taylor is that you?”
He placed a trembling hand over his ribs and slowly sat up. She ran to him and knelt down placing both hands on each side of his face as he stared down in shame.
“What the hell Taylor, you scared the crap out of me! I’ve been searching everywhere for you and I find you here looking like this! I can’t believe–.”
He stopped her from talking when he placed a hand on hers and looked into her worried eyes. His voice was low and raspy as he whispered, “I know, and I’m sorry. I-I just…forgive me?”
“Please,” his voice came out in a wheeze, “I won’t do it again.”
“Alright, fine…yes. Come on, lets go home. I can patch you up there.”
