The wavering edges of his vision beckon so invitingly. Shadows look darker, softer, than they did even a day ago.
It’s been longer than that, of course. He wouldn’t be this weary if it was only a day. Would he? He doesn’t remember how long it’s been. He’ll probably be asked. He’ll be asked, and the soft hand on his cheek that accompanies the question will slip down to rest against his throat when Talvos answers incorrectly, or fails to answer at all. And he’ll fall, into the shadows and the grey, and not even fear will sharpen the edges of the world back into clarity.
The line of the floor drifts. Sitting back up is like dragging the tides himself, forcing the ocean’s might to forsake its stubborn path barehanded. Talvos’ head tips back, seeking the salvation and judgment in the dark eyes that fasten on his movement.
Mentiro smiles, kindness crinkling at the edges of his mouth. “You’re looking a little run down, darling,” he observes.
Talvos blinks slowly, trying to decipher the question. There’s a right answer, there always is.
“I’m ready to serve,” he says, after a too-long, dragging interval.
“Are you?” Mentiro sits back from his desk, watching Talvos with speculative, predatory interest. “Get up, darling. Come here.”
Mentiro does not ask for more than Talvos can give, so of course Talvos must be able to do this much. Get up. And come to him.
His body is miserable. His joints burn from the kneeling position he has not moved from in - not too long, the right amount of time, however long it has been. Other, older aches remind him of failures that slip, treacherously distant, under the surface of his memory. If he was better, stronger, he would not waver as he shifts, would not have to take such careful, painstaking thought to each movement it takes to get him to his feet. If he were better, stronger, he could move more quickly, be where he was directed faster.
He makes it, because he must, and he does not fall at Mentiro’s feet, because he has not been allowed. The room tilts.
“You look exhausted,” Mentiro tetches. “Darling, do you need to rest?”
Fear spikes in Talvos’ chest, squeezing immediate, iron bands around his lungs. “No, I’m ready, I can-” he doesn’t know what was asked of him. He’s so tired. Mentiro’s words are already drowning in the static that has taken over his mind.
His head snaps up. He was almost gone, for a moment, almost lost to the sleep he is not allowed to take for himself. Did he miss anything? A command, a question? Mentiro is watching him, but Talvos can’t tell whether it is in expectation of an answer, an action, or just to take him in. The backs of his eyes burn.
Slowly, Mentiro stands. His thumb tips Talvos’ jaw up, and Talvos tells himself that it’s relief making his fingers tremble and his knees sway.
“Do you want to sleep?”
It’s soft, permissively gentle. Mentiro’s hand cradles the side of his neck. Talvos drowns in the void of his gaze.
He knows the answer to this.
“I want to serve.”
Long fingers tighten, brushing the nape of his hair. “You didn’t answer the question, darling. Do you want to sleep?”
His eyes burn. He knows he’s not supposed to want. It doesn’t make sense. He should be able to figure this out, find the right answer, but his mind is spinning, falling, fading to the buzz of exhaustion and pain.
“I want…” what does he say? What is correct, in this moment?
The hand is joined by another, cradling his heavy head in lean, firm hands. Talvos lets them tip his face upwards a little more. It feels like support. It feels like help.
“What do you want?” Mentiro presses, softly, gently. “Darling, what do you want?”
He wants to serve. But he can’t say that. He wants to do better. If he was better rested, he could do better, be better. Maybe that’s the lesson here; maybe he needs to know that he can ask for what he needs, if it will make him a better asset.
“I need– to sleep, it– I can serve better, after,” once he tips over the edge he cannot stop the fall. “I want to sleep, please.”
One thumb swipes the tear out of the tipped-back corner of his eye. “Oh, darling.” The other slides over his jaw and presses, heavy and stern, against the top of his throat. “You don’t get to want.”