When the stars align.

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

job applications asking questions like "would you rather play jenga with the weight of all human souls, or chess with the fate of all men?" and then getting mad because the correct answer was "i would ask the customer if they'd like to purchase any additional items"

I feel like this tweet matches up well with this one

immediately showering and furiously washing the blood off my hands after stabbing someone, not because i feel any guilt or remorse for what i did but because i have sensory issues

the lovely woman who owned kabosu, the shiba known as doge, should get to take a point blank shot at elon musk with the doohickey that killed shinzo abe

Holy shit! Well this is an interesting turn of events…

Ever seen a Golden Tiger sneeze?

(Source)

Would being called big dog fix me? Who knows?

Mixed reviews

"What's up, big dog; I'm ratsmacker" is going to live rent free in my head for a little while

Boys who up smacking they rat?

I’m not letting you leave this in the tags

The burger is holding together at 37 miles an hour. I’d like to see a European sandwich make the same boast.

The onion buying Infowars is the best possible scenario. They actually understand how to report on alex, and they'll know what to do with his assets.

And remember: Alex does not get a dime from the sale. Everything goes to paying the Sandy Hook victim families.

Holy fucking shit of all the possibilities I did not see that one coming.

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