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And Never Was It Perfect

@chroniclackofselfpreservation / chroniclackofselfpreservation.tumblr.com

Call me Nico! (she/her) Asks/writing prompts and commissions are open! AO3 - chroniclackofselfpreservation
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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 38 - something keeps trying but i'm not killed yet

(TW: graphic depictions of violence, blood/gore, panic, minor character death, malnutrition, self-sacrifice mentality)

(The title of the chapter comes from “Psalm 150” by Jericho Brown)

A/N: IMPORTANT INFO! PLEASE READ!

Hey, guys. Sorry for such a long wait for this chapter. Crazy how it took getting COVID for me to finally get my crap together and write this. I’m still not completely satisfied with how it turned out, but I didn’t want to keep you guys waiting.

I’ll be posting a new work to my COTN extras series right after this chapter drops with a bunch of new worldbuilidng stuff (for all you nerds out there, like me). Included is a map of the Witchlands. Due to changes in the city’s layout, I’ve gone back and changed the descriptions of the city in past chapters (specifically, section 3 of “heirlooms from sea funerals”, and section 3 of “make it make sense to make it better”) but nothing plot-altering. So you aren’t confused with this new chapter, basically: there are trains on bridges throughout the city now.

(also also: I won't be making these changes on the past tumblr posts, so if you want to read the updated versions, follow the AO3 link)

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 37 - make it make sense to make it better

(TW: mention of past suicide attempts/ideation, graphic depictions of violence, background minor character death, recreational smoking/drug usage, mention of past abuse)

(The title of the chapter comes from “Telescope” by Cavetown)

Logan was getting used to the heat. He still sweat profusely, but so did everyone. He’d quickly learned to keep close to the water barrels at camp, or at least take a canteen with him—a contraption made of two carved bowls with a hole at the top, glued together with some kind of sap and strung through with fibrous twine for a handle. Otherwise, he often grew nauseous from overheating.

Slowly but surely, he was acclimating.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 36 - like the theorem of a trap

(TW: unintentional misgendering (corrected once made known), (I think that's it, but let me know if you want anything else listed))

(The title of the chapter comes from “Caryatids" by Ted Hughes)

The back of the jail cart jostled as it thundered down the cobbled streets, the only light streaming in from the high barred window on the padlocked door. The coachman’s cries to clear the street pealed through the afternoon air. Horses didn’t pull the carriage. It moved, seemingly, of its own volition—or that of the coachman’s. Probably magic. Logan would have interrogated anyone within earshot until he found out the how and why of it all.

Roman smiled at the thought.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 35 - hundreds of hot air balloons filling the sky in my chest

(TW: dissociation, mild panic attacks, crying, scars, implied branding, non-sexual nudity (bathing), mentions of surgery, past character death, mentions of public shootings and suicide)

(The title of the chapter comes from "burial" by Ross Gay, and the poem Logan recites is "When you, that at this moment are to me" by Edna St. Vincent Millay.)

Daveigh only ended up lecturing Patton for a few minutes once he’d sufficiently recovered from the ordeal last night. He wasn’t exactly in the best condition to pay attention. It had taken an hour or two after waking up for him to even form coherent thoughts, let alone speak again. It was as if his brain had done a hard shut off and subsequently had to reconnect itself back together.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 34 - the way out the in-door

(TW: graphic depictions of violence/blood/gore, dismembering, mild panic/flashbacks, past homophobia, past verbal and physical abuse)

(The title of the chapter comes from "Checking Out" by Michael Sowder.)

Roman woke softly, blinking against the morning sunlight trickling through the trees. It looked as if the sun had just risen. He was uncharacteristically warm considering he’d slept on a forest floor, but coming more into his senses, he found himself curled around Virgil’s slight frame, the pale boy’s face buried in Roman’s chest, one of his hands loosely gripping his shirtfront—a strange, black mark running down his finger and looping around his wrist. Roman had an arm draped across Virgil’s waist, the other acting as a pillow beneath the familiar’s head.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 33 - could you find a daydream in the dead of night?

(TW: scary/nightmarish imagery, memories of an abuser, dissociation,)

(The title of the chapter comes from "Unbroken" by Birdy.)

It was late afternoon by the time Daveigh had forced Patton to call it quits for the day. He’d been going at it nonstop for hours, and while he wasn’t physically tired, his mind felt raw and tender, like thinking too hard might give him an aneurism. Projecting-wise, the memories weren’t getting any easier to handle no matter how hard he tried to distract himself, and he couldn’t get farther than a couple dozen yards from his body without his mind yanking him back out of fear.

“It’s only your first day of training,” she said as they hiked back to camp. “You’ll get it.”

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 32 - heirlooms from sea funerals

(TW: negative self talk, panic attacks, depictions of blood)

(The title of the chapter comes from "Snowmen" by Agha Shahid Ali)

The Witchlands were grander than Roman could have ever imagined. Pixies zipped through the air in swarms or lazed about on wildflower petals. The faces he saw in trees winked back at him. Saplings sprang out of the ground when he stepped too close and raced off, their roots wheeling beneath them like so many tiny legs, propelling them to the safety of more mature trees. The larger trees twisted and shivered, touching branches with their neighbors as if communicating in some silent language.

Virgil had calmed down a touch after Ursula had left, though he’d refused to tell Roman how he’d managed to get the witch off their trail. He walked next to Roman, looking around with slow-emerging relief, his shoulders gradually relaxing.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 31 - running in every direction devoted

(TW: arguing/yelling, mild violence, blood)

(The title of the chapter comes from "The Pardoning Hour" by Khaty Xiong)

Logan woke softly, his eyes fluttering open. He was curled in on himself, facing the wall. He stretched, an enormous yawn taking him over for several seconds. Coming out of it, he shook his head, blinking away the sleep. The dull, full-body ache that had appeared after his first night sleeping on a floor of branches tied together with vines and insulated with clay still hadn’t disappeared. Logan wondered if it would ever lessen, or if he’d simply get used to it. Looking to his right, he found himself alone in the hut, Daveigh’s woven sleeping mat empty on the opposite side.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 30 - the afterburn of childhood wounds

(TW: mild panic, memories of past abuse, pain, verbal abuse)

(The title of the chapter comes from "Often I Pray" by Michael Sowder.)

Daveigh didn’t waste any time the next morning, practically shaking Patton awake at the first signs of light on the horizon—much to Patton’s displeasure.

“What is it?” he asked, sitting up, immediately awake and concerned.

“I know it’s early, but I couldn’t wait,” Daveigh said, unable to hide her unabashed grin as she rummaged around in the dark. Patton heard the rustle of stiff fabric as Daveigh retied her skirt around her waist, and out of pure instinct, Patton fixed his gaze on the doorway. It seemed everyone on the island had little sense of a need for privacy. Daveigh and Mikhail wore simple skirts made of a durable, off-white fabric—Daveigh wearing a wrapping of similar material around her chest, but nothing more. It wasn’t that Patton thought they were being unseemly, it was just… a bit of an adjustment for him when Daveigh had announced it was time for bed, discarded her skirt, and walked casually across the hut to her woven mat, plopping down and promptly falling asleep.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 29 - to love and fear and both at once

(TW: mild panic, internalized homophobia)

(The title of the chapter comes from The Spanish Tragedy by Thomas Kyd (III.x.93))

“So, where are the Witchlands?” Roman asked as the four of them walked down the street. Dorian and Remus walked in front, Roman and Virgil following behind. Remus, by request, stayed invisible to the non-magical people around them, but those they passed stared at Dorian. Sure, it meant people didn’t instead question why Roman was walking around with worn leather armor and a sword strapped at his hip, but Virgil couldn’t shake the fear of attention curdling in his gut.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 28 - even in paradise you have to pay attention

(TW: (indirect) self-harm, negative self-talk, graphic depictions of violence/gore)

(The title of the chapter comes from "Hiking at Oselong, Tibetan Buddhist of Andalucia" by Michael Sowder)

Roman didn’t sleep. He stood at the kitchen window, staring into the darkness, glancing at the flickering oven clock every few minutes, and imagining the tree-line he couldn’t see from here until the first hints of morning light crept over the surrounding rooftops.

Roman resurfaced from the thoughts he’d lost himself in for several hours, stumbling back a step. His knee joint popped, and an ache radiated up his feet and legs. Moving his mouth, he found his tongue sandpapery and stale. His jaw was stiff, like he’d been clenching his teeth all night. Roman rubbed his face, groaning and lowering onto a stool.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 27 - imaginary gardens with real toads in them

(The title of the chapter comes from "Poetry" by Marianne Moore.)

Patton sat across the fire from Mikhail, the surrounding jungle alive with the buzzing of insects in the humid night air.

Jorryn snored from high up in a tree, mouth hanging slightly ajar and arm dangling limply. Daveigh sat close enough to the fire to study her scrolls, but not close enough to risk burning them. She muttered to herself softly, occasionally switching scrolls and comparing the two. She’d been on a quest to find mention of Patton in any one of them, but had yet to be successful.

“Logan has not returned,” Mikhail said, uttering his first words of the night.

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 26 - he'll fashion a cage of flame

(TW: graphic imagery, threats)

(The title of the chapter comes from Shanan Ballam's "Wolf Tracks Red Riding Hood".)

The “little prince,” as Bloodwyrm called him, closed Virgil’s door with a click, looking for a moment as if he would murder the floorboards. Remus hadn’t really spoken to the boy-witch yet, but he had a prickly aura. Like sniffing black pepper.

“Downstairs,” he growled, his eyes dark. “Now.”

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Creatures of the Night

Chapter 25 - as the sun pulls the apple blossom inside out

(The title of the chapter comes from “My Beloved's Eyes” by Michael Sowder)

Logan followed the well-worn dirt trail through the trees, lost in thought.

What was Patton doing? Would he be okay? Of course, he trusted Patton and knew he could take care of himself; it was the other variables that had him worried. Jorryn obviously didn’t like them. Mikhail was too quiet. Daveigh seemed apologetic, but careless—tended toward over-excitement, perhaps even clumsiness given the right—

And now Logan was profiling them all. Great. That couldn’t be healthy, but thankfully, Patton wasn’t around to tell him so.

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