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Only the Strongest will Survive [The Distant Future]

Infinite Gauntlet Report (4.28.2016) ft. words from participants Kobald and Icarus.

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Princess Kimberlee, Hallowicked, The Estonian Thunderfrog, “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, Kobald, Juan Francisco de Coronado, Dasher Hatfield, Worker Ant, Jakob Hammermeier, Brian Myers, Heidi Lovelace, Fire Ant, Prakash Sabar, Missile Assault Man, Rock Lobster, Jervis Cottonbelly, “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti, Wani, Blind Rage, Touch Phillips, Icarus, Hermit Crab, Arctic Rescue Ant, Shane Storm, Cheech Hernandez, Sidney Bakabella’s Mystery Entrant, and 7 more.

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

3. Officer Warren Barksdale (0 Points) vs. Argus (1 Point)

4. Team Sea Stars (Ashley Vox & Delmi Exo) (0 Points) vs. The Gentleman’s Club (Orange Cassidy & The Swamp Monster) (0 Points)

Steve "The Turtle" Weiner Blog, 4.25.2016

Hello CHIKARA!

It has been far too long my friends. I know time is of importance, so I’ll just get straight to the point, and for once keep it simple. To the Director of Fun Mr. Mike Quackenbush, my math may be off on this, but last I checked it has been about 6 years since my last match inside a CHIKARA ring. Since then, a lot of important events have gone on. First of all, you have crowned 3 new Grand Champions, second of all you finally completed the New England cycle and visited my home state of Rhode Island, third of all you held a year long "Challenge of the Immortals." I missed out being a part of all of them. So when I heard through the grapevines that there was going to be an Infinite Gauntlet held in May, I knew that this is FINALLY my chance to come home.

You see from my point of view, winning this Gauntlet, winning a Golden Opportunity, is just the start. A victory of this scale, means that I am just one match away from the most important prize of them all, The Grand Championship. I can think of no higher honor than to say I was just once the Grand Champion of CHIKARA. So Mr. Quackenbush I am formally asking you to grant me a spot in this Infinite Gauntlet. Plus, if you can let the Prince of Queens enter this match, then surely there must be room for the Mayor of New England and President of the Turtle Club. ME! IT’S TIME TO SHELL UP!!!

-SW

The bigger they are... [The Distant Future]

Infinite Gauntlet Report (4.21.2016) ft. words from participants Prakash Sabar, Rock Lobster, and “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti.  

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Princess Kimberlee, Hallowicked, The Estonian Thunderfrog, “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, Kobald, Juan Francisco de Coronado, Dasher Hatfield, Worker Ant, Jakob Hammermeier, Brian Myers, Heidi Lovelace, Fire Ant, Prakash Sabar, Missile Assault Man, Rock Lobster, Jervis Cottonbelly, “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti, Sidney Bakabella’s Mystery Entrant, and 15 more.

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

3. Officer Warren Barksdale (0 Points) vs. Argus (1 Point)

4. Team Sea Stars (Ashley Vox & Delmi Exo) (0 Points) vs. The Gentleman’s Club (Orange Cassidy & The Swamp Monster) (0 Points)

After an unsuccessful run in the Tag World Grand Prix, Team Sea Stars return to CHIKARA on May 7th to re-start their quest for points! Their opponents are two men not seen since “Top Banana”, and who have not competed in a tag team match together since “Live at First Energy Stadium ‘15″ - Gentleman’s Club members Orange Cassidy and the Swamp Monster! Will the former Chuck Taylor be in their corner? 

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Princess Kimberlee, Hallowicked, The Estonian Thunderfrog, “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, Kobald, Juan Francisco de Coronado, Dasher Hatfield, Worker Ant, Jakob Hammermeier, Brian Myers, Heidi Lovelace and 22 more.

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

3. Officer Warren Barksdale (0 Points) vs. Argus (1 Point)

4. Team Sea Stars (Ashley Vox & Delmi Exo) (0 Points) vs. The Gentleman’s Club (Orange Cassidy & The Swamp Monster) (0 Points)

Infinite Gauntlet Report (4.14.2016) ft. words from participants Dasher Hatfield, Worker Ant, and...Sidney Bakabella?

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Princess Kimberlee, Hallowicked, The Estonian Thunderfrog, “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, Kobald, Juan Francisco de Coronado, Dasher Hatfield, Worker Ant, Jakob Hammermeier, Brian Myers and 23 more.

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

3. Officer Warren Barksdale (0 Points) vs. Argus (1 Point)

Two Young Lions will battle at “The Distant Future” when Officer Warren Barksdale challenges Argus in a first time contest!

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet ft. Princess Kimberlee, Hallowicked, The Estonian Thunderfrog, “Juke Joint” Lucas Calhoun, Kobald, Juan Francisco de Coronado, and 27 more.

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

3. Officer Warren Barksdale (0 Points) vs. Argus (1 Point)

The  Infinite Gauntlet Report (4.7.2016), explaining the rules of the match and introducing the first four participants! 

Two matches have been added to “The Distant Future” on May 7th in Philadelphia! The first is the Infinite Gauntlet, which rules and participants TBD. 

The second is a rematch from “Phone Home”, where the Osirian Portal scored a victory over Tabarnak de Team in the first round of the Tag World Grand Prix 2016, but not without consequence. Originally the match went to a double count out, but after a restart, the Portal scored a win. After the match, TBT beat them down much to the dismay of the audience, and that beat down would cost the Portal any chance of advancing in the tournament later that evening. Amasis published a blog issuing a rematch from May 7th and it has been answered! Which team will come out on top this time around?

“The Distant Future” - Saturday, May 7th (7:00 PM) - Philadelphia, PA

1. The Infinite Gauntlet

2. The Osirian Portal (Amasis & Ophidian) (0 Points) vs. Tabarnak de Team (Mathieu St. Jacques & Thomas Dubois) (0 Points)

Amasis blog, 4.5.2016

Tag World Grand Prix...one of CHIKARA's finest spectacles...and also a personal favorite of Yours Truly. On April 2nd, the world witnessed the reunion of one of THE BEST tag teams in the game today: The Osirian Portal. And in front of us, we had possibly the biggest challenge in the entire tournament, the last-minute additions TDT, from Quebec. No time to prepare. No time to scout. It was do or die.

They took us to our limit and we took them to theirs, It took so much out us that neither team could answer the 20 count and the match ended before any of us were ready. We couldn't let it go down like that. Not at the Tag World Grand Prix. Not with so much at stake. Whoever left the Wrestle Factory that night in victory was walking out with enough points for an immediate title shot.

In the spirit of competition we had the match restarted and the well-oiled machine that is the Osirian Portal manned up, and rallied to finally get the best of TDT and advance to the semi-final round. But then these French-Canadian lumberjacks showed everyone in attendance the meaning of "sore loser." No sooner are Ophidian and I declared the winners, TDT attack us, leave us battered and bruised, and in far worse shape than we should have been considering what awaited us just hours later: The Devastation Corporation.

The opportunity we wanted was taken from us because TDT couldn't handle defeat. They couldn't accept that on that day, in the middle of the ring, The Osirian Portal was the better tag team. Maybe they still can't accept it. Well The Osirian Portal wants revenge, and maybe you need to face facts, TDT. Lace up those boots, get out you best flannel shirts and knuckle up, boys. Because May 7th is the date, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is the location, and it will be TDT vs. The Osirian Portal: Part Deux!! Ya dig?!?!?!?

-A