“Aniversario: A New Attitude” will see Hallowicked make his first defense of the Grand Championship. Standing in his way is the universally beloved “Smooth Sailin’” Ashley Remington, who coincidentally enough will mark his one year anniversary with CHIKARA, as he debuted at “You Only Live Twice” 364 days prior to that date, defeating Chuck Taylor. Will Remington celebrate his anniversary with gold, or will Hallowicked give him the proverbial loser’s fruit basket?
Podcast-A-Go-Go #413 ft. Ashley Remington vs. Chuck Taylor in its entirety from “The Living Daylights” (7.19.2014)
Ashley Remington battles Missile Assault Ant at “Spring Breakout” on May 2nd in Haverhill, MA! With points in play, Remington has a chance to earn a 3rd point and a Grand Championship match if he is in fact victorious. Missile Assault Ant still has a point from his win over Princess Kimberlee the last time CHIKARA was in Harverhill, MA in November. Who leaves with multiple points, and who leaves with zero?
Podcast-A-Go-Go #403, ft. Juan Francisco de Coronado vs. Ashley Remington in its entirety from "Thunderball."
The first match for "National Pro Wrestling Day 2015" has been signed! In a first time ever contest, "Smooth Sailin'" Ashley Remington meets the University City Stretcher, Drew Gulak!
My name is Juan Francisco De Coronado, and there has been a recent string of events that have led me to write this piece and truly express what’s on my mind.
There comes a time in a man’s life when he must prove his worth, his potential, and put forth an effort to become all he can be. For most United Staters, this level of potential is never reached. The United Stations is at a disadvantage growing up because they solely rely on their technology to aid in their growth. In Ecuador, boys are raised into men. Through brutal and rigorous training that consists of battling lions, scaling mountains and even braving the piranha-infested Ecuador River with a wooden spoon for a paddle.
In my early years of living in Ecuador this tradition was no different. Papa Coronado knew his seed would go on to be the greatest warrior Ecuador has ever produced. So after my training was complete, my father taught me the maneuver I would go on to master for years to come…The German Suplex! Just like my great great great great great great great great grandfather, I would utilize this maneuver to claim my first victory when I sold out the Ecuadome. Since coming to the United Stations and CHIKARA, the results have been the same. Many have fallen to the German Suplex including: Jervis Cottonbelly, Billy Roc and even TNA superstar Rockstar Spud!
At King of Trios 2014, I was forced to attack Ashley Remington due to his total lack of respect toward the Coronado Family Legacy, as he “attempted” to perform a version of the German Suplex. Many of you United Staters have no sense of pride so I don’t expect you to understand my actions, justified as they are. Ashley Remington proved this when he later challenged me to a one on one contest. It truly had all the elements to be a recreation of the sellout I had back home in the Ecuadome. Except this time I was defeated, and by a variation of the German Suplex no less. Bad officiating aside, Ashley Remington was the better man that night. He in fact is quite the talented competitor. Unfortunately for Mr. Remington, I am a superior competitor and this showed to be true in our rematch.
As I pinned Ashley’s shoulders down to the mat, I could see the distress in his face. He knew that he’d been beat, by the Best German Suplex in the game! But he didn’t know why, and that’s what I am here to tell you. Juan Francisco De Coronado is better than Ashley Remington in any and every aspect. Ashley sails around the United Stations in a yacht, blasting 70’s soft rock. But Juan owns a fleet of Yachts back home in Ecuador. And hates soft rock!
Ashley hands out fruit baskets as a sign of friendship. But Juan is the Possessor of the Potassium. Ashley is attempting to perform the German Suplex. But Juan has mastered the German Suplex. Ashley Remington, anything you can do, Juan can do better!
So Ashley, that brings me to this Saturday, December the 6th. You and I will stand across the ring from each other to do battle one last time and finally settle this affair. We are in for quite the suplex waging war, Mr. Remington. I am the Juan-Man Army, The Juan and only, Juan of a Kind, a man of not only great successes but great Value. So as the bell rings, just remember, you cannot win…because I will not lose.
-JFDC
Video: The Battle of the German Suplexes
It was the Summer of ‘98 and I’d spent the better part of it with my cousins in Rhode Island, catching blue crab and telling stories of our boyhood heroes. We lived there for the few years my father worked at Howell Industries, a company that developed navigational systems for touring ships. I was only a child, and fascinated by Popeye the Sailor Man. I’d take a swig of Mountain Dew, pretending it to be spinach and toss crab traps twice my weight onto the dock. Even then I was absurdly hearty for my size.
When I wasn’t playing volleyball with my cousin, Wilson, we’d watch old wrestling tapes from his father’s collection. He’d told me one of our uncles, Lester Crabtree, was a well traveled professional wrestler. But “Darkness” Crabtree was never in the squared circle against Bret Hart. Or Shawn Michaels. Or Macho Man. Or even the first wrestler who really captured my imagination, Captain Mike Rotunda. Wilson talked Uncle Lester up against some of the greats of a generation before television — wrestlers I’ve only otherwise heard Sidney Bakabella mention. Then Wilson showed me the film reels Uncle Lester would send home from his wrestling exploits in Europe, Japan and Australia. He was magnificent.
Lester Crabtree had the best German Suplex in all of Germany. It was a move I wanted to emulate as a collegiate wrestler. I wanted mine to have the same power and grace. It was a move opponents expected, feared and yet couldn’t avoid. Crowds came out to watch me toss the largest sandbags in their schools over my head like kegs at a fraternity house. Then one year, Uncle Lester came out to see me compete.
No one recognized the grizzled octogenarian. I’d barely recognized him from family photos. My mother had told him about my success in wrestling and Uncle Lester wanted to come see for himself if the wrestling gene passed on to another generation. He told me he was proud of me carrying on a family tradition. His tradition, with his signature move. Uncle Lester didn’t have much time to stay. He and his partner, Mr. Snodgrass were, defending their tag team titles in Czechoslovakia. Uncle Lester made me promise I would continue wrestling and keep our family legacy alive. I agreed.
Then on a Senior Class cruise aboard the Pacific Princess I became enamored with a graduating marine biologist. She was a lovely siren reminiscent of a young Daryl Hannah mixed with some Bryce Dallas Howard, with an insatiable passion for the soft-rock stylings of Christopher Cross and Kenny Loggins. That, my stalwart seamen, is a tale for another time. Suffice to say, I was set adrift on memory bliss. Honeydripping in a sea of love. I’d lost my way. Forgotten my promise.
This year, CHIKARA has shown me how the honored legacy of my Uncle Lester can live on, through me. CHIKARA has welcomed me as one of their own, and I’m profoundly humbled. A year after my uncle’s passing, I can proudly carry on his memory at CHIKARA’s biggest event of the year. What a fateful coincidence that it’s a contest contesting the very move my uncle mastered and later bequeathed to me. This is my chance to truly do him proud. I won’t let him down.
In a few short days I will test decades of dedication to the perfection of a single wrestling maneuver. My future career will be defined by this moment. Sink or swim, we’re in for one titanic collision. The waters may be rough, the tide is high, but I’m holding on. And with the CHIKARMY as my mates on this voyage, I predict…smooth sailing.
-AR
Podcast-A-Go-Go #392 ft. Juan Francisco de Coronado vs. Rockstar Spud and Ashley Remington vs. Yamamoto from "King of Trios 2014, Night 2."
In a rematch from "Thunderball", 'Smooth Sailin'' Ashley Remington battles Juan Francisco de Coronado when CHIKARA comes to Haverhill, MA "For Your Eyes Only" on November 15th.
Smooth Sailing
Rough Waters Part 3 with Dalton Castle.
Rough Waters - Part 2 with Dalton Castle
Rough Waters - Part 1 with Dalton Castle
Information has been released for “Wrestling is Awesome’s” thirdevent on July 7th in Rochester, NH.
Already announced:
- Hallowicked vs. Francis (Frank) O'Rourke
- Dalton Castle vs. Juan Francisco de Coronado
Also scheduled to appear:
- Jaka
- The Estonian Thunderfrog
- Shane Matthews
- Big Gene
- Drew Gulak
- Anthony Stone
- Green Ant
Sisterhood of the Traveling Tights Episode 19 - Dalton Castle has a chat with Chuck Taylor.
Sisterhood of the Traveling Tights Ep. 8 with @thedaltoncastle and @brodielee93
