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Mash isms part 14

Hamlet adaptation where Hamlet is a vlogger and all his soliloquies are breakdowns he uploads to YouTube

… I am unironically here for this

this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

This is - legitimately - my favourite delivery of Shakespeare I have EVER seen (and I have seen some good-ass productions yo, in the Globe Theatre itself even). Like seriously, even though the words are unchanged, he’s stripped away ALL of the archaic pretense and assumed grandeur of ~presenting the bard~ that makes even the most wildly talented of actors and innovative of productions inherently inaccessible to a modern audience. Like, they’re still great, they can still communicate the message and (some) of the nuance, but they’re still always a step removed from being identifiable to any viewer’s lived experience. They’re still always reciting 15th century poetry. But this guy? This guy is like, screw iambic pentameter, to hell with being precious about the material, HOW WOULD AN ACTUAL PERSON SAY THIS SHIT?

Like this. And it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful to hear a soliloquy I loved so much already, and have it come to life in a way it never, ever, did before. I feel like I grasp his motivations, his twists and turns, no longer on an academic level but on a visceral, instinctive one. Because he’s presenting his mental and emotional journey in a way that speaks honestly, like a real person.

So yeah, this shit post? I love it. Deeply and sincerely.

I just accidentally made un-tea?????

I made green tea, but I forgot there was an old bag of chai in the kettle, so I mixed chai water with decaf green tea, then I mixed in like a half table spoon or something of that honey from the dollar store that they aren't legally allowed to call honey because there's too much corn syrup in it and some almond milk and a single drop of coffee creamer because we ran out and???? It tastes like??? Nothing????

It has LESS flavor than my tap water! HOW do you EVEN-

I think I made a flavor that's only perceptible to shrimp, that's the only explanation

It tried to make it again and I somehow made milk???? I used almond milk but it tastes like whole milk???? Like straight from the fucking tit what the fuck, HOW DID I MAKE LACTOSE FREE MILK WTF WTF HOWWW

Pretty sure OP are on their way to become a modern alchemist

Halp

New tumblr recipe dropped gang inform strange aeons

Oh dear

don't worry arrow I believe in you, you can make your tea. wait what's this cup- aaaææÆGHHH

Please stop trying to curse me

I made more untea, god help me

The burning question about "homesteading tradwive influencer vs. actual medieval farmwife" wouldn't be about who would win, but what would be the final straw that would make Kathrynn - who got married at 21, doesn't know what a chemical is, and who would have sent her children to school if she had had the chance - finally decide to beat the ever-loving shit out of Kathrynn, who got married at 21, doesn't understand what a chemical is and can't spell for shit, but still thinks she can homeschool her kids.

It wouldn't be over feminist issues. Medieval Kathrynn has no concept of "women's right to vote" - it's not like her husband has the right to vote in government matters either. It would probably be about religion. Medieval Kathrynn has no idea what "catholism" is, but she heard Modern Kathrynn talk shit about the saints and decides to toss aside the goat she was castrating and go "that's it, I'm beating your ass."

I'm pretty sure it would be vaccination, actually. Medieval Kathrynn would find out that there's an easy, safe way to keep the babies from dying of measles/mumps/smallpox and that Modern Kathrynn is CHOOSING TO NOT DO IT and would use the grave marker of her third child who passed from the pox as a bludgeon.

@hellsite-hall-of-fame @worldheritagepostorganization

is this the ORIGINAL?!???

oh holy shit i didn’t even know where this meme came from

OH MY ACTUAL GOD THE ORIGINAL

ORIGINALS ON THE ROLL

This is sacred ground.

apparently the same guy also made this meme too

He did!!! No one ever realises it’s the same guy.

@bluehairedemon you can't hide this in the tags

LOUDER

I think the mentality of "why bother doing something if you're not good at it?" feeds directly into "if you're good at it why aren't you monetizing it?". At its core I really think its about commodifying every last shred of labor and experience.

THIS

Adding that this is literally a huge reason we don’t leave unsolicited criticism on things like fanworks- fanfiction, fanart, fan crafts etc. Because there’s a LOT of people out there who are just doing this for the fun of it. They’re doing it for the same reason people go on walks- to feel good. And receiving crit they didn’t ask for doesn’t feel good.

This is Charles. He wants to go on a journey around tumblr. could you show him around?

necromancers are stupid as fuck for using human skeletons when the earth is full of dinosaur bones

look, i hear what you're saying, but it's a bit more complicated than that.

Most dinosaur skeletons are incomplete, made of rock instead of bone (due to how fossilization works), and in unmarked, far-flung remote locations.

even if you did manage to discover the location of an intact skeleton, adjusted your rites to be adequately geomantic to animate it, and shlepped it back to civilization; you've got what, one raptor? a larger carnivore if you're lucky?

Meanwhile, if you need an undead army to assault a city, there are hundreds of skeletons in a graveyard in nice, clearly-marked plots a mere six feet down. They're already in nice orderly rows, so you don't even have to get them into rank-and-file before marching them into town (usually a very short trip!).

not to mention the psychological advantage of sending a population's departed loved ones to slaughter them, the fact that human skeletons can hold weapons and wear armor, and the fact that advanced necromantic techniques can raise military graveyards full of dead soldiers with an echo of the training they had in life!

I know you wanna send legions of undead t-rexes to tear apart the armies of your enemies, and while that's a fun fantasy, this is the real world; and real-world necromancy has a lot of logistics you gotta consider.

Alternately, feel free to read "Dead Beat" by Jim Butcher to see Sue the T-Rex necromanced straight out of the Field Museum in Chicago.

Note from one of your local librarians— if you’re having drug fueled orgies in the library, please tell us!

We are always trying to boost program numbers and if this is a community need we’d love to discuss collaborating by providing snacks and relevant books for inspiration!

Concept: Vampire character that represents strengthening ties to humanity and the natural world instead of dividing them

Vampire gets HEAVILY invested in eco conservation because they *can't* just shrug it off as the next generation's problems

A vampire that goes around eating oil tycoons and clear-cut logging CEOs and climate-denying politicians because their childhood village is a dirt pit now and the animals they saw growing up have become endangered

Immortal guys who anonymously donate huge sums of cash to wildlife preserves that oversee forests they used to hunt in

Fellow who, instead of succumbing to the boredom and waste of infinite time, has become feverishly obsessed with making sure this one specific species of snail will still be around in another hundred years

5000 year old woodsman who can still mimic the calls of extinct birds, who still remembers the mating calls of mammoths and wooly rhinos and wild horses

Ancient vampire who can still vaguely recall a cave somewhere with her whole family's hand prints in it, and not sure of it's precise location, keeps the whole area void of human activity so it doesn't become a tourist attraction

Vampire archeologist who digs up their old friend's remains and has the figure out how to prove, with evidence, how they know exactly who they were and what they looked like

Immortal anthropologist who reconstructs a face from a skull only to realize that they'd met them before a long, long time ago

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

Oh hey! Haven’t seen this in forever! Didn’t reblog it when it came across me before, not gonna skip it this time, I need some good vibes.

I pulled the detonator trigger from my inventory. "Did you see him? Was there a giant goblin in there?" I asked.

Donut heaved for breath. "Yes! A huge, ugly goblin! My word, I do not like running. He was sitting down, reading a book. BLOW IT! BLOW IT GOOD!"

I jammed the button.

"There sure were a lot of babies in there, too." Donut said, in that last moment before the blast.

"Goddammit, Donut!" I said. "Were there really babies in there? Like, goblin babies?" I asked.

"Oh yes, there were a bunch of them. I only saw them for but a moment. But they were quite cute. Some of them were wearing little, oversized jackets like Baby Yoda. Adorable!"

-------

Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman.

Carl attempts to survive the apocalypse with his ex girlfriend's cat, Princess Donut. Book cover below. It's probably good that they don't keep track of sanity points.

So theres this book…

*breathes deep breath* *slams reblog button*

why is this the funniest thing I've seen all day?