i just want to mow hay

It's so funny that Misa is famous. Imagine that you're a normal ass cop and you get put on a special task force to catch a mass murderer. And you meet with the expert detective in charge. And he tells you your top 2 suspects are a random teenager and like. Ariana grande

harry dubois would end death note in one episode. he'd be unkillable bc he has no fucking idea what his name is and then he'd go drink driving and accidentally run light over and the killings would mysteriously stop

Harry: Kim, what's following that kid?

Kim: ...

Harry: What?

Kim: What are you talking about?

Inland Empire [80%]

Looks like you're the only one who can see it.

Harry: The... bone monster?

Kim: The bone monster.

Harry: Yes. The bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER - As you approach it grins, watching you watching it.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Good morning officers."

YOU - Continue looking at the bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER - It tilts its head to the side quizzically at you.

YOU - Tilt your head in response.

THE BONE MONSTER - It begins leering over you, grinning even harder.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - The kid turns towards you.

PERCEPTION [LEGENDARY: SUCCESS] - For a moment he looked at the bone monster, and then to you.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Is there a problem, officers?"

KIM - "You will have to forgive my partner, he has quite an active imagination."

THE BONE MONSTER - "You hear that? I'm just a part of your imagination."

INLAND EMPIRE - I don't think he's a part of your imagination.

lawlight but they’re only together because they’re committing to the mindgame bit too hard to try getting one another’s identities is so funny

old men L and Light side-by-side on their deathbeds, holding hands as their three kids solemnly sit on the side. L is like “if Light dies first and criminals stop dying he’s DEFINITELY Kira” and Light is like “if L dies first maybe the obituary will have his real name”

i watched one episode of death note and this show is soooo funny for opening on skull demon guys and youre like oh shit its the evil freaks and then theyre just like chilling playing cards. and then you meet your mild mannered middle schooler boy protag and hes like i want to kill everyone forever

i watched two episodes of death note and why have i never seen anyone mention this case is just fucking called "the killer murders"

[ID: Cropped screenshot of subtitles, text reading: "Kira" seems to come from the English word "killer". End ID.]

Oh my god the question at the center of death note isn’t “how do we make the world a better place” it’s “if a cop’s son had the power of a god, would that be fucked up or what”

#death note doesn't have a point other than 'watch how quickly this one guy decides to be the worst person ever'#and that is because we are all actually looking at it from the perspective of ryuk#we are his shinigami buddies and he's telling us about this totally bonkers time he had on earth#ryuk: yeah i gave this guy a death note and he immediately became a megalomaniacal serial killer#ryuk: i didn't even have to suggest it like that was his FIRST thought it was great (via @andsotheuniverseended​)

Death Note if it was awesome.

“Could L have stopped Walter White”

“Could Benoit Blanc have stopped Kira”

Blah blah blah ENOUGH. We have to ask the real questions—

Could Saul Goodman get Light off? And barring that how much would Light’s sentence be reduced?

For real though, Saul would have Light walking out a free man SAME DAY. "You're telling me all my client did was write names in a book? Show me what law that's breaking, I'll wait. Actually, better yet, I won't, because both of us have real cases to get back to. The deaths? I'm sorry, your honor, I really fail to see how explaining all that is my client's problem, let along mine. Now call me when your laws cover 'demon books', I can't wait to hear about it. Until then, we'll be seeing you."

Certified Death Note heritage post

i try to explain to light yagami the economic inequality that pushes people into crime and that killing isolated evildoers will do nothing because the systems in place will keep creating criminals and when he gets home he makes me die from a bowel explosion

i personally believe that if genshin impact were out in 2003 light yagami would not have become kira. i think if light had access to gatcha games he would have been financially and emotionally destroyed. he has a pathological faith in his own luck and the impulse control of a chihuahua. he would not be okay.

death note is literally a comedy

the ENTIRETY of Death Note is just a 37-episode long version of this

should have drawn the handcuffs

lgbt kun i believe you are kira

*LIGHT KUN

national holiday

light yagami has been dead for 13 slutty, slutty years

I don’t know if we’re still in the age of Y/N L/N search-and-replace self-insert fanfics but can I just say there’s MASSIVE untapped potential for a Y/N L/N Death Note fanfiction if you just

if you just

hang on. This. Like this:

…

Light clicked his bedroom door shut, and leaned against it, and slid gently down. His attention was wrapped so wholly in the unmarked envelope in his hand. He slit it open, and unsheathed the documents like he was pulling money from a wallet. He was, in a sense. These documents had cost him. The private eye he hired had not been cheap.

But it HAD been worth it, Light knew with relief washing through his veins as he thumbed through the contents: birth certificate, social security card, medical records, vaccination history, school records, IDs with photos – mother’s name, father’s name, date of birth, eye color, hair color, blood type.

Light held in his hands EVERYTHING there was to know about the girl. And he basked in it, drinking it in, a name finally to attach to the woman who haunted him.

First name: Y/N. Last name: L/N.

Light cracked a grin, rib cage rippling with manic chuckles that bubbled to his lips and erupted, cackles, delighted trills. The sense of victory flooded him. That girl who knew he was Kira, that girl who had worked so hard to hide her identity, that girl who plagued him, followed him, haunted him every day, who he could never touch.

Finally, Light could kill her.

He rose, and walked nearly numb to his desk, and pulled out the scrap of Death Note he kept in the false bottom of the top drawer. He reveled in it as he wrote: Y/N L/N, dies alone at 11:48pm of a brain aneurysm.

The damnation felt so sweet.

…

She was waiting for him, early as the sun which crested behind her, all soft smiles and sweet squinted eyes. She was waiting for him as she did every single day. She stood there, as always - a thing of nightmares.

The blood left Light’s face once he opened the front door to her, feet and hands tingling cold, stomach in knots.

He’d been worried when he awoke to no news about his dead university classmate. And the confirmation of his every fear settled as a knot in his gut. Y/N L/N was alive, in front of him, just as she was every other day, smiling.

“You seem surprised, Light. Like you’ve seen a ghost?” Her wry smile was a mockery. Light loathed her more than anything.

“Y/N … L/N…” he muttered, through gritted teeth. “…Good morning.”

“Oh! You discovered my name. Good job good job, that was faster than I expected.”

“Why—”

“Aren’t I dead?” she titled her head and swayed a bit in place. “That’s how Kira kills people, yeah? Full name? And you’ve got mine. So why aren’t I dead?”

Kira. Light’s eye twitched. She did that. At every chance, dropping with such nonchalance that she knew. If he argued back, she would ignore him. If he defended himself, it would get him nowhere.

Ignore, deflect, probe, find a weak point.

“Is it a fake name? Is Y/N L/N a fake name?” It would be hard to believe; it would be beyond elaborate. Every ounce of documentation would need to have been faked, or else perfectly stolen, with a complete erasure of who the girl really was. Not a single piece of contradictory evidence. Enough to completely fool Japan’s most esteemed private eye. It was almost unfathomable.

“No, it’s not a fake name. That’s my name. My real name. You’re right.” She spun on her heel and walked forward, into the sun, toward campus, sunlight streaking through the wisps in her hair. “But you can’t kill me with it, Kira.”

Light refused to answer. He refused to concede. He refused to show his hand, and yet, maybe he already had… Maybe he’d already lost.

He’d try again tonight. He’d try again as many times as it took to eliminate her, this unfathomable girl, who appeared in his uni classroom claiming to be an old elementary school classmate of his, who followed him every day and spoke in hints that suggested she knew, and yet never revealed how, or why, or what she wanted from him.

He’d try again. He’d kill her this time.

“It won’t work, trying again, that is. If you want to kill me, you’ll have to use your own hands.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. “But that’s messy, and suspicious, and too easy to solve, right? So you need the Death Note to do away with me. But it won’t work.”

Death Note, dammit, she really DID know.

“Hey Light, what’s my name?”

“Y/N, L/N,” he ground out, almost robotically.

“Say it again.”

“Y/N, L/N.”

“And what name did you write in the Death Note?”

Light hesitated. Did he stand any chance of keeping his hand concealed?

He locked eyes with her, and he knew the answer was no. She knew. He knew.

“Y/N L/N.”

“Doesn’t sound quite right, does it?” she asked. And with her words, Light felt some unsettled something thud in his chest. A disquiet. An unrest. A thinly veiled wrongness.

“My name, that name, Y/N L/N, how do you spell it?” she asked.

“Y…” Light paused. Y? No… That was almost certainly not right.

“First letter, second letter, third letter. Come on. I believe in you.”

A headache was building behind Light’s eyes.

“Y…. S-slash…. N…” No. That wasn’t a name. That wasn’t anyone’s name. And it wasn’t her name. Her name, her name was—

“You can’t spell it, Light. You can’t. And no one can. No one except an extremely, intractably lucky person could even guess what my name might be, at the time that all of this plays out.”

“What does that mean?”

“What do I look like, Light? The Death Note needs a mental image! What do I look like?”

And Light looked. He looked directly at her, piercing, probing, roving, studying, drinking her in. She looked exactly as he remembered, with H/C hair and E/C eyes and….

What color hair?

What color eyes?

What name?

“I’m not anyone, Light,” she offered with the same, sweetly saccharine smile that Light could not describe beyond those words. “Or I’m everyone, I guess. I’m every Y/N L/N who reads this, any one of them. And when the dust settles, and the story stabilizes, and those markers are replaced for real, it will be too late. Because that will not be the name you wrote in your Death Note. You’ll always have written Y, and slash, and N, and L, and slash, and N, and that will never be right. I’ll be someone else by the time it matters, every time.”

Light blinked through the stars in his vision. Looking at her hurt, his vision wobbling in and out of focus on the nothing, and the everything she was. The hair color, and the eye color, and the first name, and the last name, that were every potential quantum combination, and still none of them.

He shut his eyes.

“What do you want from me?” he asked. “Why are you following me? Why do you know who I am. What do you want?”

“Nothing. I want nothing. I don’t have a defined will. It’s not like I’m a person.” She stepped forward again, hands clenched to the bag behind her back. A normal school bag, a normal school uniform, trotting in step eastward toward the college campus. “I’m an insert. And that means I’m whoever they want me to be, every time. It’s not any deeper than that.”

messily sketched out a comic bc wow this fic has a great premise. visual medium aint the best for it but I just like this post a lot :)