to indeed be a goddess

“I’m not Fred! It’s me! It’s Victor. And you’re right - I’m pathetic. I have sex with strangers. Because I’m incapable of doing it with someone I actually like. I can’t even ask anyone out on a date, ‘cause if it doesn’t end up in a high-speed chase, I get bored.”

I try to do what is right,

I try to win without a fight

From time to time I turn around

To that gun on the ground

I try to seek more than this:

A nice smile, a wet kiss

Don’t want to miss what I’m looking for,

But it’s behind your door.

Show me all the rules girl,

I just want to get ‘em wrong

Show me all the rules girl,

I just want to belong

Because you’re just sad. And lonely, maybe.

Sometimes you have to lose everything before the penny finally drops. Or whatever. So here’s what I figured out: we’re not evil sinners or perfect knockoffs of God. We let the world tell us whether we’re saints or sex addicts, sane or insane, heroes or victims, whether we’re good mothers or loving sons. But we can decide for ourselves.

I’ve kept myself numb for so long that now I actually want to feel something and I can’t because no matter where I go, no matter what I do, I always end up back here with you.