Thinking about the present like:

Thinking about the future like:

Thinking bout the time in between like:

But externally you really look like:

When you think you look like:

Sometimes

I just wanna pause my life and enjoy it more. Cause right now it is alright but I wish I could spend more time doing things. I want to have more time with my family before work. Because even though I leave in later afternoon, I am home around 9-9:30 when I come back and there's only a few hours before I sleep. This is how my weekends usually are. My actual free time barely feels like anything. When I work 4 days in a row closing, I feel like hell. Especially since that's two days out of my weekend where I could actually have time with my family, friends or boyfriend. Even when they give me a break from the 4 consecutive days and leave some gaps, I still feel a little blank. When I'm not at work I am at school. On my days off I am coming down from my school day and spending time with loved ones but it never feels like enough time. My school days that have a free evening go from about 4-10. Cause my school day ends at four and I'm usually wrapping my night off by 10. I have time to do things but in a sense, I don't. I'm only 19 and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Something about this isn't right. But it's life and I need money to do things. I really want that pause button every now and then

I chose the most honest things

So this is gonna give me 10 different options and on Friday I'm talking with the councilor so I know which one will be best suited for me. Then I know what classes I take... I'm glad I heard about this opportunity because I'm in the spot where am lost on direction. And I really need some with the next semester approaching.

So this is one of the amazing moments I had today

‎*In class today a kid is acting like a bigot and I call him out on it* Him: That's enough outta you Miss Peepee! (My last name can be read like that if one wouldn't know and I would get mocked for it)

Me: OH MY GOSH, SOMETHING I HAVE HEARD ALL OF MY LIFE. I AM SOOOOOO  ROUSED. 

Him: *pretends like he doesn't give a shit*

Teacher: *Commenting about my remark* Wow! That was pretty funny, I liked that! *Practically gives a thumbs up* Bottom line? Never try to insult me with things I have heard since I was 5, I am not afraid to be a dick. Also, my business math teacher is AWESOME. 

So my mom's consultation was AWESOME and we ended up

setting up a consultation for me next week C: 

I wouldn't be able to get the tattoo until October because the person who's doing mine is the most demanded for there and my birthday isn't until July so I still have some time to wait. 

I'm really excited though because here stuff is AMAZING, its right here  if you wanna check her work out C: Ahhh I'm excited!!!! 

ANNNYWAY, I wanna stream the movie Big Fish tonight so if anyone is interested tell me C: 

It sucks wanting that person

Who is thousands of miles away And you know you can't have them because of obvious reason. But everytime they are on your screen your heart melts and they make you smile And you would do ANYTHING for them especially when they're upset They just make everything nice though You know they wouldn't want you either, so you won't even try But you love them deep down Even if they are a friend of yours

So tonight my mom told me

"Only two more days of vacation where you don't have to work and have freedom" basically that, and she didn't mean it in a rude way but it's true.

And I cried.

This is my last summer ever where I don't work and it means that I will have to by next summer...which means I'll never stop working afterward.  It means I have a shit ton of growing up soon...and it scares me. I don't want a job, I know it will consume my life and I really don't care about money unlike most people my age. I'm 17, just turned it about a month ago. I'm in my senior year in a few days and I have to worry about doing well on the SAT'S and then making it into Buff state...My teacher says I could do it and I have the grades for it.But like...it scares me that I won't make it. It's the only place I want to go to...and if I don't make it I guess I'll go to a community college.

And then actually making it into college and all of the homework along with having a job? That scares me shitless. I mean what if I have no social life after that and I'm tied down?

The future and responsibility attached to it frightens me greatly...

I feel so little