I Love You 2/2
Trigger warnings and themes- mentions of injuries, unrequited love, conversations with ex, angst, fluff, physical violence, heart-to-hearts, breaking up to protect boyfriend/girlfriend
‘’There’s plenty of fish in the sea’’. That’s what you’ve heard, in ever growing frequency, ever since the demise of your relationship with Steve, at least. It’s been said over and over again, and quite frankly you’re sick and tired of hearing about how many fish there are in the sea of dating possibilities when you’re drowning in your own emotional chaos.
‘’If you burn my eggs, I will never speak to you again.’’
Natasha’s smooth, even voice brings you out of your thoughts as you slide her scrambled eggs on a plate, turning the burner off before settling at the island to enjoy breakfast with her.
It’s now been six months since your break up with Steve, and things around the tower have changed quite a bit. For starters, you’ve moved out. You, Wanda and Natasha now all share an apartment not too far away from the tower. New high school graduate Peter Parker took your room, and eventually Wanda and Natasha’s rooms were turned into guest rooms for visitors- currently, T’Challa and Shuri.
‘’We’d better hurry up and eat,’’ you advise her, sliding a plate to Wanda’s spot just as she emerges, fixing her hair into a bun at the top of her head, ‘’I promised Tony we’d be there to spar within the next hour.’’
In addition to your living arrangement changing, so did your status. You are now, on a trial basis, a member of the Avengers team. Fury, having decided that you’ve had enough training and are ready to go out into the field. This, of course, is only on the condition that you can hold your own. So, for the last three weeks, you’ve been sparring daily with Sam, Bucky, or Natasha.
‘’You’ve got to admit, she’s getting a lot better,’’ Wanda speaks to Natahsa, nodding towards you.
‘’Yes, she has,’’ Natasha smirks, ‘’I guess all of that pent up rage against Steve and Sharon has finally been transferred to something productive.’’
You roll your eyes at the two of them, taking a bite of your breakfast, ‘’Listen, I could care less what Steve and Sharon are up to. We manage to be civil with each other. I ignore them and they ignore me and everybody’s happy.’’
And it’s true. Well, sort of- it’s a semi-truth. Sharon has more or less taken over your spot with Nick in a way, and you’re finally getting to go out into the field with the rest of the team. In a way, all of these changes have almost made you completely get over Steve breaking your heart.
Okay, so you still love him. You’re well aware that a part of you may always love him, but can no longer be in love with him. So now you’re here- moving on with your life because Steve sure has moved on with his.
The three of you walk through the doors of the compound’s training center not even an hour later, ready to spar. Sam and Tony are spying, Steve and Peter, Scott and Thor. There’s a noticeable absence of Steve and Sharon, but you do your abs to not act like you were just looking around for the duo.
‘’Steve and Sharon are meeting with Bruce in the lab,’’ Sam says, bot missing a beat from where he is training with Tony.
‘’I wasn’t looking for them,’’ you roll your eyes, earning a scoff from Sam, Tony, Wanda and Natasha.
‘’I’m glad to know that lying isn’t one of your skills. It would prove to be useless if we actually needed you to do it,’’ Tony pipes up, ‘’Because you’re bad at it.’’
‘’Yeah, I got that,’’ you groan, turning to Natasha, ‘’Ready to go?’’
‘’Actually, she’s sparring with me today,’’ Bucky nods towards Peter, ‘’The kid has class.’’
‘’I’m not a kid,’’ Peter groans.
‘’The adults are talking. Wanda, you’ll be sparring with another trainee.’’
‘’Well, who will I be sparing with?’’
Just then, like a nightmare, or a bruise that keeps on returning, Stev Rogers enters the training center.
‘’You have got to be kidding me.’’
‘’Listen, we understand that he hurt you, but the two of you have got to talk. Out on that field,w e have got to put aside anything that’s in the way and work together.’’
‘’And what better way to learn how to do that than put me in a position to kick and punch and fight my ex, right?’’
‘’Listen, you’ve got this,’’ Natasha places a hand on your shoulder, ‘’Don’t let the situation get the best of you. If you need to switch, we will.’’
Just as she finishes making a promise you’re almost certain she’s going to have to keep, Steve joins you.
‘’I’m taking it you heard the news,’’ Steve speaks to you, and, with a tinge of nostalgia, you realize that it’s the first time that the two of you have actually spoken in months.
‘’Sure did. Um, let’s get to work then.’’
You turn on your heel, stalking towards an empty area of the center, Steve hot on your heels.
You can do this. You are both mature enough to do this. It’s just a half hour. It’s fine. You’ve got this.
‘’Come on, control your movements. Anticipate my next move. Most people move in a pattern. You can do this.’’
At this point, you are the only two left training. You’re sweating as you swing at Steve, and he effectively blocks your hit before you block his. This continues on for another five minutes before he declares that it is time for you to take a break.
You’re taking a sip of water, fully aware of Steve’s eyes focusing on you. If he stares too long, he’ll think about your relationship and regret the decisions that he made in order to protect you. So he quietly admires the combination of vulnerability, passion and strength that you exhibit even in sparring and turns away from you, unaware that this is when you turn to look at him.
Man, how he wishes he could run to you, tell you how amazing you are, how much he still cares for you…
How he is no longer in his fake relationship with Sharon…
It’d ended abruptly, not that either one of them didn’t see it coming in the first place. She, wanting to move on with her own life, told Steve that she couldn’t in good consciousness, do this anymore. That she’d had enough and that surely if you two had been broken up for six months you’d move on already, wouldn’t you? So he agreed, thanked her for her cooperation, and silently tried to avoid the fact that maybe his plan worked so well that he ended up hurting you and himself in the process.
‘’Ready to get back to work?’’
You nod then,setting your water bottle back down and moving forward to meet Steve on the mat, where the two of you begin sparring again.
‘’Come on, you’ve got to hit harder! Your adversary’s not gonna take it easy on you!,’’ Steve snaps, and as he does, something inside you does, too.
You’re swinging at Stev harder than you were before, actually managing to throw him off for a bit before he’s yelling, ‘’Enough!’’
‘’Is that good enough, Steve,’’ you seethe.
‘’There’s a difference between sparring and what you just did,’’ he hisses , wiping sweat from his upper lip, ‘’What on earth was that?’’
‘’I did what you asked me to do, Steven. Are we done here?’’
‘’You’re going to get yourself hurt if you always let your emotions get the best of you like that,’’ he insists, ‘’Because you have to stay focused on the battlefield-’’
‘’Don’t you dare talk to me about controlling my emotions, Rogers. That’s all I’ve done around you these past few months. I don’t need you to help me protect myself. I’ve done just fine without your protection for the last half year, Steve.’’
Steve Rogers closes his eyes then. Inhales deeply. It’s a sure sign that he’s trying to do what he just told you to do.
‘’I never said you did. And of course it’s okay to feel, but I don’t want you getting hurt -’’
‘’You don’t care about me getting hurt,’’ you deadpan, ‘’Not after what you did.’’
So here it is. It’s a conversation that, in hindsight, he really should have had with you over six months ago.
‘’We just were not going to work,’’ he tells you, trying to convince himself more than you.
Yes, he knows he should have told you the truth for your breakup. However, Steve knows it would have been hard to actually convince you, knowing you’d never actually let go if you knew the actual reason.
‘’No, you talked and I listened. And watched you be with Sharon. And I said nothing, Christopher. So don’t you dare turn around act like you protected me from anything.’’
Oh, how he wishes he could tell you. The stress that you don’t have to suffer from when he goes on a mission? The stress of helping him fix himself up when he comes home injured from a mission? The worried pacing you’d still be accustomed to had he not ended things?
The fear of losing him in battle?
He’s saved you from all of that. By breaking her, he’s protected you.
‘’We were supposed to be together. We were supposed to be married by now. I get couples that don’t always work out, Steve. I understand. I just wish that you would have actually talked to me. Because I don’t understand how you stopped loving me and started loving her so quickly.’’
It hurts him more than he cares to admit to saying that, of course, he never stopped loving you but he had to make you think that. He wants nothing more than to wipe those fears away, to kiss you, to tell you that he only acted so selfishly to be selfless- even thinking it, he knows that it only makes sense to him because it was his decision. And walk away before he does or says something that he regrets.
Something that throws the last six months of him protecting you down the drain.
Truth be told, he honestly did think he was doing the right thing. Now he feels that resolve wavering. And he should walk away form this, should end this conversation
‘’And you didn’t even talk to me about it,’’ you continued. Despite the unmoved expression on his face, you keep spilling the words that you wish you’d spoken so many months ago, ‘’Because if I just knew why, I wouldn’t have had to wonder what it is I did to -’’
But it is because Steve Rogers loves you that he tells you the truth-
‘’I’m not going to stand here and let you think that you somehow single handedly ruined our relationship or something. It really had nothing to do with you.’’
‘’Yeah. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’, right? Weak, Steven.’’
‘’It was me, doll,’’ he uses his term of endearment for you, and it sends a shock wave down your spine, ‘’I did this to protect you.’’
‘’Protect me from what,’’ you raise an eyebrow, ‘’I was happy with you.’’
‘’And I was happy with you,’’ Steve admits, ‘’But I couldn’t put you through the torture. I could see what dating me, with me going on all these missions, was doing to you. Do you understand that? Look at all that you already had to go through.’’
‘’And what was it doing to me, Steve?’’
‘’You didn’t see the tiredness, but I did. Do you think I actually moved on to Sharon? Why propose to you, just to do that to you? Of course I love you. I never stopped?’’
His words are filled with a truth that he hopes you can sense, a vulnerability that was hard for him to muster up.
‘’Steve, I knew what I was getting into when I began dating you. A fact that I know you knew. It’s making it hard for me to believe that you broke up with me for that reason.’’
‘’It may be hard to believe, but it’s the truth. And especially after everything that happened with Bucky, with Peggy, with anyone that I’ve gotten close to while being Captain America ,’’ he leans his forehead against yours, ‘’Do you not believe me?’’
‘’I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can. Because if you’re telling the truth then, that means you lied to me for six months. And git something that we could have worked through together.’’
That makes him feel guilty and he swallows thickly before cradling your face in his hands,’’I love you. And I see why you’re so upset with me. But please, please say that you love me back. We can try again. There has to be a reason that you’ve not given me back my engagement right, doesn’t there?’’
Truth be told, you wanted to fall into his arms and agave everything back to the way that it was before. You want to forget that this whole thing ever happened- reconcile with him and work this out.
But something’s holding you back from believing in him…
And that something is trusting Steve only to be heartbroken by him again.
‘’I’ll give you your ring back tomorrow,’’ you whisper, breaking from Steve’s grasp and avoiding eye contact’’I think it’s time that I be going.’’
You don’t even give him the time to respond, grabbing your things and making a hasty walk towards the exit.
And Steve Roger’s left alone to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, just like he did to you oh so many months ago.
If you’ve protected your heart from Steve, that’s good, right?
So why do you feel so heavy hearted all the way back to your apartment?
You don’t get to give the ring back to Steve like you planned. Instead, you were called out of bed at only midnight last night, told by Tony to get suited up for a mission. So here you are, fighting side-by-side with the official Avengers as you wish to save a group of people.
‘’Cap, have you got eyes on the kid,’’ you can hear Tony speak through your earpiece as you fight, his concern for Peter obvious.
‘’Not yet,’’ Steve supplies, fighting as well.
‘’Guys, I could use some help here,’’ Pete’s voice cracks through the earpiece.
‘’Cap, new kid,’’ Tony refers to Steve and you,r respectively, ‘’Get the kid and let’s wrap things up.’’
‘’Peter, where are you,’’ you speak, trying to get his location.
‘’I’ve got eyes on him,’’ Sam pipes in, ‘’He’s near the guard gate.’’
You and Steve are taking off then, running towards the youngest member of the Avengers team.
‘’You see him yet,’’ Steve questions, effectively knocking someone out on the way.
‘’I see him. Peter! Ugh, he must be out of web fluid. Cover me.’’
You’re rushing to help Peter, whose leg has been hurt in the process of all that is going on.
‘’I got you kid,’’ you kneel next to him, ‘’It’s okay!;;
What happens next , happens so very quickly. You’re very aware of the fact that the fight is dwindling down, that Thor and Clint have managed to help get everyone on to the quinjet that is waiting to rescue them while Natasha, Tony, and T’Challa are finishing up fighting.
Steve is holding them off while you help Peter, ubt he’s unaware of someone sneaking up behind him. And before that person could hurt Steve…
‘’No!,’’ Peter yells, and you’re being shocked before falling to the ground. Sam’s taking care of whoever just shocked you while Steve is assessing you.
‘’Ow,’’ you whimper, breath coming out jaggedly as you attempt to keep your eyes open.
‘’Hey, you’re okay,’’ Steve says, ‘’Tony, get Peter! We’ve got someone down.’’
‘’Hurts,’’ you groan out, ‘’Steve.’’
‘’I know, I know. I’ve got you. We’re gonna get you back on the quinjet,’’ he whispers to you, ‘’I’m going to protect you, but I need you to keep your eyes open.’’
‘’Tired,’’ you mumble, ‘’Wanna sleep.’’
‘’Shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you. I love you, okay? We’re gonna help you.’’
He picks you up carefully, just as everyone is preparing to load the quinjet and Tony is aiding Peter.
‘’Steve,’’ you whisper as he make his way back to the quinjet, you in his arms.
‘’Hm,’’ he speaks softly.
Oh, how he wishes he could have heard that under a different circumstance. Because those three words are what keeps him holding on as you lie in your private hospital room, having been examined by a top team of doctors with Tony covering the bill.
It’s what keeps him from putting away the diamond ring that fell in front uor pocket on the battlefield.
They give him hope when they’re said by you again, not on battlefield but in the midst of a simple talk. When you tell him that protecting each other is what you do, but it’s even better when you’re actually together.
Those three words continue to give him hope through your recovery, through your reconciliation, through the rekindling of your relationship.
Today, a year and six months to the date, they’re the three words that he whispers right before he kisses you, his new bride.
And there are the three words that you whisper right before you fall asleep, ready to protect each other no matter what.
DISCLAIMER- I do not own any Marvel characters or their fictional worlds, countries, places, etc.
