Nerdy Writer

CONFESSION:

Why do mass effect shotguns have a pump? They really don't need it.

Because it’s cool next question

That comment did not age well

I made dis

You should be very proud

I’m just a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe

BITCH I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU

YOU’VE ANGERED THE WRONG FANDOM

You’re going down punk, just you FUCKNG WAIT!! You will learn that this fandom is far worse than you will ever want to know. We may seem soft and shy, but we’re just being NICE! We can be cold, cruel, mean, and make you suffer and wish you had never said what you said. We can send you into the farthest most empty reaches of the galaxy, summon demons to our disposal to make you suffer, and make you feel the feelings that we experience, and don’t fucking think for a single goddamn second that’s easy! The amount of emotions that would boil inside of you would literally kill you. So keep your motherfucking distance and we won’t hurt you, so stay the hell back, asshole. If you so much as insult us one more time, we will bring firey hell upon you and bitch slap you into oblivion. Your move, dildo.

We know how to kill a human and hide the evidence. Your body will never be found, and that is a promise.

You do realize a majority of the fandom are 20 somethings right? or at least in college. We can find you, kill you, and make it look like you killed yourself. Don’t try us :)

Shut up. We can exorcise a demon from you faster than Dean and Sam, believe me you need it. We can toss you into a supernova, never to be seen again, or banish you to the end of the universe where you would explode to create a new one. We can murder you and destroy all evidence of you ever existing. Basically- D-O-N-T-C-R-O-S-S-U-S

This is like finding a lost family heirloom you’ve been hearing about

Cursed

God I miss the Giferator

Tali’Zorah vas Darude Sandstorm

I have created a masterpiece. Keela se’lai

@nexustation

I laughed so hard I scared my cat

Harry minding his business then voldemort’s voice suddenly appears in his head:

Harry thinking about making out with Ginny then he remembers she is Ron’s sister:

Harry watching the triwizard champions getting selected thinking how he will be able to just chill for once then his name comes out of the goblet:

Harry enjoying his quidditch match then suddenly a dementor appears:

Harry casually walking down the hall with ron and hermione then he hears basilisk’s voice in the walls:

One day, headlines around the world will read “ALIENS ARE HERE” and nobody will care, calling it clickbait.

I dunno I’d be flipping my entire shit, and not in fear

My favorite mode of transportation is tap dancing.

Get on a tractor for once in your life you sickening theater person

Movie heros will walk through fire, bullets, fights, cuts, etcetera, without batting an eye; but will wince as soon as a woman touches the wound while cleaning it.

Listen medical alcohol burns tho

The first person ever to steal someone else’s work was original.

I don’t think that’s how that works

People who liked Venom (2018): - gays - monsterfuckers - ppl who think tom hardy is sexy - most of the ppl who like the venom comics tbh

People who didn’t like Venom (2018): - critics - ppl who don’t like fun i guess - cowards

Wait I liked it and I’m pretty sure I don’t fit into any of those

I sincerely believe that by 7th year Ravenclaws would just tell the door to their common room to fuck off and it would open for them

Q “Why is a raven like a writing desk?”  A “You shouldn’t shove either up your arse.”  “…Technically, yes.”

Imagine it, a poor First Year is waiting outside the common room, they can’t answer the riddle in a way to appease the eagle and must wait until someone else to answer it for them. It’s getting late, they’re starting to resign themselves to having to spend the night here. 

Suddenly, their saviour comes! It’s a seventh year! Back from a night finishing off their Araithmancy essay in the Library. They look angry, but our poor little first year squares their shoulders, waiting to see what will happen, and hope that they’ll keep the door open for them. 

The Seventh Year bangs the handle against the wall, and a slightly disgruntled voice asks the question again: “What is the truth?”

The Student Replies, “The Truth is that I am so fucking sick of all these mother fucking questions about stupid fucking topics like this you bloody fuck-witted bastard. Who in the name of Merlin’s saggy left testicle gives a fucking damn about all this shit anyway? I’ve been working my arse off in the library for the last seven hours now let me the fuck in or, truthfully, I’ll blast my way in and take you with me.”

The eagle knocker tutts, but allows the student entry anyway, and our little first year enters, eyes wide and in shock. They watch the seventh year go up to their bedroom, awe all over their face at their new hero. They did, indeed, learn something that day by waiting for someone to arrive, they learnt that swearing has a magic all of it’s fucking own, and that sometimes it is big and clever to use it. 

The only head canon I will ever accept. Its both perfectly witty and fantastically assholish

witty and fantastically assholish… pretty much quintessential ravenclaw traits right there

My favorite version of this headcanon is that there is one Ravenclaw who went all seven years by answering the riddles with some variation of “not a potato” and was only ever wrong once.

I made dis

Wаnnа liск Sharon pussy?

— -Our DM, saying the first words of the campaign.

Me as a DM