EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS

Hey y'all I'm in a Very bad spot right now and I desperately need to get some money together! Please spread this if you can or hit me up if you're interested!

Rules:

- payment via paypal in GBP ONLY

- No n$fw (some exceptions may be made but I'm talking straight up people doing the business)

- no hate speech

- no mechas

I am so poor rn it's not even funny please help a dude make it through the month

EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS

Hey y'all I'm in a Very bad spot right now and I desperately need to get some money together! Please spread this if you can or hit me up if you're interested!

Rules:

- payment via paypal in GBP ONLY

- No n$fw (some exceptions may be made but I'm talking straight up people doing the business)

- no hate speech

- no mechas

I am so poor rn it's not even funny please help a dude make it through the month

EMERGENCY COMMISSIONS

Hey y'all I'm in a Very bad spot right now and I desperately need to get some money together! Please spread this if you can or hit me up if you're interested!

Rules:

- payment via paypal in GBP ONLY

- No n$fw (some exceptions may be made but I'm talking straight up people doing the business)

- no hate speech

- no mechas

I am so poor rn it's not even funny please help a dude make it through the month

i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.

adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.

right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.

it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.

still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.

i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.

i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.

so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.

coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."

and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.

still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.

i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.

so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went

...oh.

and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.

so i did.

i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.

i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.

it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:

*ptooie.* "that all you got?"

i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!

but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.

my coach did not.

i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.

"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"

and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said

"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."

which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.

and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.

fine.

but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.

and then he left.

and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."

but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.

and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.

he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.

and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.

this post makes me see red how fucking unfair that none of these fucking boys would wrestle her despite being totally capable of it if i was her i would bomb the place. how unfair that her body is treated as """""inappropriate""""" and inherently sexual like this, while male nipples are totally fine. i think girl athletes should be allowed to kill

ok.

ok.

i get you. i am looking you in the eyes (pfp?) and i am telling you that I get you. but. also. perhaps the burden of ending sexism is not something i would place very squarely on a bunch of middle school boys. right? cause whether or not it is inherently sexual, a significant portion of middle school is spent cowering in fear of the Random Boner, and when everyone has to wear a spandex singlet there is no balm in gilead. it is hell at all times. then throw in a girl, and then assume you are getting very physical with this girl, and then assume that perhaps 25% of this girl is boob, and then assume that your parents are there. watching. wouldn't you too ask that the bitter cup pass from your lips? would you not be a little worried? because, yes, being a Modern and Virtuous and Non-Sexist Man is a great thing, but also, not having to worry about touching a boob while looking your mom in the face is another. i mean, hell, even in guy on guy wrestling, there's a decent part where someone's balls are just draped over your forehead and your parents are watching and it's just like well dad, i tried my best. i specifically did not tell you about this meet, and i lied and said i was staying late to study, but nooooooo, you still looked it up on the middle school calendar and told me i'd have to study afterwards and now you're making eye contact with your son, The Gaypornicorn, who will kill you if you blink. thats right. this was the road you chose, and now you have to live with it. bitch.

like, does this girl have a right to wrestle? sure. but also, does a teenage boy that once got a boner from the way that the great lakes just kind of press up against michigan have a right to not wrestle that girl?

perhaps. i dunno. but can you feel for that boy? can you find it in your heart to see, maybe, a lighter shade of red? a nice pink? maybe even some purple? can you see the structural issues at play here? like, perhaps people that get random boners should not be asked to wear what could generously be called "elastic spraypaint" as their uniform? or, perhaps, their parents should be banned from watching, and only informed several months afterwards?

can you find not a shred of mercy in your heart for me and my kindred? until you have worn my singlet ten miles, i would ask, politely, that you take a step off the soapbox. that you tame your anger lest you be cursed with my trials. for they were many. and when i eventually did escape the dark forest of teenagehood, it was not by following the light of my moral compass. it was by eating the flesh of the fallen as i crawled on broken knees towards the direction with the least screaming.

god forgive me.

god forgive us all.

✨✨ SUPER MAGICAL CLOWN DRESS UP SEQUENCE GO!!! ✨✨

you get no context !!

I missed doodling HHN related things :o3c

"INTERFEARANCE" Haunted house concept!

Interfearance is an HHN house concept that features original characters from popular creators and newer artists in the fandom. The story is that a group of criminals taking up the mantles of the original four icons hijacking a museum tour and terrorizing the employees and guests alike. All artists will be credited in this post. Thank you ❤️

𝐼𝒩𝒯𝐸𝑅𝐹𝐸𝒜𝑅𝒜𝒩𝒞𝐸

After going through the house's queue, You will find yourself at the front of a museum. Once entering, you are met with a tour guide giving a description of "Fear's Lantern" and the history of Carey, Ohio's most infamous mysteries. All seems neutral until two hands bust through behind the information board and strangle the guide with a wire. The victim struggles before passing out and sliding down, leading for the gloved hands to grab the intercom to them from behind the hole. The lighting dims with a red hue as the lantern glows.

"We're sorry for the interruption, but You folks are going an alternate route through our newest exhibits!"

You move pass the introduction and enter into the first section of the maze, an outdoor environment themed to a carnival in progress of being set up, scareactors in clown makeup walk up and down aside the trail while holding weapons, Near by the entrance is a victim tied to a wheel, being spun around by Poprox the clown! Clearly there's been moderations made to his weapon of choice..

On the other side of the trail, before exiting this segment, You are face to face with the new ringleader of the maniac's operation, Mumbles! Standing on a crate-made-stage, looming over everyone passing by, reaching out just to get a spook out of them.

The next segment transitions from circus to manor as you enter through the second entrance, a sign on the wall points towards the morgue, ran by Dr.Caine, Her morgue unlike her father's is revamped, similar to that of a modern hospital. Everything is lit with blacklights as the surgeon inspects her newest live autopsy.

Passing by the procedure, before you head out of the morgue, you walk aside a wall adorned with skeletons of various animals. Rat emerges from a black curtain space next to the skeletons with a flashing light queue

Once exiting this segment, the environment changes from hospital to a grimy poolroom, There's blotches and bloodstains sprinkling the walls until you get to a room with Starlet and a recent actor turned victim who is being used for a remake of one of the Director's most infamous projects, "The Widow's Eye (This specific victim will be important later)

Once leaving Starlet's segment, you enter an abandoned structure, obscured with fog and humming coming from the middle of the section. There's a dried up fountain in Fear it self's image, covered in vines and cracks glowing underneath, the vines are all broken off at the hands as if it was holding something before. There is one character here which could be either Poproz, Rat, or Starlet. These characters alternate out with eachother.

After getting around the statue, you enter the final segment, the environment now resembles a small makeshift theatre with hand puppets decorating the walls, you pass by a small theatre and a dragon puppet, Stone, greets you, the interaction ends however, once the lights start flashing and the curtains unveil showing the person behind the puppet, Gracie, as she strikes with a pair of scissors.

CREDITS

@thearoclown - Poprox

@chainsawb0y - Mumbles

@corzoli - Rat

@overlookedhotels - Starlet

Me! - Stone and Gracie

Cindy belongs to Universial Studios

one way to read this is "this man has no idea what he is saying"

another to read this is "this man is terminally online and has excellent comedic timing"

i think its really funny that tumblr is full of people who want asks, more than theyre getting them, who all seem to think everyone else does not want asks.

mutual: oh boy i hope someone sends me some asks! thatd be so fun!

all their mutuals: oh itd be so fun to send them an ask…. but surely they will pelt me with rocks if i say anything

Gonna tell my kids this was Twilight

mmmmmm yes stinky men who hate each other