Agent of Chaos

I am INCREASINGLY convinced Aziraphale made Crowley point a gun at his head so Crowley would have a sense of what it felt like to be asked for holy water

how it must hurt, to walk back into serving a system that hurt you, to take a massive risk, in order to help the love of your life and make him happy again- and have him not understand. and have him throw it back into your face.

and how it must hurt, to watch the love of your life rejoin the forces that hurt you, changed you, beat you down and left you out to dry, when you were so young, and act like you should thank him for becoming one of them

Hey uh so I just rewatched ep 4 again and I’m super emotional about something (what’s new):

Crowley and Aziraphale know they love each other. They know that. They’re well aware by now. They’ve said it in every way but outright. “To the world” and “You always do” and “I would like to spend —” and “I need you” etc.

But uh. Do they know why?

Does Aziraphale know why Crowley loves him? Does he know how captivated Crowley is by him? By watching him enjoy food and music and magic and books and everything? His passion and enthusiasm and the ferocity with which he loves things? Does he know how much Crowley loves his openness, his clever mind, his softness and the steeliness just beneath? Does he know how impressed Crowley is by him, how much Crowley loves that he will fight for what he wants and believes in, loves his courage and his sheer stubbornness and determination to make the world better, even if it means defying the will of god? Does he know how goddamn fond Crowley is of him? Does Aziraphale know that the very parts of himself he’s wrestled with for millennia are what make him so precious to Crowley?

Does Crowley know why Aziraphale loves him? Does he know how dear he is to Aziraphale? Does he know how much Aziraphale loves being challenged by him, pushed and tempted but always supported? Does he know how much Aziraphale loves watching him move through the world, watching him care and delight in it, with that boundless heart of his? Watching him be kind and silly and soft and curious and himself? Does he know Aziraphale’s favorite color is the color of his eyes? Does he know how much Aziraphale loves just being near him, spending time with him, how seeing him is always the highlight of his day, his year, his eternal life? Does he know that he makes Aziraphale’s life better just by being in it? Does Crowley, who thinks he’s unloved and unwanted and wrong, know just how much Aziraphale wants him, just as he is?

No, I don’t think they know. I don’t think they understand at all. And god that is heartbreaking. To know you are so loved but to not understand why.

Okay so people were saying that Karim Kronfli switched into an English accent for a moment, and I was like "huh?" But it's true, it's on the line "Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest." It's especially apparent in the latter half of the quote. And then his little "eh?" and chuckle is like Dracula saying "look what I can do, I can perfectly blend in, meanwhile you'll be dead". It's just such a MOCKERY, that's the false pretense he's kept Jonathan here for all this time, fucking SPEECH THERAPY to work on his British accent.

I would not survive in Jonathan's shoes. I legitimately said "ew yucky gross, don't do that again" out loud. I dunno how Jonathan does it, he's got so much self-control.