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#abuse – @cawareyoudoin on Tumblr
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Agent of Chaos

@cawareyoudoin

Caw. Adult. My art blog is @cawarart . The icon is a piece by @pauladoodles.The background image was originally posted by @zandraart .
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I met a girl when I was fresh out of high school in undergrad who frankly, annoyed me quite a bit, but I also had an inkling to continue to be compassionate to her given a few things about her life/background/family

I ran into her two years ago. Last week, her daughter turned 1. This girl, let’s called her “P”, is a really good example of why I never feel comfortable mocking trad wives

Her perfect trad husband, who was a shining young figure in the local religious community, volunteered in all sorts of groups, well loved in his workplace and everything else, beat her up at 1 month post-partum. I reached out to her after seeing her desperately asking for a stroller on a page, confused and slightly concerned knowing both of them came from wealthy backgrounds.

The reality for lots of tradwives living “perfect lives” is this: P was immediately ostracised. All the wealth of her husband and her family meant absolutely nothing if she wasn’t in favour and doing what she was told. Her child and her well-being didn’t matter. P, at 25 years old, was basically deemed an oopsie, and left on her own to figure out how to pay for herself, a baby, find housing, and every other task you can think of.

Having known many of these women (and supported many of these women), another factor most people don’t consider is this: they are intentionally raised to be helpless. When I immediately offered my support to P, she really needed it. This young woman needed to be guided through how to apply for government assistance, how to weigh up rentals and apply for them, how to apply for jobs, how to sign up for childcare. How to sign up for your own power and internet, and how to connect them.

It wasn’t that she was “stupid”, or incapable, or spoiled. While it looks like they’re being sheltered, in reality, these women are practically being held hostage. Sure, they might be allowed to learn things that are expected of them (see: basic cooking, baking, cleaning, child rearing, women’s bible studies, hosting, and so forth) but they are heavily controlled from family life into marriage life, and they are never given the opportunity or the reality of what many of us would consider basic adult tasks.

She’s doing okay now. Her daughter turned 1, is happy and healthy. They live frugally, but they have a roof over their heads and the essentials. I often babysit for her so she can attend counselling, or go to a woman’s support group. She is painfully aware that she has so much to learn about how to live as an adult.

I don’t envy tradwives, but I don’t find any joy in mocking them either. Even when they live the most picturesque lives, they’re also practically living a real life Jenga game. If (and often, when) it comes tumbling down, they’re screwed too, and they often have 0 skills to help themselves or find community (that again, isn’t carefully curated).

I have yet to listen to this podcast episode, but I’ve been recommended it on the topic, and a friend said it really helped shift her thinking about this topic from pure disdain and hatred for these women to understanding the complexities a bit more.

Important:

I think that as this has spread further than I intended, a few people may have missed the original point.

I am not saying that you have to become best friends with tradwives and former tradwives, break bread with them, hype them up and everything they do. I am not saying you have to ignore problematic beliefs they have have held or shared during their time as a tradwife, or that you have to forgive and be super comfortable with them.

What I am saying is that when a tradwife either a) leaves that life or b) shares information from her life that normally would be suppressed, mocking her serves no purpose. If one of these women share that they got beat for burning potatoes slightly, or were given a strict $100 allowance a week to do shopping and not allowed a bank account, or had 5 children back to back and were not allowed pain relief or medical support, I don’t enjoy it when people say things like “what did she expect” “that’s what she gets” “fuck around and find out lol” (such as happened when the ballerina farm article came out)

This just pushes them back towards their cult, or if they were considering leaving, will squash that really quick!

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It took me too long to realize that not all the world is my enemy

[ID: A comic done mostly in black and white. A hound with a broken chain around its neck flees a cage and runs into two reaching hands. The hound bites one hand, drawing blood. Narration says, "When I fled my cage / I bit the hands that took me in / Because the only hand I'd ever known / was a bad one."

The hands, now with fresh bite marks, still reach out gently to the hound. ""We're not him." they said / and I knew what they meant / but I didn't understand."

Floating in white space: "Now I understand / but the damage is done."

A person enters a door, rolling a suitcase, saying "Hi" to two people on a couch, who look up from their newspapers and phones to say "Hey" and "Hi" back. The shadow of the person who entered the room stretches out before them-- a hound's, not a person's. Narration: "I'm so sorry / I couldn't help it / I couldn't help myself."

We see the hands of the people on the couch. Both have faded bite marks on them. "I was so blind, I forgot / that not all hands are made of iron." End ID]

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ilynpilled

it frankly pisses me off that what is essentially “rapists and abusers should be depicted as monstrous caricatures because humanizing them is inappropriate” is considered a very moral and enlightened position to have on art by so many people. a rapist can feel pain, have moments of vulnerability, be amiable and charming, express remorse and compassion at times, be a victim themselves, and so on in real life. they are even capable of doing good things. they can have different sides to them and have individuals in their lives that they are kind to or have a decent relationship with. they will be a human being, and that fact encompasses a lot. conflating that with the claim that they deserve forgiveness or absolution is an issue. nurturing a mindset that believes they need to be one note and uncomplicated to be a correct and tasteful depiction of a rapist inadvertently falls in line with the logic of “how could they have possibly raped you? they are so normal and kind to me. they did all these good things here and there.” ok that doesn’t change that they are a rapist.

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reblogged

Truck comes first and if there is any money left over the kids may eat. - Modern Consumer Patriarchy

she got her degree and started removing the parasite 🙏

Tinfoil hat moment but I don't think he was dumb, I think he was strategic. He put her in a situation in which she had to either: sell her car (so the only means of transportation is now in his name), or maybe even to drop out (to have time for the second job) if she wants to feed the kids. He did it right when she was aaaaaalmost done with her degree. Either way, it's sabotage.

Sometimes when an action makes NO sense to us ("he's like a stupid alien"), it's bc we are not understanding its true motivation/purpouse. If his goal was control, financial pressure and limiting her options due to lack of funds, it makes perfect sensie to buy the truck.

Tinfoil hat moment over!

I don't think that's tinfoil hat I think that's every day abuse tactics. It's very mundane.

Yeah this is stock standard financial abuse. It's normal to do it in a weird way so that the victim seems unreasonable or is too confused to understand what's happening.

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reblogged

Pointing out that some Jewish and Muslim people have religious trauma inflicted on them by their own religious communities isn’t antisemitism or Islamophobia, it’s a statement of fact. Denying that non-Christian communities can cause religious trauma, silencing the victims because you don’t want them to “feed stereotypes”, insinuating that they’re lying because “well I’ve had nothing but good experiences with this community”, or telling them that if they left the religion over it then they obviously never understood it properly in the first place sure is doing a huge amount of harm to the very people you claim to be trying to protect though!

OP, i hope you dont mind me adding your tags, but i felt they were insightful.

anyone who takes even a brief look ex-muslim and ex-jew reddit will quickly recognize all the same patterns of abuse that were inflicted on ex-christians.

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Some parents really don’t understand the difference between actual discipline and hurting your kids. This teaches a kid nothing except needing to hide what makes them happy because they’re scared their parents will destroy it.

Wow…what a terrible parent. Minecraft is A LOT of work, diligence, and creativity. The parent should have been encouraging that. And why does a 9 year old need to wake up every day at 7 am during a pandemic? What’s wrong with this person?

I can foresee an estranged relationship in the future. Because this parent is out of their minds and more interested in exacting punitive control than being a loving caregiver.

Y'all wonder why some kids are the way they are? This is it.

why on earth does a NINE YEAR OLD CHILD has to wake up at fucking 7 am during a pandemic?

also children may require up to TWELVE HOURS of sleep

he’s not being defiant—without the threat of a ridiculous and unnatural hour he MUST be awake at he’s actually following his natural circadian rhythm which is actually HEALTHIER for him

what they’ve done is broken his trust in a MAJOR way. he does not feel safe or in control. which is why he is refusing meals.

honestly? if they keep this behavior up—let alone just not apologizing and finding the save file for his game—he’s gonna develop some dangerous coping skills like yknow. An eating disorder. Dissociation. Self harm.

I’m not being hyperbolic. this is literally how it starts.

This is the second time this week I’ve seen a story like this (the first being the boyfriend destroying his girlfriend’s AC island over an argument) and it makes me think – how is this ANY different to someone destroying a physical piece of art someone’s made: ripping up their sketchbook, breaking ceramics, cutting up cosplays? If this person had come forward with a question like “my son wouldn’t get out of bed so I broke the birdbox he made” there wouldn’t be ANY question whether this was abusive behaviour.

There’s an inherent disconnect with how we talk about the “value” of virtual items/creations in video games: something about the way that these things aren’t tangible in the conventional sense makes them somehow less valuable than something everyone can hold and observe and appreciate. Think about the amount of “funny gamer rage” videos out there that are people upset over losing WoW saves and the likes: game saves are often things people have put hundreds of hours into, they have value to that person and are representative of their own dedication. Hell, I’m really bummed at the moment over not having access to some of my BL2 saves (I can’t travel to get my PS4 from uni), and I know I’d be upset if I lost them forever. 

Video games are a massive escape mechanism for a lot of people especially right now, and putting time and effort into particularly building games is a constructive and creative outlet that gives people a feeling of accomplishment (and let’s be real it’s a lot more practical than having a house full of lego). Yet there’s still this weird stigma attached to them, this “it’s just a game” mentality that leads people to be easily dismissive of others’ feelings over losing progress. Destroyed your girlfriend’s AC island, which she put hundreds of hours into building? Whatever, it’s just a game. Deleted your kid’s minecraft file, which he spent an entire year working on? Whatever, it’s just a game, why are you so mad? It’s not a real thing, it’s just some numbers hiding behind fancy computer graphics!

Actions like this are intentional, targeted destruction of another person’s property - property they have created themselves -  by an adult who knew what they were doing and we should NOT treat them as anything other than that, regardless of medium.

By the way: the act of destroying something held very dear with a lot of emotional significance to a person as retaliation? That’s a tactic abuse counselors call ‘bunny boiling’. When an abuser knows about something that you deeply care about, they will take careful note of it and be ready to destroy it when they feel their authority and control is losing its grip on you. It’s a psychological maneuver to create fear, break down emotional security and independence, and reestablish unchallenged control. Pulling this tactic on a 9 year old child as their father is beyond horrific.

stories like these make me think about that tweet of a person saying they haven’t spoken to their mother (who pulled a similar stunt like this) in 10 years

an entire decade

and then my immediate next thought is how much i look up to that person on twitter and how i wish i had the balls to do the same…

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y’know, it’s been a while since I made this reasonably popular post about how my abuse was the fault of my abuser and my society, not the fiction she used as an excuse.

But I want to talk a little bit more about how I came to that realization, because it wasn’t easy, but it was extremely important to how I conceptualized what happened, and what systematic abuse means.

During and immediately after the abuse - as in, for a little more than a year after we’d broken up and I moved away - I hardcore blamed Twilight for what happened. She called herself the lion to my lamb, she called herself a vampire and said she couldn’t resist me, she…. basically LARP’d twilight at me (and yes, even then, when it wasn’t terrifying it was hilarious). Of course it was Twilight that made her like this, she’d all but explicitly said so. She compared her emotions to Edward’s on the regular; of course Twilight was normalizing those emotions for her. Everyone thought Twilight was romantic so of course she thought things like stalking and controlling me were romantic! I was so sure. I never harassed people, but it’s part of why I chose to study media in college; to analyze unhealthy relationships in media and try to get abusive content recognized as harmful.

And then, almost two years after leaving her, I started talking on tumblr about her, on my main. Just a little, a few stories, comparing her actions to those of a character in a webcomic and pointing out that casting those as romantic is why I’d gotten abused. How she’d talked about twilight’s romance and some of her more distinctive and awful behaviors.

And then I got a message. “Was her name *****?”

It was.

“She did those things to me too. But she said it was like iron man. Like, she was tony stark, and I was pepper potts who has to put up with all of this to save her from herself.”

I hadn’t known, until that moment, that there were others.

There were a lot of others.

We reached out to a few of her other close friends / closeted ex’s. Same story, different fandoms. And then we looked at her college, gently reached out to the person she’d dated freshman year.

The same story again, shifted to accommodate whatever fandom we shared with her, twisted to make her actions look romantic. After me it was another girl, summer after we broke up, 50 shades. Her college boyfriend, it was Steve and Bucky. Over, and over, and over, stories changed only in details, and each one she used fandom to cast herself as the tragic hero and us as the ones who had to save her, who should see her abuse as an expression of how much she loved us.

There were so many of us, and she’d used fiction on us all. She’d used it, like a tool, jammed into whatever gap in our armor she could find.

I can’t…. explain, how I felt then. I found all this out in the course of a couple weeks. An isolated incident of someone who loved me and who I loved, whose relationship had gotten twisted by a romance novel, turned into a story of intentional and systematic abuse. I hadn’t realized how much I was using Twilight to avoid fully blaming her until I couldn’t do it anymore. Until I had to fully face the fact that she’d been lying to me, she’d been abusing me, and she knew that she had to make me think it was ok somehow. She’d known it was wrong. She wasn’t brainwashed by Edward stalking Bella; she wanted to stalk me, and she used Edward as an excuse.

When I say “abuse is the fault of the abuser”, I don’t mean in just a pure metaphysical, “everyone’s responsible for their own actions” kind of way. I mean that abusers start with their abusive behavior, and then fill in whatever behavior and excuses they have to to justify it to themselves and their victims. Maybe it’s media. Maybe it’s substance abuse. Maybe it’s past abuse that they suffered. Maybe it’s some psychology mumbo-jumbo about projecting past trauma onto you. Maybe it’s mental illness. Maybe it’s anything.

I had thought - I thought that maybe she was a good person, underneath it all. That media had twisted her. That it Twilight has just been different, she would have been different. I thought media made her think it was ok.

There is a unique kind of pain in realizing that someone you loved chose to hurt you. There is something that changes you, to realize that they wanted to take an action, realized it would hurt you, and then looked around their life like a handyman looking for a tool: “what would make this ok?”

Abusers choose to hurt you. They know that their actions will hurt you, and they choose to do it anyways.

Everything after that is an excuse.

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“You’re a horrible creature unworthy of love, and you’re extremely lucky that I love you anyway, which is an incredibly magnanimous and selfless act on my behalf, for which I deserve adoration and praise,” is a dynamic indicative of abuse in relationships. If your religion is based on that maybe you should take a step back and examine yourself. Just a thought lmao

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self-winding

Agreed, though I would say “examine your religion” or “examine the way your religious community or its rhetoric is affecting you” rather than “examine yourself.”  I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that many people ARE in an abusive relationship with their religion/ideology, and being a victim doesn’t mean you have some personal failing or moral weakness that needs to be addressed.  It means you’re being abused.  People have often been raised within these dysfunctional systems, or their entire community is part of it, and escaping can be genuinely tough.

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According to NCADV, 4 in 10 people have experienced some kind of coercive control from an intimate partner. Sadly, #MaybeSheDoesntHitYou is raising much-needed awareness for a widespread problem.

This is disgusting. It really is. I hope that people gain awareness of this issue and their own situation and I really hope that we all find better.

I appreciate the hell out of the women reblogging this. As a survivor of such emotional abuse, I know it’s vital for men to step forward and talk about their experiences. The old “man up” narrative needs to die. 

Because brushing off this kind of behaviour with “that b*tch was crazy” or acting like it never had an impact is a huge disservice to the men who go through this (as well as creating a false narrative that lesbian couplings are devoid of abuse). It also fails to hold these abusive women accountable for the harm they’ve caused.

Emotional abuse is just as damaging.

Source: firebastard
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standupdept
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dizzymoods

Chaplin met Lita MacMurray when she was 12yrs old. He got her pregnant during the filming of The Gold Rush when she was 15. He fired her from the set and tried forcing her to have an abortion. Years after covering that disgusting situation up, at the age of 54 he married Oona O’Neil, who had just turned 18. 

It’s absolutely disgusting how these men use their money, fame, and influence to silence their victims. & we can only guess at the number of young girls we will never know about who have been targeted by these demons.  

This whole “seperate the art from the artist” bs has kept such criminals protected from the scrutiny of law. We need to accept that art cannot cover up crimes and that in want of better art, we cannot let criminals do better crimes.

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feministism
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biglawbear

OH IT MAKES SENSE NOW THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IT INTO WORDS

Same story for evil cops. Environments that allow predators and abusers to thrive and be protected are going to fill up with predators and abusers no matter how good the people around them are.

It happens in a lot of fields. Cops, social workers, priests, volunteers who work with kids, foster parents. Predators operate at their peak in positions of authority where they can act unquestioned.

Yes!

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Idea:

Medusa wasn’t Cursed with Snake Hair and Scales.

She Already had Snake Hair and Scales and was still the hottest lady the Gods have ever seen.

To be fair Medusa is supposedly one of the three Gorgon sisters, so it makes sense that there would be a family resemblance

Yeah that’s why I had to post this

I’ve read too many stories where it’s like “she’s a Gorgon” then near the end of the story they say “she was cursed with snake hair and features”

And I’m just like “…Wait.”

I think the only thing she was truly cursed with were the eyes that turn people to stone

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mall-fries

someone draw beautiful medusa with scales and snake hair before being cursed p le a s e

I already had a little idea in my head so…

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umbralillium

The men yell, “she’s a monster! She should be hunted down and killed”. They’ve said it before, they’ve tried it before. She steals women and devours them, the men yell. “She comes in the night and takes women away when they’re on a half-awake wander to the chamber pot or a drink of water. She steals them away to her lair and devours them whole. Why else do women not return?”

The women whisper, “she’s a savior. She should be sought for sanctuary and love.” They whisper it around the well whenever they see the shadows of a bruise on their friends’ bodies. Whenever someone who once was vivacious and bright is now dull and flinches from friendly touches. “Go in the night,” they say, “when he’s so drunk he sleeps heavily. Take only what he won’t notice is missing. Don’t worry about clothes or food, she will provide. You will be cared for. Why would you want to return?”

She says, “welcome home. You will be safe here,” with a soft smile and softer eyes. The snakes that curl around her head are more colors than you’ve ever seen in your life. She tilts her head as she takes in your bundle of precious items, the bruises on your arm, your face, around your neck. A cloud passes over her face and the sun, and you see the snakes are black. The look passes, the cloud moves away, the sun strikes the snakes again and they’re a shifting array of colors again. “Come, meet your sisters,” she says, gesturing as she turns and you look to see dozens of women coming out of the cave, smiling and happy. The group comes forward, splitting to either side of you, leaving a path to the cave and a path behind you leading back. “Welcome, you’re safe.” You step forward, peace settling into your heart. You will never return.

I love these stories about Medusa that go against the common myths

The men at the drinking party sat around laughing at the younger man. “You mean to tell us that a woman was beating her husband? Ha! What a jokester you are.”

“You are probably just too embarrassed to admit you got that black eye from doing something stupid.”

“Besides even if you were telling the truth, just be a man and fight back! Or have you no guts at all? We all know your wife is a spitfire but she is still a woman, and you are a man.”

The young man was used to these responses from the older men of the village, to the point that his heart was turned to stone from it. His wife, whom he had been arranged to marry, was not like most of the other women he had met in his life. She was cruel and truly wicked and often drunk. She took advantage of the young man’s youth and lack of experience. Even if the people thought that she was a weak woman, she knew that she was stronger than her young husband, who had less strength than a hungry dog. And of course, no one would believe that a woman could overpower a young man like that.

On this day however, the young man decided to take a chance. He approached the well where he had often seen one woman in particular talking to the women who had vanished only a day or two before then, and she was there today.

“Excuse me. I have a quick question for you.”

The woman, who was just pulling her bucket out of the well turned to him somewhat surprised. “Yes?”

“Is…is it true…what the women whisper about the Gorgon in the woods…that…she helps women whose husbands beat them?”

The woman seemed suspicious of him at first, “Where did you hear that?”

“I just…” the man looked around nervously before removing the bandages from his face to show her his purple-ringed eye and swollen lip.

The woman hesitated before repeating the words she often did to many others, “ Go in the night,” she said, “when he-…she is so drunk he sleeps heavily. Take only what she won’t notice is missing. Don’t worry about clothes or food, she will provide. You will be cared for. Why would you want to return?”

Before the young man could even thank her, his wife stormed up behind him, “What are you doing talking to another woman!?”

The young man hesitated before the woman at the well said, “He saw me struggling with my bucket and came to help me. Nothing more.”

“I see.” his wife grumbled, clearly still skeptical.

A few nights later, the young man fled. He was quiet and stealthy, until he got to the forest, where he quickly pushed forward into a sprint. He ran and ran, doing his best to remember the directions to the place that promised safety.

Once at last he came across the cave, he stood panting at its mouth before taking his first steps in. He soon found himself in a big lit chamber, women whom he had recognized as from his same village sat around. Some drinking and eating, others playing games, others braiding each other’s hair. But when he entered, they all looked up at him, some in surprise, others in shock, or fear.

“What is a man doing here?” they whispered, “Has the village sent a mercenary after Medusa?” “Are we no longer safe here?” the whispers grew into an almost deafening cacophony of the same hopelessness he felt back in the village. Surely, he thought, these women who are fearful of their husbands would not want to welcome a man among them. Perhaps I should have stayed at home, and let them be.

However, when he turned to leave, he found himself face to face with the gorgon woman. Her eyes seemed to pierce deep into his very soul, as if to weed through the annals of his true self.

His mind raced, trying to think of what to say to defend himself against this protector of women, to justify his entrance into this blessed sanctuary for the broken and beaten. But before he could part his lips, she spoke.

“Fear not my sisters. Look upon the wounds on his face. He too has come hear for safety from violence. Look into his eyes. He is afraid and hurt, as many of you were when you first came to me. Young man, you are welcome here, for this is a place of safety from cruelty. I know all too well that the hardships of life do not discriminate those of whom they strike against. Come, to your new home, and meet your sisters. Come and be safe.”

She gently took his bundles and began to carry them away, and when she looked back at him to see if he was following, he felt her eyes peer deep inside him, and begin to shed away the stone that had encased his heart.

(I hope you like this addition because male abuse victims also need happy endings.)

Oh my gosh…

This is such a beautiful and tearjerking addition

Thank you

This makes the "official" story that much more heartbreaking.

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invaderxan

Heard some important information on Twitter today, and thought I’d post it here for anyone who may not have heard it. This is actually a thing, devised by human rights organisation called Karma Nirvana.

Reblog to save a life?

Muslim girls throughout America need to know about this.

EVERYONE needs to know about this.

I hope that the people who need to see this, will.

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hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak

  • socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
  • climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
  • crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell 
  • the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
  • do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
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thegoodlion

Also. Breath with your mouth and not your nose. Your nose will whistle. Trust me. If you need to get into your fridge, jab your finger into the rubber part that seals the door closed and create a tiny airway. This will prevent the suction noise when you open the door. When drinking liquids (juice mostly), pour out your glass (or chug from the jug) and replace what you drank with water. If it was full enough in the beginning, no one will notice. DO NOT STEAL ALCOHOL. THEY WILL NOTICE IF IT’S WATERED DOWN. Bring a pillowcase for dried foods like cereal and granola. It helps to muffle the sound it makes when it pours.

If your house has snack packs (like gummy bears or crackers or chips), count them every day until you know the rhythm that they get consumed. (This took me a week and a half with my twin brother and sister). Then join the rhythm when you make your nightly visits. It will be that much harder to figure out it was you.

KEEP A TRASH BAG UNDER YOUR BED FOR WRAPPERS AND STUFF BUT DONT FORGET TO THROW IT OUT WHENEVER YOU CAN. BUGS YKNOW. Hope this helped.

I might have some useful info to add.

-a jar of peanut butter is long lasting and easy to hide under a bed or in a dresser drawer. I lived off of jars of peanut butter and boxes of saltine crackers I would buy on grocery trips with my mom.

-two words: Slipper Socks. These are the socks that have rubber designs on the bottom for grip. They make no noise, and also keep you steady on slicker surfaces like tile and wood. You can find them cheap at Walmart. They also keep your feet more protected if you’re outside.

-if you’re secure enough in your room to have a small food stash, make sure you’re not too obvious about it (duh) but also move its location every few days. I kept mine in a shoebox under my bed, then switched it to a backpack in my closet, then wedged between my bookshelf and wall, and I would cycle locations until i moved it permanently to a false-bottomed drawer I installed in my dresser when my father was gone for a weekend. I would NEVER put food directly into my stash after taking it. I would keep it in pockets of my clothes and between books until everyone went to sleep, then I’d stock and stow my stash for the next few days.

-get a water bottle with a filter in it. I used to be able to reach my bathroom from my bedroom door down the hall using a huge step or minor jump/leap. If I was afraid of being caught at night, I’d fill up the humidifier tank we kept under our sink while I took a short shower, and would refill my water that way. It might not be the best option, but I kept a small stockade of water under my bed for emergencies.

-if you can, smuggle your garbage out in your backpack or purse. Dispose of it at work/school. I got caught twice by carelessly throwing away packaging.

-if someone knows the situation you’re going through (close friend/partner/etc) see if there’s a way for them to get food or other supplies to you at school or work or what private time you may get. A hidden first aid kit literally saved parts of my body before and I owe it to a close friend.

-try learning the building’s natural rhythm. The house I grew up in would creak and settle heavily every night for 3-5 minutes. That was my shot, and I had to be QUICK. I still got caught a few times, but learning the patterns in our floors and walls, when they creaked, WHERE they creaked, kept me going. Eventually I was sprinting in slipper socks to the kitchen and back in less than 90 seconds.

-if you have stairs, or live upstairs. Sit as you go down them one at a time, or climb up them like an animal. It keeps you low/out of lots of motion sight, and also can reduce noise and creaking by distributing weight over more than 1-2 steps.

-You can use common hand sanitizer to remove the stains certain snack foods leave behind (coughs cheeto fingers) and a dry toothbrush can help scrub the color off your tongue. If you can get powdered toothpaste or toothpaste tabs to keep on hand, it makes a huge difference in sneakiness.

-I don’t recommend going for dried foods like granola or cereal unless you can sneak it to a secure place to get it. It’s too loud, it’s a gamble every time for something with less caloric intake than it’s worth if you get caught. Of course, there are times when that’s the only option!!

-if you’re taking milk, add water, but be SURE to shake/agitate the bottle to distribute the dairy fat with the water. I got into the habit of shaking milk jugs when I started sneaking it, and explained the habit as something I read in an old comic strip my father showed me. (Back when whole milk had a lot more cream fats and they’d separate, so shaking it would redistribute the cream.) I still shake milk jugs to this day.

-if your windows open or don’t have screens, eat leaning out an open window. Any food mess will be lost in the dirt. I was lucky I had bushes and birds outside that would catch my granola bar crumbs before anyone could notice.

-canned goods are tempting, but not worth it. It requires too many tools (can opener/strained sometimes/utensils/some need heat) stick to thinks like various nut butters (sunflower/peanut/almond), crackers, dried fruit, and easy to conceal food bars (nature valley/nutrigrain/etc.) dried ramen packets are good uncooked if you can stand the texture. Apple sauce and pudding cups are also easier to sneak and stash than one might think, and can be eaten with your fingers. The only canned foods I recommend are condensed soups and precooked pasta (spaghetti-o’s). You can easily mix them with a little bit of hot water from the tap and get something more sustaining than a handful of captain Crunch. The cans are cheap, sometimes recyclable, and drinking soup takes way less time than chewing solid food.

-if you menstruate, attempt to stash pads/tampons in a safe location. Sometimes shit happens. Pads can work as bandages in emergency situations. Sometimes shark week comes unexpectedly. If you can sneak a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, these are also life savers.

-plastic utensils from takeout containers can be hidden inside socks and will be worth their weight in gold when you least expect it. I bought myself a tiny plastic bowl from the dollar store and kept cheap trinkets in it on my desk so it didn’t seem like a bowl I was eating out of. You could try this with something like a mason jar, which is also useful for drinking out of or storing water.

-if you’re eating a crunchy or solid food, try soaking it in water. Mushy food can be repulsive in texture, but I could clock the sound of someone eating a nature valley oat bar from like 6 miles away. Dunking it in water (or using a secret bowl+water) can reduce noise, and also eating time since you don’t have to chew as much.

-keep a laundry bar or tide pen on you. Laundry bars are super useful, a little hard to find though. I washed a lot of stains out of my clothes with laundry bars in my bathroom sink as a kid. Not proud if it, but it kept me flying under the radar at school.

-clear rubber bands, plain twine or string, paper clips, and thumb tacks. Indescribably useful. I once rigged a system to open tricky cabinets and get objects from inside using two paper clips and a foot of plain string like a mock lasso system.

-if you’re pulling objects from tall cabinets, use your chest or stomach to cushion them. Let them fall into your torso and then into your hands cradled underneath. Not as loud, not as much grabbing, if someone sees it they can mistake it for it falling on you by the body language.

-get a bandana. Or four. Napkins, bandages, tool, and accessory all in one.

-get a tiny sewing kit. I’m talking 3 needles and a spool of thread tiny. Scissors if you can sneak it. See things into your clothes. Make hidden pockets or compartments. Threadbanger on YouTube did a video a few years ago about sneaking things into music festivals using tiny clothing mods, but they may be useful in sneaking money or medicine.

-on the topic of sneaking money. don’t take bills, take change. If your abusers don’t meticulously count their nickels and pennies, they’re an easy(ish) way to build up a tiny savings pool. I found nickels the least noticed coin I took, even more than pennies, and taking two every few nights from where they’d be tossed on our countertop soon built up to a semi-reliable fund I passed off to someone to get me food for my stash without having to sneak it from the kitchen. As soon as I became “independent” in my food storage, I was subjected to much less scrutiny. I managed to build up a solid 1-2 week ration supply after hoarding change.

-you can tape SD cards to the inside of book dust covers(the part that folds inside the actual cover of the book), if you have a sewing kit or zipper on it inside the stuffing of your pillow (trim a corner, stuff it inside, stitch it closed) or (this is final resort) VERY CAREFULLY remove the covering from your outlet and tape it to the wall stud before replacing the casing. I kept mine inside part of my wooden bed frame that I hollowed out using, you guessed it, take out silverware knives and 4 nights without sleep.

-THE FLOOR IS LAVA WAS KEY TRAINING FOR ME AS A CHILD. I learned to take pillows with me, climb on furniture to disrupt my flow of movement, toss a pillow down, and use that to cushion any rattle our living room could give off as I crept to the kitchen from the side entrance so my mom’s dog wouldn’t bark or alert anyone. I highly suggest crawling around on all fours like some sort of beast to stay out of sight.

-can you run your house blindfolded?? If you can’t. Maybe you should try to learn. I suffered some heavy eye traumas growing up and had a collective 3-4 months just IN THE DARK. Eyes bandaged, left alone. It was terrible, but damn if I couldn’t navigate the whole place silently, without any visual cues. This helps a lot with the whole moving around in the dark thing, too. Listening is obviously key.

-if your parents start getting suspicious, or you’re suspicious they’re getting suspicious, watch out for traps. String on the ground that gets shifted when you walk on it. Baby powder or flour left to track footprints or doors opening/closing. My dad was partial to wrapping a bungee cord around my doorknob and attaching it to the closet across the hallway. I wouldn’t be able to open my door enough to get out, or if I did, I risked ruining the structural integrity of the wrappings he did, and he would notice.

-learn to tie some knots. Strong ones. They’ll come in handy at one point or another.

-remember that you’re not totally alone. There’s people out there for you. Wanting to make everything better. You don’t deserve what’s happening, it isn’t normal, and you will eventually find help. But staying safe is important, and you are important.

It upsets me that people might need to know these but I know it could really help someone by reblogging

ALWAYS REBLOG

I'm terrified some people actually need this. Those sound like tips for a horror game.

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hey yeah general disclaimer since this fuckshit is happening again 

if you condone, draw, or write fictional pairings that involve shit like pedophilia, incest, abuse, or NSFW content of characters that are minors i don’t want you interacting with me. unfollow. block me. whatever you wish. get the fuck out of here. 

this also includes y’all that don’t actively condone this nonsense but still interact and support artists and authors that are producing it. even if it’s just a like or reblog. i see that and want none of that here. you are just snakes for trying to keep things hidden. 

god damn

Same. Hell, I hope I'm not following any people like that, if anyone knows of some, tell me and I'll unfollow.

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