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#tina talks – @caught-tumbling on Tumblr
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yo

@caught-tumbling / caught-tumbling.tumblr.com

she/they or whatever works / tumblr elder / bi / disabled / just kinda here
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reblogged

I choose the most funny/concerning ones. If anyways is genuinely curious about the answers to these then... Uh I guess I can tell you. Anyways, which one are you?

"Can you tell your sister she's a bitch?"

Story time! I do have a sister, but was never once asked this in regards to her. I was very close friends with a girl who had a fraternal twin sister. Because of that I spent a decent amount of time around both of them from the ages of 5-18. Her twin sister was, admittedly, kind of a bitch. And because I was always around them and looked a good bit like them people assumed we were triplets for some reason.

So on two separate occasions I was talking to my actual sister when someone came up to me and angrily said "god your sister is such a bitch!" before storming off. My poor sister wasn't used to this like I was so she was baffled and a little hurt. The first time it happened she looked at me and said "what did I do to them?? I don't even know them??" The other time it happened the girl said "tell your sister she's a bitch!" then looked at my literal sister and said "oh hey T, see you in math class :)" and walked away completely oblivious to the confusion she just caused.

I never passed the message on to my "sister" that people said she was a bitch. She already knew and didn't particularly care. Because she was in fact a bitch

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okay this reminded me of the strongest human being (I use that label with some reservation) I have ever met and I still think about him like once a week because about 4 years ago on Thanksgiving night my sister, cousin, and I were going to pick up a friend about a 40 minute drive from home, and I got lost and tried to turn around on a little gravel pull-off on the side of the road, but my front tires got stuck in the snow.

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.

This haunts me.

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soratayuya

the power of respecting women

this is the only valid response on this post

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lady-feral

I just needed to find this post again to reminisce.

My dad did this once! He and my mom stopped when they saw someone stuck in a snow bank and asked if they needed help. It was an older couple so they said they had no chance of pushing the car out so my dad volunteered to push while the guy reversed. It was a big car but it was front wheel drive and just the front wheels were stuck so my dad figured he didn't have to push far.

My dad told the guy to slowly hit the gas on his mark, got ready, and said "ok now!" The problem? The guy wasn't in reverse. He was in drive. So he started moving towards my dad instead of away. My dad, in a moment of panic and anger, simply picked up the fucking car and rolled it out of the ditch. Then he had to yell at the guy to get off the gas while still holding the car up like a wheelbarrow.

My mom watched the whole thing in a state of shock. The couple was shocked. My dad was shocked. My mom asked my dad afterwards if he knew he could do that and my dad said "hell no I didn't know I could do that! I'm glad I had a witness because otherwise no one would believe me." And he's right. Because who picks up a car???

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The thing that abled people who advocate for the disabled community don’t get is that there are times when disabilities/accommodations clash. Horribly.

Like I spent years having to come up with a solution to get therapy dogs into a series of residence halls. Why years? Because we had to decide who got to stay and who got to leave: the people who needed therapy dogs or the people with severe allergies to animals. Who got the alternative housing? 

Things like fidget toys might seem great for some disabled people but having them in the room could be distracting/overstimulating for others. The same goes with stimming. It can’t be helped but neither can the anxiety that another person in the room feels as they watch/hear it. Additionally, something like a weighted blanket might immediately calm one kid down and send the other one into a panic attack due to the claustrophobia it causes. (*Points to myself*)

Every Metro bus in New York City has a series of seats at the front that can be lifted up to accommodate people in wheelchairs but if I’m in one of those spots then someone with a cane/walker has to journey even further to sit down.

The flashing lights of a fire alarm are there to help deaf/hearing impaired but if they’re not properly timed, they can also cause a person to have a seizure.

The worst part about all of these is that there is rarely a concrete solution that makes everyone happy/safe. And I’m not here to offer any because I don’t know them. I’m just here to remind you all that as you’re taking your education/health classes, as you’re reading your textbooks, as you’re preparing to go be an advocate, just remember that there is rarely ever such a thing as a one-size-fits-all solution to advocacy and that something you do that can help one disabled person might actually hinder another.

Food for thought.

When I was in the psych ward once we had this issue. Another woman, B, had a compulsion to make a very specific noise that I cannot adequately describe. If she didn't make that noise at frequent intervals it stressed her out to the point of a very quick anxiety attack. Some people were annoyed by her noises but most recognized that B needed to do this and staff would not make any attempts to stop her. Which is good! I'm glad staff and patients alike were willing to put aside their own discomfort for Bs well being. The problem? I could not listen to Bs noises for more than a few minutes without going into an anxiety attack myself. It just triggered something in my brain as danger and I couldn't rationalize my way out of it. B tried to stifle her sounds, I tried to ignore her sounds, and we both just ended up in an incredibly heightened state of anxiety. I didn't want to guilt her into changing something she couldn't and she didn't want to trigger me. But that's what was happening.

Staff were at a loss. It was a small hospital that only fit about a dozen people in the ward, there wasn't an option to just keep us away from each other. The best option they had was to put one of us in a "panic room" while the other person ate, attended group therapy, or socialized. It sucked. For both of us. We switched every hour or so but that solution also stressed us both out. I don't blame anyone for it though. She wasn't doing it on purpose, I wasn't doing it on purpose, staff members tried to figure out the best solution possible, hell everyone in the ward was trying to make the situation as tolerable as possible.

Sometimes accommodations further disable someone else. Sometimes one person's disability or coping mechanisms further disable someone else. It can be big and risk someone's life. Or it can be small and make spending time together hard. This isn't a moral judgment or even something we can fix. The best we can do is try to give different options and hope we cover as many people as possible.

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reblogged

Imagine if baking bread was a skill any person living independently in their own house needed to have at least a passing familiarity with, so there were endless books, blogs and websites about how to bake bread, but none of them seemed to contain the most basic facts about how bread actually works.

You would go online and find questions like "Help, I put my bread in the oven, and it GOT BIGGER!" and instead of saying anything about bread naturally rises when you put yeast in it, the results would be advertising some kind of $970 device that punches the bread while it's baking so it doesn't rise.

Even the most reliable, factually grounded sources available would have only the barest scraps of information on the particularities of ingredients, such as how different types of flour differ and produce different results, or how yeast affects the flavor profile of bread. Rice flour, barley flour, potato flour and amaranth flour would be just as common as wheat flour, but finding sources that didn't treat them as functionally identical would be near impossible. At the same time, websites and books would list specific brands of flour in bread recipes, often without specifying anything else.

An unreasonable amount of people would be hellbent on doing something like baking a full-sized loaf of bread in under 3 minutes, and would regularly bake bread to charred cinders at 700 degrees in an attempt to accomplish this, but instead of gently telling people that their goal is not realistic, books claiming to be general resources would be framed entirely around the goal of baking bread as fast as possible, with entire chapters devoted to making the charred bread taste like it isn't charred.

Anyway, this is what landscaping is like.

Disclaimer: I am about to drag the entire field of landscaping like Hector's corpse through the mud at Troy. If this is not the kind of thing you're into, read no further.

So, the entire United States (where I live) is covered in these:

Landscaping shrubs give me major uncanny valley ick. They grow so indifferently to hostile surroundings and caretaking alike, totally ignored by insects, that it seems they must never have been quite alive in the first place.

If it's possible to be cruel to a plant, what we've done to landscaping shrubs is cruelty; they're bred to be planted in packed clay and gravel beside barren concrete and poison-soaked lawn and cling to life for a few years at best before being replaced— all the while forming no relationships with other plants or animals and showing no outward signs of distress.

So the trouble is. Everyone Knows that the way you make a flower bed is

till up a section of ground,

put the plants you want in it, spaced apart according to how big they're expected to grow,

spread mulch over the empty space between them,

and pull up all the weeds that pop up for eternity.

This doesn't work. It's amazing just how much it doesn't work and just how devoted the entire fucking world is to believing that it does.

Fact is, ecosystems are a ceaseless and absolutely unstoppable flow of change. New plants emerge. Present plants grow and interact with other organisms. Old plants die. Organic material decays and is changed. Erosion and weathering remove and introduce new soil material. CHANGE. This is what it is to be alive, to have life, to live. CHANGE.

Life wants to proliferate, to grow, to take in and use energy, and we live on an alive planet of alive things. Life has adapted to every possible niche, from the deepest mine shafts to the drains of hospital sinks; the harshness of extreme environments is nothing but "I double dog dare you."

Extreme environments have life forms that specialize in them. They're sometimes called extremophiles. A heavily disturbed and denuded environment, like a bare, tilled-up flower bed, is extreme for most plants; plants are a community-oriented lot that essentially collectively terraform their own environments.

Direct, unfiltered exposure to sunlight, rain, and wind is absolutely brutal for many organisms that don't live in a desert or other similar biome. Plants take damage from the very radiation they feed upon. Raindrops striking the bare soil, without leaves or decaying plant matter to cushion them, pack the surface soil layer into a hard crust. Wind blowing against plant leaves makes them lose water faster (succulents have a workaround though). Soil without a thick mat of roots and fungi penetrating it washes or blows away at the slightest disturbance. Water in direct sunlight evaporates quickly. And bare rock, asphalt, or concrete in sun quickly becomes unsurvivably hot.

These conditions are features, not bugs, of desert biomes, but they are also temporarily created by disturbance in any biome. So there's a special category of short-lived plants adapted specifically for disturbance. They're called pioneer species or disaster species, but their other name is more familiar: weeds.

The typical landscaping bed, with big spaces in between the intentionally planted plants waiting for them to grow bigger, is exactly the habitat weeds are adapted for.

Weeds produce a bajillion tiny seeds that make their way into every crumb of soil everywhere, and weed seeds don't sprout immediately when they are buried in soil—they wait. Weed seeds go dormant, like sleeper agents waiting for activation, sometimes for decades, until they detect a disruption in their surroundings that tells them their environment has been disturbed. Then they sprout.

Keeping weeds out of a flower bed that looks like this is so much labor that no one can do it. And pulling up or killing the weeds is disturbing the soil and activating more weeds. It's like a task you would be assigned in Hell.

And everyone KNOWS no one can do it, so landscapers lay down landscape fabric or just straight plastic under the mulch so everything in the soil is trapped when it tries to emerge. The trouble with this is that soil eventually forms or is brought in on top of it, and new weeds grow in THAT, or the weeds just sprout right through not giving a singular shit, as weeds are wont to do.

And landscape fabric, like plastic, NEVER DECOMPOSES. Either way you're just putting plastic in your soil.

Even worse, these ill conceived weed barriers might eventually kill your plants. Roots need water, they also need to exchange oxygen with the air. Enough mulch and plastic to stop weeds, will also likely suffocate your plants to death, on top of stopping water and nutrients from reaching down into the soil where roots can absorb them.

Once your plants are dead, you have to dig through plastic to plant new ones, and probably put down new plastic. With most suburban homes this cycle has repeated god knows how many times and you can't break ground without digging up more scraps of non-biodegradable trash.

Another alternative is to use straight-up rocks instead of mulch, just pile rocks around your plants. This doesn't actually stop weeds, but it does mean every time you try to plant something, you get to spend hours picking rocks out of the soil one by one.

Or you can use poison. Yay!

I get so angry about this, because the average American thinks gardening is this kind of torture labyrinth where you just pull crabgrass out of a pile of splinters forever, and any advice they receive will consist of instructions on how to kill their plants slowly.

It's at the point where the mulch with a few small plants in it IS the aesthetic ideal, where the black mulch is a visual backdrop to set off the plants, because NO ONE EVER SEES THESE GARDENS REACH MATURITY because THEY NEVER LAST THAT LONG. At some point the idea was that the flower bed would eventually "fill out," but now "dyed mulch with plants scattered in it" is just what a garden bed is expected to look like.

Landscaping websites typically list the lifespan of small trees or shrubs as around 10 years, which is...incredibly sad. Not every plant will live to its maximum lifespan, but many common species can live to 50-70 years.

And what this leads to, is landscapers expecting plants to only last a few years, so they plant trees 2 FEET FROM A BUILDING where they CANNOT SURVIVE LONG TERM. They plant lil baby ornamental shrubs where they cannot grow AT ALL without obstructing a path or a window. But it's what people expect to see, they expect to see tiny baby shrubs no more than knee high.

No one knows what a bush is anymore. "What are some bushes that are about a foot tall" I don't know, go to the Arctic fucking tundra and tell me!!! But the actual answer is: any of them, if you kill them often enough.

Many places with "nice landscaping" are literally just digging up their plants and replacing them every few months. That's what my college campus did.

And here's the thing that REALLY grinds my gears, okay? Not everybody wants or values Soulless Corporate Boxwood Hedge type gardens, but there is NO INFORMATION on any other way to do things.

The assumption that gardening is a planting your desired plants a certain distance apart in a single event and after that, no change except the plants getting bigger, is so fundamental, you can't even find a method of gardening that incorporates basic ecological succession. Which is going to happen whether you like it or not.

Weeds are specially adapted for heavily disturbed and destroyed environments, but that doesn't mean that every disaster species is a "bad" plant that is ugly or harmful.

So here's what we'd want to do: Group species roughly by their lifecycle (longer lived vs. shorter lived, annual vs. perennial) and the plasticity of their growth form (relatively fixed growth forms vs. colony forming, creeping, stoloniferous or rhizomatous plants, vines). Plant seeds in the wild don't fall to the ground perfectly spaced apart. The amount of room there is in total is what's important. Plants adapt their shape relative to the plants around them.

Plants are three-dimensional, meaning they take up the space they need by a mix of vertical AND horizontal growth, and they're not solid, impermeable masses that exclude other objects, they have spaces between their stems and leaves.

Plants grow overlapping and mixed together with each other. This is actually good for all of them because it cushions them against getting knocked flat by storms. Some wild species can't even hold themselves up planted alone without other plants surrounding them.

You'd plan out fixed locations for the relatively long-lived plants with relatively non-adaptable shapes. Then you'd put in the plants that can shift their growth forms a little more, plants that form colonies or that grow in the direction they favor etc. Then you'd overload the rest of the space with annual plants, low creeping plants, vines, etc—plants that can essentially move around wherever they like.

Gardeners keep assuming that plants don't move but they do. Any colony-forming plant or plant with rhizomes, vines, runners, etc. can move to where it wants to be by growing that direction and making new stems and roots there. Annuals likewise will produce a bajillion seeds that end up everywhere and the seeds in the best place will grow up and be successful.

You need a mix of plants that grow tall, plants with a more creeping habit, plants that are more ethereal and delicate and mix in with more robust plants, etc.

The dense, compact, extremely fixed and predictable form of selectively bred garden plants is actually way worse for excluding unwanted weeds. A mix of three or four plants planted in the same space, growing opportunistically to take advantage of gaps between their companions' leaves, will do a way better job of filling space.

Also, everyone thinks a vine is only good for climbing a trellis or something. Bullshit. A vine is just a plant that does whatever the hell it wants. An herbaceous vine will be perfectly happy climbing your other plants or creeping along the ground, filling in spaces the other plants missed.

You should expect your garden to change over time! That's the biggest thing I wish people knew. You're not going to get the "end result" within a year. There is no end result. Shorter-lived plants take over the role of dominating the place while the longer lived ones are still growing up. Every plant eventually dies and another plant grows. Change is eternal, so embrace it!

Think of it like this, either you pick out the adaptable short-lived disaster species, or Nature picks them for you. There's gonna be weeds. Weeds are as unstoppable as time. So, might as well pick native, ecologically beneficial weeds you like.

A healthy selection of ferocious native weeds will critically weaken the invasive little shits. The long-lived perennials will take longer to grow to maximum size and flourishing with heavy competition, but later-successional species are used to that; they spend the time networking, biding their time and building a super deep root system that will prepare them for explosive and vigorous growth when they're ready.

Eventually, the "weedier" plants will get outcompeted and begin diminishing...which is when it starts looking like a great time for a new garden!!!!

Like so many things in the US, its not about the garden its about the Status Symbol. People often understand that the ideal is difficult or impossible, that's not the point, the point is to maintain the difficult or impossible. A bare garden is just like a bare lawn. It shows that you have the time or money to waste on an empty plot of land. Do you have the time to waste hours weeding and weeding and weeding forever? The time to water the garden constantly? The time to dig up the whole garden every year to put down new plastic and mulch? The money to buy new plants, plastic, mulch, pesticide, herbicide, etc, etc, etc every year? Or better yet, the money to pay someone else to do all that? THAT'S the goal. Not a healthy garden. Not a beautiful piece of the ecosystem. And that idea has poisoned the culture so deeply that even the people who do want healthy plants don't know the first thing about them. Companies take advantage of that fact and encourage ignorance. "You don't need yucky plants you need more PRODUCTS and SERVICES."

A house near my parents sold recently and the new owners immediately destroyed the huge old, beautiful, low maintenance, polyculture garden the old owners spent decades on. They put in something like that photo. When my mom talked to the new owner she said "oh yeah we couldn't wait to get rid of that mess, the owners must have just given up on appearances haha." And my mom struggled to not yell that the old owners had in fact cared deeply for that garden and it was specifically cultivated to be a safe haven for birds and other native wildlife. It had a hidden pathway that was kept meticulously clean, a bird feeder right in front of the biggest window in the house for birdwatching, and the owners spent years guiding the garden to grow in a way that was both natural and beautiful. But she just saw mess. Too many weeds, too many plants, to much diversity, too much LIFE. Now the new owner spends 10 times the time and money to keep up her sad plot of mulch and tiny shrubs that die almost every year, wasting tons of water and putting infinite layers of plastic and poison over the grave of a beautiful garden that never needed any of that. And I'm sure if she looks online for gardening advice she'll find countless sources saying she's doing everything right.

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8bitrevolver

This was meant to be a quick warm up, but it turned into a comic that I’ve wanted to draw for a while. This is something that is extremely important to me, and I appreciate it if you read it.

A while ago, I heard a story that broke my heart. A family went a cat shelter to adopt. The daughter fell in love with a 3-legged cat. The father straight up said “absolutely not”. Because he was missing a leg. That cat was that close to having a family that loved him, but the missing leg held him back. Why?!

Many people have the initial instinct of “nope” when they see an imperfect animal. I get it, but less-adoptable does NOT mean less loveable. 9 out of 10 people will choose a kitten over an adult cat. And those 10% that would get an adult cat often overlook “different” animals.

All I want people to do is be open to the idea of having a “different” pet in their lives. Choose the pet that you fall in love with, but at least give all of them a fair shot at winning your heart.

Don’t dismiss them, they deserve a loving home just as much as any other cat. They still purr, they still love a warm lap, they still play, they still love you. Trust me, next time you are in the market for a new kitty, just go over to that one cat that’s missing an eye and see what he’s all about!

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kedreeva

Let me tell to you a thing.

This is Lenore. I first saw her in a little cage at the Petco I frequent (I used to take my parents’ dog in for puppy play time), and she looked like the grouchiest, old, crotchety cat in the world, and I fell instantly in love. She was cranky, she was anti-social, hanging out at the back of her cage. Her fur was matted because she wouldn’t let the groomers near her.

She was perfect.

But I didn’t have a place for her. I wasn’t living in my own space yet, and where I was, I wasn’t allowed cats. So I pressed my face to the bars of her cage and I promised that if no one had adopted her by the time I’d bought a house, I would come back for her.

I visited her every week for over six months while I looked for a house. At one point, they had to just shave her entire rear-end because the mats of fur were so bad. They told me she clawed the heck outta the groomer that did it, screamed the entire time, and spent the next two days growling at anyone that came near the cage.

A couple of weeks later, I closed on my house. I went back and I got an employee, and I said: “That one. I need that cat.”

They got the paperwork and the lady who ran the rescue that was bringing the cats in told me that Lenore (at the time, Lila) was 8 years old, had been owned by an elderly lady who had died, and brought in to a different rescue, who’d had her for six months on top of the time I’d been seeing her at Petco.

This kitty had been living in a 3x3’ cube for over a YEAR because she was older and “less adoptable.”

I signed the paperwork, put her in a cat carrier, and drove her to my new home. I had pretty much nothing; a bed, an old couch, a couple of bookcases, and a tank of mice I called “Cat TV”. I let her out of the carrier and onto my bed, and I told her “I told you I would come back for you when I had a place. It’s not much, but it’s yours too now.”

Lenore spent the next three days straight purring non-stop. She followed me around the house purring. Sat next to me purring. Slept next to me purring. Leaning into every touch, purring, purring, always purring. She still purrs if you so much as think about petting her. She’s amazing, and I love her.

So, you know, if you’re thinking about adopting, and you see a beast that others consider “less adoptable,” think about Lenore.

Dangit I’m crying

Crying, too! I don’t care if this is off-topic; it’s too important not to share.

As a humane society volunteer I cannot scroll past this. Please, adopt our older animals!

I feel like a broken cat at the shelter every day.

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letoasai

Please share.

I had my deaf cat for 18 years and i don’t know if i’ll ever meet such a gentle cat again.

do you have any idea how much joy i get every time i get to tell people his name is Yardstick because he has three feet

We found an old Persian cat that had been declawed as a kitten then dumped in the wild when she couldn't breed anymore. She was old, arthritic, starved near to death, had multiple horrible wounds, and had some brain damage that we suspect was from either starvation or infection. The emergency vet said if we gave her to a shelter they'd certainly put her down due to her age and current state. So we took her in, cleaned her up (a process that took almost a week of baths and shaving) and started the long road to recovery. She was scared but accepted our actions because she was too weak to fight us.

She was the most chill and loving creature I've ever met. She loved everyone but most of all her family. She had her quirks of course, she often ran into walls because of her brain damage, she had some kidney problems, and the arthritis in her paws was exacerbated by being declawed so she didn't like walking around much. But she always was happy to see us. Her ideal day was sitting on the couch with the family watching tv so we could all pet her. She trusted us completely, you could flip her upside down or wear her around your neck like a scarf and she was just limp and purring the whole time. She was estimated to be at least 12 when we found her. She lived another 10 happy years with us. My only regret is that we didn't get more time with her, but 22 is pretty good for an old brain damaged dumpster cat.

Please give older and disabled pets a chance. You might just find an animal that changes your life

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reblogged
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kazumasougi

theres something about being disabled and needing to sit down constantly in public spaces that makes you notice how often benches are put up as tributes and memorials. and before i hit an age where i really started to need them as frequently i think i never fully understood the sentiment but now its become very endearing to me. a bit of relief and care for you in the name of someone who offered us the same… i dont think i had a point with this post but i hope everyone thats been memorialized as such knows how loved they were to become synonymous with respite even to total strangers

There's a lovely park near me that I visit with my mom a lot. There's lots of benches and every one is a donation or memorial. Long ago we started to remember the names on them and use them as landmarks. "Oh we're coming up to Ruth" "Jonathan's bench has such a lovely view." When my disabilities started kicking my butt I truly understood the love that a seat showed. The benches took on new significance. They were sanctuaries. "Can you make it to Ruth?" "You can rest with Jonathan as long as you need" We never knew the people or their families but we felt the love anyway. My mom donated a bench on a particularly steep section that I always struggled with because she knew others would struggle there as well.

Benches are relief. Benches are comfort. Whether it's just a nice place to sit, a respite from pain, or a place for much needed rest, seats are so important

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reblogged

I remember one time asking this friend of mine if his parents ever tried to scare him with stuff like La Llorona or the bogeyman when he was growing up and he was so casually like "Nah there were several serial killers in my neighborhood so they just threatened me with that." and then just went back to sipping his coffee

Like dude back up two paces what

I grew up in a small town without a lot of crime. When I told a friend that they went "oh so you were super safe, did your parents just let you wander around without worrying about you?" And I said "no no you misunderstand. The town was safe, my street however had a drug dealer, 2 convicted pedophiles, and a bank robber. Small street too"

Silence.

"Yeah then the cops found a dead body and after that my parents barely let me leave the house."

More silence.

"WHAT?!??"

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reblogged

"if you are over 30 on Tumblr the mental illness won" "the aging fanbase of Tumblr" motherfucker if you are over 30 and have been here the entire time it means the mental illness didn't win we are still alive WE MADE IT

Seriously. I've been here since 2012. I remember the culture back then and how much it centered mental illness, often to the point of glorifying it. People joke that this is the neurodivergent queer website but that comes with a population hit hard by depression and suicidal ideation because of how society treats us. I remember mutuals who posted a goodbye to the world and never posted again. I remember people who made the news because they were killed because of their identity. I remember accounts who went dark and while I know some are just abandoned accounts, some aren't. I and many mutuals didn't expect to live to 30. So seeing so many people on here who have been here a long time is comforting.

I love the aging user base. It shows how many of us made it. We beat the mental illness and the bigotry and grew into adults who are still enjoying stupid memes and fandoms. Our teenage selves would be proud. We made it

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reblogged

my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

and she told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and i would go to heaven, and i would be able to talk to the worms, and i would be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident out of excessive Love, and that they would forgive me, because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

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lilietsblog

Wait, you're telling me I spent the latter half of my childhood deathly terrified of worms for NOTHING? That was a lie?

huh. you viewed worms entirely mythical regenerative powers as something to be feared. i viewed it as an opportunity. something something The Duality of Man.

i am considering that fear produced a better outcome than love for both you and the worm. this feels like an important thought.

There are truly no unique experiences. My dad told me the same thing, so I think this is an old wives tale and not a lie your grandfather came up with on his own. I similarly loved worms and other creepy crawlies so I also collected a bunch of worms and cut them in half. The difference is that I didn't keep them in one place, I would put one half back where I found it and put the other half in a different spot I thought worms would like. I was trying to increase the number of places I could find worms and little me thought maybe the worms hadn't found all the good hiding places yet so I would help them out. My goal was worm heaven. Unfortunately for the worms the worm peices were always gone when I checked the next time so I assumed my worm expansion was working perfectly. This went on for probably a couple weeks.

One day my mom came outside while I was worm hunting and asked why I had a butter knife (I knew I wasn't allowed the sharp knives and my mom took all my safety scissors after the Hair Incident). I casually said "to cut the worms." She asked what the heck I was talking about and I said "I cut the worms in half and put it in a new place! :)" My poor mom was baffled and probably a bit concerned about my mental state. Once she finally got my misunderstanding she informed me that it wasn't true.

Tears. A flood of tears. Hyperventilating, snot pouring, inconsolable tears. My mom tried saying that it probably didn't hurt the worms and that there were plenty of other worms. Then came the second shock for her. I howled "I DONT WANT TO EAT THE WORMS!!!" You see my parents always told me it was ok to kill animals to eat because it was part of the circle of life. So of course I assumed that the ONLY reason to kill an animal is to eat it. One childlike reasoning to the next said I killed the worms so now I gotta eat them. Years later my mom told me she had to hold back a lot of laughter because how does one explain to a sobbing child the difference between a cow and a worm and the complex ethics of animal slaughter? It took a while to convince me both a) I wasn't an evil person for my accidental worm murder and b) I didn't have to eat any worms.... please don't eat worms. My mom convinced me to maybe love the worms from a distance which was probably best for the local worms

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wait lemme look something up

hey what the fuck

context: this kristi noem lady wrote a memoir and trying to demonstrate her good leadership qualities, she told this story, which my mom read out loud in the living room to me as it appeared in the book when this news first broke:

She had a young dog she was training for pheasant hunting. The dog was not very well behaved, as is typical of dogs in the stage between puppy and proper adulthood. The dog was causing a lot of problems, typical puppy things, culminating in the dog attacking the neighbor's chickens. This was the last straw for mrs. kristi noem so she took the dog to a gravel pit and shot it dead.

She also had a goat, an intact male, who was ornery and would headbutt and knock down the young kids, so while she was at it, she decided to take the goat to the designated animal-executing gravel pit and kill it as well.

She shot the goat, but didn't kill it, instead leaving it injured and thrashing, and then she discovered she was out of ammunition, so she had to go to her truck to get some, and at this point her kids get home from school and are asking where their dog is.

Yeah, she put this shit in her book thinking it would make her look GOOD.

The point was supposed to be that she is willing to make tough or uncomfortable decisions in support of a greater good, but the point actually became that she causes problems that should be easily anticipated, doesn't take responsibility for it, and seeks the most extreme and violent possible solutions to the problems she caused herself.

She tried to say "People just don't understand the harsh realities of rural life!" Bullshit. Every part of this story is just shameful

  • when having trouble training a (still very young) dog, instead of thinking she needs to try different training methods or simply more patience, she decides that the dog is Inherently Bad
  • she thought killing was the only option for a dog that couldn't be trained the way she wanted
  • the dog was just exhibiting normal behaviors of a high prey drive adolescent dog
  • she was letting the dog run loose???
  • she expected the dog to tell the difference between pheasants and chickens????????
  • even though her children apparently considered this dog a pet, she doesn't even have a conversation with her kids about the dog before deciding to kill it.
  • after killing the dog, she decides ON IMPULSE to kill a GOAT as well
  • The goat's nuisance behaviors (head butting and knocking over other similar sized creatures) are the expected behaviors of an uncastrated male goat. nothing could be more normal for an intact goat buck.
  • the goat is, apparently, also running loose with no enclosure or pasture of any kind. Either that or her kids regularly play in the pasture of the intact male goat.
  • i don't know man, farmer family friend has goat bucks to breed his does, and there are small children at his house basically every day, and no small children are getting knocked over by goats due to a revolutionary technology known as a fence
  • She fails to kill the goat by shooting it at point blank range
  • She fails to check and see how much ammunition she has before shooting the goat, and doesn't have any ammunition close at hand, leaving the goat to suffer in fear and pain.

It's just. weird and horrible.

like i am redneck adjacent enough to understand that sometimes you have to "put down" an animal and shooting an animal can be a very humane way of killing it, but these are not justified circumstances, basically nobody would think they were, and only a cruel and twisted individual would impulsively decide to kill an animal out of frustration without discussing it with the other people who see that animal as a pet, let alone kill another animal riding on the bloodlust of killing the first one. And you absolutely should not be "putting down" an animal by gunshot if you have so little competence with a gun. If you can't be certain that the creature will be gone the instant you pull the trigger and will never feel any fear or pain, you can't do it humanely

but somehow she didn't have the self-insight to realize that this story makes her look like an incompetent, murderous freak

For reference I grew up around farmland and hunting was considered a standard way of feeding your family. My dad killed animals to eat or to put them out of their misery on more occasions than I could possibly count. He was disgusted by this story. She didn't do anything right, she didn't follow any degree of common sense, she clearly had no idea how to handle a gun (therefore had no business touching one), and she failed to take responsibility for any of it even years later.

Republicans love to pretend that rural living or farm living is synonymous with cruelty but that is not the case. When my dad kills a rabid fox it's not because he gets an excuse to be violent towards a helpless creature, it's because he has empathy and knows the animal is suffering. He doesn't kill deer for fun, he does it to feed his family and control the deer population, again empathy. When he trains his dogs its not to exert control over them, its to teach them life saving commands to protect them or just bond with them because he loves them. When one of my beloved hens was injured beyond our ability to fix he immediately got me so I could say goodbye to her before he put her down because he knew I'd be heartbroken if he did anything else and he actually loves his kids. If my dad, who looks like he belongs on the set of Duck Dynasty and is one of the manliest men I've ever met, can structure his life around kindness and compassion so can they. They just don't want to. They want you to believe their cruelty makes them strong. It doesn't. It makes them weak, incompetent, childish, and wholly unfit to lead. Something Kristi Noem, JD Vance, and many others know deep down, hence the insecure posturing of strength they so desperately want people to believe

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reblogged

Hypothetical: a very close friend or family member is in financial distress. They ask for your help and genuinely intend to pay you back at some point. They aren't deliberately putting themselves in this situation, but this is not the first time this has happened.

You're capable of helping financially, but you know it won't solve the bigger, recurring problem. It would just cover the most basic needs (like food or rent) for this instance.

Anon's mother is not good with money and has had bad luck with partners and exes who left her to deal with their shared debts. She's always helped others when they needed it, and though she feels bad about it, she still keeps asking anon's siblings and other relatives to help her out in these situations.

Anon has managed to build up some savings by living frugally, but they're not rich. They love their mum, and want her to have what she needs, but things never change fundamentally. Anon is interested to see what the general tumblr populace would do in a similar situation.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

Depends on how frequently help is needed, how much is needed, and if I think it will help them put their life back together or just enable them. I've dug family out of holes and I've backed away completely. Someone's home burns down in a horrible accident? Yes and I'd refuse any money they tried to repay me. Someone got laid off but I know they're hard working and will get their feet under them quickly? Yeah absolutely I'd give them money, maybe accept repayment depending on how much they needed. Someone is a half million dollars in debt from gambling? I wouldn't hand them money but I'll make sure they have food and shelter. Someone always is begging for money claiming they can't afford groceries but they miraculously always have money for high end luxury clothes and cars? No, at a point its not helpful its more enabling.

Where that line is differs for everyone and every situation is different. You don't owe your family everything you have and ever will have. Setting boundaries is totally up to every one of us. Anon if you read this please set whatever boundaries you think are appropriate. That could be limiting how much you give her before she pays you back (partial payment or complete), it could be giving her only a set amount in a week/month/year/5 years/whatever, it could be cutting all direct financial support and just giving her food/supplies, it could be paying for certain essential bills when you are willing and able to, it could be limiting your contact with her if you feel like she's not respecting you/your finances/your boundaries. None of these mean you love her any less. Supporting family is great but that support should be the kind you are willing and able to give, no use drowning yourself to pull them out of the water.

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theorangepdf

the epidemic of grown adults playing tiktoks at full volume in public is rampant why are you acting like a 7 year old with their first ipad you have a mortgage

one guy was facetiming his sister, she was in Texas for work and I know this because they were yell-talking at each other. This went on for a few minutes so I got up, walked over and sat down in the chair next to him an asked if she was staying hygrated as I heard Texas can get really hot in the summer and that it looked like she has a bit of a sun burn.

The two of them were flabergasted. And the guy said "what are you doing???"

So I was like. "....well you included me in this call and I'm just worried about your sister."

He goes "Im having a PRIVATE conversation!"

So I goes "If it was private then how the hell do i know youre talking to your sister who is in texas on a business trip?"

Ultimately im not sure he really got the point but he lowered the volume because now he's worried about creeps like me listening to his conversations but at least he's behaving now even if he doesnt understand why

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themainspoon

You're a hero, I hope you know that.

I literally did this to someone. She was listening to very very descriptive erotica on the beach at max volume. So I walked over, sat down next to her, and asked her to catch me up on the plot I'd missed. When she asked what the hell I was doing I said "oh I thought this was like a book club thing? Since you're playing it at full volume on a crowded beach?" She suddenly remembered she did in fact bring headphones and was willing to use them. She kept looking at me like I was a lunatic for the rest of the time she was there but it was probably the funniest thing I'd ever done

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gilbert baker designed his flag with the express purpose of it including every single queer person. baker was so dedicated to making sure his flag was inclusive that he added another stripe in 2017, lavender, to represent diversity. the concept that it’s for white gay men came around later and needs to be changed.

can we please go back to associating the original flag, and ideally the modern rainbow flag, with inherent inclusion of every single queer person? instead of deciding that the original wasn’t good enough? personalized flags are important for representing those who have typically been excluded from the queer community, but reclaiming the original flag as a symbol of inclusion is important too.

I understand the intention behind the progress flag, I really do. Certain identities have been more suppressed and marginalized and I understand wanting to highlight them. But if you add a brown stripe to recognize the amazing efforts of POC for our community, you have to add something for the incredible Asian folks who have contributed, the Latino folks, the Native and Indigenous folks, not all of whom identify as POC or Brown/Black. If you add the chevron to highlight our trans and intersex siblings, why stop there? Why not add one for our other beautiful subcategories? Nonbinary, asexual, aromantic, bi, pan, genderfluid, lesbian, gay man, demisexual, femme, butch, agender, the list is quite literally endless.

You CANNOT combine every flag without it being a complete mass of unidentifiable pixels. When you accept that you have two options, 1) rank our suffering and our value to the greater community and only include the top few (an absolutely horrible idea) OR 2) decide to not add flag after flag and instead represent ALL identities with a single symbol. I think the answer is clear. The rainbow flag was always intended to be an overarching symbol for all of us.

Absolutely none of this is to disparage the progress flag, any other variations of the flag, or anyone who likes these other flags. Its just what I see as an unwinnable goal. If you try to highlight everything, you didn't actually highlight anything

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reblogged

you know, it makes sense to talk about when older queer people living as themselves inspires younger queers to do the same, but i don't think we talk enough about how the bravery of young queers can inspire and help older queers, too. like, actually seeing younger trans men who don't bind and wear dresses makeup and keep their hair long has inspired me to feel more comfortable being a feminine trans man.

actually, seeing young queers who use neopronouns helped me feel more comfortable in using pronouns i genuinely like as opposed to pronouns i feel obligated to use for everyone else's comfort. actually, seeing young queers who identify as things like gaybians, fagdykes, lesboys, girlfags, and other "contradictory" labels made me feel more confident in being those things, too. there is something to be said about the bravery of people who are just learning how to express themselves fully.

i think we can all take pages from each others' books. we all have something to learn from and teach each other. of course older queers being there for the younger generations is important, but older queers have a lot to learn from younger generations, too.

Seeing kids today breaking barriers I hadn't even considered at their age is incredible. Seeing trans kids facing the current political climate and bravely living their truth anyway is amazing. I was so scared to be myself as a teen so seeing teens today who live loudly as their whole authentic selves heals something in me. In many ways the world is kinder to queer kids than it was, and I love that they helped make it that way. In many ways the negativity is more focused on queer kids, and I love that they are themselves anyway. I love seeing younger people finding labels that fit them perfectly, or casting aside old ones in favor of better labels, or making up new ones because none fit just right, or saying fuck it I don't need a label at all.

There is no such thing as "too late" to discover yourself. Younger folks prove that to me all the time, with more awareness of more identities I see people my age, my parent's ages, even my grandparents ages, who are discovering there's a word for how they've always felt, and that there are other people like them. New generations give our community more life, more joy, and more perspectives.

I look at younger queer folk who are awkwardly stumbling through the same phases I and my peers went through and I love them. I look at younger queer folk who proudly declare themselves in ways we couldn't and I love them. I look at them navigating a world so similar and so different and I love them. I love younger generations taking the same steps we did and sometimes going further than we could.

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jager-bruder

When I was a kid my parents had a female dog who had an unusually tough pregnancy. After she delivered the first, a stillborn, she was frantic trying to revive her and started hyperventilating when she couldn't and my parents took the pup to do what they could (unfortunately they were also unsuccessful). She delivered the second pup and while he was small he was healthy. She was clearly excited. Ears up, tail wagging, licking and snuggling him. We kept the pup and the two of them were inseparable. She was a great mom and absolutely doted on any small animal around her whether it was dog, cat, human, mouse, she didn't care. But her pup was special. They lived many happy years together and were never far apart.

One day, when she was old, she laid down and passed peacefully in her sleep on our porch. My mom came outside because the son was barking at the door clearly upset. He lead my mom to his mother's body and looked back and forth between them. My mom checked on her and quickly realized what happened. We wrapped our beloved dog in her favorite blanket and buried her. Her son stopped eating, wouldn't chase a ball, barely drank, and stayed at the spot his mother passed for days. We took him to the vet, the vet said the only thing she could do was give him some IV fluids and some nutrients to keep him alive, but the issue was that he was mourning. So we kept his body going to see if he would recover emotionally. We made daily trips to the vet for fluids, moved his favorite bed outside, gave lots of love from us, and we waited. One day we walked outside to see a kitten curled up with him on the bed. Apparently a nearby barn cat had kittens recently and one wandered up to him and made himself at home. That day we saw the first signs of life; he was licking the kitten clean. That evening he ate food for the first time in over a week. Obviously we adopted the kitten and the two were close friends for the rest of the dogs life.

I don't like to humanize animals. But to say that dogs (and some other animals) don't grieve in their own way seems demonstrably false. Different dogs have different reactions obviously, but they understand death to some degree and it clearly impacts them. I think there's a line between assigning human characteristics to animals and denying that more complex feelings in animals is possible. Do dogs understand their own mortality and have existential crises about it? No probably not. But do they form attachments to their pack mates? Absolutely.

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reblogged

Something I don't think non-disabled people understand is that realising you're disabled happens over, and over, and over again.

Maybe something gets worse, or you recognise a new way it effects your life, or you remember something you used to be able to do that you had to give up, or maybe you're just reminded that this isn't how it is for other people. And like, I'm not going to say it never gets easier, but it definitely packs more of a punch some days than others.

Like, yeah, we keep going, because what other option do we have? But it isn't easy. And realising that it isn't easy, over and over again, isn't easy either.

Its a form of grief. And like every other form of grief it pops up whenever it damn well pleases, no matter how long you're disabled or how much you accept it, it still punches you in the gut every now and again. A new injury, a flare, degeneration, a photo from when things were better, an old habit that pops up, a comment from someone, a glance in the mirror, missing something you used to do, a doctors visit, inaccessibility, a politician lobbying against you, fighting insurance.....

I sometimes forget I'm disabled until something happens. I move a way I can't anymore and along with the physical pain is the ache for what I used to have. Or I remember that the issues I carried so young aren't universal, that many people have never faced them. And I think "oh..that's right." My friends think its weird because they see how disability touches everything in my life, and it does, but its also just my life. Its my normal. So I forget it's not just normal.

It sucks. It gets easier to carry but grief is still heavy

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reblogged

ID: image of a tall sign in a medical waiting area. The text is red and black on white, and at the top is a stylized drawing of a person "yelling". The drawing is crossed out. The original poster has covered phone numbers and the clinic name. The sign reads:

Aggressive behavior will not be tolerated.

There is zero tolerance for all forms of aggression and incidents may result in removal from this facility. Our administration supports our medical professionals in pressing charges for aggressive or abusive behavior they encounter while caring for patients.

Aggressive behavior includes:

• Abusive language

• Failure to respond to staff instructions

• Physical assault

• Sexual harassment

• Sexual language directed at others

• Threats

• Verbal assault

WARNING: Assaulting a medical professional who is engaged in the performance of his or her official duties is a serious crime.

/End ID

So these signs have gone up in all the clinics in this system. They're big. Almost as tall as I am.

I have a lot to say, but first I really want to know how this sign would make you feel as a patient.

How would you feel seeing this sign immediately upon walking into your provider's office? (And if it would make you uncomfortable, why?)

Concerned. As a healthcare worker myself and as a chronically ill patient.

Healthcare workers have the highest rates of assault, sexual harassment, etc of any profession. I worked in mental health for about 4 months before I was assaulted the first time. It took about 3 weeks for someone to threaten to kill me the first time. So I understand wanting to prioritize employee safety. However, the wording of the sign is extremely problematic. "Failure to respond to staff instructions" and "verbal assault" are far too vague. I've ignored medical staff because they were objectively wrong. I've stood up to medical staff to protect my own safety. I've called a doctor an idiot because he told me to do something medically impossible. And I've cried, yelled, and had emotional outbursts because of pain fear and frustration. None of that harmed staff (except hurting one guys feelings but oh well).

Seeing this sign and how vague but aggressive it is gives me four main concerns. 1) Staff here have seen some shit. I empathize with them, but that may make them reactive and jumpy. I'd be concerned that they will see a person in distress and assume aggression. 2) It puts their patients on edge because they're being told the clinic is a dangerous place. If a patient is already scared of medical professionals (which a lot of people are) then this may increase that fear. Which ironically makes outbursts MORE likely. 3) It will make patients scared to speak up. Patients already have incentives to shut up and follow orders even when they know better or have questions, this is just adding another one. 4) Will this zero tolerance be enforced fairly? Or will racism, ableism, classism, etc play into it? Will a slim white teenage girl crying and screaming be viewed the same as a large black man? Will exceptions be made for neurodivergent folks, folks with dementia, mental illnesses, mental disabilities, folks with language barriers, folks with tics and uncontrollable muscle movement?

I wouldn't condemn the staff or even a clinic as a whole because of these signs. I know its probably because of a serious incident or series of incidents which threatened staff safety. But I would be more on edge in that building than some other medical buildings. If they have the option for feedback I'd tell them exactly that, and that the sign may actually contribute to workplace incidents as well as scaring patients away from medical care

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