First of all, ehhhhh

shhh! it was supposed to be a secret

hiii new uquiz dropped: answer some gender questions and i’ll assign u a new one

yeah

Fair lol

it’s like I DO want to be feminine in the way a man is feminine. if I’m performing feminity I don’t want it to be read as an inherent reflection of my gender and who I am. I don’t want someone to call me ma’am or be called a girl. like. it’s drag. only it can’t be drag for me, because it’s not actually subverting anything, is it? so I’m in this spot where I either cannot allow myself any femininity or I do and accept the consequences of perception. my wearing eyeliner isn’t a subversion, a quiet rebellion, it’s perceived as fulfilling an expectation. somehow I can never be masc enough to be percieved as I want to be, so any introduction of femininity feels like a defeat. and yet sometimes I want to wear the pretty things that are still in my closet! or play around with makeup. but it isn’t a young boy getting into his mother’s vanity and heels, it’s growing up into the fulfillment of the wants of the mother and the rest of society as a blank whole.

Hello all! I don’t think I actually made this post even thought I’ve orginally meant to. (And if I did here’s a 4 month use update!)

So I live with chronic pain and other chronic illness concerns so while most binders look super cool flat wise, they are a nightmare to me because you can’t get them off quickly.

*taps the photos of this bad boy right here*

Zipper!! Now if I’m feeling bad suddenly and either in pain, can’t breathe, or whatever my body wants to throw at me. Zip. Gone.

Its not super tight and won’t flatten a ton especially if you don’t position those puppies. But because it isn’t super tight I can do more in it for longer. (Remember always listen to your body’s limits). Now I do have a large set but it still gives me a more of a Dorito shape which is my fav and allows me to not even need a level of flatness other binders can get.

Some others pros, cheap! 18 bucks. I like the design of this for being shirt-like, sometimes I’ll just wear it around the house when I want to just “be in my underwear”. (A concept that eluded me pre-gender euphoria days.)

My only complaint is that is rides up on my hips which can be annoying. I joked I wanted those sexy like belt garters to hold it down but it hasn’t been that big of a deal tbh

Now I totally know this isn’t the standard choice, maybe not even the best choice for most trans people. But it is the best choice for me. So if you were thinking you can’t bind at all because of disability maybe try this out! 

Someone said I should post this here

what she says: I’m fine

what she means: we should just fucking destroy the idea that gender has to be associated with words like mother/father/husband/wife (and so on), because even though it’s a life-changing joy to hear other queer folks refer to their spouses as their husband/wife, what a fucking power move it would be if someone said “Hold on, let me get my husband” and out comes a 5′4″ lesbian wearing more layers than marty mcfly and the best eyeliner you’ve ever seen in your life

okay no, I have more to say about this, because I am actually serious.

if our goal is changing how people look at gender and identity, those words are going to change too. so I say fuck it, language is made by humans, and we get to decide how that change is gonna happen (or at least how it starts).

for clarity: this is not a feminine/masculine thing. this is not “the butches are fathers/husbands, the femmes are mothers/wives.” absolutely not. I’m saying that people should freely choose those labels just like any other, no matter who they are.

I don’t want it to be about gender, or what your job is, or if you’re a stay at home parent, or what you wear, or really anything else - if you want to be a mom instead of a dad, or a husband instead of a wife, or some or none of those things, just fucking go for it! 

imagine it. just imagine a kid saying “I have to go, my mom’s picking me up” and their mom is a 6'4" dude in a ford focus. imagine mother’s day not being about the hardship of womanhood, and father’s day not being about how many dudes are barely involved in parenting. imagine terrible dad jokes made by women, and men being soccer moms, and nonbinary people doing whatever the hell they want, in general!

because if those words get separated from their gendered meanings, they can be used by anyone! I mean, my dysphoria is hugely affected by how I’m perceived by other people. so if labels like this don’t have a gendered meaning anymore, I’d be way more comfortable with them, instead of terrified that somebody’s going to assume I’m a straight and/or cis person rather than this gay nightmare that is the form that I possess.

(wow and for the record, we should also stop it with the Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss Sir/Ma’am bullshit. let people use whatever honorifics they want, and maybe stop making retail workers assume the genders of strangers for the sake of being polite? it’s so stupid.)

“but what about straight people?” I imagine somebody might ask. do you think I wouldn’t be fucking overjoyed by a cis straight lady having her kids call her “dad”? that I wouldn’t grin in delight at an average cis straight dude with his kid complaining, “but mom…” at him? no. that’s a blessing.

with stuff like this, if we want it to change, it’s got to change for everyone. like how more straight people use the word “partner” now to refer to their significant other, because it’s normal! and it being normal for straight people makes it more comfortable for everyone who uses it, because it’s not just a gay thing, or a not-yet-married thing, it’s just a thing. just a normal, everyday thing.

so uhh thanks for coming to my ted talk, I guess?

final notes: I know that this isn’t necessarily a new idea - I have seen a few not-straight dudes use the term “wife” affectionately, and some wlw say “husband”, and I’ve seen women called “dad” and men called “mom” (though that’s more common with trans folks, of course). what I’m saying is: please, yes, more of that, everywhere, used by everyone! (and it’s also awesome to invent more gender neutral words, unless they only get used by nb folks, because then we’re attaching words to genders again and I’m not a fan of that. so make gender neutral words, get straight people to use them, and even that is a huge step forward. like the singular “they”!)

since this “latinx or latine” discussion is getting attention again, i’d like to point out that it’s important to know how disabled people feel about it, and why you should consider using “e” instead of “x” for making gendered words neutral.

basically, a blind brazilian and anti-ableism blogger first spoke about this issue in january 2015, claiming that words such as “latinx” and “bonitx” are actually anything but inclusive, since visually impaired people can’t understand what you’re saying, because their reading-out-loud softwares can’t pronounce these words. she then suggests that using “e” as a neutral term can be way more inclusive both to nonbinary and visually impaired people (ex.: latine, bonite). she also states that you can be neutral without using “ela” or “ele” by using instead “a pessoa/that person” or simply using the person’s name.

she stills talks about this issue on her page to this day, as well as many of other anti-ableism activists on facebook, and they ask us to spread the word by sharing their posts - so as a non-disabled person, that’s what i’m doing. i hope this helps!

other articles about this topic: [x], [x]

I just want to add, before anyone asks, that for spanish/portuguese speakers the “x” is really hard to use because %99 of the time it doesn’t come out natural at all. We literally don’t know how to say it, like the softwares. If we use it, it usually interrumps our speech all the time because we have to think how we say it. The “x”/the sound that it makes is not usual in our languages. The “e” not only helps disabled people but also it helps us because its easier and more natural in our tongues. 

On top of the aforementioned reasons to shift from latinx to latine for gender neutrality, doing so will not be difficult in oral speech even for native English speakers (instead of saying /ˈlætɪnɛks/  = Lah-teen-ex you say /ˈlætɪnɛ/ = Lah-teen-eh).

If we’re thriving for inclusive language, we should thrive for an inclusive language that effectively includes everyone. The use of Latine (and -e suffixes for gender neutrality in Portuguese and Spanish), unlike that of Latinx (and -x suffixes for gender neutrality in Portuguese and Spanish), does not have ableist consequences, and does not exclude visually impaired people.

Like @curles said, spread the word!

OP this isn’t a spelling error I thought u meant “copying” as in what we’re gonna base our new aesthetic on and I was like yes I think Jim Treasure Planet did awaken something in early dysphoric 14 year old me and perhaps I WILL wear his outfits

trans names alignment chart

Cis people who don't know much about gender stuff but are genuinely trying to be respectful are so cute

Today a girl in class told me I look pretty and she immediately froze and said "wait no. Handsome? Good, you look good" and I'm like Vanesa I would kill for you

Genuinely tho like. Trans people notice when you put in the effort. When you correct yourself after misgendering us, we notice. When you put thought into the language you use for us, we notice. Just basic consideration and respect is surprisingly rare from anyone who's not a close friend, so when you put like, any thought at all into how to respect our identity, we notice.

I know we're not supposed to reward people for doing shit that should be the standard, but it isn't the standard right now, and if we don't acknowledge people who are getting shit right then the standard isnt ever gonna change. So from the bottom of my heart, to all the cis people out there putting genuine effort into helping the trans people in your life feel comfortable and respected, thank you.

The tattoo artist I'm seeing had an Instagram post where she used a clients they/them pronouns, and when I mentioned that I loved seeing that post and that it made me feel safer coming to her shop, she immediately apologized for sometimes messing it up.

And I was like "no. you are fine. you're making the effort. we notice and care. I accidentally use the wrong pronouns for my friends sometimes (and apologize). I accidentally misgender myself soemtimes. it's the people that don't make an effort who we get mad at. you guys have a place for pronouns on your waiver forms"

And she was so relieved to hear that. I get the feeling she doesn't have anybody she's close to that use different pronouns. And so it was important for her to have the opportunity to talk to an enby so that she could learn. And hopefully learning that we just want you to try will empower her to feel less scared of messing up and able to learn even more.

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Once again, thank you everyone for reading, enjoying, and sharing this comic.  Not just sharing in the sense of re-posting this comic, (which you should totally do) but also sharing your stories with me, letting my know how my comics have touched you.  It means so much to me.  Love ya! Stay tuned for more comics! <3

It gives me tremendous joy to see people still reading this comic, and especially when they get something out of it.

Over the years I have faced many ups and downs, just like everyone else. Sometimes it really gets to me how mean people can be to each other. How mean I can be to myself. But for all the Level 1 Trans Fighters out there please know with acceptance, mindfulness, and self compassion I did in fact find my balance. Not a fast process. Basically a complete lifestyle change. Sometimes I lose that balance, sure. But when I choose to present my authentic identity? I’m objectively drop dead gorgeous. Here are a hand full of my looks. You’ll notice none of them are 100% masculine or feminine. Peace be with you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being you. -J

You deserve to feel comfortable, so don’t push yourself to go at a faster pace. It’ll hurt you more.

Reblogging both for stellar comic and wonderful mustache

always reblog! I love this comic, so very much. *offers all the kudos* Thank you for this, it continues to help a lot. You look amazing in those lipstick shades, by the way.

Dark lipstick and chainmail is such a look, love it.

ugh dysphoria is so fuckin complicated like no I don’t wanna look like a girl yes I wanna look like a dude who looks like a girl

u get it

There are two wolves inside you: one wants you to have long hair that can be braided into ancient hairstyles/a warrior’s mane, the other wants you to have close cropped hair. 

 You are nonbinary

i want to look like a boy who looks like a girl who looks like a boy who looks like a girl

Somebody Told Me - The Killers