cassidyleora reblogged
#this is so cute and makes me so happy rn ahhh#its just turned 1 AM and i'm dragging so hard we just got home from St Louis and im so exhausting in every way#physically and mentally and emotionally it's been so challenging and nothing even went wrong it was great#it's just me and that's okay. me and mom walked around the river to catch pokemon but it was hot and gross#and i wante dto shred me skin off even more today walking around the zoo for hours#it was great and i love zoos i took lots of videos and got lotsa idea for when my character visit the zoo in this novel#BUT there were a lot of people and i accidentally left my noise cancelling headphones in the car so it was loud and ughshgjenrdfg#my sister would walk far ahead leading the way and so i stayed walking slower with my brother cause it was so. hot.#and i kept wanting to grab onto the back of his shirt of something and follow him to not get lost of anything but ainganejtng#he freaks out if i touch him and it's not his fault he just doesn't understand. strange really since he's a nurse and has no doubt had to-#learn how to work with many people and learned all about mental illnesses in college BUT i understand he doesn't see me any different from-#-the years of us growing up together and i appreciate that.#but as soon as we got there this girl complemented my knee high socks in passing and she was already gone when i realized:#oh#she was talking to me ok i should look at her so i would have seen her pointing#and he started going on how he does about how i was so rude and should have said thank you blahblahblah and no one was explaining to him#so i accidentally snapped and said there's this thing called autism have you ever heard of it and he shut up real quick.#i literally stared at the ducks REAL HARD to stop bursting into tears in the spot.#my mind got really dizzy so i wasn't thinking real good and it was hot and scary#i think i get a lot now what it feels like to have a 'shut down'. I've lived a lucky enough life to avoid a lot but when i do#it's very frightening and feels like everythings out of control. i kept blinking while walking and forgetting where i was#i didn't like it but there were these fans blowing mist and it was so awesome but there were always lots of kids around them#on the way out it was empty and i wanted so bad to stand in front of one but i couldn't get myself to say anything but that's ok#also i got to see JELLYFISH and they had neon lights on them and everything they were SO CUTE but i wished it wasn't such a small tank#also NO PANDA BEARS NOR RED PANDAS but there was a polar bear and it yawned i wanted to climb in and hug it#i tried to find a jellyfish stuffed animal at the gift shop but APPARENTLY THAT'S NOT A FAN FAVOURITE WHY THEY'RE SUCH STRANGE THINGS WHY#anyway omg shutting up now gah#storytime