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Drugs & Revelations

@cassandras-nest / cassandras-nest.tumblr.com

A multifandom mess - she/her - weird aunt confirmed - SMUT/ANGST reader/acceptable writer - QUEEN/STAR WARS/MARVEL stan - sideblog: writingmyheartsout -  Cassandra's aesthetic masterlist -
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And...here we go, clonetober day 25: Keeli+routine (stress relief)

> [ metanoia ] - greek/the journey of changing one's mind, heart, self or way of life. Spiritual conversion.
> [ ukijo ] - japanese/living in the moment. Detached from the bothers of life. "The floating world".

_____

...or Captain Keeli finally enjoys life and start to take care of himself.

_____

One time, Keeli thought, just one time but he needed it. It was right after yet another lost battle and all he could think of was that he needed to take his mind off for an hour or some.

He wasn't the type to get drunk out of stress or do something stupid, he wanted to be alone but he didn't know what else he could do. Then he remembered... he still had his guilty pleasure, well it was just his personal stash of candies that neither his general knew of but it was something.

Once in his personal quarters he reached out in his locker for the hidden bag and he saw it, his personal datapad, a small one, the one he bought with the first credits he earned thanks to a game of sabacc.

- why not..it might be fun. - he said to himself

When he sat down in his bunk, gummies and device in hand, he pulled up a silly game his second in command once showed him. The game was pretty much easy, no strategies and no plans, just fun.

And that night, after a long time, Keeli genuinely laughed. He was a cadet again, with no responsability or ranks to respect...but, most importantly, he was happy.

After that night, he kept this routine...once it was a game, another time some music or even some light gossip on the holonet all while enjoying being alone with his mind...and some more candies every now and then.

_

Captain Keeli was a loyal and steady soldier in battle on the outside, but to keep his mind in check he kept a secret routine that made him feel more and more human with each passing day.

________

Ok, it sucks a bit, i know but i did my best even if i don't have my computer back yet...:)

Hope u like it!

(Clonetober prompts thanks to @threetinyshinies )

#clonetober2020#clonetober#captain keeli#day 25#routine#keeli is a sweetheart#and silly when he want to#my third husband#sw tcw
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Clonetober day 17: Wolffe+hobby

this is cute, i warn you.

(also inspired by a conversation i had with a friend, his boyfriend, while looking scary on the outside, is very peaceful and sweet and likes to sew/paint/knit and everything creative)

- Meraki - [ greek ] to put something of yourself into your work. Soul. Creativity. Love.

-

...or Commander Wolffe found himself exceptionally good at being creative.

It all happened by accident, when he made the first painting on his armor. He had a steady hand by nature but his mind was a whole other story.

He was creative and curious and eager to learn new things besides battle plans. So he started on his own.

At first, it was to separate his clothes from his brother's, then a small hole to mend or a small tear and he learned how to sew. Shortly after how to stitch, small things like names or symbols at first, but it made him feel...relaxed.

It was when, bored during a campaign, he started doddling on a discarded piece of flimsi, that his General helped him.

The General lent him few books from the library in the temple every now and then he often spent the entire night reading.

He soon learned few other things like, how to paint or how to write. Basically, how to express himself and be his own person, a real person.

On the outside was still the stern and unfriendly Commander of the 104th, behind closed door and among his brothers he was a new man, a happy one, and if anyone outside his pack was lucky enough, he could also see him smile.

-

It's probably shitty, but i wanted to try anyway...so hope you like it ❤

(Clonetober prompts thanks to @threetinyshinies )

#clonetober2020#clonetober#commander wolffe#hobby#day 17#sw tcw#the clone wars#cassandra's edits#cassandra's writing
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writingmyheartsout

Whumptober 2020 n.15 into the unknown - possession + n.16 a terrible.horrible.no good.very bad day - hallucinations.

Fandom: star wars - the Clone Wars

moodboard by @painkiller80​

_

your friends are dead…
No
your brothers hate you...
Shut up
you are nothing…
Please stop
you better kill yourself…
That’s probably right, I should…no wait, what? 
That’s no me who’s talking. What’s happening? Why can’t I feel my body? Why am I here? I don’t recognize this place. I can’t even hear my voice.
you’re mine Commander and you’ll always be…
Who are you? Where are we? Why can’t I see you? Why can’t I see myself?
It was dark all around him, his mind was hurting so bad that he wanted to scream, that he wanted to cry. He didn’t know where he was, he was afraid. What if he was all alone now, what had he done this time?
Am I hallucinating?
Maybe he was just a dream, maybe…just maybe this time was just his mind playing tricks on him. It could be, too much work could do that, even if his own medic told him that, but he just…ignored him.
it’s all real…
No! You’re not real
yes, I am…
But it wasn’t even the first time that this happened to him and won’t be the last, for sure. When he felt like this, it was like everything in him shut down, his mind, his body, wasn’t his anymore…it was like he didn’t have any willpower anymore and it was getting worse each time. He was slowly dying inside and he didn’t feel like himself anymore in a long time.
At first, he didn’t care much, it was nothing, - keep on working and do your duty, Fox- he often said to himself, but then it happened again when he was trying to sleep. That time he clearly felt himself get up and get dressed, then going somewhere but he didn’t know where or why. It was like another person was doing all that and him just an outside observer. After that, he woke up in his own bed three days later as if nothing had happened. 
kill Commander, kill for me…
No, why? Who?
oh, you will…
I will what? Let me go…who are you?
With that, the voices abruptly stopped and he felt like a puppet with no strings attached, a limp body that now was lying on a cold floor, his mind still reeling even if he was still asleep. 
Whatever happened to him left him shaking and terrified, afraid of being tortured again by an unknown force, afraid of not having enough strength to fight back.
That night he also dreamed, dreamed of dead bodies, of broken trust and loneliness, and he cried.
Then, the following morning, when Thorn found him, he just woke him up without asking questions and Fox didn’t remember anything.
Just another day on the job, reports to fill and senators to please, trying to avoid people’s rightful hate as much as possible.

_

this is rather short because i’m feeling unwell these days, hope to write more for the next prompt.

#whumptober2020#whumptober#n.15#n.16#torture tw#death tw#hallucinations tw#mental abuse tw#SW TCW#commander fox#commander thorn#boys in red
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Clonetober day 6: Blackout/tears - war ending..

so i made it sweet...

...

The announcement came trough quickly, the news was spreading all over the galaxy. People from Saulecami to Javin were celebrating, everything was suddenly over and everything was at peace...
Blackout and his company were out on a mission when all this happened, they stopped in their tracks when the holorecording went on and soon after that they looked at each other in disbelief.
Was this real? Or just another decoy?
Blackout mind start to wander when another message came in, it was from  Rancor battalion, straight from Kamino, that confirmed all this.
...
The second he was alone, tears started running down his face. Now he was free, free to do whatever he wanted to do. Now he could have the peaceful life he ever wanted, now the idea of having a home, an actually house in the countryside was possible. Finally it was all reality, he could properly get married, making his girl happy and do all the things they had dream about.
It was overwhelming and he was afraid, afraid that it was all a dream, that he would wake up in minutes and he would find himself still in his tent in the middle of Felucia’s jungle.
...
Hours passed and, finally, the realization hit him. His men were cheering around him, on the transport that was taking them back on Coruscant and he found himself smiling.
Everything was truly possible now, his life was just getting started.

-

#clonetober#clonetober2020#blackout x happiness#commander blackout#clone wars fandom#sw tcw#star wars au#clone wars au#cassandra's edits#cassandra's writing
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cassandras-nest

Since this day will be plenty of posts…we start easy…

Clonetober day 3: Fox/Haunt - voices.

and due to angst…

Whumptober day 3 alt.prompt: Comfort.

Fandom: Star Wars/the Clone Wars: Commander Fox

..or Fox is working too much these days that he thought he hear voices in his head that are telling him to do things beyond his comprehension, things that would scare anyone but not him. He thinks he’s finally going insane, but he keeps it to himself…and when at night he can’t sleep, still at his desk, trying to finish another useless report, those voices are his sole comfort within the chaos.
He is alone, even amongst others, alone to face what his non-existing life has in store for him. Meanwhile those voices, those orders, keeps him company even if he still don’t know where they came from…even if they leads him to lose parts of his own memory from time to time.

__

This came out much more sad than i expected.

Please keep in mind that i LOVE Fox and all the boys in red.

@ollovae3​ - since you gave me the idea to make it angst..<3

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cassandras-nest

Since i have nothing to give you today...

*regular clonetober would come back in few days*

#clonetober#commander fox#next day reblog#self reblog#sw tcw#Coruscant Guards#the clone wars
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cassandras-nest

since my anxiety came back with just a small interaction…i think i’ll stop for now, i’m too scared to offende/hurt or anything else without even knowing it. But im planning on doing a post about it soon..

__

(warning: a bit of venting about this whole mess, anxiety attack, panic, trauma and everything bad)

but just a little reminder, when you happen to talk to someone you don’t know, just be nice even if they’re wrong, there are many ways to tell people what they can do to improve and not everyone here is an evil gremlin ready to harm you. With the global chaos going on we are all a bit more stressed and ready to bite at each other’s throat. Everyone has their own trauma and everyone is deeply scared by something. Even if those people are adults, they don’t stop being scared or traumatized by something when they turn 30+ but, if they’re lucky enough, that fear won’t eat them up…if not, they live with it their whole life…

so, make an effort and just be nice…

__

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cassandras-nest

reblogging this just to add...

(warning/ trigger warning: venting, mental health, loss, bullying, people’s fighting, general pain, adhd)

i went bak and forth with the idea of doing another post, but then, with my anxiety and my lack of follow through my ideas lately i decided to not to.

So i just apologize. Apologize to those i accidentally offended or hurt (i unfollowed those because i didn’t want to bother them too much but i have to keep myself from reblogging their posts even if i want to because i’d still admire their work but, at the same time, i don’t them to be upset)

Apologize and trying to understand why those (some of them, others were totally sweethearts) i thought friends stopped talking to me or even blocked me on discord (that hurted me so much) without saying anything.

Apologize to be blinded by my loss and my pain and with that, forgetting so many things lately (my ADHD spiked up with the lots of stress i am under).

and last but not least..

Apologize to those who still read my writing here or on Ao3, i stopped writing because i didn’t feel like it but i truly thank you, those likes, reblog, kudos have a special meaning now, those remind me that i’ve made something good and i can make more...

and adding... (under the cut bc it’s getting long)

#tw#trigger warnings#anxiety#loss#pain#venting#mental health#bullying#people's fighting#tw anxiety#tw loss#tw pain#tw mental health#tw adhd#tw bullying#trauma#tw trauma#rping#fandom#sw tcw
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plexflexico
cassandras-nest asked:

Since you're already done one for Paz (magnificent if i might say) can you do something with another big boy, my other love, Wrecker? I love the domestic feel and lazy mornings in bed. ❤

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Ahhhhh! I love this! Wrecker holds a special place in my heart. I just love the big lug so MUCH! I hope this is okay... it ... it went places. 

Here’s how Wrecker and Reader (From the Obi Wan Shot Universe) arrive at a lazy morning in bed... and possibly... more? Definite hints of domestic fluff. I can see this being an AU of the AU, which is insane and I realize not something a stable person would do. (Which is why I might do it, I suppose.)

Length: 2k! 

It was the rarest of mornings.

The sun peeked through the curtains, golden yellow and summer-warm. You had no briefings, no mission reports to make, and no training scheduled. 

You were free to do as you pleased and as luck would have it you were doing just that.

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cassandras-nest

This is beautiful...

This is soft...

This is funny...

...this is everything and i thank you

_

a side piece of an AU? I’m all for it!

#plexflexico#wrecker x reader#so beautiful#i need Wrecker on my life#sweet and funny#tcw AU#sw tcw
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Oh, dear…never done such things but…well, it’s all my squad fault, if i might say (but i truly love them all)…let’s see where this lead us, shall we?

also, i might not be very constant, i’m about to be knighted and with the final trails at the temple and the war offplanet, everything is a bit chaotic at the moment.

For now…

- may the force be with you all -

Sylanna

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cassandras-nest

may i present to you, my other oc? Jedi Sylanna Neivri, small, gentle, lover of life, a bit naive but very strong within the Force.

Like my others, soon you’ll have her backstory, but for now... know that she was on Kamino most of her time as padawan.

.

.

and this time... if i made another oc blog, it’s all partially @novasquad2805 fault ... xD

#my other oc#jedi oc#sylanna neivri#sw tcw#sw oc#rp blog
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i’m late on posting this (but i’m catching up, doing the Dogma one too)..

This is for Tup from Child Soldiers by  @morganas-pendragons​

kinda minimalist and a bit cold

part 4: Tup.

“What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.”
Tup has known since his earliest moments on Kamino that he was born and conditioned for one purpose. He used to stand at Dogma’s side, ever the model of a perfect soldier, and listen to the Kaminise drone on and on about what their duty was once they were deployed and how they were all to follow orders without question.
He hadn’t questioned that once until Umbara. Dogma was the only one who was not willing to go against Krell’s orders despite the way it contradicted every single instinct that told Tup to go against it - to screw orders and protect his brothers - and learn the dire consequences that would potentially have him facing court martial.
The thought comes to his mind as he helps Jesse and Fives build the pyre while General Skywalker and Kenobi converse just on the runway of the airbase with Cody and Rex standing vigilant on either side of them. The ashes carry on the wind and flutter to a charred ground. Ruined from their massacre. Ruined from the war that continues to ravage the galaxy.
He recites the Mandalorian death vows anyway and urges himself to put something to remember Hardcase on his armor when he returns home. It’s a nice way of remembering his older brother. Part of him secretly hopes that people - Fives - would do the same for him when his time comes as well.
Tup will never live up to the reputation of his ori’vod. Cody’s brilliance. Rex’s bravado, Five’s selflessness in the face of his brothers, Echo’s sacrifice… what will be his legacy? What will he, in the end, be remembered for?
Does he even want to be remembered?

_

this time around, not my best work. I had several problems, still have... so i’m trying to distract myself.

Hope you like it even if it’s not like the others...

#child soldiers series#child soldiers#clone trooper tup#ct-5385 tup#morganas-pendragons#star wars#sw tcw#the clone wars writing
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morganas-pendragons

child soldiers, part four - dogma 

i’m just going to be pasting the ao3 link from this point forward because it’s the easiest way to read the whole thing, but every part is in my master list! 

warning: attempted suicide in this chapter. self-deprecating thoughts.. this is not safe for anyone with triggers. this is your warning, do not go further if this applies to you. 

tag is OPEN: @tinypnut / @a-lil-perspective / @my-own-oracle / @xnyerox / @fractiouskat / @notreallybeccab / @klay97 / @painkiller80 / @pedrhoepascal / @beskars / @obiorbenkenobi / @sacred-things / @halzore / @colorfulloverbatturkey / @findhimfives / @iwannaclonetrooper / @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky / @captainrexstan

the rest of this series should be relatively lighter in regards to the darkness, but this one is def the hardest to write. i’d appreciate any and all you have to say about it, guys - enjoy! i played with dogma a little here given that we know so little about him 

lol i said tup’s was short, this is shorter 

Keep reading

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cassandras-nest

i love how you wrote Dogma truly, i love the thoughts, fears..and the ending? it’s a sweet pain, it hurts ..since we really don’t know what happened to Dogma when the order was given.. and i love it.

Follow your orders. Follow your orders, do your duty… or face decommissioning. 

i love this, this is the fear all clones have, rooted into their mind and living with fears it’s not a fun ride

Dogma is young. He’s young, he’s tired… and he does not want to hurt anymore. 

beautiful, really...they’re all too young and already too tired.

Dogma can’t hear him, but Tup has trailed his brother through the base and to the bathroom. He’s panicking. He can’t see his vod’ika but Tup can hear him… and he’s crying.

i love you added Tup to this, them together..i really love this. Baby Tup being afraid for his brother, Tup hear him crying?...adding more pain to this.

And really this world will be a much better place without you in it. Do it. Put your finger on that trigger. 

having those kind of thoughts, thinking that no one will miss you and the world will be better without you is frightening, truly. This sentence made me want to console him,hug him and tell him that the world need him and he is important ç_ç

_

when Tup console him, when Dogma admits he is scared, i can feel it...and it’s wonderful

_

And when Order 66 is activated, Clone Trooper Dogma thinks this might be a better mercy then the one he tried to give himself.
He no longer knows fear. Knows pain. Knows suffering. He knows only himself, the strength of his hands, and the cold.
It’s always cold on Kamino.
Even when he’s no longer on it.

this ending hurted me so bad that i thank you for it (does it implying that..he’s dead? i see it like this). I can’t stop saying that being inside a clone mind during the order is a terrifying thing. It’s, somehow, mirroring the Tup one (or it’s just me still greiving about that) and thinking about this made this even sadder (as if it were possible)

_

you said others will be lighter but knowning who is going to be (probably) i quite don’t believe this, so i’m preparing my soul to be torn apart once again <3

#morganas-pendragons#child soldiers series#sw tcw#clone trooper Dogma
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(ships will be back in a minute, been sick today and almost passed out from the heat..right now have some ..pain)

warnings: mental abuse & illness, depression (under the cut)

(unedited, i wrote this to vent about my actual situation and i relied on Fox)

We wear red so they don't see us bleed Hundred dollar bills under our sleeve We intend not to sleep 'til we're dead Drink our problems right out of our heads..

_

#commander fox#mental abuse#and how to cope with it#coruscant guard#commander fox did nothing wrong#clones deserved better#sw tcw#painkiller80 aesthetic#painkiller80 writing
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Collide.

Since it’s already midnight in Italy, Happy Birthday to me!!.

..and for the first time i’m on schedule..

About this work: i care for this story way too much, worked on this since April and at first i thought it would have been a longer oneshot but then the characters took over and it became a multichapter. For the first time i have a beta (thank you @shadow-wolf-03​ ) and i’m actually scared to post this..because it’s something i would love to continue to write (i have the whole story in my head actually.)

First two parts are introductions, on them and how the both fell in love with each other.

Warning: both are stubborn but helplessly in love with each other. Flashbacks are in italic.

so onto the story then...(i also encourage you all, if you like this, to reblog, comment and/or send me an anon ask..if you’d like...this story is my baby and i REALLY want to know what y’all think)

more characters to come next...

spotify playlist - on Ao3

words:4k

___

"Oh sweet Maker, why is she still here?" Fives said out loud, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

They had just returned from a mission and, damn, were they tired. Nothing that a good strong drink at ‘79 couldn't fix.

"She's not going to leave so soon. She's here to help us, to help everyone here, believe it or not.." Echo said, "and besides, she's not that bad. Don't be so dramatic, vod"

"Am I being dramatic now, Echo? Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, of course, but I don't see the point of all this..." Echo returned, gesturing at Fives and his behaviour.

They continued talking on the way back to the barracks when they both walked past you inside your office. Only Echo waved at you while Fives continued to walk as if he had seen no one and kept looking right in front of him.

Echo shrugged, apologizing for his brother's behaviour, you were an officer after all, but you waved it off and smiled at him, reassuring him that everything was fine.

You really didn't know why, but since day one, it was just him who seemed to kind of hate you, everyone else was extremely kind each time you helped them with something. Free caf was delivered all day long and the occasional flowers appeared in your office the next day. Next thing you know, your superiors will complain about this kind of behavior and reprimand the troops for distracting you from your work...

"Ah, now I see what this is all about, you're jealous!" Echo pointed out, a teasing grin on his face. This caused said clone to stop dead in his tracks.

"Take it back... Echo, I mean it, take it all back!" Fives yelped, his voice jumping an octave and catching the attention of others passing by."Y’know, I won't tell a soul if you lower your voice a little." Echo murmured as he looked around.

"Fine!” Fives huffed, “... but I'm not jealous...I just don't trust her, why the generals and everybody else does so easily, it's beyond me, really." Fives explained to his brother.

"Yeah, alright... but last time you were in the medbay you were a blushing and stuttering mess, remember? She was there to check on Kix's orders... ‘Case told me, but as I said, my lips are sealed." Echo admitted.

Fives’ eyes widened in shock as he blushed. This wasn’t good, his body was totally betraying him.

"...that son of a...I thought he was sleeping...no... I didn't... " he swore, “I... just, I was caught off guard, alright?" he added, defeated.

#arc trooper fives x reader#fives x reader#arc trooper fives#fives x officer reader#collide#my writings#the clone wars writing#sw tcw#echo#Echo is a supportive bro#kix is done#Hardcase is a little shit#oh look there's Comet too#cassandra's writing#writingmyheartsout
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self prompt : Ghosts from the past/New nightmares

aurebesh translation: these trials make us who we are ... the ending won't be forgotten .

__

The rescue was the easy part, everything was just a blur in Echo’s eyes, his mind still clouded by all the information the Tecno Union took from him and the ones they forced into him ...
The hardest now was living with those memories, with new nightmares and a endless sense of loss, like some sort of ghost from the past. He knew something wasn’t right, deep down he felt like a missing piece and it wasn’t about his limbs.
Did you have any regrets? He asked himself every night, like a mantra, his answer however wasn’t always the same, yes..no..maybe? He didn’t know for sure.
Did he? Could he have done it better? Could he have been saved? Save him?..One thing was certain, he'd been given a second chance. A chance to redeem himself, save others as best as he can.
This time he won’t fail...

__

@plexflexico​ the Echo one...as i promised..

#my drabbles#my aesthetic#arc trooper echo#clones inspired#clones edit#sw tcw#painkiller80 aesthetic#this isn't as dark as i imagined#but i can do worse than that#or better?#echo inspired aesthetic#clones wars fandom
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finally updating!!! even if life is a mess right now

(and this time i had a worderful beta helping me @shadow-wolf-03​ <3)

This time is all about Dogma.

How to be a perfect soldier but fall apart in the process.

It was always easy for him to wake up early and be ready on time for the agenda of the day. Pristine and perfect like every soldier should be, no distractions or chit-chatting, just ready to be of service. After all, they were born for this.  
But it wasn’t always like that.
He was the new one, the fresh face, the shiny as they call him. He and some others, including Tup, joined the 501st fresh off Kamino.
They had never seen a battle before, just programmed training and now they were amongst veterans, carefully listening to tales of distant worlds and victories.
He admired all of them, truly, and hoped to one day be like them, or like Captain Rex himself. Stories of the Captain and General Skywalker, being acclaimed War Heroes, were shared between cadets back on their homeworld.
When he met the Legend himself, when the Captain welcomed him the day the new recruits were boarded in the Legion, he almost fainted and at that moment he decided to be the picture-perfect of what a soldier should be. He decided to earn the respect of  his  Captain.
  And so Dogma did.

Read the rest on Ao3

__

@plexflexico​

#life in the 501st#life in the 501st series#dogma#insecurity#seeking attention#the clone wars writing#clone wars fandom#sw tcw#painkiller80 writing
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