okay so this has gotten out of hand…
part one of this craziness can be found here
Jamie: Look, as a reasonable, adult, and well-functioning member of society-
Roy: A what? I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, run that one by me again. Reasonable? Adult? Functioning?
Jamie: *Ignoring him* —I understand logically that the different Froot Loop colours are just dyes, but I'm telling you, in my heart and in my mouth, they're different flavours.
Colin: THATS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!
Roy: Tonight, one of you will betray Ted.
Jamie: Is it me, Coach?
Roy: No, it's not you.
Colin: Is it me, Coach?
Roy: No, it's not you either.
Nate: Is it me, Roy?
Roy, mockingly: Is iT mE, RoY?
The Greyhounds covering for each other when they’re in trouble: 
Roy: Where's Isaac?
Jamie: Sorry coach, I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him.
Roy: And when was that?
Jamie: The last time I saw him?
Roy: Yes.
Jamie: It was... definitely... the time I saw him last.
Roy:
Ted: Dani, where's Colin?
Dani: Oh, he is off doing something.
Ted: Doing something?
Dani: Correct.
Ted: What about Sam?
Dani: He is trying to stop Colin from doing what he is doing.
Ted: …and Isaac?
Dani: He is attempting to stop Sam from stopping Colin.
Ted: And what are you doing?
Dani: I am to distract you from stopping Colin, Sam, and Isaac.
Ted: *Face palms*
Beard: Bumbercatch, where's Jamie?
Moe: That's classified.
Beard: Classified?
Moe: Affirmative.
Beard: I'm not going to beg you for information about him Bumbercatch…
Moe: I'm impervious to your methods.
Beard: …Would you consider a bribe?
Moe: You couldn't afford my price.
Beard: Extortion.
Moe: You got nothing on me.
Beard: Fine, I'll ask just ask Sam.
Moe: You can't, he's with Jam--@%$#!
Roy: McAdoo, have you seen Richard?
Isaac: Richard? Never heard of him.
Roy: *Deep inhale*
Colin: Do you support gay rights?
Jamie: Not only do I support gay rights, I also support gay wrongs.
Roy: What the fuck did you do now?
Sometime during season one…
Roy, from the showers: OI EVERYBODY! SHOWERS NOW!
Colin: What’s up, captain?
Isaac: What did Jamie do now?
Jamie: I didn’t do anything, I promise!
Roy, holding up a blue towel: Is someone playing a joke on me? Honestly, why is my towel ALWAYS DAMP!?
Jamie: Well, that’s because it’s not your towel; it’s my towel, Roy.
Roy: No, it’s not your towel. Your towel is the red one!
Jamie: I’ll tell you this mate; I have never used that red towel. I do use *points at the blue towel* that one everyday.
Roy: Oh god…
Dani, holding the red towel to his cheek: This towel is so warm and fluffy. It is like it has been in the sun forever.
Isaac: This means you two have been drying your junk with the same towel.
Colin: Intimate.
Roy, to Jamie: Are you out of your mind!?
Jamie: What do you mean am I—
Roy: How do you think this is your towel!? Do you even wash it??
Jamie, scoffing: No I don’t wash the towel; the towel washes me. Pfft, who washes a towel?
Sam: You never wash…?
Jamie: You guys wash your towels!?
Roy: YOU NEVER WASH THE TOWEL?!
Jamie: What am I going to do? Wash the shower next!?
Roy: *gags in disgust*
Jamie: Wash a bar of soap?! You gotta think here, grandad!
The Greyhounds: *looks at Jamie in disgust*
Roy: I AM FURIOUS RIGHT NOW!
Jamie: I GET OUT OF THE SHOWER, I’M CLEAN AS A DAMN BABY, AND I USE MY TOWEL!!
The Greyhounds: *leave the shower room*
Richard: If I fall…
Jan: I’ll be there to catch you.
Colin, looking at Isaac: What if I fall?
Isaac: Well then I’ll fall with you, always by your side bruv.
Jamie (who has been watching all of this) to Roy: And if I fall??
Roy: I’ll be the one who pushed you.
Jamie, coming into the locker room after his date with Roy: Guys, Roy kissed me!
Sam: No way!
Colin: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Jamie: It was unbelievable…
Colin: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!
Isaac: Okay, alright, we wanna hear everything!Sam, unplug the phone. Jamie, does this end well or is Dani going to need tissues?
Jamie: Oh it ended very well.
Richard: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!!
Colin: Alright, let's hear about the kiss. Was it like a soft brush against your lips or was it like a "I gotta have you now" kinda thing?
Jamie: Well, at first it was really intense and then... we just sorta sunk into it...
Sam: So were you holding him or were his hands like on your back?
Jamie: No, actually first he pulled me close to him by grabbing my shirt... and then I moved my hands up to hold his..
Dani: Awww…
*Meanwhile, in the coaches office*
Roy: And then I kissed him.
Beard: Tongue?
Roy: Yeah.
Trent: Cool.
Colin: Just be mysterious, guys like it when you’re mysterious.
Trent: Okay, got it.
Ted, later: Howdy Trent, how was your day?
Trent: None of your fucking business Lasso.
Isaac: If the opposite of “pro” is “con”,
Colin: And the opposite of progress is congress,
Jamie: Then the opposite of constitution is—
Roy: Let me stop you right there.
Isaac: Look guys, Colin will believe anything.
Colin: That’s not true, Isaac.
Isaac: My real name is Jamil.
Colin: It is!??
Isaac: NO, MY NAME IS NOT JAMIL!
Colin: ISAAC, THAT WAS NOT FAIR!
Isaac: IT IS ISAAC, YOU KNOW THAT!
Colin: YOU TOLD ME IN CONFIDENCE!
Isaac: HOW COULD YOU THINK MY REAL NAME IS JAMIL!?
Will: I scratched off the lottery ticket, and I won $18,000!
Colin: Wow.
Sam: That’s amazing!
Jamie: Better luck next time.
Will:
Jamie: Yeah, sorry, from context I see that is actually a large sum of money.
