a thorn in my own side

The GoFundMe for Watermelon Relief is here:

*calls employer after job interview*

me: oh um, hello, i was here for a job interview last week and i was just wondering how it went? *clenches teeth and holds my breath*

employer: oh sorry the job opening went to someone else

me: is it my pussy stink or…..?

Mother opossum with her babies

(Source)

objectively this is one of the funniest shots in all of cartoon history. Spongebob getting advice from Patrick, and Patrick says, “have I ever not been right?” And then it cut to this still.

The team had to come up with an image that is both outrageous but also appropriate for kids. And they landed on this (along with an image of Spongebob and Patrick in speedos at the beach, also hilarious).

I want to know who pitched this. The pumpkin mouth funnel. This image will utterly undo me for as long as I live.

Do people know this is the husband of the prime minister of New Zealand

And who is the guy burying him in the sand

imagine accusing the us military of being too woke

honestly the original is still funnier than 85% of the edits people make

my favourite roast of all tiem is ‘‘you look like pepsi max’‘

how do you fucking recover

Please do your daily click!

This is a great way for people without any funds or no ways to contact their representatives can help out!! 🍉🍉🍉 (link below)

Free Palestine

Social Security includes the number for a suicide hotline on the envelope they use to tell me they have decided to deny my disability

There’s a depressing ass poem hiding in here, but im too tired to put it together.

help lmao

“what have you been up to lately?” i don’t leave the house