“Writing is burlesque”

sometimes i read what i’ve written and think, “wow, this is amazing.” and then i read it again an hour later and want to throw my laptop out the window.

I like writing.

I like the process of writing. I like the mechanics of writing.

I like writing down words and picking what order that they should go in to best convey the meaning and images in my mind to the person reading them. I like thinking about the way a sentence sounds and the way it interacts with the other sentences around it. I like thinking about what words should repeat, and what words should stand alone, and what words should be swapped out with other words.

I like the actual writing part of writing!

This is your reminder that you are brilliant.

Your voice and writing style is unique and is unlike any other author/writer. Stop comparing your work to other artists.

There is only one YOU!

Only YOU can write your WIP the way it is supposed to be written. No one can replicate what you’re capable of.

oh, my porn is unrealistic?

it's not supposed to be realistic. it's supposed to be fun.

call it suspension of dickbelief.

original gif

Dear Gentle Reader,

I love you if you leave me a comment

I love you if you leave me kudos

I love you if you bookmark, even you perverts (affectionate) who private bookmark my filth to come back to it as required *wink wink*

I love you even if you leave no trace

I see you, I'm glad you're a hit of my fic

I love you

keep coming back

(collapses in desperate helpless laughter)

Subplot Romance

Over the years I’ve created some twitter threads on writing and history and I’ve decided it’s a good time to start compiling and sharing them on this Tumblr. I’m going to tag them “writing”.

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Here’s what I’ve learned about writing subplot romance. (People who write genre romance probably already know this stuff. It’s those of us who are mainly leavening romantic subplots into fantasy novels that need this info).

1. Romance = fundamentally character-driven. All internal conflict & internal growth. (Can these two trust each other? Will their character flaws drive them apart?) The more study you put into creating characters and building character arcs, the better your romantic writing.

A romance arc is not the SAME as a character arc, but it 100% NEEDS solid character work undergirding it.

2. Romance needs two ingredients: a compelling reason for the characters to be TOGETHER, & a compelling reason for them to be APART. This forms the conflict in the romance so do not skimp on either.

Eg, a common mistake in male-penned stories: female lead has no compelling reason to want male lead. “He’s a good-looking warrior dedicated to winning her throne!” Yeah nah, she’s literally surrounded by good-looking warriors dedicated to winning her throne, why’s he different?

3. Romance needs chemistry = a believable spark of attraction. Something that blew my mind when I realised it: romantic chemistry =/= sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry (purely physical attraction) is simply PART of romantic chemistry.

Romantic chemistry is a good deal broader. (Read/watch some good romances to see how chemistry is built by different storytellers. One fave of mine is the Romola Garai EMMA. Peerless friends-to-lovers chemistry. Watch the actors’ body language; the way they gravitate to each other; the way their faces light up)

Chemistry tip A: if the driver behind sexual chemistry is lust, the driver behind romantic chemistry is trust. Protag needs/wants someone to trust. It’s the way you play with trust/distrust that will create romantic tension.

eg: love interest holds protag’s hand. With sexual chemistry, protag simply feels a jolt at the contact. With romantic chemistry, protag feels comforted and trustful - then betrayed when it turns out LI is tracking her pulse to see if she’s lying to him (see: MISS SHARP 😇)

Chemistry tip B: if protag is falling for someone, that person should occupy their mind. LI should be mentioned/thought of each scene, even when absent. When present: LI consistently provokes unaccustomed emotion - either positive or negative, depending.

Chemistry tip C: make the characters their best/most lovable/most iconic selves when with each other. Quirkiness, smarts, hilarity. Make these the most fun character scenes in the book & the audience will ship them. Passionately.

4. Build romantic chemistry/attraction through escalating moments of trust and tension. If aiming for happily-ever-after(HEA)/for-now(HFN), then the overall arc is towards greater trust, but you need those moments of tension to give the big payoff scenes appropriate catharsis.

OTOH, if you’re writing a tragic/backstabby romance, you need the trust/comfort moments in order to sell the big tragedy/betrayal.

5. Trust, comfort, & happiness are POWERFUL. This is what genre romance thrives upon. Even in dark/spiky stories, the most surprising thing in the story can be the moment when the LI DOESN’T betray the protag. That too can be wildly cathartic. Use it.

6. Just as character-driven skills help you with romance, so if you master romantic writing, you’ll be better able to write ALL types of relationship - platonic, friendly, hostile.

OK that’s all so far. Two book recs: ROMANCING THE BEAT by Gwen Hayes & THE HEROINE’S JOURNEY by Gail Carriger teach you the rules/expectations of genre romance so you’ll know what the rules are for a happy romance subplot & how to break them for a tragic version.

Speaking as an editor who edits romance primarily, these are important points for authors of genre romance as well. I see way too many published novels that went through a professional editing process that only have characters who have sexual chemistry but not romantic chemistry.

Writing romance is hard. Writing believable romance is hard. People focus way too much on the the lust and not enough on the love.

Good post.

this is so mean but sometimes i see published writing and suddenly no longer feel insecure about my own writing ability. like well okay that got published so im guessing i dont have much to worry about

I have a friend who is an editor, and gets submissions of mostly poetry and short stories.

I have had a glimpse into her slush pile, and let me tell you, the contents were unbelievable and immediately disabused me of the notion that reading through submissions is in any way glamorous. People have the nerve to submit unhinged paranoid ramblings, fetish porn, and a seemingly endless supply of poems about masturbation.

I no longer feel like my fiction is somehow an imposition on the people who read it. It may be forgettable, but at least it isn't typeset to look like sperm.

Do not be afraid to submit your work. Your competition is not only worse than you think, it's worse than you ever imagined.

Do these three things to get to the top of the slush pile:

That's basically what every single editors' panel at every con I've ever been to has boiled down to. And invariably, someone tries to get up and argue with them, not realizing it's not a discussion.

Bonus tip: Don't be in any way cute in your cover letter. Just the facts/Luke Skywalker's message to Jabba the Hut in ROTJ.

If submitting a novella length piece or greater, a brief and complete summary is appropriate.

Never under any circumstance put a cliffhanger into a query letter summary. There is no faster way to get the entire MS binned than doing that.

Happy writing.

PS "Top of the slush pile" means into the top 25% of manuscripts received. Three quarters of the submissions don't take the trouble to do even those three basic steps.

Now, that still means 25/100 submissions or 250/1000 submissions, but it still improves your odds and forms the basis for starting a relationship with the publisher for the next piece you send them.

PPS This is obviously about prose. Poetry certainly has its own submission rules, and I know none of them. If you're writing poetry, find out what they are.

@silverhand's reply is right on.

this is the single worst way i've ever read to describe an erection, frank herbert

Never apologize for your "cringe" fanfic sex scenes again

Not ever. 🤣

So we're gonna bag on "adult beefswelling" but nobody's saying anything about "girder-shape of ecstasy" there???

Haha!