Young Internet Theory

The Internet was created between 2000 and 3000 years ago, according to a medieval scholar who did a detailed analysis of SLA reports in the book of Genesis

Manifolds and Differential Forms, Reyer Sjamaar

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

But have we considered novel applications of the Demon Blade to energy production technologies

Writing up an ARPA-E proposal for deep geothermal electricity generation with the Demon Blade

I hope to present Demon Blade-catalyzed proton-boron fusion at APS-DPP next year

Unfortunately the Demon Blade is ITAR-controlled which hampers international collaboration with our partners at the Max-Planck Institut für Plasmaphysik.

the hoedowns in whose line is it anyway are examples of the 4koma format

TIP ON HOW TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF THE DARK:

presidentjesus:

And then the shadows growl at you and say, “Mine. You’re all mine.”

Proceed to have a secret relationship with the monster in your closet to make the shadows jealous.

Plot Twist: The Monster wants a threesome with you and the shadows. 

they should make an aristotle that is good, instead of bad

Aristotle is bad. Therefore, something that is good would not be Aristotle

cursed number notation. can you figure it out

1 = []

2 = [[]]

3 = [][[]]

4 = [[[]]]

12 = [[[]]][[]]

0 =

-1 = -[]

19 = [][][][][][][][[]]

20 = [[[]]][][[]]

-2 = -[[]]

1/2 = [-[]]

sqrt(2) = [[-[]]]

72^1/6 = [[-[]]][[][-[]]]

5/4 = [-[[]]][][[]]

Oh this is heinous, I love it. (Answer below the cut.)

I think it does work for all the rationals!

i love songs like house of the rising sun, bohemian rhapsody etc where the narrator specifically shouts out their mother to be like hey mama i fucked up big time. like i don’t think it’s possible to fuck up more than i just fucked up. okay love you bye