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#cw vent – @candicewright on Tumblr
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Daniil Dankovsky's defense attorney

@candicewright / candicewright.tumblr.com

Hey! I'm Candice | Queer | They/Them | BBC Merlin, MXTX, 2ha, and Pathologic. I occasionally write and draw stuff. Nets 🦋🐰 🌟Comissions closed🌟
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Cw // vent, discussion of emotional/physical/sexual abuse, mentions of body image issues and controlling food habits

This might be a bit worrying to read but I promise I'm fine lmao we are already planning to leave I just needed to put this in writing.

#cw vent#cw abuse#as i said in the beginning we're already planning to leave but money is an issue rn so it might take a while#I'm okay but today was a particularly bad day like i said good morning and tried to tell him and my dad about my scholarship#and he just started screaming bc he said i don't say good morning to him ever#which isn't true. i do he's just deaf as fuck#candice chatters
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I'm having a real bad time today with the realization that I have been living with chronic pain for the past 2-3 years and that no doctor has taken me seriously and now it hurts just to walk or stand up. It's so frustrating because I have been clinging to the idea that the pain wasn't that bad but now I feel like my body is breaking down completely and I can't stop it. Our public healthcare offers physical therapy but it would take 6 months to get that and i can't afford to go private again since my scholarship was revoked. Shit sucks.

#i am sure that + my mental health issues that also haven't been taken seriously are a great combo#idk it just seems like feminized ppl aren't taken seriously at all who could have guessed#i'm tired. so tired.#candice chatters#cw vent
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Anonymous asked:

Hiii feel free not to post this of course just wanted to say sorry about your struggle to get diagnosed. I went through the same thing last year after months of waiting for appointments to basically get told that having developed lifelong coping mechanisms meant i was actually fine. I was told a similar thing to you, that if you did well in school then everything’s fine. I know for a fact they are gaslighting bc my brother was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and he always got good grades. I know this is frustrating and I hope it doesn’t feel too negative but I’ve found a lot of power in the fact that I know my symptoms are real and that my friends and chosen family support me and believe me when I’m struggling, whether I have a diagnosis or not. I wish the same for you 💕 and just know you will find those people if you haven’t yet, that there is someone out there who believes you 💕💕 and probably even more out there who have gone through smth similar 💕💕💕 I’m rooting for you whether you continue to seek a diagnosis or not, or even if you just need a break from a situation that’s wearing you down, that’s ok too. Sending anon love ❤️ and sorry this got so long lol anyway wishing u all the best

First of all thank u so much for sharing your experience with me, I really appreciate it 🥺💜 Honestly, I do feel like this made me doubt my own experience a lot when I know for a fact how it feels, and while it is possible that what they told me is true and that I don't have ADHD I also feel like it's extremely unfair to just tell someone that they must be doing fine if they got good grades even when they're telling you they're not doing fine at all. I do have very supporting family and friends for the most part (there's one. Very frustrating person that is the exception but that's a story for another time I guess) and I know they have my back and they believe me which I couldn't be more grateful. I am my biggest problem here because I tend to doubt myself a lot when maybe I shouldn't but hey! A year of being told you're exaggerating and doing just fine will do that to you!

There's one more doctor that I could go to. She's specialized in ADHD and she has diagnosed a lot of people close to me and she has agreed to see me. I'm still not sure if I want to pursue that but if I do it's really the last thing I'll do because I'm very very very tired. I just hope that I can get help some other way and that whatever this is doesn't interfere with my life or make me lose more opportunities than it already has.

Anyway, thank you so much for the love and I wish you all the best as well, dear anon 🥺💜

#ask response#cw vent#cw negativity
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rain--pitter-patters asked:

I’m so sorry about how things have gone for you in pushing for a diagnosis! For what it’s worth, I think it means a lot more that you feel the various things fit you and describe what you experience than that the test results didn’t “match”. I think it’s more likely that you’re correct. Even if you aren’t, that doesn’t mean you’re just lazy and undisciplined and messy!! You clearly care, and if you were just lazy I don’t think you would. Sending hugs 💜💜💜💜💜💜

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(also no pressure at all to respond or anything like that! no worries at all 💜 (also, I totally get not wanting to keep pursuing a diagnosis—it sounds like a painful and upsetting process))

Thank you for this ask, honestly. This whole process has been extremely painful for me, mainly because all I ever wanted was help and I haven't gotten it at this point, which is over a year after I initially asked for it. During this time I have heard that I am dependent on others (which I am not), that nothing explains the symptoms I'm experiencing, that I should just learn to build routines (I wish it was that simple), and that it sounds like I'm not doing that bad.

And it hurts because there isn't a moment in the day where I'm not thinking about all the things I haven't done but should be doing and it's so frustrating. It's so upsetting that just because I had excellent grades in high school I "must not be doing that badly" despite me saying repeatedly that no, I am not okay and I DO need help and I also needed it back then, I just didn't know it because that was my normal.

And yeah, I do think my symptoms fit. And I know I'm in the one of the most underdiagnosed/misdiagnosed groups. And knowing what I know I find it hard to believe that I'm wrong.

The thing is that it doesn't matter if I'm right or not. I won't get treated, so I might as well be wrong about it and try to rethink the way I'm going about things. All this process has been so detrimental for my mental health that I'm actually scared to ever go to a therapist again which sucks because I REALLY DO NEED HELP.

Anyway I don't want to go on about this more even though I really have a lot of feelings pent up. No, I don't think I'm lazy but I could be and I guess that's the reality that I'm terrified of facing. And until I don't get the answers I need I don't think I will be able to do anything about it.

Sorry for venting and thank you for being so sweet 💜💜💜

#ask response#cw vent#cw negativity
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#cw vent#i just got really mad and i shouldn't have ugh#i live with my grandma who has dementia#and my 10 year old cousin who's extremely bright and independent#and my grandma for some reason thinks she's dumb#and it really gets on my nerves bc she always makes it seem like she's going to do something crazy#like she gets nervous when she takes a bath alone??? or when she goes in her room by herself??? and she calls her a fucking idiot and stuff#and i really cannot stand it#it gets on my nerves so much maybe bc i see so much of myself in my cousin#and like rn she was just walking into the room and my grandma made a comment making it seem that she was doing weird stuff or being dumb#which she wasn't#so i snapped even tho i shouldn't have but like it REALLY pisses me off#delete later
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