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#sorry i'm going to be whining on main again but#my brain is busy nonstop and i wang it to stop and i can't and i'm tired#after the test results i really don't feel like pushing for a diagnosis#like statistically i know i'm in the group that get more misdiagnosed but i also don't won't to cling onto something that's not true#no matter how much sense it makes. bc it literally all fits.#but i want to let it go i think#but letting it go means i *am* that lazy undisciplined messy person who could have done better but didn’t#and idk what to do with that. bc it doesn't feel like that but it could be the truth and i guess that's hard to deal with#anyway#delete later