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#wolves – @burningcomputerpersona on Tumblr
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gonna grow you a place safer than this

@burningcomputerpersona

Currently obsessed with american pop punk band The Wonder Years. This blog is mostly just a collection of things that I'm interested in at the moment, whether it's music or a new fandom or just queer memes in general. I'll probably appear once in a while to reblog a bunch of posts about a new obsession that you didn't follow me for and then vanish off into the unknown again. Current interests include: the wonder years, spanish love songs, hot mulligan, against me, doctor who, etc.
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if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know

  • a wolf’s fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going
  • wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that
  • they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not
  • a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting
  • a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed
  • if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now
  • young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go “i can probably step on that with my full weight” and then he will do it
  • letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day

I wanna know who did this research.

well, i did!

in the interest of science, have tested & can confirm

people surprised we domesticated wolves apperantly dont realize we were made for each other, like two halves of one larger dork organism

Ahhh I love them

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it is pretty hard to find solid statistics on wolf attacks, but as far as i can tell, wolves in north america kill way way way less than one person a year, which means that forces more deadly to us than wolves include: dogs, ice fishing, and getting crushed by a falling flat screen tv.

…further complications to trying to write non-ridiculous angst into a werewolf story

“you don’t understand…i’ve done things under the full moon that i can never take back…one time i ate a squirrel”

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theragnarokd

“I SNIFFED MY OWN BUTT. THE INDIGNITY HAUNTS ME STILL.”

“i have pooped in the woods and now must go brood about it. don’t try to follow me. 

…and seriously, be careful around your flatscreen, it is probably heavier that you think.”

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emilysidhe

European wolves (before they were hunted into extinction in most areas) attacked humans purposefully a lot; it’s in the historical record.

North American gray wolves have a natural fear of humans and attack people very rarely, really only when threatened or starving.

So like, imagine, like, a divide between people who got infected with Old World and New World lycanthropy.  One makes you this dangerous beast that sees humans as a viable food source an another makes you perceive humans as a threat.  Imagine people getting it wrong!

Some shady paranormal group capturing a werewolf to use as security but it just runs away when people trespass.

Some hunters go deep into the woods to murder a werewolf clan for their pelts but it turns out they’ve isolated themselves so deeply because they have the European strain and none of the hunters survive.

New werewolves are so confused because the websites give conflicting advice:  get yourself to your nearest national park when you’re about to turn and just let yourself run free; if you try to cage yourself the claustrophobia and the smell of people will make you panic and you could really hurt yourself or someone else.

vs

If you’re anywhere near human civilization you must make sure you turn in a closed space that you can’t escape from in wolf form or you’ll definitely kill someone.  Just try to take a nap during the full moon, OK.

And they’re like, WHAT DO I DO WHICH ONE DO I HAVE?

updated position: at the end of the day, there are, in fact, a number of possible compelling werewolf problems

case in point, the global werewolf cultural divide!

on the subject of the global werewolf cultural divide, another update, per wikipedia:

Wolves from different geographic locations may howl in different fashions: the howls of European wolves are much more protracted and melodious than those of North American wolves, whose howls are louder and have a stronger emphasis on the first syllable. The two are however mutually intelligible, as North American wolves have been recorded to respond to European-style howls made by biologists (x)

that’s right guys: wolves have accents

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