gonna grow you a place safer than this

Best attribute you can have working with kids is chillness. You can and should still enforce rules and expectations, but kids pick up massively on vibes and if you are chill, you become a dam to unchillness

Sometimes kids don’t need to hear “this behavior is unacceptable,” sometimes they need to hear “bruh.”

If you establish really clear expectations from the get-go, kids usually don’t actually need any second explanation. You can just say “dude” and they will self-correct unless they are actively trying to be disruptive.

“Guys if you don’t behave I’m not going to do the Fortnite dance for you anymore.”

“NOOOOOOOOO”

Also if you sincerely commit to being chill 99.9% of the time, they will take that remaining 0.1% WAY more seriously when it’s actually most essential. (For me this line is crossed with unwanted violence or sexual behavior toward other students, but depending on the age group the line may be drawn elsewhere: for young children it is probably more centered around dangerous behavior and personal risk.)

@vyeoh Hope it’s okay if I steal your tags and expand on them.

I’ve found it’s very effective to focus on how kids’ behavior affects others, including me, before focusing on their personal risk.

If I tell kids stuff like “stop that because you could get hurt,” common responses are “no I won’t” or “if I do I don’t care.”

I’ve found it’s actually way more effective to bring somebody else’s feelings and responsibilities into the mix so they understand OTHERS better. Examples vary by age but can look like this:

1) I know YOU feel okay dangling from the upper railing, but you are making me feel very scared and nervous. Would you mind stopping so I don’t feel scared and nervous anymore?

2) I realize YOU are willing to face consequences related to opening the fire alarm door, but if you do, I will have to go talk to the camp leader and also do an incident report, which would mean we cannot play mafia during free time today.

3) Hey. I know the street looks empty right now and we are having fun, but if a car comes around that corner and hits you, I am going to have to drive you to the emergency room and also call your mom, and I really don’t want to tell your mom I was watching you and you got hit by a car.

Another very fun thing is to say (when true) “this rule applies to EVERYONE, even grown-ups. If you are doing a good job and then you see a grown-up breaking this rule, you can tell the grown-up to stop.” They often get busy watching out for the grown-ups to break the rule and stop breaking the rule themselves.

with LITTLE kids like 4-6 i've found the best way to get them to do stuff is pretend you can't do it yourself and ask for their help. you can make a game of it like 'let's see how much we can lift or how fast we can go' but kids that are angry little demons in the face of mom and dad's constant nagging and demanding are pretty cool with helping a friend out with a problem he's having. it really engages little kids to see that a grownup guy could need help from them! and it flatters the independent kids who actually really do need, at this stage in their development, to see themselves as powerful and capable and ready to make their own decisions.

and when you absolutely need to slam the breaks on 'no it's not safe to play in the road' or whatever you just say 'i know kids die that way and your mom would be SO MAD at me if you died while i was there. let's play over here. 😢' and they always fold. Mom Will Get Mad At Me is a universal game over.

at a certain age they're bright enough to suggest that mom doesn't have to KNOW which is hilarious but the checkmate to that is just 'i will cry. come back.' even if they know that you, a grown man with a beard, probably will not cry.... they fold. but with the most gracious attitude.

Don't have kids before you're ready to make the hard choices, like whether you'd rather take a shit while holding a baby, or take a shit while listening to your sweet baby girl literally screaming crying throwing up on the other side of the door because she doesn't want to be held by anybody else while you're trying to take a shit.

if you've ever wondered what the fuck is wrong with parents and their zero concept of privacy or personal space, like is there some part of being a parent that gives some specific kind of fucking brain damage that completely fucking erodes their concept of boundaries, I think I get it now. It's called having kids.

i’m at a party right now and i heard someone on a walkie talkie and i turned around and it’s a mom who left her kids home on their own for the first time ever (they’re old enough) and they live a few houses down so she gave them a walkie talkie to call her if they get nervous. they just walkietalkied her for permission to eat ice cream

she told them they can stay up and read for 30 more minutes 🙌🏻

My children. My screams. I could not save you, little ones. Such pain. And yet, still, still I am not brave enough to die, to let go of this wretched life. I will endure, but no more babies. I cannot, will not, suffer such heartbreak again. From now on, it's me against the world.

I think one of the most damaging ideologies towards children is the conviction that having children isn’t a calling but a moral obligation.

Not to be a crazy radical or anything, but children deserve to be deeply wanted by their parents.

Children shouldn’t be a “stage” in life that everyone is obligated to fulfill; childrearing is not for everyone. More importantly, children shouldn’t be state-enforced punishments for “irresponsible” sexual behavior.

Children are people with thoughts and feelings just like the rest of us. They are conscious of the way people treat them. And they can certainly tell when they are unwanted and/or resented.

[ID: tumblr tags. they are: #reblog #i also dont think its enough to want a child. i think you need to want a teenager and an adult too #my mom wanted a baby. when i was too old to pronounce spaghetti wrong and let her put me in church dresses she was done with me #my dad wanted a person. he wanted a baby a child a tween a teen and an adult #my dad wanted to watch a person happen. which was different. /end ID.]

Boosting all of the above signal.

#parenting

Lol it be like that

i knew the state of society’s view of children was bad but i didn’t realize just how dire the situation was was until the lockdown began. this last month or so has really opened my eyes to how much people dislike children, even their own children, simply because they exist and they need them because you know… they’re small humans without the capacity to care for themselves.  it seems harmless but memes talking about how parents need alcohol to deal with their kids or can’t wait for their kids to go back to school so someone else can deal with them does harm in that it dehumanizes children and puts blame on the children for existing when it’s not the child’s fault they were brought into the world. it also brings about another uncomfortable fact: if you don’t like the way your children behave, barring them having a behavioral disorder or disability, you’re probably to blame and need to reevaluate how you’re raising them. children are more than innocent bystanders… they are helpless and absolutely reliant on the adults around them to not only provide for them, but to show them love which in turn sets the precedent for how they will love in the future. this attitude implying they asked to be here and that it’s okay to joke about how annoying they are has got to stop. 

i don’t think we acknowledge enough that when children want to be treated “like adults” what they really mean is “like people”

this is just my own observations of course but 90% of the time when a kid tries to get people to treat them like an adult, what they really want is the respect and acknowledgement that they associate with adulthood - because that’s what they must give the adults. they have to give that to the adults in their lives, but the adults never give that same respect back, and so they see that difference and decide that they want to be treated “like an adult”

and sometimes i see parents who are like fine you want to be treated like an adult then you can work and pay rent but that’s the exact OPPOSITE of what the kid is actually asking for. you’re just belittling them, clearly intending to punish them for daring ask for your respect, clearly intending for them to break down and beg to be “treated like a child” again because you purposefully twisted their wants. they ask for respect, and you give them abuse.

never, ever, ever, treat a child like a full grown adult. it’s our responsibility as adults NOT to, because they ARENT adults no matter how much they think they want to be, and it’s our job as adults to take care of them.

that said, ALWAYS treat children like people. because they ARE that. they’re real people with real agency acting as best as they know to with what knowledge they have

it’s not a matter of kids trying to grow up too fast, it’s a matter of kids wanting to be treated like people instead of objects or pets.

This!!

i don’t think we acknowledge enough that when children want to be treated “like adults” what they really mean is “like people”

this is just my own observations of course but 90% of the time when a kid tries to get people to treat them like an adult, what they really want is the respect and acknowledgement that they associate with adulthood - because that’s what they must give the adults. they have to give that to the adults in their lives, but the adults never give that same respect back, and so they see that difference and decide that they want to be treated “like an adult”

and sometimes i see parents who are like fine you want to be treated like an adult then you can work and pay rent but that’s the exact OPPOSITE of what the kid is actually asking for. you’re just belittling them, clearly intending to punish them for daring ask for your respect, clearly intending for them to break down and beg to be “treated like a child” again because you purposefully twisted their wants. they ask for respect, and you give them abuse.

never, ever, ever, treat a child like a full grown adult. it’s our responsibility as adults NOT to, because they ARENT adults no matter how much they think they want to be, and it’s our job as adults to take care of them.

that said, ALWAYS treat children like people. because they ARE that. they’re real people with real agency acting as best as they know to with what knowledge they have

it’s not a matter of kids trying to grow up too fast, it’s a matter of kids wanting to be treated like people instead of objects or pets.

This!!!

Am I the only one who thinks that hitting a kid and abuse are different things? Like, if I ever had a kid, I wouldn’t spank their ass raw or something like that. But a bop on the mouth or the ear pull or a smack upside the head? Yea. Those are behavior modifiers.

Except they’re not.

The studies done by the trained psychologists in this joke show that little kids don’t associate being hit with the thing they’ve done wrong. Very small children only understand consequences that are directly caused by the thing they did. Steal a biscuit, biscuit tastes good. Then for no reason mummy hit me. Very different to stole a biscuit, now no biscuit after dinner because I stole a biscuit.

And they also show that when a child is old enough to understand why they are being hit that non-physical punishment is equally as effective and less mentally harmful in the long run.

Do you know who benefits the most from hitting as a punishment? The parent. It gives a satisfaction rush. Parents do it because it makes them feel good.

Basically kids have two stages: too young to understand why they are being hit so physical punishment is useless for anything other than teaching a child that bigger stronger people can hit you whenever they like (Which sounds like the same lesson you would learn from abuse)

And the second stage is old enough to be reasoned with so many punishment options are available and you chose physical violence because it makes *you* feel better, which is an abusive action.

The only time a person should ever use violence against another human being, of any age, is to stop that person from being violent themselves.

This!!!

Whatchu got there? I didn’t think I’d see this again….why don’t you hang onto that? 

There’s something so heartwarmingly homey about this moment and how fatherly Din behaves here. Gently drawing out the pendent and than the warm smile beneath the helmet and I think I can even detect an affectionate wink when he gives the baby the pendent to keep. I’m not over it two weeks later. 

Ugh yes

THIS OKAY

You want to get kids out of foster care and into good, loving homes? I’ve got a simple solution to your problem.

Did you know LGBT couples are more likely to adopt older, children of color and disable children than straight couples? LGBT couples tend to adopt ‘undesired’ children more (basically kids no one else wants.)

This is so important because I remember being in the system and being so scared that I would never be adopted or loved or whatever and seriously just fucking let them, take the fear out of finding a family

Exactly. I reblog this every time I see it. EVERY time.

Can we also normalize adoption more? I know not everyone can afford it/do it, but if you can, please don’t be afraid to make this your first option, not the “back-up“.

This!!!

just a quick reminder that you are not your parents. their opinions, their actions, their beliefs are not inherently yours and you can choose to have different opinions. please don’t think that just because your parents are one way you have to be the same, you can choose to grow and learn and be more open.

This!!

i can’t stop thinking about this mom who came in with her kid to the bookstore last week and when i went to ask if they needed help, she really clumsily asked my pronouns (and added, “i know we’re supposed to ask when we introduce ourselves” or something like that) which was unusual, but welcome

and so i helped her and her kiddo and they were both awesome, even though neither of them were feeling well. and before she went to pay she pulled me aside and said, “sorry if that was awkward or anything, i think he’s probably genderfluid and i just want to set out a good example”

and fuck if i haven’t cried over this mom who’s patiently waiting for her kid to figure things out but in the meantime wants to keep showing them that they’ll be accepted no matter what

there is hope for this world

Fuck 😭

From that’s not a toy to why don’t you hold onto that. 

Going from reluctant babysitter to benevolent papa. I stan. 

Hell yeah

One of the things I love about Mandalorian culture is that it basically involves loving who ever you want, raising as many kids as you want, wearing cool body armor and flying around on highly unreliable jetpacks, and trying to shoot a space wizard who can send bullets back at you which is peak herbo/himbo culture. But seriously you don't get in trouble for picking a laser sword that's the wrong color, being forced to never see your parents as a toddler because you could move blocks with your mind, or never allowed to have family or life outside the Jedi order. One of the things that the EU established is both how family oriented Mando culture and one of the reasons they dislike the Jedi is partially because they force a child to separate from their family.

So for those of you who don’t know, there’s an official Mando’a language and dictionary, and one of the most important sayings in Mandalorian culture is: 

Gar taldin ni jaonyc; gar sa buir, ori'wadaas'la.

Meaning-  Nobody cares who your father was, only the father you'll be.

Oh my God?

We stan 1 (one) culture of batshit insane jetpack warriors

Hell yes!!!