gonna grow you a place safer than this

i think the best genre of image is "creatures trapped in starbucks cups with receipts reading [cup of water (no water, no ice, creature)]"

sherlock holmes deduces you are trans before you've figured it out yourself and refers to you with those pronouns and then when you look confused is like "ah...had you not arrived at that conclusion yet?" and wafts away in his dressing gown to smoke seventeen pipes, leaving you in a gender crisis

Hercule Poirot deduces you are trans by accident because he suspected you of murder and broke into your house and searched your stuff then puts 2 and 2 together when Hastings makes an innocuous observation about your fashion sense or something and he jumps up and cries “mon dieu!!!” before striding over to you kissing you on both cheeks and saying “ah, cher ami, you must live as you choose!” and then running off to confront the real culprit while you stand there in befuddlement

Columbo deduces you're trans from context clues while he's talking to you about the area, immediately uses your preferred pronouns and starts telling you about his cousin, who's also transgender, and how they got this job doing security, and how they told him that a security guard always locks up, and asks you if the guard locked up last night, and isn't it weird the place was open? And you're like, well, someone else must have opened it up. Maybe the guy in charge? He has a spare key. And then he nods and goes "the guy in charge has a spare key... well, how about that?" And then he offers you a cigar and wanders off, and a day later your boss gets arrested for murder.

All of these. All of these.

i love how everyone on this website interacts with each other in ways that are so socially impermissible irl. how did we get here

like i know none of us call people we barely know "bestie" out loud. i know none of us say "i am kissing you on the mouth" in response to every mild compliment. but god i wish we did

(recent) tumblr exclusive linguistic phenomena:

I think my absolute favorite is "Thank you for the input, Tumblr user [[wildly inappropriate username]]"

queens of pride month, i don't make the rules

"13 was bad because of the writing" "13 was bad because of Jodie" wrong. 13 was bad because she didn't kiss River Song with tongue.

the aromantic agenda

x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x | x

@makelimeade @kiwimuichiro @fallenrain40 @redysetdare @canonically47 @arodabi @drakenhert @pinnakoladda @thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove @midnightcrisisstuff @the-nefarious-vampire

official aromantic post

Vampire that’s dirt poor, doesn’t have a sprawling manor or vast riches accumulated by interest. Can’t afford those black leather boots they really want. Travels as a bat to save money not cuz they like it.

Vampire that was super ugly in life so the vampiric glow up just made em a solid 5

Vampire too socially awkward to seduce/compel ppl to feed off them. Has to have their Chadier vamp friends to do it or steals blood bags from the hospital.

Vampire who turned into mist in a steam room and couldn't figure out which parts were him vs water, so he got stuck there for weeks

vampire who's afraid of flying so anytime they turn into a bat it makes them incredibly queasy

Vampires having a “wine” tasting trying out different types of blood, discussing various textures and tastes and stuff like that. But one vampire honestly can’t tell the difference cuz they don’t like the taste anyway.

vampires who don’t like the taste of blood so they have to disguise it by adding artificial flavors (fruit punch, watermelon, strawberry kiwi, NEVER blue raspberry lest it change the color too much and the other vampires judge them) in order to stay properly hydrated

Vampire that was obsessed with skincare when they were human, but now mirrors don’t work for them so they’re constantly looking for ways to see their reflection.

vampire that doesn't really need a familiar because when they were human they were just some working class schmuck used to taking care of their own business so they just pal around with them instead

Vampire that brings a night light to coffin cause they’re to scared of the dark

Vampire that while in bat form hangs out with regular bats thinking they’re also vampires. This goes on for weeks before they realize they’re just normal animals.

Diagram:

harry absolutely has a collection of weird and oddly specific t-shirts he doesn't even remember having bought (designs stolen from shirts that go hard

can we bring back captcha comics

No offense but these are absolute classic images