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gonna grow you a place safer than this

@burningcomputerpersona

Currently obsessed with american pop punk band The Wonder Years. This blog is mostly just a collection of things that I'm interested in at the moment, whether it's music or a new fandom or just queer memes in general. I'll probably appear once in a while to reblog a bunch of posts about a new obsession that you didn't follow me for and then vanish off into the unknown again. Current interests include: the wonder years, spanish love songs, hot mulligan, against me, doctor who, etc.
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fun facts!

  • leonardo da vinci was a year younger than christopher columbus.
  • stalin, freud, Ttto, trotsky and hitler walk into a bar……no really, it’s possible since they all lived in vienna in 1913.
  • aristotle tutored alexander the great.
  • abraham lincoln was twelve when napoleon bonaparte died.
  • an unusually well-traveled person in 5th century BC could have conceivably met confucius, lao tze, the buddha and socrates over the course of a seventy year life.
  • pharaohs and mammoths existed at the same time.
  • pocahontas and william shakespeare died, in the same country, less than a year apart from each other. 
  • oxford university is older than the aztec empire.

Stuff like this really makes me wish we learned history chronologically instead of geographically. You know how cool this shit is? So much can happen all at once and we keep pretending like it doesn’t

WHAT THE FUCK

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crackdkettle

actual footage of me trying to figure out how the exact same people who made Captain America: The Winter Soldier also made Avengers: Endgame

imageimage

Okay, I’m not reblogging this from anyone in particular because it’s more than one specific person, but I just want to say, there’s a reason I phrased this “the exact same people” and not “the exact same directors” or just “the Russos”.

Winter Soldier and Endgame had the exact same creative team. The Russos were the directors, Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely were the writers, Kevin Feige was the executive producer.

To reiterate, the same people who wrote Winter Soldier also wrote Endgame. That means the same people who wrote, “None of us can go back,” were the same people who then wrote Steve going back to the woman who literally said those words to him!

(Also, like, the plot of Winter Soldier actually makes sense?? Like, if you “don’t understand time travel” then don’t use it as a plot device??? Or at least bring in another writer who does???? Winter Soldier is an actual movie, not just a collection of cool gifs and callbacks that doesn’t hang together if you actually think about it for more than half a second.)

The point is, I’m not just blaming the Russos here. I’m blaming the whole damn creative team. And they’re all the exact same people responsible for both movies.

That’s what I’m having trouble wrapping my head around.

the same people who wrote steve saying “this isn’t freedom; this is fear” wrote him retiring under mccarthyism.

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copperbadge
Anonymous asked:

this is a silly question, but what do you mean, "the flavor profiles might have shifted?"

Not at all silly! I’m referring to the fact that changes in manufacturing processes, ingredients, and breeding of both flora and fauna mean that the food we eat today may taste significantly different from the food of 100 years ago and yet we still refer to it by the same name.

The most well-known example of this, of course, is the Gros Michel/Cavendish issue; until the 1950s, Gros Michel bananas were the most common export, but now mostly in the US we eat Cavendish bananas, which have a different flavor. Cooking with Gros Michel and Cavendish bananas are going to get you different end results because they taste different; Rex Stout’s banana bread won’t taste like Sam Starbuck’s, and also any seasoning in the recipe (spices, etc) is aimed at complimenting the Gros Michel, and may not work as well on the Cavendish. (This is in theory, I don’t know if he has a banana bread recipe or if it was written pre or post Cavendish.) 

The same goes for a lot of fruits and vegetables – we haven’t necessarily changed breeds but we’ve certainly begun aggressively breeding for flavor or size or color, and we’ve also begun importing from hundreds or thousands of miles away, affecting freshness and flavor along the way. Which means a tomato today is a different beast from the tomato of fifty years ago. 

In one of the Nero Wolfe short stories, Wolfe gives a recipe for corn: roasted in the hottest possible oven for forty minutes, husked at the table, and served with only butter, salt, and pepper, “it is ambrosia”. But that’s for corn grown at a farm less than three hours from Wolfe’s home, picked less than half a day before it was cooked, and picked by hand just as it came fully ripe – Wolfe knows there’s something wrong and solves a murder because one delivery of his corn is of poor quality (too old, and picked too far previously). Stout acknowledges in his recipe that it’s unrealistic to be able to get corn like that, but corn grown from different strains, picked in Mexico, sorted by machine and shipped to Chicago where it sits in a misting box on a shelf for a few days before I buy it and take it home, that’s going to taste different. I’m not slamming the globalization of food (though elements of it are certainly an issue), but it’s simply a fact: they won’t taste the same. My corn, due to breeding and preservation techniques, might even taste better! But it will be a different taste. And when you’re dealing with the delicacy of flavor that Rex Stout often does, that can cause real issues. 

This extends to all kinds of things. Flour is milled differently now, and made from different grains; most things that used sugar cane or sugar beet sweetening prior to 1970 now use high fructose corn syrup (though this is a trend that is slowly reversing). Processed foods, like macaroni and cheese boxes or Cheerios or Jello, have changed ingredients to improve flavor or ease of cooking or health benefits to the people who eat them. Meat is fed differently (beef being fed primarily on corn because it bulks cows up like crazy is the most evident example) and that affects the flavor of the meat, too.

This gets even more bonkers the deeper you go. The reason modern recipes, especially baking recipes, often call for both butter and milk is that they used to call for cream, but people stopped buying cream and started buying lower fat milk, so now you have to use your lower-fat milk plus butter added to simulate cream. A recipe that called for cream was less likely to be made when people stopped buying cream, and new recipes in the second half of the 20th century were primarily the province of ad companies, who wanted you to buy their product and cook with it. If people were more likely to cook with a product that used butter and milk instead of cream, the ad companies would design recipes that way. 

So if you’re looking at a recipe from before the 1980s or so, understand that the recipe is designed with ingredients that might be vastly different from, and yet share a name with, the ingredients of today. Which affects the flavor of the finished product.  

Time travel is so weird, am I right? 

If you enjoy reading about food history, consider passing me a ko-fi!

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“The reason modern recipes, especially baking recipes, often call for both butter and milk is that they used to call for cream, but people stopped buying cream and started buying lower fat milk, so now you have to use your lower-fat milk plus butter added to simulate cream.”

So you’re saying that if I have cream but no butter i can just pour that shit in my kraft mac and cheese and get more or less the same end result?

FUCK YES.

Pretty much. You can add basically any mix of dairy-and-fat to Kraft mac and cheese and as long as the proportions are more or less the same, you’ll get a decent cheese sauce. If you don’t have butter but you do have some kind of oil like canola or olive oil, you can also substitute that for the butter, just reduce it a little. My personal favorite is to use alfredo sauce in place of the milk and butter, because it adds a depth of flavor, but you can also use greek yogurt mixed with water to thin it (plus some butter or oil if it’s skim), or cream. Cream’s a bit rich for me, so I’d water it down a little, but if you like full fat milk or creamy sauce, it should be pretty delicious. 

Kraft dinner isn’t formulated specifically to accept these substitutions, but it’s formulated to be the easiest possible thing to mix into dairy-and-fat to produce sauce, so you can screw around with it quite a lot before you produce something that’s actively inedible. 

This also applies to the techniques and tools we use for cooking!

Obviously the go-to here is the microwave, but refrigeration has probably had a larger impact. And the electric stove, omg. I have a recipe from my dad’s cousin’s mother-in-law that she wrote down in 1947. It’s a rewrite of her mother’s recipe. It requires the oven to be pre-heated to 425, the item to be baked at that temperature for 10 minutes, and then for the oven to be allowed to fall to 350 during the remaining 30 minutes of baking. I was extremely confused. Turns out, it was rewritten to deal with… the electric oven. Because wood-burning ovens often don’t maintain set temperatures and can, apparently, have that be treated as a feature rather than a bug.

Don’t get me started on pans.

This is insane

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jakemorph

art is hard 99.8% of the time but the craziest thing is that the trick to drawing the back of something is just ‘draw the front and then erase everything but the outlines’

E X C U S E M E ! ? ! ? ! ?

you might have to flip or move some things around depending on how symmetrical your subject is but yeah. voila. e magico

W H A T

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I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

please give us updates

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

op will not die of natural causes

Bold of you to assume op can die

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memeception

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

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mommacomms

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

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pagesofkenna

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

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japhers

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun

This works better than I thought it would.

This was in my senior project

I’m not sorry.

Look. This is still my favorite meme.

This is what I desire the day to be

This meme has more to it than my personality 

This is beautiful

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i found a christian retelling of the first harry potter book and it claims that birthdays are unholy and are made up

some highlights

  • Ron is a Slytherin
  • Draco is a Ravenclaw AND a mysogonist
  • Snape isn’t a cunt and is really nice and caring towards Harry
  • Angels have replaced owls
  • Dean Thomas is a main character for no reason
  • Dumbledore isn’t gay and is married to a woman and is ALSO Hermionies dad
  • It doesn’t take place in the UK for some reason
  • Wizard duels are now called pray-offs

I’ll add more when i read more

more

  • Harry converts Draco into being a Gryffindor (who are depicted as pitch perfect Christians who follow the bible closely and only take orders from God)
  • Eco friendly-ness is bad apparently
  • Voldemort has hair
  • Believing in evolution is apparently Satanic
  • Voldemort wanted to make Christianity ILLEGAL
  • Voldemort ALSO has a Reddit account
  • Dumbledore calls Reddit a “godless coven”
  • THEY LITERALLY TRY AND CONVERT VOLDEMORT INTO BEING A CHRISTIAN
  • Harry says that Voldemort has been tricked by the lies of society and that he deserves to burn in hell 
  • ““I’m just so upset that you don’t accept the Bible,” Hermionie sobbed femininely. “The Bible is the best book ever. Why can’t you respect that?”“
  • Voldemort is described as a fornicating, drug-addicted evolutionist (Actually, this is what the author says that all Evolutionists are like this)

I can’t believe i found a fic to rival My Immortal

This is some anti My Immortal shit

how does one sob femininely? 

PLEASE SOMEONE SEND ME A NAME OR A LINK TO THIS

I love you thank you

Dumbledore is married to McGonagall.

There are several paragraphs describing beloved fictional characters’ chest hair.

Slytherins are Catholics.

Petunia wears pant suits.

“Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. “

Reblog if you don’t need religion because you have science socialism and birthdays

We’ve found it. The illusive reverse My Immortal

Um what the fuck

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centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. discuss.

Oh. This. I don’t like this.

#not enough distinct body parts#insects have three#arachnids on the other hand have two#therefore i propose that centaurs are actually spiders hiding a pair of legs somewhere this is worse jade how did you manage to make this worse

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necromatador

But centaurs DO have 3 body parts.  Insects have head, thorax, and abdomen.  Centaurs have a head, a human “thorax”, and a horse “abdomen”.

Instead I propose that insects are arthropod centaurs.

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bogleech

Well yeah I mean

Holy fuck

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dnd idea: an 8-ball but it has a d20 in it so you have to shake it and the d20 rises out of the murky liquid to decide your fate

Good news I found the exact opposite object

yall. every magic 8 ball already has always had a d20 inside.

It doesn’t have the numbers on it though so you can’t use it for dnd

thats quitter talk

ME: I try to jump over the gap DM: Roll for acrobatics 8 ball: Not likely DM: you take 97 damage and die

  1. My reply is no
  2. Don’t count on it
  3. My sources say no
  4. Very doubtful
  5. Outlook not so good
  6. Better not tell you now
  7. Cannot predict now
  8. Ask again later
  9. Reply hazy try again
  10. Concentrate and ask again
  11. Outlook good
  12. Most likely
  13. Signs point to yes
  14. As I see it, yes
  15. Yes
  16. You may rely on it
  17. Without a doubt
  18. Yes, definitely
  19. It is decidedly so
  20. It is certain

There ya’ go, nerds

Hold on is that chainmail?

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novantinuum

people i absolutely don’t understand: those who don’t absolutely STAN that frog, in all its ridiculous, entirely whack and campy Doctor Who glory

y’all this is a show that’s featured bubble wrap monsters, a sentient glorified skin trampoline, spinning killer christmas trees, space titanic crashing through the tardis walls, massive giant wasps, space fish vampires, death mold, the entirety of the episode dinosaurs on a SPACESHIP, the moon being a fucking egg, actual fucking santa claus showing up out of nowhere, killer infectious eye dust, and death emoji bots, and you’re telling me that a sentient anti-universe manifesting as a frog is too weird for this show? malarky. absolute malarky. i love this lonely sentient frog dimension with all my heart okay bye

WE STAN THE FROG UNIVERSE

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yall just lost the fuckin game

The game cant be won you just play on and on

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karakat2005

Hi what game

One: you were doin so well and

Two: The Game was an old internet thing. Basically, any time you thought about the Game, you lost it, and you usually had to loudly announce that you lost it, making everyone around you lose too. You can never win. It just goes on and on, like the song that never ends.

HOW FUCKIN DAR-

DAMNIT. I LOST

We are all losers.

I hate you

you know, every time y’all give this a note, i lose again. so.

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can you believe female hysteria was considered like an actual medical thing… god

mary louise moneybags in 1880: im horny all the time and also sad and i feel dissatisfied with my shitty life i dont want kids i hate my dad and my husband

dr mis o’geny: i diagnose you with WOMAN

fun fact if you’re a man you’re not allowed to laugh at this joke bcus i don’t go a day without hearing about how girls are all overemotional unstable and crazy so you all still think like this you’ve just gotten better at phrasing it in a way that doesnt seem like bullshit at first glance

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