gonna grow you a place safer than this

why is this one broken?

from a tumblr site perspective, because i did not add a title to it, so it didn’t fully register. from a supernatural perspective? because you can’t save him. because it’s always too late. because you always made that choice and said what you said and he never gets to hear anything different. because this is how the story ends. because this is how it started.

The number of people laughing in the theater, during the penultimate scene of The Substance, made me feel like I was in the goddamn twilight zone. Look at what she’s become, she did it all for you. She’s still trying to put on a perfect show so you’ll love her. Her hair is burning off in the curling iron, she can’t put on her earrings, and you’re laughing at her. Where’s your empathy for the monster? Haven’t you ever hated yourself that much? It’s still her. It’s all you. Her despair drags ever deeper and you’re laughing

stop putting the substance "analysis" videos on my yt home page. i already get what the movie is about. everyone gets what the movie is about. the movie never once tries to hide what it is about and it is unconcerned with outsmarting you. you have stood in front of that mirror and wiped the lipstick off your face and gone to bed without bothering to show up because you couldn't bear to be seen. the moster is you. what else is there to be said leave me alone

I love The Substance's undying dedication to grossness as an aesthetic. It's not just that it's body horror, it's the kind of body horror that lingers on needles being pushed into skin and then supernaturally enhances the length of the needle and the scabbiness of the entry point just to milk your reaction. I love that that body horror exaggeration effect is present in mundane things too, like endless shrimp or a trashed apartment or old person skin. It's just part of the gaze that the movie forces you to take on, and I think it's both good at that aesthetic and smart with that aesthetic. It uses the emotional strength of that gut feeling to tug at your self hatred, or to make you hate the asshole TV producer, or even to simulate a bad relationship with food.

This is a harder point to articulate, but I feel like the substance understood something about what I like about horror movies: that there is this catharsis aspect to the grossness which you can only really properly reach the heights of by exaggerating it to the point of ridiculousness. I like the ending not just because it's crazy but because it knows what I'm looking for in crazy. It's a movie for people who love grossness and a movie that shows you how to love grossness.

an angle i enjoy in cosmic/eldritch horror is when, instead resorting to the old classic "the horrors being so incomprehensible that they break your brain and drive you mad" cliché, the premise is that in comprehending the horrors you are so changed by the experience that your new state is indistinguishable to an outside observer from madness. you comprehend the unknowable just fine, but actually communicating that to anyone else is impossible because they just don't have the mental framework required to understand it. the eldritch horrors don't drive you mad. what does is the ordinary everyday horror of finding yourself isolated, ridiculed and doubted at every turn, no matter how hard you try to make yourself heard and understood.

This is why both Plato's Cave and Flatland are cosmic horror to me.

How can you begin to describe what you saw when you can't even describe the direction you saw it in?

Something especially stuck out to me at the start of I Saw the TV Glow. Owen not being able to access The Pink Opaque right away. Only being able to interact with it through the commercials or borrowed episode guides. Not having the means or the freedom to connect with it. Desperate to access it, but being at the mercy of uncaring guardians.

And then finding that bridge. And you found that comfort in this whole new world. That sensation of losing yourself in this safety blanket. Pulling the media around your mind like a shield. You don't have the words to express why or how you're feeling these things. And you don't need the words. Because there's also community in the media. You aren't alone in this escape.

I can’t stop thinking about that scene when Owen watches The Pink Opaque on her new tv, especially the part about it being “available for streaming”. Maybe I’m reading too much into it because it’s such a tiny detail, but it makes me want to scream.

Part of what made watching the show so special to her when she was younger was watching and rewatching those vhs tapes, eagerly waiting for the next one from Maddy. She cherished those tapes. And something about it being available for streaming feels like a gut-punch.

For something that meant so much to her, something that was such an important part of her life, to be able to be enjoyed in such an easy, careless, and insignificant way, to be stripped of such a large part of what made it so special to her, is devastating.

like misha collins in season 4 was making too much eye contact or not enough eye contact, wasn’t blinking and stood too close to the person he was shooting the scene with (which happened to be jensen ackles for most of the early episodes) because he was trying to portray an ancient cosmic entity the size of the chrysler building who is beyond human comprehension and possessing a human body for presumably the first time. it wasn’t meant to be gay necessarily, it was supposed to be a creature not quite grasping the subtleties of human interaction and it read as gay because that’s what happens when you stand so close you can track pupil dilation. jensen ackles, however, responded to this acting choice by nervously licking his lips and staring at his coworker’s mouth and swallowing a lot and there is no excuse for this because both he and dean winchester are human beings who know what a boner is. no excuse.

everyone on this post who is like hashtag heller queen jackles this is proof of the jackles longcon has fundamentally misunderstood me. the point is that misha collins was the only one making conscious acting decisions here. jensen was, at best, being puppeteered by a repressed bisexual ghost named dean. at worst he was extremely bad at acting intimidated and just came across as uncomfortably horny the entire time. either way the end result is the same

I absolutely will die on this hill, access to fiction that makes your skin crawl and open discussion about it is the best way to keep that skin crawling fiction from happening in reality.

It doesn't matter if it is ~positively~ or negatively portrayed. If you censor it, we don't talk about it, then we can't protect against it.

If you are seriously against CSA, then you should absolutely read Lolita. Yeah, the book that set the western world on fire with weird sexual conversations. 

That book perfectly breaks down what a lot of very real sex abuse looks like. It details how predators look for victims (family members), it details what happens to the child who is enduring abuse (she acts out, she screams randomly, she does very poorly in school, etc, etc), and it shows who the most dangerous perpetrators are (intelligent, well liked, charismatic). 

That book will make your skin absolutely crawl! Once you get out of the head of HH long enough to look at the world Dolores was dumped into, you’ll cry your eyes out. But you know what it’ll do? It’ll open your eyes. 

That book has a lot of weird reactions. Some people turn on Lolita, some people turn on HH, some people turn on Nabokov, but it came out when Freud was still respected. That book came out in the middle of “little girls want to fuck older men and it’s their fault it happened and they’re crazy”. 

It turned the world around. Some of the discussions about the book are nasty!!! Even from Kubrick and Nabokov. Their discussion about Lolita makes my SKIN CRAWL!! They talk about it in a very POSITIVE and WEIRD way. But it opens your fucking eyes and that’s the POINT. 

Embrace disgusting fiction and then fucking talk about why it’s nasty. Now YOU have the power over reality. 

Embrace disgusting fiction and then fucking talk about why it's nasty. Now YOU have the power over reality.

Emphasizing this last sentence because it's so well put. We have to engage with things that make us uncomfortable so we can learn to be better.

Yes! I recall reading a quote from Nabokov about why he wrote it. What I remember him saying was “I read in the news about a man who was arrested for molesting girls, and I became curious. Why would a person do that? So I wrote from the perspective of someone who would.”

That’s… that’s not even weird, I don’t think. I wonder why people do horrible things all the time.

I don’t actually think Nabokov had everything about it right. It seems to me that many real molesters are much more aware of what they’re doing and sometimes even perving on the cruelty of what they’re doing. HH seems kind of quaintly Freudian in comparison.

But that’s what Nabokov would have seen around explaining it, so it makes sense.

And Nabokov really does seem aware, on my reading, that HH is doing harm, and that the idyllic love affair he’s dreaming of is in his head. What’s actually going on is just seedy and gross.

It’s hard to read, hard to understand, and messy.

But those things are what make it good, rather than just “hey look I picked a shocking topic have some torture porn.”

(I hate the term torture porn but it’s the best term I can think of rn)

Nabokov gave extensive interviews and talked about Lolita often. He gets such a raw deal. I have compiled a bunch on my main blog here. i just hate nabokov misinformation so here are three for you:

By all accounts and backed up by extensive interviews, Nabokov wrote a psychological thriller and expected people to be shocked and compelled by it in the same way you can't look away from a train wreck. His worst crime was total naivete. He literally never expected that anyone would take it as a romance.

nabokov wrote "don't create the torment nexus" and then children showed up at his door dressed as the torment nexus and people forever will be like "you wrote about the torment nexus, which is the same thing as being in support of the torment nexus".

The first time I asked a person about the book Lolita, they told me "it is a romance, it is about a young woman and an older man falling in love". Then the second time someone told me about it, they said it was a nauseating accusation of society. And the third person told me it was a terrible story about an adult predating on a kid.

I really wish the first interpretation never existed. I wish the author's naivete over expecting utter shock and disgust from everyone wasn't naivete but how society really is.

I don't believe censorship is the solution, but I do think such books should be restricted to the classroom with a good learning structure so as to give people context, or at least they should be released with additional commentary so a new reader can understand the entire context.

Also, such books need trigger warnings. I was a victim of CSA. When I was a kid I had a veracious need to read every book in existence, and had I accidentally come across that book and started reading it, that horrible book would have completely wrecked me. Perhaps permanently. It certainly did my head in as an adult to find out that people think such a thing was "romance".

That is censorship. Restricting who can read a book is censorship. That is exactly what it is.

As frustrating as it is that people read things "the wrong way," and they do, and they always will, making sure people "read the book in the correct and approved way and take away the correct and approved meaning" is... not a thing that should ever be hoped for.

Commentary editions are great! Restricting where and how and by whom things can be read? Not so much.

The problem is that you can’t stop people from having bad opinions. Even if you make your intentions really obvious in your text. That’s what the torment nexus meme is about. It’s pretty much impossible to make art that is safe from harmful interpretations or bad faith readings.

So starting to censor media because it might be harmful to traumatized children or adults we end up with the Hays Code and we end up with the Comics Code and with sanitized media that makes it impossible to actually talk about or even acknowledge real life harm.

Lolita should probably have trigger warnings, it also isn’t a book for children. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be accessible.

I don’t think any movie will make me feel the same ethereal sense of otherworldly sorrow and disembodied awe as that scene in Lord of the Rings where the loyal son is sent off into a doomed battle to please his vindictive father while Pippin sings a mourning song of his people

I was like 12 and high off this shit

These movies CHANGED ME

This is one of my favourite parts of the whole trilogy. It’s haunting.

And that Pippin takes actually a happy walking song of his people, because Hobbit songs are generally happy and about food and drink and gifts and things, and *transforms* it into a mourning song.

The song is from Fellowship, before all the heavy plot hits and they’re still in the Shire. It’s about walking, and how eventually all the bad things that scare or sadden you will fade away and you’ll be home warm by the fire.

And Pippin takes it, changes the lines, the key, and sings a song that is truly fit for Denethor’s great hall.

Knowing Billy Boyd gave his own melody to it and everyone had chills after hearing him sing it. This is how you get actors involved with the story and character, this is how amazingly well these films were cast. Fans have been singing that haunting tune in echoing halls and caves and towers for 20 years now and it never loses its beauty.

And even better: Billy Boyd composed the tune to the song and then performed it for Peter Jackson and everyone else while filming. They only did one take! That very first take is the one that’s used in the film! He’s just that good!!

Every now and then I like to pull up this video of Billy Boyd being endearing and silly and choked up about Boromir’s death scene, and then performing this song upon request:

I sing it as a lullaby to my children but I use the original “away shall fade” to make it less sad because they’re just babies. uwu

Not even my fandom and I have chills.

You know what, I’m not done. Every aspiring writer should watch that scene and keep in mind the axiom “every person is the protagonist in their own mind,” because Denethor and Pippin are having TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CONVERSATIONS.

Here’s the translation of how it goes.

WHAT DENETHOR SAYS: can you sing, Master Hobbit?

WHAT DENETHOR MEANS: I want entertainment and you’re from far lands. That’s a novelty here.

WHAT PIPPIN HEARS: I don’t care that I just sent my son to his death. Entertain me.

WHAT PIPPIN SAYS: yes. Well, well enough for my own people. But we have no songs fit for great halls.

WHAT PIPPIN MEANS: yes. But not for you. And our songs aren’t for people who engage in such cruelty.

WHAT DENETHOR HEARS: yes, but I’m embarrassed because mine are simple folk, and you’re very grand and regal. There’s no way I could be of any use to you.

WHAT DENETHOR SAYS: and why should your songs be unfit for my halls? Sing me a song.

WHAT DENETHOR MEANS: we’re all equals culturally. I’m a benevolent ruler, I don’t think your songs are inferior to those produced by my skilled musicians. Let me engage with your culture.

WHAT PIPPIN HEARS: I have literally already forgotten about my son. I’m more interested in entertainment and food, things you normally adore and which I’m making a mockery of by my actions. So sing to me songs of those things you love, entertainment and food. My son doesn’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to you.

And then Pippin sings.

WHAT DENETHOR HEARS: what a pretty little song.

WHAT PIPPIN IS SAYING WITH THE SONG: fuck you for doing this to your son, who I love. Fuck you for doing this to me, as I mourn. Fuck you for making a mockery of the things I love, when it’s clear you don’t care for them any more than you do for YOUR SON. Your child, who you should want to protect. If you won’t mourn in these halls, by everything I hold dear I swear SOMEONE will.

Pippin can’t say any of this out loud. But his word choices are extremely deliberate. And so are Denethor’s! He does not see himself as a bad person! I don’t know enough LOTR to know if he’s a villain or just an asshole, but the important thing here is HE THINKS OF HIMSELF AS NEITHER. He’s a good guy who’s had to make some hard choices, that’s all. It’s the editing that tells you he’s not actually that at all.

This is a MASTERCLASS in “everyone is their own protagonist” and if this is the standard the movies rise to all the time I understand why y’all love them so much, because holy shit. That’s incredible.

@lotrheritageposts

LOTR Heritage Post

Be it a hot-take or not, Demons of the Punjab, belongs in the Top 5 all time best stories in Doctor Who.

Instead of being about silly sci-fi monsters or the checkered inner-workings of the Doctor (two things I deeply enjoy btw), we spend the length of a very cinematic and beautiful episode witnessing a tragedy on a deeply human scale. Tragedy and hope intertwined; how else could one possibly cope...

Love to all the episodes everyone would likely place into contention to hypothetically keep this story at a lower rank...but I'm going to make space at the table for the spirit of 13's era.

The monsters of the week being humble servitors of the dead is such a sweet plot twist that deepens the extent of the narrative. The Doctor is powerful but she can't stop this event; or events like this. The tension that comes to a head in this episode represents a struggle far greater than any one battle or war. No sonic warbling can stop the tide of human pride; of our systems built to create 'order' that leave ruin and heartbreak.

Attempting to put it to words, even in summation, highlights the gravity of the subject matter this episode invokes. Instead of navigating those waters by diving in as I am inclined to do, the cast and crew highlight a beautiful and vibrant world for us to see and by story's end we watch that world be torn apart by an ultimatum unseen. A hatred that festers in people's hearts through fear of uncertainty and the corrosion that imperialism left in its wake.

But we witness love. However fleeting it may have been. We witnessed it and by seeing it, we're given the hope we so desperately need.

Death comes for us all but before it does we can make that choice to open our hearts to others. They may not be receptive to it...they may even fight us on it.

Even if our circumstances fail to afford us any other opportunity, love will always be a choice.

Yasmin succeeded at meeting her grandmother when she was young and learned why the story Nani Umbreen refused to tell her was being kept secret all these years. She witnessed the pain of that moment in a way words would never quite illustrate. Even the events Umbreen knew were not the complete story; even that which Yaz was able to see.

The Doctor couldn't stop those events from happening but helped to guide a path forward through the darkness in a way only she could.

Stories like this remind me of how powerful the medium of Doctor Who is...and how flexible it will always be.

It's not all mops of curly hair, long scarves, and Allons-y! Occasionally it's a clever way of reminding ourselves of the pain we cause, the pain we keep, the love we had, and the love we still have to give.

In my experience, horror fans are by and large lovely people with a very healthy relationship to their genre of choice, but sometimes they fuck up and say something that in their ears sounds very affirmative of the movie of discussion and to everyone else sounds like the most sinister shit.

I mean the line that I think of first is “A kid dies in this movie.”

Which I suspect to horror fans is shorthand for “The director of this movie subverts horror tropes (wherein kids are usually immune to the monster/slasher/source of terror) to make something that is deliberately shocking. Seeing a child character die in this story is not a happy thing or a good thing, but for a horror story emphasizes that nobody is immune to the source of the terror, which makes the horror more serious and scarier.”

And to everybody else just sounds like “Oh this movie’s great! A kid dies in it!”

[ID: tags that read "op do you care to elaborate" /end ID]

changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.

I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.

Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.

No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.

But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?

I'm like one hour from going to bed so my take is not going to be extensive but my guess is that the social anxiety this is reflecting is the surveillance state. And the fact that private companies (i.e. not just the state) are also doing a ton of surveillance. And even the fact that the way we often use social media -- less so Tumblr, which has some anonymity still -- is basically internalising that surveillance and performing for it at all times.

It seems like there are two modes going on here: "avoid being perceived by the horror" (Bird Box, A Quiet Place etc) and "perform correctly so that the horror can't get you" (your trashy nun example). Both of them arise from surveillance logics; one is "avoid being surveilled or it will Get you", the other is "you are being surveilled, perform correctly or it will Get you".

And with regard to the social elements it's all reflecting, I mean -- have you seen the state of things? It's extremely difficult to avoid being surveilled! A monster where you have to not look at it is fucking easy mode by comparison!

(Pretend I cited Michel Foucault and Erving Goffman; they're relevant but also it's bedtime.)

Ooh yes, and breaking it down like this made me think:

- fear of observation (surveillance state)

- fear of not performing correctly (purity culture and evangelical backlashes)

- fear of confronting existential threat (climate change)

my contribution to this extremely salient and clever discussion is to say: I think we should call this subgenre panopticonsequence horror

! ! !

I think there might be an additional element here- the fear of awareness, because if you observe something, you'll end up seeing something you don't want to. like, we live in a society where we have more access to information than ever before, and also where the supply chain of things we have no real choice but to use exploits so many people, damages so much environment, and generally relies on a wide variety of harms to get into our hands in a way we can afford. i live in a society where it's more or less generally accepted that slavery and child labour is bad, but I would say it would be a minor miracle if I haven't touched something today that used at least one of those, you know? and the thread goes beyond that in a lot of fun ways- like, who hasn't been a fan of an artist and then found out they were doing horrible things behind the scenes? hell, most people live in countries with governments that are doing awful things to people every day.

it's the narcissist cookbook's cognitive dissonance blues. it's chidi anagonye's almond milk. being aware of the state of the world is to be in some level of despair at both the situation and the fact that you kind of need to be complicit in it for anyone with half a conscience. and there's nothing any of us, as individuals or in most sizes of group people are able to amass, can really do about it because so much of this evil is baked into the way the world works at this point. everyone has a vague knowledge that the world around them can't exist without destroying people and planet, and you'll know a lot more than you ever wanted to about it if you do a few web searches, and then what? you'll stop wearing clothes, eating food, or using technology? you'll switch to ethical options that cost money you don't have and have a decent chance of maybe the closest link in the supply chain being less harmful but don't look all the way down? like, it's notable that in a lot of these movies, not looking at the thing doesn't make it go away- it just means it doesn't get YOU.

As someone who is currently studying horror in media, I’d like to point out that all of this is in part why cosmic horror is actually making a comeback!

Cosmic horror isn’t just about facing the unknown, it’s about facing existential threats on massive scales, threats that are unaware of or indifferent to you and the things you care about. Things like climate change, viral outbreaks, global systems that seem baked in to the fabric of our reality and the like easily take on aspects of cosmic horror, and modern examples reflect this.

Uzumaki by Junji Ito features a town that is slowly deteriorating due to abstract forces outside of anyone’s control, gradually corrupting everything the protagonist knows and loves. The Magnus Archives podcast features corporate indifference and cruelty that ultimately lead to an apocalyptic event. Lovecraft’s works are being reconsidered and remade with modern ideas and diverse voices, rewriting the story to be less about a fear of minorities and more about a fear of the racist system that oppresses them. Even the monsters are getting more abstract, lending more towards other dimensions and aliens and fungus than the undead or mammalian monsters of the classic era.

All of this makes sense! Everything you said about the factors feeding into this are absolutely accurate. The world is bigger and more connected and more uncertain than ever, so it makes sense that we would vent these fears into forms we can best deal with. After all, the other thing all of these media present is the value of family and love and human connection. Even if the world is ending, they say, there are still things to fight for. You just have to find the ones you love and hang on for dear life.

I saw the TV glow is so horrific to me because I fear that's my future. you find out who you really are. not who you're told you are, who you really are meant to be. you have someone who accepts you for who you are. maybe even multiple people. and yet, you bury it deep in your chest out of fear. lock it up and throw away the key. but eventually, you are crushed under the weight of what could've been. you're drowning. you were born to be someone else. you ARE someone else. you yell I'm dying! can't you see! but other people were born who they were always supposed to be. you're weren't. it's killing you. nobody can see you. there's still time. until there isn't.

thinking about two scenes in particular. owen, in high school now, on maddie's floor. she's asleep next to him. and he looks up and sees static, then a white and multicolored light hovering in the air right above him. then in the bathroom when he opens himself up - i went back and checked and it's the same static, then white light. it's not the pink opaque - it doesn't have a clear purple-pink hue. there's tv noises but they aren't the show. it's canned laughter and undeterminable tv dialogue. i guess what i'm trying to say is if the pink opaque is not true self-acceptance and love but is the thing which is close enough to keep you afloat and far enough to let you be miserable, then the way we can tell it's not the whole thing is that those two moments are bigger than the tv show and bigger than owen and maddie - they're moments just for owen

I think the most significant metaphor in I Saw the TV Glow, of only in my interpretation, was the fucking inhaler. It's the device that gives enough temporary relief from the suffocation of being buried alive and not even knowing something's wrong, not by temporarily making it not wrong but by making you not notice that specific problem. It's still there, you're still suffocating and crushed under the ground dying alone and with your actual self torn out of you, while the fake version of you huffs the inhaler again and again with growing despair because it never addressed the problem, you were just told it would fix what was wrong

I Saw the Tv Glow is one of those movies that’s actually so much more powerful on rewatch because I truly had no idea where the story was going the first time I saw it & there’s so much that’s hitting harder now that i understand what’s actually going on. Owen walking in the dark with a neutral / sad presence contrasted with Isabelle happy & smiling basking in her power in the forest in the sunlight hits so much harder now. And then Owen’s mom says “seems like you’re always somewhere else” like…… hello!!! Hello! That’s because she’s supposed to be somewhere else! She’s supposed to be someone else! This isn’t what life is supposed to be!!!!