Probablea

Amanda Grayson is different from Sarek but just as detrimental to Spock's emotional health/self-confidence. Both she and Sarek very obviously love and care for each other deeply but for some reason cannot appreciate the traits they fell in love with in each other in their son. They both seem to, in different ways and to varying intensities, resent their son.

I'll be focusing on Amanda here, specifically the above section in 'Journey to Babel' where she entreats Spock to save his father's life. Amanda at the beginning of the episode seems to joke with Spock about how he still doesn't know how to smile. You can take her teasing of him in this instance and later at the banquet as motherly and good-natured but in the quoted scene this turns poisonous. It becomes clear that Amanda really does hold exasperated resentment towards Spock. Whether that's exacerbated by the situation or not, it's contained within her. However, it's also clear that Amanda did not foster 'Humanity' in Spock. Spock says that he followed Vulcan philosophy and deferred to his father. He is Vulcan and he desires to be Vulcan. However, it's not as if Amanda had no choice in the matter. They are BOTH Spock's parents and they raised him together. It's notable that Amanda does not say "I tried to comfort you" when she recounts Spock coming home from being bullied (it's implied this happened multiple times). She doesn't say "you pushed me away" or "I tried to comfort you" - she says she watched him. She watched him suffer, and she cried. She was an observer. This is reinforced to me by the timing of this confession. It's as if she's saying "You may think you're so Vulcan but I've seen your Human side, I've seen you suffering, I've seen you in pain. I know you're capable of feeling." It's a revelation - but why did she do nothing but watch, knowing her son was in anguish? It's also notable that in essence she is agreeing with his tormenters in this instance: Stop trying to be Vulcan. It's obvious to everyone, including your mother, that you are not. This is how I view Amanda's role in Spock's childhood. Mainly an observer. Spock loves her more than Sarek because he cannot remember her being as domineering as Sarek, as unforgiving as Sarek, but neither does she seem to have been particularly loving towards him. I think Amanda deferred to Sarek in raising Spock almost completely. She loves Sarek more than Spock and they both love each other more than they love their son. Sarek's life is more important than Spock's own and at the end of the day this was and will always be the case. It's notable that though Spock specifies he's only upset with Sarek, Amanda says that neither of them have heard from him in years - implying that though Amanda isn't upset with Spock, she doesn't see or speak to him. She and Sarek are a package, always. They will agree with one another, always, and it seems that Amanda has a tendency to defer to Sarek in most matters that won't jeopardize his life. It's interesting to me, how Amanda talks about humanity and how Spock states he was ashamed of being human. I wonder if Amanda could sense this shame and resented it. Despite loving a Vulcan, she positions humanity as better - warmer, kinder, a more loving a way to be when push comes to shove. An earlier conversation between her and Sarek also interests me. Sarek states that he isn't proud of Spock and doesn't consider him to be his son (in so many words) but that Spock, as an individual completely separate from familial ties, still deserves respect. He asks if Amanda understands this and she says no, but that she loves Sarek without needing to understand. He accepts this and they kiss, satisfied. This 'love without understanding' is intriguing. It's probably why Amanda can have lived on Vulcan, raised a child on Vulcan, and love a Vulcan without knowing what it is to BE Vulcan. At a fundamental level she doesn't care for it. She seems to view it still after so many years as alien. It contrasts completely her earlier statement where she professed to know and value the Vulcan way.

Her acceptance of Vulcan as "something I love [conditionally] but don't understand" is the same as her acceptance of Spock. Spock wishes to be understood and loved by his parents. I take his insistence that Sarek would understand and agree with his decision as something of a comfort to him [as Sarek does not love, understanding and agreeing is the closest equivalent and something which Spock was not afforded before]. Amanda loves Spock conditionally, in the same way his father does, and she will utterly reject him if he does not live up to these conditions (which are less obvious in day to day life than Sarek's conditions but still present) - will hate him vehemently in contrast to his father's total silence. Will slap him in contrast to Sarek's cold eye, but the result is the same. "I do not understand you. If you do this, I will hate you for the rest of my life." I like this episode's interpretation of Amanda far more than adaptations which turn her into a saint. I think it's much more interesting to consider this woman as Spock's mother. When I hear Amanda say she will hate Spock for the rest of her life if he lets his father die (even if this is an emotional exaggeration), I think about Spock, crying on the floor, wondering desperately whether or not his mother knows how much he loves her. When she says she doesn't understand Vulcans, doesn't like how they operate, finds it an immoral way to be when push comes to shove, totally at odds with her human heart, I think of the fact that Spock is Vulcan, strives to be Vulcan, and how very at odds he is with that same heart which he loves - which says it loves him. [Photo Source: Allison Bechdel - Are You My Mother?]