THIS DOTH BUTTER NO PARSNIPS

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Munchy Marmot Monday, one could say!

I strongly suspect that Trump withdrew from the 60 minutes interview because CBS could not be trusted to let him lie without consequence.

Republicans do not always lie. It only happens when their mouths are moving.

If capitalism were really about "voluntary exchange of labor for money", this would be encouraged.

all elementary schoolers have a lot of potential, it's like having a lot of unassigned skill points.

what happened is you allocated those points and then you continued to level up in the areas of your choice, and now your build isn't balanced because you're not a beginner anymore. you're a specialist.

and yes this means you don't have "potential" anymore, because you're not 7 and you know how to do shit.

once I did an Americorps position & I won’t get into exact details but two months in my one other coworker & I were rly frustrated bc we weren’t doing anything in our job description or the contract we signed whatsoever & instead we were basically being used as extremely underpaid retail staff and slowly the ppl in charge of us were cornering us more and more into that until I was finally like okay….what the hell? I opened up the work contract I signed and realized I hadn’t done a single thing listed in my role so I sent a long (professionally worded) complaint email to Americorps and they called me an hour later in total outrage because it turned out the work we were being made to do was explicitly prohibited by the program and we were being 100% exploited for cheap labor and the very next day we got a new supervisor and spent the rest of our year doing what we signed up to do and it rocked.

I ♥️ Complaining

imagine youre a vampire knitter.

You've been knitting a jumper.

you're almost at the end.

you're playing yarn chicken on the end of the last sleeve.

you lose yarn chicken.

you go to see if you can get some more of the same yarn.

you can't find anything similar so you look at the original company from the label.

the company hasn't existed for 100 years and the country it was made in no longer exists.

I want to tell a story to the artists and would-be artists out there.

When I was 19, I made a large oil painting of the nerd I would eventually marry. I poured all my attention and care into this painting. It's the only art I have from back then that still holds up as a work I'm proud of today.

I entered it into a judged show at the local art center. It got an honorable mention. I went to see the show with my beloved model. One of the judges came up to talk to me, and highlighted that all the judges really liked the painting. It would have placed, except, you see, the feet were incorrect. They were too wide and short, and if I just studied a bit more anatomy-

I called over my future wife, and asked her to take off her shoe. Being already very used to humoring me, she did. The judge looked at her very short, very wide little foot. Exactly as I'd lovingly rendered it. I would never edit her appearance in any way.

The judge looked me in the eye, and to his credit, he really looked like he meant it when he said "Oh I'm so sorry."

Anyways the moral of the story is that all of those anatomy books that teach you proportions are either showing you averages, or a very specific idea of an idealized body. Actual bodies are much more varied than that.

So don't forget to draw from observation, and remember that humans aren't mass produced mannequins. Delight in our variation. Because it's supposed to be there.

One of my professors used to say ‘you can’t paint the girl next door, no one will believe it’

In art class in high school, we had to pair up and draw each other. I paired with my best friend, Sara. The teacher was going around helping people and she saw Sara's drawing and was telling her, "It looks good, but the eyes shouldn't have the whole iris showing like that," and Sara just said, "but..." and pointed at me. Yeah. I've got weird eyes that look too open when you really look at them. The teacher apologised and told her to carry on.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

MY DASH NEEDS TO HEAR THIS.

@jennhopkinsart

I feel like I might appreciate this in six months when it comes around my queue

Or like, to put it in terms that the "read what you like, who cares if you exclusively read kids' stuff" crowd are at a reading level to understand:

In the book "Green Eggs and Ham," the main character insists that he will only eat things he likes, and refuses under all circumstances when presented with an opportunity to try something new. At the end of the novel [spoiler alert] he agrees to Sam-I-Am's request and tries them, and he realizes that he was depriving himself of a favorite food for years, just out of fear of disliking something he ate. He learns a lesson, moving forward, that if he tries new things outside his comfort zone, that he may dislike some of them, but will enjoy many of them, and if he doesn't try new things outside his comfort zone, he will not like anything but the one thing he already eats.

Can you think of any situations in your own life where Sam-I-Am's teachings might be applicable?

Words truly cannot describe how much this is not what this term means

The book never came across as being about anything other than being bullied to me. And encouraging kids to eat moldy food because it was green and they might like it. Did normal colored eggs and ham exist in the main character's world? Could he have not simply continued to enjoy food that he already knew and liked and wasn't bullied into trying. I liked the rhymes but I hated the 'message'. Don't force people to try new foods unless they want to. Suggesting it is fine, forcing is not. (Signed, the former kid who was constantly forced to eat foods that made them feel sick and was punished if they refused to do so.)

i don't think you're merely missing the point, i think you might just actually be dumb.

Babies understand this book better than this.

Here's where this analysis fails: "I was bullied and forced to eat foods I didn't like as a kid, therefore Green Eggs & Ham is about bullying and nothing else."

Do you see how we are conflating one's personal experience with the intentions of a story that nothing in the book itself suggests was created to address this experience at all?

Using critical thinking skills also means being able to make abstraction of one's subjective feelings to analyse the matter at hand. If you are unable to do this, you may live your whole life in a reactive state, constantly on the defensive even when there is no threat to your person at all.

This may make you paranoid, aggressive, and unreasonable. It may also make you self-righteous and self-pitying at the detriment of your ability to express empathy/sympathy and relate to other people, which is isolating. It may make it very difficult for you to have productive conversations with other people because being constantly stuck in a fight or flight response may make you self-centered, so you will not be able to relate to other people, understand them, or feel understood. Again, very isolating.

Critical thinking skills are important not just for media analysis, but also everyday life! They make you a more reasonable, empathetic, comprehensive person, and help you connect with other people. This is why it's important to challenge yourself with the media you consume. Not All of The Time, certainly not Everytime you consume media, but at least from time to time.

Go at your own pace and give yourself the right to examine your thoughts and your feelings objectively so that they don't rule your entire life and prevent you from richer and more fulfilling experiences. You can take a break whenever you feel overwhelmed. You can decide a specific piece of media is too challenging for you and that you simply aren't learning from it or don't care for what you're learning from it, and put it aside for a time or forever.

But at least you'll know more about yourself and the world, which helps make life a lot more manageable, and allows you to experience it on a deeper, calmer, and more actualizing level.

I want to tell a story to the artists and would-be artists out there.

When I was 19, I made a large oil painting of the nerd I would eventually marry. I poured all my attention and care into this painting. It's the only art I have from back then that still holds up as a work I'm proud of today.

I entered it into a judged show at the local art center. It got an honorable mention. I went to see the show with my beloved model. One of the judges came up to talk to me, and highlighted that all the judges really liked the painting. It would have placed, except, you see, the feet were incorrect. They were too wide and short, and if I just studied a bit more anatomy-

I called over my future wife, and asked her to take off her shoe. Being already very used to humoring me, she did. The judge looked at her very short, very wide little foot. Exactly as I'd lovingly rendered it. I would never edit her appearance in any way.

The judge looked me in the eye, and to his credit, he really looked like he meant it when he said "Oh I'm so sorry."

Anyways the moral of the story is that all of those anatomy books that teach you proportions are either showing you averages, or a very specific idea of an idealized body. Actual bodies are much more varied than that.

So don't forget to draw from observation, and remember that humans aren't mass produced mannequins. Delight in our variation. Because it's supposed to be there.

One of my professors used to say ‘you can’t paint the girl next door, no one will believe it’

In art class in high school, we had to pair up and draw each other. I paired with my best friend, Sara. The teacher was going around helping people and she saw Sara's drawing and was telling her, "It looks good, but the eyes shouldn't have the whole iris showing like that," and Sara just said, "but..." and pointed at me. Yeah. I've got weird eyes that look too open when you really look at them. The teacher apologised and told her to carry on.

It has long been clear that Sam (usually) wins (almost) any poll he's in - unless Bill the Pony is an option. In fact, Bill the Pony is so popular that he was previously voted the "real" hero of Lord of the Rings!

So alright, fine. Let's see how they do head to head. Sam dispatched both Elrond and Pippin with ease, but will he find a more difficult opponent in the Battle of Bywater's most notable participant? Or will Bill "turn tail and dash away" as he did at the entrance to Moria, fleeing from the Watcher's tentacles? Only time (and the results of this poll) will tell!

Sam wins again, 69% (nice) to 31%! But you know what's really interesting to me here? What an absolutely perfect example this is of the effect third parties can have on voting and elections!

Tumblr polls calculate the winner based on whichever option has a plurality. A plurality is the most votes, and when a poll has three or more options, it often means the winner did not get a majority (50% or higher).

With tumblr polls, this isn't a big deal. However, it is a very big deal when it comes to elections. If a candidate wins with a plurality, it means a majority of voters did not vote for that person. For example, in 1992 Bill Clinton won the US presidency with 43% of the popular vote. George HW Bush got 37.5%, and Ross Perot got 18.9%, by far the highest for a third-party candidate since 1912. (We will not be getting into the Electoral College here, but note Perot got exactly zero electoral votes even with ~19% of the popular vote.)

Now, let's say that all these "vote for your favorite Fellowship member" polls were elections. If Bill's on the ballot along with all nine not-ponies, well, then there's a horse pony loose in the hospital White House White City.

But if we narrow the ballot down to just Bill and most popular non-pony, Bill is crushed and probably doesn't even carry his home state Bree.

So if you are against non-sentient animals running the country, what should you do? Vote for the guy you like the best, even though he's polling in the low single digits? Or cast your vote for the guy you like well enough but not quite as much in hopes of overpowering the "lol I'm voting for the pony; can't be any worse than Denethor, am I right folks" voters?

There are two obvious solutions to this problem that don't involve banning third parties. The first one is called a runoff. It's when you have everyone vote, then you hold a second vote with only the top 2 from the first vote. That's effectively what happened here. However, you have to go to the effort of printing up the second set of ballots and getting everyone to vote again. Ugh.

The second option is ranked-choice voting, which is sometimes called an instant runoff. In RCV you don't just vote for one person, you rank the candidates from 1 to whatever. So, let's say you really love Boromir, so you rank him #1. But if you can't have him, fine, Gimli, so you mark him #2. And if not Boromir or Gimli, then Aragorn (#3). And so on. You decide you won't even mark down Bill because you are that against animal rule, so you only rank 1-9 and submit your ballot. What happens?

First, the ballots are counted with all the #1 votes. Did anyone get enough votes to get to 50% + 1 vote? If yes, that person (or pony) wins! If not, then the candidate with the least votes is eliminated from contention. Let's say Gandalf is eliminated first. Then, all the ballots that ranked Gandalf first are re-distributed according to the second choice. Does anyone have 50% + 1 now? If not, then the next-least-votes candidate is eliminated and their votes redistributed, and so on.

If you ranked Gandalf #1 and Merry #2 and they got eliminated in rounds one and two, then whoever you ranked #3 is now effectively who you voted for, until eventually you get to Sam, who wins (almost) no matter what.

(If that doesn't make sense, you can find more on ranked-choice voting here or many other places on the internet.)

But if you don't have RCV or runoffs and the poll/election is important, well, maybe think long and hard about how you're going to cast your vote.

Something to consider if you happen to be voting in a system that elects people to important positions based on pluralities.

Reblogging this one today for the USAmericans going to the polls between now and November 5th. The reason should be obvious.

And if this isn't enough LotR-related election content for you, McSweeney's has posted an editorial from "an undecided hobbit, torn between a dark lord who promises an age of chaos and an elf queen whom I just wish I knew more about."

 ╭ ◜◝ ͡ ◝ ͡◜◝  ╮  (                      )  (        cock       )    (                  )      ╰     ͜      ╯                      O                    o                             °       〃∩　∧＿∧      ⊂⌒（ ´・ω・）       ｀ヽ_っ＿/￣￣￣/ 　           　   ＼/＿＿＿/ 

Fixed it.

Did you get the wokeness? Did you get the performative wholesomeness? Did you secure the likes?

╭ ◜◝ ͡ ◝ ͡◜◝  ╮ (  Emotionally  ) (     fulfilling     )   (    cock       )     ╰     ͜      ╯                     O                   o                            °      〃∩　∧＿∧     ⊂⌒（ ´・ω・）      ｀ヽ_っ＿/￣￣￣/ 　          　   ＼/＿＿＿/

Republicans are pro-trauma. Pro-suffering.

Most Republicans are evangelical Christians, so yes, they are literally in favor of suffering. They think it is a good and moral thing for people to go through. There's a reference in the Bible that they love about suffering and pain in life being like a refiner's fire that burns out impurities and leaves behind pure gold.

I have a tattoo of the alchemy symbol for purification of gold by fire on my wrist from back when I was a Christian. I used to believe that shit. I'm getting that tattoo covered up within the next couple of months. Pain and suffering don't purify you or make you a better person. They just hurt.

Ok but you need to understand that if your business has shareholders, this is literally illegal.

In the U.S. it is federal law that a business must do everything within its power--including environmental damage and worker exploitation--to maximize investor profits every year, or those shareholders are entitled to sue the business and it will be dismantled to pay what they are legally owed.

Shareholders have too many rights.

The system needs to be overhauled massively, but shareholders should be able to sue for less and should be able to be sued (and prosecuted) for more.

You want to invest? Fine. That's what you're doing, and that's all you're doing. If you don't like the business's plans or how they handle their money, you sell your stock and go someplace else. You take the dividend payout you're given, and you're the last person in line when handing out money.

Your investment doesn't work out? That's what gambling is. Better luck next time.

We also need a law that says that if a company is convicted of a crime, it's board of directors and CEO are automatically guilty of committing that crime via conspiracy, and subject to the "for humans" laws rather than the "for companies."

That means if Wal-Mart steals millions in worker wages, the CEOs and Board are prosecuted as if they'd robbed a bank of that same amount. If Hobby-Lobby smuggles artifacts, the people at the top are prosecuted as smugglers and thieves. If a company dumps toxic waste into a river against regulations, well, if any individual human did it, we'd call them a terrorist.

And we need a law that makes it so that companies that settle with the government cannot admit "no wrongdoing".

This is also why enshittification begins almost immediately when a startup goes public.

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email

Not everybody is good at the stupid “profesional” speech shit

It’s not embarrassing to seek help or guidance

As long as you don’t copy paste what it says, it’s not much different from googling “how to write a professional email” and reading the results in order to inform yourself better

Fuck you

1) no one said "professional email" people will use that shit to write PERSONAL emails for them

2) you cannot fucking trust ChatGPT for help or guidance. 2a) ChatGPT is 100% working with writing whose authors did not consent to being used to teach this glorified chatbot. If you need help writing a professional email, find a fuckin article about it and get help there. 2b) ChatGPT is actively environmentally harmful to use.

3) If you use ChatGPT for literally any reason, you should be embarrassed.

4) actually, fuck you.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

@legend-of-laurel

I don’t know if this story has made it from my reptile corners of the internet to the larger public but it’s kind of a classic “fuck around and find out” situation.

Jeffrey Leibowitz is this obnoxious dude who is known in exotic pet circles for free-handling his highly venomous pet snakes. He also has the unfortunate habit of mocking anyone who voices the reasonable perspective that doing this can be dangerous not only for the humans but also the snakes involved. There’s a reason reputable facilities don’t pet and cuddle venomous snakes.

Well old Jeff has left quite a trail of terrible hot takes and unhinged rants. He feels that only people who get bit by snakes are idiots who don’t know what they’re doing. He put out this eloquent stance on the subject…

Well guess who got bit by the most venomous* snake in the world, a fucking inland Taipan he was keeping as a pet.

After he is bit, Jeff’s opinion on anti venom is swiftly reconsidered…

This guy is currently hospitalized in organ failure as his doctors try to save his life with the needed anti venom that a reptile facility was kind enough to send for Jeff. Jeff’s entire collection of venomous snakes was euthanized due to his carelessness (I don’t know what’s happened to his pet serval).

Under normal circumstances I would not make fun of someone being so severely injured by an animal, but I am quite frankly furious with this man. His hubris got innocent animals killed. Absolutely nobody needs to have an inland taipan as a pet and the insistence on free-handling these dangerous animals as some kind of ego exercise is unbelievably reckless.

I hope Jeff Leibowitz survives. I hope he learns from this experience and uses his perspective to advocate for better welfare of venomous snakes going forward. At the very least, I hope he is too embarrassed to continue posting these bizarre stream of consciousness rants against anyone who criticizes him…

So I'm seeing tons of people wondering why all the snakes were euthanized.

These are animals with extremely specialized care needs that were receiving substandard care. Zoos and venom research facilities do not have open housing for highly venomous reptiles on the regular. There were 14 venomous snakes in his "care" and some were in plastic totes (can be appropriate for smaller non-venomous snakes like my own corns, for example, but NOT venomous) and none were in safe containment. So we have a lot of snakes in inappropriate housing and they all need to move now only everywhere is full. PLUS, any snake taken in would require extensive quarantine and health monitoring to make sure it didn't bring in a deadly pathogen like nidovirus or crypto.

It's the same pathogen reason for why the few native snakes couldn't be released.

It sucks the snakes were euthanized, but there was significant risk of escape or further bites due to the poor husbandry and nowhere with the right caging had room. You couldn't leave the baby inland taipan in a plastic bin for months and without training or anymore local antivenin it wouldn't be safe to even try to fill the water bowl.

His cocksure assholeness is the reason these snakes are dead.

So, update:

1- he lived and doesn't seem to have suffered much permanent damage

2- He now has a baby cobra that he is free-handling in videos you can see on instagram

3- He is still a flaming dumpster fire of a human being and learned absolutely nothing