lrthreads: multi-fandom side blog

‘The children say they saw it in the field again. They claim it knows their names.’

Here’s the little game we made for Ludum Dare 46 (a game jam) over the weekend! The theme was “Keep it Alive” so we went with being a cultist and feeding a baby c’thulu style monster. You can even play it online here: http://shadowmint.com/ld46/thulu/ (WASD + E to interact, arrow keys + . for player 2)

My partner Doug did all the coding, Sam (https://recsketch.tumblr.com/ You should check out her art! It’s super pretty) painted the super tasty looking food offerings and I did the character art, environment, animation and level building. 

We didn’t *quite* finish - the monster can’t actually die even if you’re a bad cultist parent. We might do a little more work tonight as the jam’s technically still going one more day.

h m m b a d

this is blursed content

“it is a beautiful day in the village. and you are a thing man was not meant to know”

If you like being fashionable, looking hot, and/or channeling your inner eldritch abomination, you need to commission Etsy artist FactoryRejects for a custom up-cycled jacket. You might have seen her work floating around uncredited on Tumblr or Pinterest. While she is currently focusing on a related project and opening a line of clothing made from scratch, she is always accepting commissions, and you can browse her previous sales page for examples and inspiration. 

It’s one thing when your wardrobe earns you weird looks - it’s another thing entirely when your wardrobe stares right back.

currently focusing on something else you say

h/t Fipi Lele

…no.

business in the front spiders in the back

i walk into starbucks and order a pumpkin spice latte with 13 shots of espresso. i tell the barista that i intend to transcend humanity and become a god. i ask for no whip cream

you say this jokingly but i had a customer actually order a pumpkin spice latte with 9 shots of espresso (also no whip) and when i asked her to verify that she did indeed want 9 shots of espresso she looked me dead in the eyes and said “i have 5 kids”

I once had a woman come in and ordered an Americano with 19 shots of espresso. The drink took ages. It held up the line. I asked her why, and she shrugged and said “I just don’t care”. We still talk about that woman. We never saw her again.

new cryptid: exhausted woman at starbucks

Actual conversation I had at register: “Hi, welcome to [Starbucks]! What can I get you, today?”

“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”

“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”

“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”

*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, ma’am, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”

“Taste means nothing to me.”

At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.

“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”

She begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden dollar coins. We are a block from Wall Street, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixer with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.

“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”

My heart began to race at this request. “Yes ma’am.”

“How many can I add?”

Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”

“One then.”

I alter the order and tell her the new price. She pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.

My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”

The woman, which I call her for no other greater insight into her terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”

My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Matrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring. 

The barista was damn near shaking. This woman’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.

Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, she proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.

Then she smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror. She left, and we knew nothing more of her after that.

When I talk with other former employees, we quickly begin talking about “The Company” as if we’d never l, perhaps knowing that part of our soul still powers that awesome and terrible corporate machine. And when I share this stroy, other Baristas at first act shocked but quickly settle and comes the chorus, 

“Yeah, I had one like that.”

© 2017 Niilas Nordenswan - Fish head

A very Lovecraft Christmas!

Faced with the realisation that we suddenly had room enough to put up our own Christmas tree, I was initially at a loss when considering how to decorate it. We have no ornaments and the idea of shopping for them made me drowsy. I can’t remember what first brought to mind the image of a tree covered in tentacles (perhaps it’s best not to ask), but as soon as I envisioned it I couldn’t let go of the idea.

Using an artificial tree, blue string lights, silver garland, one plush Cthulhu (who has been silently biding his time in my home for years), approximately 50 Cthulhu Tentacles, and a little heady chanting (no one wants to upset the Great Old Ones), “A very Lovecraft Christmas” became a reality. I’m rather pleased with the results. Let’s hope the Old Ones are too. I’m beginning to suspect that the tree writhes when I’m not looking.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

by Imitation Lobster

I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟

The lemlom

This makes me wonder if someone mistranslated the “how to summon a lemon” spell and ended up with a demon/lemon hybrid.