The best thing about that article is that there gets to be a point where you’re like surely. Surely we can’t get sexier and less-martyr-y than this. And that point is about a 3rd of the way through the piece.
For my own amusement, I have included some even sluttier Sebastians found in the most cursory of Google searches:
I would like for people to know that Saint Sebastian is the patron saint of— of all things —archery and athletics. He is also recognized as the unofficial patron saint of queer people, because although the Catholic Church would never acknowledge it, his story of persecution in particular identified with many queer folks, and the way he was painted throughout history had a number of queer people saying, “oh shit, he’s hot, he’s ours now”
And I love seeing that happen all over again on this stupid website