sweats pink?
Hippos are several things[citation needed].
Two of those things are brown and fearless.
You probably thought you knew what not giving a fuck looked like.
Well I’m here to tell you you’re wrong.
This is the ideal Zero Fucks Given. You may not like it, but this is what PEAK FUCKLESS looks like:
That is a hippo getting in the way of a crocodile killing a wildebeest.
Hippos aren’t just not afraid of one of the largest and deadliest subspecies of crocodiles on Earth. They ACTIVELY fuck with them, WHILE they’re eating. They will harass crocodiles as they hunt, interrupt them while trying to feed, and just outright annoy them for fun. They’ll chase crocodiles until they become exhausted (crocodiles have very limited stamina due to lactic acid buildup in their muscles and after short periods of intense activity they become nearly paralyzed with their need for rest), then after the crocodiles have dragged themselves onto the banks to rest in the sun, they’ll just keep on messing with them. Nudge them, push them around, bite them to clean their teeth.
Hippos basically treat crocodiles like mobile toothbrushes that need to be harassed into submission first. They will also outright kill crocodiles if they present a significant threat to their young, or when bull hippos need an outlet for their own toxic masculinity. (Testosterone: Not Even Once.)
Or when they just hate crocodiles, because they really hate crocodiles.
Which is why it’s such a big deal when the near-mythical legendary crocodile from Burundi, Gustave, has reportedly been witnessed killing and eating a bull hippo. A hippo is NOT an easy animal for a crocodile to kill, even an extraordinarily large crocodile.
But Gustave is the definition of an extraordinarily large crocodile:
That’s an adult female next to him, probably anywhere from 9-12 feet long. She’s half his length. His exact size is something that will probably never be determined because Nile Crocodiles are extremely difficult to capture alive (especially ones this big, experienced, and clever) and their remains are virtually impossible to recover if they die in the water. But it’s likely Gustave’s size is comparable to the standing Guinness World Record holder, Lolong:
Except maybe bulkier due to the dietary differences in Nile and Saltwater crocs. There’s some skepticism about Gustave’s size and probably healthy speculation about the accuracy of some of the things attributed to him (like that he has killed over 300 people and survived being shot with a rocket launcher; although he DOES have a few distinct scars from bullet wounds and his migratory patterns line up with dozens of human casualties). And it’s possible that he is already dead, because it’s been a few years since there was a reliable sighting.
It IS within the realm of possibility for a Nile Crocodile to reach Gustave’s reported size, though – especially one who has spent so many years successfully avoiding humans. I’ve linked a clone of this video before but mistakenly presented it as a Saltwater crocodile when the footage was in fact taken in the Okavango Delta in Botswana, in southern Africa:
The (Nile) crocodile in this video appears to be about twice the length of its distance from the camera, which looks to me like about 10-12 feet based on the apparent depth of the water and how far the camera is from where it crossed under the boat. This is a HUGE crocodile. I’d be more surprised if it wasn’t 20 feet long. At least.
But basically, that’s about how big a crocodile needs to be for claims of it killing a bull hippo to be believable. Crocodiles get big:
But it’s really not a small feat to take down Mother Nature’s Two Ton Staple Remover™ that thinks murder is fun:
So while crocodiles do like to eat hippos when they can (young hippos if they can isolate them from the protective mother/herd, adult hippos usually only when they are killed by other hippos, most often males in territorial disputes), hippos don’t have as much reason to be afraid of them as, say, any other living thing within ten feet of the water. (There are videos of crocodiles attacking ELEPHANTS, which I will not link here because I’m already way off topic.)
Anyway, to the original point, one of the things hippos are besides fearless is brown. Hippo skin is shades of brown. Not pink.
The lightest and pinkest coloration is around the sensitive areas where the skin is thinner, especially around the eyes and ears, and parts of their jawline.
But sometimes, they do LOOK a lot more pink, especially when they are OUT OF THE WATER or when the sun is really intense:
(this particular image looks like it might have had some saturation boosting)
This is because hippos are very sensitive to DRY SKIN. What makes their skin pink is not exactly sweat, it’s a reddish substance that basically acts as a natural moisturizer that protects their skin from drying out in the intense sun or when they come out of the water. Sometimes people say, incorrectly, that they sweat blood (the second night picture just above is a good depiction of this because you can see it actually running down the side of its belly) because of this, but it’s just a substance that their skin produces to stay hydrated. So they don’t TECHNICALLY sweat pink because it isn’t sweat, meant to regulate heat by cooling the body as it evaporates, but their skin does secrete a substance that does make them look more pink, but isn’t really sweat. So yes and no.
In contrast, here’s a(n adorable) picture of a hippo fully submerged:
And okay, a few more for good measure:
What a bizarre combination of adorable and terrifying.
Also they’re the deadliest animal in Africa, which is saying something, so you should not fuck with them, probably.
