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Because sometimes I just want to reblog things for me

@brotherhoodotravellingpersonal

A personal sideblog for Hazy's multiple rp blogs.
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a hypothetical d&d party

The bard is mute.

It’s not the first thing people notice about her, usually.  The first thing is generally that she’s young, and female, and lovely–the first thing people notice about their entire party is that they’re all young, and female, and lovely, and that’s gotten more than one would-be thief or mugger in far over their head when they haven’t noticed the the paladin’s hammer or the ranger’s axe.  It comes up rather quickly though, often enough.  Whoever heard of a bard who can’t sing?

She plays a lute, mostly, or a lap-harp made of shell and sinew, string instruments she can pluck while she smiles in secret and watches everyone around her.  She dances quick, except when she’s tired, when she’s scared, when she forgets to remember the feet at the ends of her legs.

She doesn’t tell her story to strangers, but enough of the other girls have learned to sign by now, and it’s easy enough to sketch out the outlines of the old bargain: the voice, the prince, the witch, the thousand shards of glass she walked upon on her way up the beach, the look in her sea-green eyes when they travel too near water.  The thousand shards of glass she walked upon when she left the palace, and turned back towards the sea to throw herself upon the rocks, and then made her way up the road inland, and kept walking.

.

The warlock is beautiful and mild and self-effacing and shy, is tidy and generous and charming.  She’s small with herself in exactly the right way to shout abuse to the half of her party who knows how to recognize that same look in the mirror in the morning.  The bird on her shoulder is too small, too bright, too sweet for a real warlock’s familiar.  The knife at her belt is sharp enough for anything that needs doing, though, cooking or otherwise.

Her fae patron visits sometimes, in the quiet hours between dusk and midnight, a sweetly old godmother made of moonlight and shadow.  She’s kind to the whole lot of them in her own chaotic way, free-handed with transmutations and illusions that break halfway through the evening, for better or worse.  She once spent three hours around their campfire drinking brandy and gossipping outrageously about the Feywild and teasing the wizard into fits of laughter.

She’s never told the story of how she met the warlock’s mother, or what debt was owed there, and the warlock doesn’t know herself.  It was never meant to be a debt paid in power and violence and the deft will-sapping enchantments the warlock weaves now, but, well.  The prince wasn’t meant to be cruel, the warlock says.  The palace was meant to be warmer than the fireplace cinders in her stepmother’s house.  The faerie was meant to be saving her from her lot, not throwing her into something worse.  The power’s an apology of sorts.

.

The wizard is awkward and joyful and nervous.  She has no fear of heights or small places, which just stands to be expected, she says, after all those years in that little tower, and she’s got no skill at lying or even edging around the truth at all, which is why she isn’t in the tower any more in the first place.  She says too much or too little or the wrong thing entirely, always, but the most well-socialized member of the whole party is the ranger who walks around with a dire wolf at her hip, or maybe their mute bard, so who are any of them to judge.

There was nothing to do in that tower but read, and brush her hair, and sort through the witch’s endless stockpile of dried herbs and potions ingredients, and watch out the window as woodcutters and hunters and princes rode by, and dream.  The reading was more interesting than the dreaming, most of the time, and the witch didn’t mind it as much when she talked about it.  She never bothered to actually use any of the magic in the witch’s books until the thing with the prince and the haircut and the desert, which she’s told them all about in all the detail they could ever ask for, but most of the girls get uncomfortable when she starts talking about princes.  It’s a little easier if she just starts rambling about conjuration and abjuration and illusion theory, about the 400-year-old history of a city that doesn’t exist any more, about the proper grammatical structure of Celestial, until maybe one of the quiet ones finally answers back.

Her hair is too short.  She keeps an illusion up over it whenever she can, while it grows back slowly, tickling the side of her face and the back of her neck and leaving her head too light and unbalanced.  

.

The ranger doesn’t care about princes, which makes one of them at least.  Then again, the ranger doesn’t trust anyone, really, prince or no, not wolves or monsters or the men who kill them.  She more or less trusts the rest of them by now, mostly, when the wind blows in the right direction.

She wears bright red in the middle of the woods and it shouldn’t help her slip into the shadows half as easily as it does, but most beasts can’t see color and red’s just another shade of gray if the light’s low enough.  She never uses her axe against trees.  She doesn’t need to.  She can find a path through any brush without it.  She picks flowers when she finds them, and tucks them into the other girls’ hair.

Her wolf’s mother killed the man who taught her to use the axe, and the man who taught her to use the axe killed that wolf’s mate before that, and the mate had an old woman’s blood on his teeth when it happened.  The ranger’s blade found the wolf’s mother’s throat.  The ranger’s mother sent her out into the woods in the first place.  It’s not as though anywhere is really safe, cottage or forest, axe or teeth.  One of these days maybe her wolf will turn and go for her in return, and maybe one of these days her axe will be faster and maybe it won’t.  In the mean time, there’s flowers and berries and pastries and enough game to keep everyone sated, for a little while.

.

The paladin’s hair is raven black and her skin is chalky as a corpse.  She’s not undead, mostly.  The undead are her job.  She knows that much.

She was sweet, once (they were all sweet, once) but apples are bitter now and so is she, and there’s judgment to lay out in the world.  Her grip on her warhammer’s all wrong–she holds it like a mining hammer, but it hits as hard as it needs to.  Her armor’s all dwarven make, and her shield’s black and red and white like snow.

She was sweet once, and frightened, and when she says it quietly around the campfire in the night when none of them can quite make out the glimmer of understanding on each others’ faces, everyone still nods.  She took a bite of poison and somebody left her a full year in a glass coffin of Gentle Repose, dangling on the edge of the Raven Queen’s domain while all the other newly-arrived dead passed by and faded away.  She woke up to somebody’s lips and hands and skin on her lips and her hands and her skin.  She doesn’t like princes.  She doesn’t like necromancers.

She likes sunlight, and summer, and colors that aren’t black and white and red.  She likes the way the bard grins when she whirls into a dance, and the look in the warlock’s eye when she sets her feet to say no, and the wizard’s laughter on high with a Fly spell, and the ranger’s gentle fingers braiding flowers into everything she can touch.  

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Hey anybody going to talk about rescued sacrificial maidens. Like yes a guy with a fuck off sword turned up and so you're not getting fed to the dragon/water creature/mountain spirit/vague embodiment of all things scary and you get to go back home, but is that really home? Your mom hugs you and your dad says he's so happy you're alive and you know that when they said they'll do anything to keep you safe they didn't really mean it. They have a feast prepared and you get to taste what they cooked for your funeral, help wash the dishes after. And it's selfish to think that between the whole village with everyone in it and you they wouldn't pick the lesser evil but it still leaves an emptiness in your chest, knowing exactly how much your life is worth. And the neighbors smile at you awkwardly and the neighbors' kids yell "hey! I thought you died!" because they don't know not to do that yet and maybe you did. Maybe you did.

And the hero with the fuck-off sword rode off into the sunset the way they always do but you're still here and you herd the cows by the cliff where you were tied up in your cleanest clothes waiting to not be alive anymore and sometimes you think that would be easier and when you don't come back one day, you can imagine it's a relief for everyone involved. Maybe you'll be the new thing to haunt the mountain, or maybe you'll follow down the road and listen for cries that sound like yours did. Either way, there's little left to fear. You know exactly how much your life is worth.

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kedreeva

For anyone interested in media featuring rescued sacrificial maidens, Damsel is on Netflix and it is extremely good.

Except the sacrificed maiden isn't rescued by some dude with a sword; she's rescued by the memories of those damsels sacrificed before her, and the messages they left behind in the hopes that even though they might not make it, the women who follow them will fare better because of them.

I don't want to spoil the ending, but the reveals that happen at the end regarding the monster and the maiden are choice, as is the way they handle it after.

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gavrannoir

@kedreeva did not prepare me to see Princess fucking Buttercup (from Princess Bride) as the evil mother-in-law/sacrifice officiant

to be fair, Ked has prosopagnosia and had no idea that was princess buttercup (from Princess Bride) or they probably would have used that as a selling point.

Hey everyone, did you know Robin Wright (Princess Buttercup from Princess Bride) is in Damsel? I have also been told that Shohreh Aghdashloo voices the dragon, and El from Stranger Things plays the princess. Anyway it's a great movie, give it a go!

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oswednesday

disney concept art: the most beautiful dynamic original thing i have ever seen

disney finished project: rubber same face minimalism regurgitated plots 

concept art:

final version:

What makes me so mad is that snow queen is such a lovely tale and there was an evil mirror that shattered and froze the queen’s heart. So the first thing the newly evil queen does is PLUNGE THE KINGDOM INTO ETERNAL WINTER.

And the kid Anna is based off of is actually this sweet peasant girl who is rescuing her best friend whom everyone else thought drowned and whom no one cared for because mirror shards got in his eyes and he only saw beauty in snowflakes while everything else was just disgustingly foul to him. Except he didn’t drown because he was whisked away by the snow queen.

Like this girl gives her shoes to the river to find out he didn’t drown. Her hair ribbons to the birds to find out who took him. Works her hands raw to get to him and has to suffer a mental breakdown because she got SO FUCKING CLOSE to saving him and he won’t even look at her because he wants to solve this puzzle the snow queen gave him.

And then her sobbing wakes him up and he cries and washes the shards from his eyes and the fact that she saved him is enough to melt the snow queens heart and she brings spring back to the kingdom.

Wow Frozen really is some weak shit

Let’s not forget Gerda’s journey takes her along a long road that includes meetings with multiple women, many of them old, most of whom are not evil witches but wise women who aid her in her quest. She’s also at one point held captive by a bandit princess who swaps clothes with her and insists on sleeping in the same bed and routinely threatens her with a knife, but she eventually lets Gerda go with a magic talking reindeer she was also holding captive. The bandit princess cries because goddamn Gerda you’re so NICE and PRETTY and BRAVE and you clearly care about this stupid guy I GUESS and I can’t bear it just GO ok just GO and also you better fucking take care of her reindeer or I will CUT YOU.

The story is full of interesting complex women of many ages and magical talking animals and it’s a real shame we didn’t get an adaptation closer to the original ‘cause it’s really cool. 

hey good news about the adaption:

There was a Soviet animated movie from 1957, that doesn’t brush over any of the things you just listed.

You get Gerda on her journey, meeting all of those people that both hinder her quest and help her, with older women from different regions of northern europe, as well as several princesses who aid her

also the art style and animation is absolutely gorgeous and I always feel like it’s a shame that older Soviet animation is barely recognized around the world 

you can see the entire thing with english subtitles here

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why5x5

I saw one of those “making of” shows about Frozen. And this is when they changed the story

Blame it on “Let It Go.”

Which is ironic, because they STILL could have kept Let It Go (admittedly a banger) AND ALMOST THE ENTIRE ORIGINAL PLOT.

How? Simple:

The mirror (which looks startlingly familiar to Disnerds, something right out of 1937) is kept in a room in the castle Elsa and Anna aren’t supposed to be in. Elsa sees it once, as a child, and is warned away by her parents because “it tells pretty lies.” Why don’t they get rid of it? A prophecy that says to destroy it is to destroy the kingdom. So they lock it away and hope someday the magic will fade.

Elsa has a demanding childhood; she isn’t a child, but The Princess And Future Queen. Her days are filled with study, complicated etiquette lessons, introductions to stuffy old adults she doesn’t know and doesn’t care to know. Meanwhile Anna and her bestie—I remember seeing a live-action adaptation of this as a kid where he was called Kai, so we’ll call him Kai—are living a pretty normal life. Is Elsa jealous? Of course. Anna’s riding horses and Elsa’s riding a school bench. But she loves her sister, and she’s glad Anna’s not the one stuck like this.

And then the parents die.

And Elsa goes to the mirror. And rages and screams and grieves, and in the process, she throws the crown she’s just been given—the Queen is dead, long live the Queen—and it shatters the mirror.

SNOW QUEEN PLOT KICKS IN. Elsa is in some way corrupted by the mirror. Kai, who came looking for her, is like “???????? Elsa wtf is wrong with you, you look different” and we get one of those lovely classic-Disney bewitchment sequences where parts of the mirror seal themselves to Kai’s eyes but like, relatively without body horror because this IS Disney.

Elsa takes off with Kai because the mirror convinced her it was Kai, not her you-must-be-the-perfect-Queen parents, who led to her childhood misery by wanting Anna to himself. Elsa reveals this to Kai in Let It Go, as she decides she’s going to have a friend and the delayed childhood she always wanted. And now it’s Anna—Anna who’s always gotten what she wanted, Anna who was always indulged, Anna who has never known hardship—left to find Kai. The things she gives start out measly—what are hair ribbons to a princess? But these are her very favoritest hair ribbons in the whole world, how could you be so MEAN to make her give them UP—until by the time she meets up with her corrupted sister she’s left with only one thing, and whatever it is, it’s something no amount of money in the world could replace. I don’t know, maybe it’s something from their dead mom. Anyway she has to give it up to get to Elsa and Kai, and at this end of her character arc she does so firmly, with none of her earlier whinging and whining.

And then she’s able to cure them both as in the original story and they all go home and we end on Kai and Anna teaching Elsa to play a game we saw them playing toward the start of the movie, badum, like 90% original Snow Queen plot and you still get the song.

I’d say “hire me, Disney” but frankly they don’t deserve me.

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aye-of-newt

guillermo del toro’s pinocchio is a beautiful film but my god no one has adapted that story like neverafter. you can never look at it the same way again after listening to lou wilson, a black man, explaining that he chose to play as pinocchio because it’s a story about a little boy who isn’t allowed to make mistakes. that in pinocchio's story, he is fundamentally barred from childhood at once upon a time. he must earn something that everyone else is granted from birth. the other boys get to tell lies and play and get into trouble, but when pinocchio does the same thing there are grave and violent consequences. his pinocchio is trying to understand why the world is so unfair, why the rules are so different for him, why everyone else gets to be a real boy.

and I think about it every day.

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Dunno how to put it properly into words but lately I find myself thinking more about that particular innocence of fairy tales, for lack of better word. Where a traveller in the middle of a field comes across an old woman with a scythe who is very clearly Death, but he treats her as any other auntie from the village. Or meeting a strange green-skinned man by the lake and sharing your loaf of bread with him when he asks because even though he's clearly not human, your mother's last words before you left home were to be kind to everyone. Where the old man in the forest rewards you for your help with nothing but a dove feather, and when you accept even such a seemingly useless reward with gratitude, on your way home you learn that it's turned to solid gold. Where supernatural beings never harm a person directly and every action against humans is a test of character, and every supernatural punishment is the result of a person bringing on their own demise through their own actions they could have avoided had they changed their ways. Where the hero wins for no other reason than that they were a good person. I don't have the braincells to describe this better right now but I wish modern fairy tales did this more instead of trying to be fantasy action movies.

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beaft

"In [fairy tales], power is rarely the right tool for survival anyway. Rather the powerless thrive on alliances, often in the form of reciprocated acts of kindness - from beehives that were not raided, birds that were not killed but set free or fed, old women who were saluted with respect. Kindness sown among the meek is harvested in crisis."

-Rebecca Solnit

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I’m tired of hearing people say “Disney’s Cinderella is sanitized. In the original tale, the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to make the slipper fit and get their eyes pecked out by birds in the end.”

I understand this mistake. I’m sure a lot of people buy copies of the complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales, see their tale of Aschenputtel translated as “Cinderella”, and assume what they’re reading is the “original” version of the tale. Or else they see Into the Woods and make the same assumption, because Sondheim and Lapine chose to base their Cinderella plot line on the Grimms’ Aschenputtel instead of on the more familiar version. It’s an understandable mistake. But I’m still tired of seeing it.

The Brothers Grimm didn’t originate the story of Cinderella. Their version, where there is no fairy godmother, the heroine gets her elegant clothes from a tree on her mother’s grave, and where yes, the stepsisters do cut off parts of their feet and get their eyes pecked out in the end, is not the “original.” Nor did Disney create the familiar version with the fairy godmother, the pumpkin coach, and the lack of any foot-cutting or eye-pecking.

If you really want the “original” version of the story, you’d have to go back to the 1st century Greco-Egyptian legend of Rhodopis. That tale is just this: “A Greek courtesan is bathing one day, when an eagle snatches up her sandal and carries it to the Pharaoh of Egypt. The Pharaoh searches for the owner of the sandal, finds her and makes her his queen.”

Or, if you want the first version of the entire plot, with a stepdaughter reduced to servitude by her stepmother, a special event that she’s forbidden to attend, fine clothes and shoes given to her by magic so she can attend, and her royal future husband finding her shoe after she loses it while running away, then it’s the Chinese tale of Ye Xian you’re looking for. In that version, she gets her clothes from the bones of a fish that was her only friend until her stepmother caught it and ate it.

But if you want the Cinderella story that Disney’s film was directly based on, then the version you want is the version by the French author Charles Perrault. His Cendrillon is the Cinderella story that became the best known in the Western world. His version features the fairy godmother, the pumpkin turned into a coach, mice into horses, etc, and no blood or grisly punishments for anyone. It was published in 1697. The Brothers Grimm’s Aschenputtel, with the tree on the grave, the foot-cutting, etc. was first published in 1812.

The Grimms’ grisly-edged version might feel older and more primitive while Perrault’s pretty version feels like a sanitized retelling, but such isn’t the case. They’re just two different countries’ variations on the tale, French and German, and Perrault’s is older. Nor is the Disney film sanitized. It’s based on Perrault.

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You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.

Like imagine you find a 7 year old in the woods and she’s like my mom is gonna kill me because I’m prettier than her and she’s not kidding. You know this queen is that sort of person. So you and your roommates adopt the kid and tell her don’t talk to strangers. And she keeps talking to strangers and getting poison combs stuck in her hair and whatnot.

Like yeah that’s kinda stupid but also she’s seven. She likes apples.

Also imagine it from the hunter’s perspective. The queen tells you this bitch is prettier than me I need you to take her out in the woods and kill her. And then you see who you’re supposed to kill and it’s a 2nd grader. Like how are you supposed to react to that sort of situation? Kill a human child? No. Because you’re not a brainless evil minion you’re just some guy dealing with a cartoonishly evil monarch. Of course you let her go.

Bad look for the Prince of course. Even if she did age while she was in that glass case. He saw a dead woman and just decided to keep her. And once she stopped being dead he was like we’re married now

He did cause the evil queen to dance to death in red hot shoes though. That was kinda cool.

With the acknowledgement that I'm grasping at straws, is it ever directly confirmed that the Prince wasn't also 7?

See, I think that still works.

You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on "going hunting", and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there's a dead girl in the clearing and there's no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she's really pretty, Hans, and she's all alone!

You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist's opinion on that, and there's no way he's going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.

So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it's not like the Prince can do it. He's eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there's a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.

You should probably ask for a raise.

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readingrobin

Fairy tale nerds of Tumblr I need your help.

I've been trying to find a fairy tale for AGES, this has been almost a decades long quest. I first read it in a Highlights magazine around the mid 2000s, when the theme was "Fairy Tales from around the World." Now I don't know if this is actually an older fairy tale or just one that was made up for the magazine masquerading as a story from somewhere else. I've done my own research and have come up zilch.

So, this story was about a prince that was cursed to be a wolf until he was able to bite a bride the night of her wedding. Well, it just so happens that such a woman is riding through the forest with her new beau, a very uncouth man that calls her his "little chicken." Long story short, a pack of wolves waylay their carriage, the wolf prince bites the lady, becomes human again, and they fall in love and marry.

And what happened to her original husband?

Well naturally he gets turned into a chicken and they eat him at their wedding feast.

Classic.

if anyone knows the title of this fairy tale or where it may have originated, please let me know! I'd love to see if I can read it again.

Update: I've contacted Highlights magazine to get to the bottom of this and they notified their Archive Department of what I'm looking for.

Hoping to hear something back! It would be just my luck to remember this story in excruciating detail only to get the magazine where I found it wrong.

Update: Bad news, I'm afraid. Unfortunately the archive department couldn't find the story in their records so I guess I've hit a bit of a dead end here.

Someone mentioned asking a subreddit to cast a wider net, though first I would have to, you know, actually make a reddit account.

Well, I guess the twenty year hunt continues.

Have you looked at the microfilm on here?

Since it only goes to 2006, I don't know if you'd find it, or if you even want to know badly enough to spend the time going through the microfilm haha.

Actually, nevermind, the heading says it goes to 2006 but it actually only goes to 01, sorry!

I found it! It's called The Wolf and the Wedding by Svetlana Ilyinykh and Rachelle Desimone, and is from Feb 2005. But! It's on a database at my university's library, which I have access to because I work here. But! The little note at the bottom says users may print, download, and email articles for individual use, so:

A Story of Russia

In Ksusha's village of Chudovo, everyone knew the wolf. He appeared at the edge of the forest whenever there was a wedding feast. He'd sit on his haunches and watch the dancing, singing, and eating, his eyes alert and eager and fixed on the bride.

So when it was time for Ksusha Prekrasnaya to marry, she told her funny, beloved, strong Alyosha that they must wed in Budogoshch, a town with a proper church that was some miles away, too far for the lone wolf to travel.

The wedding was elegant and fine. The feast afterward was even better. Ksusha's parents and her grandparents, Babushka and Dedushka, had filled the hall with fragrant dishes of stuffed fish and grilled quail with kissel and scalded spice cakes for dessert. Alyosha ate and drank, ate and drank, and then drank and drank.

Ksusha reminded him, gently and lovingly as a good wife should, that he must stop drinking and take her and the rest of the wedding party home to Chudovo.

Alyosha turned to his friends Ivan, Roma, Dima, Stas, and Valya, who were refilling their glasses. "My wife wants to go home!" the bridegroom yelled. "A good sign for a prosperous marriage, is it not?"

Ivan, Roma, Dima, Stas, and Valya laughed, and Ksusha Prekrasnaya, red-faced, stared at her plate.

At midnight, Alyosha staggered up from the table. "Come, my little chicken," he said, gathering Ksusha and her family into his beautiful troika. His three fine horses snorted nervously at his touch.

"We go!" the bridegroom called, and the horses took off, trotting fast on the road through the forest that led to Chudovo.

The wedding party wasn't yet deep into the woods when the wolves appeared. They stood by trees, silent and watching, as the sleigh moved on the icy path. A lone wolf under a massive cedar howled a greeting, and the wolves began loping behind the sleigh.

Ksusha and her family watched as the path filled with ten wolves, then twenty, then thirty. Soon one hundred wolves followed the sleigh.

Alyosha snapped the whip to hurry his horses. The wolves began to howl.

Ksusha had heard wolves howl before, but never this many and this close. The sound was terrifying, and the bride huddled next to her funny, beloved, strong Alyosha.

"We must stop this pursuit, my little chicken," Alyosha said. "They will tire my poor horses. Hold the reins and keep driving." And with those words, he reached back, pulled Ksusha's grandmother from her seat, and threw her out of the sleigh.

Immediately there was a yipping and squealing, and twenty of the wolves dropped back, surrounding the fallen babushka.

Alyosha took the reins from his Ksusha, who could not speak. Still eighty or more wolves followed the sleigh, now leaping at the wedding party, their teeth gleaming in the moonlit night.

"Hold the reins again, my little chicken," Alyosha said, this time reaching back and pulling Ksusha's grandfather from his seat and throwing him out of the sleigh.

Again there was a yipping and squealing, and twenty of the wolves dropped back, surrounding the fallen dedushka.

Alyosha took the reins from his Ksusha, who could not move. Still sixty or more wolves followed the sleigh, jumping and twisting in the air and snapping their teeth at the wedding party. Alyosha cracked his whip over each horse three times, and the horses galloped faster.

Still the wolves pursued the party. Alyosha handed the reins to Ksusha. He reached back and pulled Ksusha's father from his seat and threw him out of the sleigh. A great yipping and squealing followed, and twenty more wolves dropped back.

Now the wolves began nipping at the horses' legs. Alyosha threw out Ksusha's mother. Twenty more wolves dropped off, but still a small group remained, leaping higher and biting at the horses' flanks.

Alyosha threw out Ksusha's young sister, and at first, it seemed that would be the last of the wolves, for the small group surrounded the sister with a yipping and a squealing. But a lone wolf remained, chasing the sleigh and leaping at the two remaining passengers.

Alyosha tucked the reins between his legs. Ksusha couldn't breathe. As the lone wolf leaped, the not-so-funny, not-so-beloved, but still strong Alyosha pulled Ksusha from her seat and threw her out of the sleigh.

She landed, rolling across the ice in her taffeta wedding gown until she was soaked and dirty. When she stopped rolling, she slowly sat up and found herself staring into the eyes of the lone wolf.

A howl came from the wolf. Then he bit her.

It wasn't a big bite, but it broke the skin on her leg. A few drops of blood appeared, and Ksusha screamed.

"Don't yell so," the wolf said. "I won't bite you again." Ksusha looked up and saw the wolf changing shape. Pointed ears became flat circular flaps, the long nose receded, the sharp teeth shortened, and the fur shrank into fine soft hair.

Standing before Ksusha was a handsome young man. "I am Sergei," he said, bowing low before her. "Let me take you to my castle where I can fix your wound."

Ksusha held on to his arm and limped through the forest. She glanced anxiously around her.

"What is your worry?" the man said.

"The wolves may return."

He smiled. "I am great friends with the wolves. You will never have to fear them again. You see, an enchantress who inhabits this forest changed me into a wolf some years ago after I refused to marry her. Her spell could only be lifted if I, a wolf, would bite the leg of a bride on her wedding day. Since then, I have lived with the wolves and waited to meet my perfect bride."

They arrived at the man's castle. Ksusha trembled as she saw dozens of wolves lying under the trees, licking their paws.

"Don't be frightened, my dear," Sergei said, his arm around Ksusha.

"But they killed my parents, my grandparents, and my sister."

At that moment the door to the castle opened, and out rushed Ksusha's family, completely unharmed and quite happy to see her.

Her father explained how the wolves had surrounded each family member who was thrown from the sleigh, and how the wolves had escorted each to the castle for a joyous reunion.

Sergei asked Ksusha's father for her hand in marriage.

"I'd be most honored to have you for a son-in-law, but it's not possible," Ksusha's father explained. "Ksusha Prekrasnaya is married to Alyosha."

wolf howled. Sergei tilted his head to listen.

"My friend tells me Alyosha's horses have finally tired, and he is stopped on the path ahead of us. At this very moment, he is engaged in conversation with the enchantress who lives in the forest."

"The one who changed you into a wolf?" Ksusha asked.

"The very same. But she no longer has any power over me. Let us ride to Alyosha's troika."

The wedding party found Alyosha's troika and his three exhausted horses on the road, but the enchantress had disappeared. There was no sign of Alyosha either, although Ksusha did find a bedraggled chicken hiding under the seat. Ksusha picked up the little chicken that smelled strangely of strong drink and tucked it under her arm. She took the chicken home with her, and one fine evening, sometime later, Ksusha popped it into a pot and cooked it as dinner for her new husband, Sergei, the man who once was a wolf.

by Svetlana Ilyinykh and Rachelle DeSimone

@brideofsevenless THIS IS IT!!!!! Oh my god, thank you so so much for researching this! You have no idea how much I appreciate it!

@insanesammi Here's the story!!

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not a lot of old-ass movies hold up in terms of comedy but sleeping beauty is fucking hilarious. “this is the 14th century.” “that’s because it’s on you dear.” the king at the end being confused af. fucking amazing

ok yeah im watching it again and nobody ever points out but. when merryweather says “you can’t sew and she’s never cooked” that like highkey implies that merryweather was the one in charge of actually taking care of the fucking kid which is hysterical. if merryweather was the main parental figure it’s a wonder aurora isn’t down for murder 24/7

see it’s easy to say “flora fauna and merryweather are a polyam couple” but tbh i think just flora and fauna are married, they both seem vaguely maternal towards merryweather, who in turn seems a lot younger and less experienced. so i have the headcanon that over in the fae realm these two were put in charge of training merryweather as their fae apprentice or whatever which somehow makes “merryweather was the one to take care of aurora” even FUNNIER. imagine you’re trying to train under these two powerful fairies and then before you know it you’re in the middle of the woods raising a baby and it turns out that without their wands your mentors are useless lesbians who don’t know how to cook. no wonder she’s so pissed all the time

i never liked the criticism that “aurora doesn’t do anything she only has like 10 lines that’s not #feminist” because. the main characters of the movie are the fairies, she just happens to get marketed more nowadays cause of the disney princess lineup, if you actually watch the movie it’s clear she’s not the protagonist, neither is phillip, i think he has roughly equal screentime to her. gender equality they’re both useless

but anyway when disney was doing that thing where they made one-shitbillion sequels they have serious untapped potential in post-movie aurora main character. because listen. listen. first of all she went through the most wild life-changing shit all in like two hours so she’s gonna be dealing with the fallout from that

but more importantly. girl was raised in the WOODS. she runs around barefoot petting wild animals and eating shit she picked up off the ground. she now lives in a castle as the future monarch. WHERE is my comedy sequel about that. where the FUCK is it. where is my scene of the servants and royals like “we’re so happy our beloved, perfect princess is finally back :)” and then she walks in covered in mud, smelling like riverwater, carrying a live fish and saying “i caught dinner” phillip sees nothing wrong with this

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roach-works

prince phillip is quietly and intensely goddamn grateful that he managed to be the first man aurora ever saw because like she is the most incredible woman he’s ever seen in the entire world and he’s a dude that hangs out in the woods talking to his horse which is also her favourite activity

like, their parents are all very smug at what a great love match they’ve made in hooking their kids up together somehow–there was a dragon involved? ok??–except it turns out that the reason they get along so fucking well is they’re snarky little shits with no tact and less patience who spend as much time as humanly possible ditching out on court duties to fuck around in the woods

the kings and queens can only hope that the prince and princess are literally fucking around in those woods, because at this rate their only hope for a halfway functional heir to the throne is going to be kidnapping their own grandchildren

or maybe just crowning the damn horse

Okay but consider:

Four centuries later, Cinderella is the descendant.

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nitewrighter

“The prince just fell in love with Cinderella because of her looks!”

Wrong. Okay, picture this–

So there’s the prince, okay? He’s like, smack dab in the center of the ballroom, and he is like, horrifically aware that this whole ball thing is a result of his dad falling into a panic about the royal lineage or whatever and he’s stuck listening to highborn girl after highborn girl, all lined up, introducing themselves like, “Oh yeah my family’s been a longtime supporter of the crown, and I think you’re cute, *cough* I’ve been told I have child-bearing hips *cough* Who said that? Anyway–” and Princey boy is just smiling through it, he has been the center of attention for entirely too long, he misses his emotional support horse, and is just internally like “Someone please kill me now.” And then… he sees her–This isn’t a love at first sight thing, this is a ‘what the hell is going on over there’ thing, because this girl has not gotten into the Debutante line for a solid 45 minutes. 

She’s just at the hors d’oeuvres table going HAM on the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and like, she’s polite about it, she’s happy to move aside for other people grabbing punch and canapes (and she’s really so sweet with the wait staff, it’s kind of cute because they’re like… definitely not used to being acknowledged) but it’s like, “Damn girl, did you not eat today?” and then the prince is kind of stuck with the uncomfortable thought of ‘how many girls starved themselves to fit into a corset for this.’ And then the Prince realizes he’s missed the past 4 Debutante introductions because he’s watching Mystery girl hork down crab rangoons. So he’s like, “Excuse me” and manages to break free from the never-ending parade of girls who will hop on his dick for status.

 And as he’s approaching Mystery Girl, it’s kind of hitting him that something’s not quite natural about her. Not fake, but not quite real. But at the same time this whole evening’s been just a whole circus of people acting fake as hell, so like, someone seeming a little off doesn’t seem bad, necessarily. And he sidles up to her like, “Hi,” and she’s like, “Oh–hey, have you tried the tapenade?” and she points to one of the plates, and at this point, he could hit her with the “You don’t know who I am, do you?” deal or the “Very funny, I see your play” deal, but at this point it occurs to him that, no, he hasn’t had anything to eat throughout this whole damn ball, partially because of being stuck in the debutante parade, partially because of nerves, and there’s something so disarming about the question that he grabs a crostini and she still seems so food-focused that it doesn’t seem possible that this is a play. So they both grab little plates and ditch the party.

She pretty much clears her plate in under two minutes and then has half of his plate, he’s cool with it, mostly he’s just absolutely fascinated listening to her.

See here’s the thing about Cinderella:

1. She doesn’t know he’s the prince. Like yeah, he’s been at the center of the room, but she’s kind of spent half the party eagerly looking around everywhere she’s allowed to go (”Have you seen rose garden? Have you seen the solarium??” further confirmation that she doesn’t know who she’s talking to) and the other half stuffing her face with food. 

2. She assumes she’s never going to see anyone here tonight again, and no one recognizes her, so she has no filter.

So she’s just talking about whatever with this guy. He seems cool. She talks about her friends, who are rats. She makes little outfits for them. Sometimes they bring her little gifts. She is already the coolest person the prince has ever met because of this. She pretty much offhandedly talks about whatever is fucked up about the kingdom that would take his advisors two hours of hemming and hawing and watering down to address. She just says it like it’s nothing, just funky little things she’s observed, and again, she’s not aware that he’s the prince, but it’s still pretty damn bold to bring up at a literal royal ball.

She… seems to have the majority of graces that lots of girls from Respectable Families™ have, but there’s something strange about it, something simultaneously broken and hardened, like the way you can see where ice has thawed and re-frozen. Also the way she talks about her family, and the way she avoids talking about her family– is raising several red flags, not in the “Oh this is another person trying to take advantage of me” sense, but in the “Oh fuck, something’s gone really wrong and you need help” sense and also lowkey a ‘damn is she even getting fed?’ sense. But he can’t say, ‘Hey, that’s not fucking normal for people to say that to you or treat you that way. We need to get you out of there,’ without sounding crazy himself, so for now, he’s just going to chill, make sure she’s comfortable, and keep enjoying the evening. She’s somehow befriended like 4 of the waitstaff so they’re willing to cover for them while they disappear for a little bit, and they get plenty of time to talk, but eventually it hits her that she hasn’t danced yet and she’s like “Come on! I bet we can make the prince jealous!” and he just bursts out laughing at that like “hell yeah, let’s make the prince jealous. He’s a real asshole.” Like clearly she’s having a good time, so who is he to make it weird? So they head back to the ballroom and they dance. And our girl, Mystery Girl, Cinderella, while they’re dancing, becomes acutely aware that everyone is staring. That doesn’t seem quite right. Like, yeah she’s hot, she knows she’s hot, but at least a good third of the party should still be focused on the prince, right? Where is that guy, anyway?

Oh.

Oh wait.

Oh shit.

And Princey Boy actually picks up on her realization and they whisper argue for like 3 minutes. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Now I feel like a goddamn idiot!” “I dunno it was nice being treated like a normal person” “Well me treating you like a normal person makes me a goddamn felon or something did you consider that?!” “Hey–Hey–it’s cool–you’re cool–I think you’re amazing, and if anyone says shit about you, I can shut it down.” “Well I don’t like that! That’s fucked up!” “I agree. It is fucked up, but I believe in you, and I think you should have a chance, and I’m here to back you up. I know power is fucked up right now. I know. But are you cool with working with me to change that?” And our girl Cindy pauses on that for a couple seconds, because.. she’s just spent hours with this guy and like.. she knows he’s a good guy, she knows he means well, so she’s like, “I don’t know how long I can actually work with you.” and the prince is like “Look, I know your home situation is complicated right now, but I really think we can–”

And then the bell starts ringing.

It’s midnight.

And then she takes off in a panic, and our prince just met the coolest person ever, and like, he’s pretty sure whatever situation they’re headed back to is fucked up, and all he’s got going to find her is a shoe. A shoe

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mkinnon

i mean, there’s typecasting

and then there’s playing a version of cinderella’s stepsister four times

four

separate

productions

Here’s a bit of an explanation:

God I love her.

I love that in most cases when someone is type casted they are not proud cause it means hollywood has no respect for their range as an actor but she is not only proud it appears she did it on purpose lmfao

Achieving her dreams

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GUYS THIS IS AMAZING

SERIOUSLY

6000 YEARS

STORIES THAT ARE OLDER THAN CIVILIZATIONS

STORIES THAT WERE TOLD BY PEOPLE SPEAKING LANGUAGES WE NO LONGER KNOW

STORIES TOLD BY PEOPLE LOST TO THE VOID OF TIME

STORIES

GUYS LOOK AT THIS

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS

GUYYYYYSSSS

“Here’s how it worked: Fairy tales are transmitted through language, and the shoots and branches of the Indo-European language tree are well-defined, so the scientists could trace a tale’s history back up the tree—and thus back in time. If both Slavic languages and Celtic languages had a version of Jack and the Beanstalk (and the analysis revealed they might), for example, chances are the story can be traced back to the “last common ancestor.” That would be the Proto-Western-Indo-Europeans from whom both lineages split at least 6800 years ago. The approach mirrors how an evolutionary biologist might conclude that two species came from a common ancestor if their genes both contain the same mutation not found in other modern animals.” 

How do they control for stories that were borrowed, which almost certainly happened?

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gacorley

“ Unlike genes, which are almost exclusively transmitted “vertically”—from parent to offspring—fairy tales can also spread horizontally when one culture intermingles with another. Accordingly, much of the authors’ study focuses on recognizing and removing tales that seem to have spread horizontally. When the pruning was done, the team was left with a total of 76 fairy tales.”

This article doesn’t say how, but I bet those methods are in the paper.

For this, they used a library of cultural traits for each culture a fairy tale occurred in, and then measured the likelihood that trait t occurs in culture c due to either phylogenetic proximity (inheritance) or spatial proximity (diffusion), using autologistic regression:

(Autologistic regression is a graphical model where connected nodes have dependencies on each other, except instead of an undirected graph, ALR is a special case that requires sequential binary data and assumes a spatial ordering.  In this case, the binary data are the cultural features).

Cultural traits states are generated using Monte-Carlo simulation and phylogenetic or spatial influence are fitted as local dependencies between the nodes in the graph representing cultural traits.  I can’t find this in the paper (though it may be mentioned in the citation of the method they used), but presumably if the spatial influence exceeds the phylogenetic influence by a certain threshold, the trait is removed.

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artsyarrowl

Cinderella marries the Prince, part ½

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batneko

It’s so beautiful!!! 🙌

OH MY GOSH AMAZING

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no more girlboss cinderella. society has progressed past the need for girlboss cinderella

was asked for context so listen. istg every Cinderella story since like. the 90s? 80s? for fucking ever has been “noooo Cinderella is a #badass who don’t need no man we promise” because, I don’t know, someone made fun of the fact she “needs a man to save her” and that escalated to the point where we can’t have the original story anymore?

Am I saying “we need to stick to the original story every time” no of course not, but like. It’s the fact that people are reinterpreting something that isn’t there. Cinderella isn’t about “woman needs man to save her” it’s about “an abused girl who has no way to escape her horrible home life remains nice and hopeful and eventually her kindness pays its way back to her even if the fucking universe has to send her a fairy just to give her a night off and start a domino effect that ends with her being happy and safe.”

Every Cinderella remake or retelling nowadays is about how she doesn’t need a man and can rescue herself, or about how her falling in love with the prince too fast was a mistake and he’s actually a dick, and it’s just clearly missing the point. It just. I honestly feel like most, if not all of the people misinterpreting the story never had to grow up in a toxic home environment that you literally cannot escape because there is no system in place that can help you, and you dream that one day all your problems would get magically solved with a wave of a wand and a few singing mice. Cinderella didn’t dream of getting married she dreamed of being happy, marriage just happened to come with that. She dreamed of not being abused 24/7 in a situation she couldn’t escape from and despite being treated like garbage since she was a child she remained a good fucking person and that’s why she gets rewarded at the end.

Girlboss Cinderella remakes are fine in small doses but when it’s like, every fucking Cinderella I see I just get so pissed because clearly some people never got over their “fairytales bad” edgy phase and Cinderella’s gotta deal with it.

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autumnhobbit

Cinderella is an abusive mother figure trying to dehumanize her stepdaughter and crush her spirit. Cinderella is that child, literally cruelly renamed after how dirty she was after being treated as a slave, refusing to allow cruelty to make her cruel. Cinderella is that abused child finally escaping the microcosm of the world that is an abusive home, and finding that out there in the real world, there are people who will love her for no reason other than she is her, who will see who she is without taking her family and position into account, who will see her as a person and will love her just for who she is. Cinderella is saying that no one deserves to be treated as expendable or unwanted because it isn’t true.

Also like

I think a lot of people miss the context that this story is hundreds, if not A COUPLE THOUSAND, years old. The version we know via the Brothers Grimm and Charles Perrault is only one iteration. Anyway—

—in most places this story was told, marriage WAS how you were going to escape. You got married, you moved in with your husband, if he lived at any distance at all from your family it was likely you’d see them maybe, MAYBE once every couple of years. Travel was slow and difficult, and the fact that everything was still handmade meant that getting appropriate traveling clothes, tack for your animals, etc. was fucking EXPENSIVE. So once you were married, your husband’s family was your family. Your primary contact with your birth family, unless you still lived in the same small town, was by mail. This wasn’t even a matter of culture—it didn’t matter if you were in 1700s Germany or 1100s China or Iraq in 1382, traveling twenty miles to the next town was a fucking slog that could take over a day, so you weren’t going to do it often. Yes, even if you were rich.

If you want to write some kind of modern version of Cinderella where she doesn’t get the guy (or girl), you have to substitute something logical for the prince. You have to have a way for her to get away and be financially secure. Not just getting by, SECURE. For most of history, that has been “a husband.” You can’t just rip that context from the story and expect it to make sense.

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I’m tired of hearing people say “Disney’s Cinderella is sanitized. In the original tale, the stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to make the slipper fit and get their eyes pecked out by birds in the end.”

I understand this mistake. I’m sure a lot of people buy copies of the complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales, see their tale of Aschenputtel translated as “Cinderella”, and assume what they’re reading is the “original” version of the tale. Or else they see Into the Woods and make the same assumption, because Sondheim and Lapine chose to base their Cinderella plot line on the Grimms’ Aschenputtel instead of on the more familiar version. It’s an understandable mistake. But I’m still tired of seeing it.

The Brothers Grimm didn’t originate the story of Cinderella. Their version, where there is no fairy godmother, the heroine gets her elegant clothes from a tree on her mother’s grave, and where yes, the stepsisters do cut off parts of their feet and get their eyes pecked out in the end, is not the “original.” Nor did Disney create the familiar version with the fairy godmother, the pumpkin coach, and the lack of any foot-cutting or eye-pecking.

If you really want the “original” version of the story, you’d have to go back to the 1st century Greco-Egyptian legend of Rhodopis. That tale is just this: “A Greek courtesan is bathing one day, when an eagle snatches up her sandal and carries it to the Pharaoh of Egypt. The Pharaoh searches for the owner of the sandal, finds her and makes her his queen.”

Or, if you want the first version of the entire plot, with a stepdaughter reduced to servitude by her stepmother, a special event that she’s forbidden to attend, fine clothes and shoes given to her by magic so she can attend, and her royal future husband finding her shoe after she loses it while running away, then it’s the Chinese tale of Ye Xian you’re looking for. In that version, she gets her clothes from the bones of a fish that was her only friend until her stepmother caught it and ate it.

But if you want the Cinderella story that Disney’s film was directly based on, then the version you want is the version by the French author Charles Perrault. His Cendrillon is the Cinderella story that became the best known in the Western world. His version features the fairy godmother, the pumpkin turned into a coach, mice into horses, etc, and no blood or grisly punishments for anyone. It was published in 1697. The Brothers Grimm’s Aschenputtel, with the tree on the grave, the foot-cutting, etc. was first published in 1812.

The Grimms’ grisly-edged version might feel older and more primitive while Perrault’s pretty version feels like a sanitized retelling, but such isn’t the case. They’re just two different countries’ variations on the tale, French and German, and Perrault’s is older. Nor is the Disney film sanitized. It’s based on Perrault.

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arrowsbane

Op is now my most favourite person in the world and I want their knowledge.

My favourite fairy tales were rumplestiltskin and the pied piper, and I want to know how they began.

I don’t know about Rumplestiltskin, but the Pied Piper is REALLY weird because a reference to it appears in the real town of Hamelin’s historical record (a written mention and a now lost stained-glass window, apparently) and nobody’s sure what exactly happened

Yep.

“It is a hundred years since our children have gone.”

And only 16 years after whatever event occurred, it was already commemorated in stained glass, meaning the people of the town almost certainly began to save for that memorial at once.

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